happy casual sex - impossible?

[jj]

Is casual sex possible? I mean truly mutualy satisfing sex. It seems like someone always gets weird and gets hurt. Every girl I've slept with casualy that was all cool before we got together - later changed her mind and wanted to get 'serious', either directly or indirectly. I could see it in her eyes. Is casual sex a fanatasy? Any ideas? -J

[Anonymous]

Of course it's possible...all you need to do is pay the girl =)

[Anonymous]

I hear growling somewhere, woof, woof! Anyway, it's definitely possible if she has another/ multiple boyfriends... otherwise, if your consistently hooking up then someone's probably going to start getting emotionally involve after the first few times you're together. I think if you've got more than one girlfriend and she knoes it, chances are she won't want to get serious w/ you, but may still be attacted enough to date you... most likely through she'll leave, or leave and come back expecting you to drop anyone else.

[Osakan]

Is it possible to just do a little 'boutique' shopping without the store manager's imploring you to become the shop's European-buyer and offering an embarrassingly large salary? This happens to me all the time, and it's starting to get me down.

[Can I trust that the foregoing has left no-one in any doubt that I'm a terrific dresser?].

[jotty]

I think everyone goes into everything in their lives with certain expectations, and if two people have similar expectations, then such a situation could work. The key would be to communicate, and to create an atmosphere where communication was possible and comfortable. But sometimes people really dont know what they want, and lots of girls seem to get stuck in the "Oh, i can change him." kind of thinking.... and thats the point where things start to go wrong.

If you want the same things, it will work.

[jj]

I guess what I'm hedging at is the big question:
Are we meant to have casual sex? Is there some kind of built-in incompatability to it at a deaper level? It just shows up in chicks first? -J

[Anonymous]

Of course it's possible, like Rutsu said pay her. Or be real honest from the begining, I bet you did not say to those girls that -all you want to to have is just good casual sex, that is all. (no love hate, or any other emotional attached). Mean what you say after that ,make sure you only have CASUAL SEX and don't waste your time involve in other activities like chatting or dinning. AND No listening to personal matters/ life/ histories etc.

[jotty]

Well thats one way to do it, and if sex is all you want then go for it, but how about this: would you be interested in having a relationship with someone who did not prevent you from having relationships with others? How about a relationship thats not exclusive? How about enjoying the other person as a whole instead of only their er, privates? Is that still casual sex? Or is that different?

How is chatting and dining a waste of time? Isnt part of the fun of catching a boy/girl for the evening actually sleeping with them? And the idea of denying access to or the sharing personal information makes me think you may as well just invest in a rubber girl and be done with it.... What are you getting out of your casual sex exactly, are you just donating sperm and getting an orgasm with someone else present in the room for a change? You could get so much more out of it! Interaction with another human being in a sexual context, without having to promise to do it forever, for example.

No criticism intended, but freesagi, you could get a lot more out of it....

But you gotta remember, girls arent encouraged to do this kind of thing generally. If you have a daughter, will you encourage her to have the kind of sex you want right now??

[Anonymous]

You guys are going to hate me for this BUT...

JJ, the reason you're "hedging at the big question" is because your conscience is speaking to you. No, we are not meant to have casual sex. We are meant to either be celibate or get married and be faithful to that one person for life. That's how human beings are made and there's no getting out of it, however we try.

[Kent Brockman]

Maybe women, not men. This denizen of Springfield is of the opinion that men are biologically hard wired to spray their seed far and wide to ensure continuance of humanity.

We try to "deny the funk" all the time but our sausagely impulses override sensible logic... AND TAKE COMMAND.

[Anonymous]

ah jotty the voice of reason in this thread...of course girls can have casual sex. You just gotta be in the right frame of mind.

and after a few tequila sunrises I've often found it to be the case....

[Anonymous]

Quote by Jotty: (1)
would you be interested in having a relationship with someone who did not prevent you from having relationships with others? How about a relationship thats not exclusive? How about enjoying the other person as a whole instead of only their er, privates

Quote from JJ :(2)
I've slept with casualy that was all cool before we got together - later changed her mind and wanted to get 'serious', either directly or indirectly..

The problem is the stories always go this way like above from (1) to (2), that is why I suggested the first post, in this case no emotional and betrayal involved.

Secondly, I wouldn't encourage my daughter to have casual sex (if I ever have one in future). But I would encourage her to have clean, safe and fun sex.

Thirdly I want to say Love and Sex are 2 diffrent things.

[jotty]

Freesagi: Well, no, the story doesnt always go that way. It doesnt always happen that it goes from "Yeah, sure, casual is fine" to "You know, id really like to see more of you".

