View Full Version : gay relationships
most of the topics on here deal with straight relationships but was wondering what gay life is like in Japan for gaijin males? I am coming in the fall to teach English. My main motivation for coming over is NOT sex, so even if people tell me gay life sucks here, I'm still coming. I'm just wondering if any gay foreign guys could enlighten me on the scene. I've never had a relationship with an Asian guy before but would certainly not be averse to it if it happened. Most of the discussion in these sites deals with the qualities (real or perceived) of Asian women so am naturally curious about cultural issues, problems, etc, that might arise between north american and asian gay men.
2002-05-20, 07:30 PM
check out the site for Gaijin & their friends in Japan
2002-05-21, 09:26 AM
And as a american who has lived here 17 years I can assure you it is not san francisco. There are many Japanese gays but most in the closet, married, sometimes with kids. It's the system.
Still there are hundreds of gay bars & steam rooms in any large Japanese city to serve the needs of this "non gay" community.
What I'm trying to point out is most Japanese gays can only be so on weekends. For this reason, it is possible to have a lot of one night stands, more than you could ever handle, but nearly impossible to have a relationship. I have given up on that & just have fun, like they do.
If you read Japanese there is a excellent gay bar guide & map for sale in shinjuku 2-chome bookstores called "play map".
I am a gay white male living in Tokyo. The gay scene in Japan is very different to that at home (UK), but much more varied than the above post would lead you to believe. The whole concept of coming and being 'out' in itself is very much a Western concept, and homosexuality is in itself accepted here much much more so than in the West - there is no native concept of it being unnatural. Not living up to your obligations as a member of society, which includes at some stage marrying, is another matter. Anyway, this is a topic which could be discussed forever, and an interesting place to read a wide variety of opinions - although mainly western - is the forum site of the following website:
Somewhere there is a topic about 'job and coming out' which has spawned a fascinating debate about the whole issue.
Anyway, I wouldn't say having a relationship with an Asian man is impossible - certainly difficult, but not necessarily more so than that between a Japanese and a non-Japanese of the opposite sex. I know several mixed gay couples here. A lot of the gay scene in Tokyo is off-limits to Western men, but this is very much because of the language barrier and the fact that many small gay bars - like their straight counterparts, have a very regular clientelle. Many gay Japanese also just don't have much interest in foreign gay men (unless you're Brad Pitt or recently David Beckham). On the other hand, there is a significant section of the gay community which is very open to non-Japanese. There are several bars and clubs in 2-chome in Shinjuku which have a very mixed clientelle, and several website which are relevant:
also, gaydar and gay.com have chat rooms for Japan which are full of Japanese looking to meet non-Japanese.
Badi magazine (a Japanese gay magazine) also sometimes carries classifieds for Japanese looking for Western men, as does Metropolis magazine, which is a listings magazine for the foreign community in Tokyo.
There are also several Japanese sites which have Japanese-language discussion boards about the pros and cons of dating non-Japanese also - the links to them are somewhere on the jguyusguy site.
The 'scene' may not be as 'developed' as the UK or the US, and there are definitely a lot of gay Japanese in the closet, but at least in the big cities, Tokyo, Osaka and so on, there's a lively scene. The Tokyo Gay Pride march is small compared to it's cousins, but still brings the traffic around Yoyogi park to a standstill once a year.
2008-04-22, 07:41 PM
My name is Tammy and I am working on an assignment on gender and sexuality issues in Japan. It's particularly difficult to penetrate the Japanese queer communities without an extremely well adapted use of the language and I am still trying to grasp it.
I am a photojournalist and am particularly interested in transgender and homosexual relations in the Japanese community. I was wondering if you personally knew of anyone in the community who wouldn't mind being involved in a photo series? I have compiled an immense amount of information but am yet to find someone or a group of people who are interested.
2008-04-22, 11:35 PM
a gay friend of mine, who works in tokyo since 8 yrs, told me that he was kicked out of love hotels with his friend.
kicked out means ... they didn t even let them take a room.
his advice: choose love hotels where u dont have to take the room from a person. choose those where u can take rooms by pressing a computer button.
2008-06-30, 05:28 PM
I heard that people in Japan generally see being gay as a kinky thing, but their not really against it. Not sure if that's true or not though. Hmm... It'll be interesting to check out the gay scene I suppose. It sounds quite different thaqn Canada's...
2008-06-30, 06:00 PM
I'm gay... and I LOVE japan...