In the original post, as you pointed out, ".... was all cool before we got together..." which i take to mean; `She was cool with the idea of casual sex until we actually had sex, and then she wanted to turn it into a relationship` . Yep, that happens a lot. Shes promising one thing but she wants another thing. She thinks hes offering one thing but secretly wants another thing. And honestly guys, how many of your initially casual relationships have turned into something more serious? You cant blame a girl for trying. Or a boy either...

But honestly, back to the daughter thing, so many people are so hypocritical about how they socialise their kids: yeah, its ok for the boys to be out all night screwing around, but not for the girls. So who`s daughters are the boys out there screwing? Yeah, you want women who can accept and deal with casual relationships for your own fun, but you arent going to let your daughters go out and do that when they get to their mid-teens cos you know what `dogs` men are and you want to protect them from that for their own safety... and so yet another generation of women grows up thinking its a bad idea to have casual sex, yet thats all the boys seem to be offering, and the girls dont want to be thought of as a prude..... And you wonder why women get confused about this?????

The prostitute idea, well yeah, thats not a bad option, especially if you are married.... Keep it to a transaction. Good example of a whole range of women who have no problems keeping the casual separate from the faithful, so you can see its not biological.....which leads me to...

Freeworld: Sorry, but id like to see evidence for your assertion that we are meant to be faithful or celibate. Show me the gene(s) that determines this. Very few animal species mate for life, and just because religion advocates it doesnt make it true.


Without wanting to get too personal, im having no problems keeping the mid- to long term casual thing going, the boys seem cool with it too, and Mr Tony Wang, YOU are the Asian PRINCE! (Half Moon Club again this Wed????)

[jotty]

Actually, JJ, why did you start this thread? Its an interesting topic, but I suspect from other threads that you are not currently free to engage in casual sex.....?

[Anonymous]

Your mind says no but your nuts say go. The next morning she looks like a bad hangover.
Time to move on chaps

[Anonymous]

I don`t think that casual sex is impossible, however it tends to have a short life span. Generally, it is best to make it clear that you are not immediately looking for a love relationship as this gives you a time frame when you are able to have committment free sex.
However, it is a very fine line and I would say that it is nearly impossible to stay emotionless towards a person that you have met on multiple occassions. It could lead to jealousy, anger, resentment and disaster! I don`t know why anyone would want to have a sexual relationship without a certain amount of respect for the person anyway.
念のため、友達として付き合っていきたいっていった方 が無難だな。それでも、相手はあきらめずに、アプローチをしかけてくるのは拒まずにあくまで友達やるわけさ 。一番いいのは、友達としてうまく誘導＆割り切ってca sual sexの道へ誘うことだな。

[jj]

Thanks for the replys all!
In response to your queery, Troy- because its an interesting topic. My private life is for the most part, well, private. Take care. -jj

[Anonymous]

Happy Casual Sex? Sure....just keep switching Happy Casual Partners =)

[Anonymous]

I'm a girl whose done the casual-sex thing. My situation was: I had a bf who I wasn't sure about; he and I both needed some time to see other people but liked each other enough to stay together even as we were seeking side dishes. I told new guys I met that I was not looking for a relationship, that I had a boyfriend, and that I'd like to try them out. This got rid of all the guys looking for girlfriends and left me with a fantastic lover who'd been divorced and was only out for casual sex. We slept together a few times, it was great, then I left both guys and came to Japan. My bf also left his side-dish, and we maintain a long-distance relationship. If I end up marrying him, I will not take any other lovers. And that's life.

[Anonymous]

I think some of the points above are very true. Keys to maintaining the casual nature of the sex i think are:

1) Keep changing partners.
2) Pick slappers. While this increases the importance of condom usage, it does mean that the chick in question is used to playing the field and quite possibly emotionally (not sexually) colder
3) Be honest up front.
4) If forced by circumstance ("any port in a storm" syndrome) to do the same lady again, reiterate what the terms are in advance
5) Avoid 'lovy dovy' activities like cuddling or sticking around after doing her. When the deed is done, beat it asap
6) Avoid discussions, 'hanging out' and other activities that could create either respect or (get thee hence Satan) an emotional connection which could prolong the relationship!
7) Involve a third partner where possible. This says implicitly "look hon you're not special, you're just one of the babes im doing"

GD

PS: Uwaki could I get your number? :)

[Anonymous]

Sounds true GD, but...
That seems equivalent to saying to some girl you just meet "hey, I have zero feelings for you and a hard ____- lets go". i suspect even the 'slappers' will be heading out the backdoor with someone twice as ugly because of a few embelished one-liners. My $0.02

[Anonymous]

It is far from impossible, I am 24 and have only had casual sex. There is never any problems if you just make clear that it is casual sex or no sex. If the person is not happy, pick another. Ihave never understood the thing about going steady with someone. I do not plan to get married in a near future and see therefore no use in getting myself something steady. There are a lot of girls like me, just look a little and you will find one.

Make sure to tell the person what you want and keep it simple.

[maria]

Ok, about me...... I was in Japan some time ago and of course I wanted to have some sex, but without serious relationship, because I have boyfriend in my country, and actually at the beginning I thought that I will never cheat my boyfriend, but never say never...... I met nice japanese guy and in some party we get drunk and...... after I felt like I did a bad thing but on other hand he was great lover and I thought - ok, I had just sex, and it was great, but I don`t love him, I don`t know him, he is just attractive and sexy, maybe we will have some sex just for fun in future, but NOTHING SERIOUS. I told to him, that I liked to be with him and I don`t mind to meet him some time to have sex. But the problem was that after some time I could see that he likes me more than I expected and actually he felt in love with me. I never promised something to him and he knew about my relationship in my country and after some time I returned back in my country, but I didn`t want to hurt my nice japanese friend, and I know that he didn`t forget me now and he would do everything to be with me, and I don`t know what will be in the future, but it was just a story about my experience to have JUST sex in Japan. (But actually there is no difference is it Japan or another country, I think) :)

[Anonymous]

happy and casual?

try lube and fingers.

that's the answer, my friends. no, truly, it's quite a complicated topic and I don't feel my brain can pick it apart right at this moment.

But, to Inga-Marta [in reply to: "I have never understood the thing about going steady with someone."], I say, why not? Is it so hard to understand that some people like chocolate, some people like vanilla? Hey, some people like good plain, fun sex! Some people like a loving and close relationship with a person (along with sex)! In fact, the desire for that connection is what turns "fun things" into "disasters." Of course, there's already plenty of fine threaded advice (yours included) about how to veer from disasters.

____________________
www.spinshot.net

[maria]

Dear ALL,
I am the original "maria" and I was checking the previous messages I posted here and was shocked that I found this post as quoted: ( I did NOT post this! I hope the admin. could do something about this..please)


Ok, about me...... I was in Japan some time ago and of course I wanted to have some sex, but without serious relationship, because I have boyfriend in my country, and actually at the beginning I thought that I will never cheat my boyfriend, but never say never...... I met nice japanese guy and in some party we get drunk and...... after I felt like I did a bad thing but on other hand he was great lover and I thought - ok, I had just sex, and it was great, but I don`t love him, I don`t know him, he is just attractive and sexy, maybe we will have some sex just for fun in future, but NOTHING SERIOUS. I told to him, that I liked to be with him and I don`t mind to meet him some time to have sex. But the problem was that after some time I could see that he likes me more than I expected and actually he felt in love with me. I never promised something to him and he knew about my relationship in my country and after some time I returned back in my country, but I didn`t want to hurt my nice japanese friend, and I know that he didn`t forget me now and he would do everything to be with me, and I don`t know what will be in the future, but it was just a story about my experience to have JUST sex in Japan. (But actually there is no difference is it Japan or another country, I think) :)

[madmaxxam]

Dear ALL,
I am the original "maria" and I was checking the previous messages I posted here and was shocked that I found this post as quoted: ( I did NOT post this! I hope the admin. could do something about this..please)

If you didn't revive a 2 year old thread I'm sure no one would have even noticed.

[Bluedog]

Just go and click on "edit my post" and insert a notification that your identity has been usurped. But this is one more reason why we should bring back IP numbers on the posts.

[maria]

thanks Bluedog....I'll do it then. actually I found more messages i did not post.
madmaxxam..it's for security reason that no one can post message using my log-in name "maria" and if it's been duplicated, the admin could fix it..

[Basil Brush]

try lube and fingers.

I am the original Maria, and I don't need no lube.

[babyblue]

Is casual sex possible? I mean truly mutualy satisfing sex. It seems like someone always gets weird and gets hurt. Every girl I've slept with casualy that was all cool before we got together - later changed her mind and wanted to get 'serious', either directly or indirectly. I could see it in her eyes. Is casual sex a fanatasy? Any ideas? -J

Could be possible.. try hooking up with Japanese women who's already married and has kids. It's not like they can leave the marriage, so they can never really get "serious" with you. Their husbands probably don't give them any anyway, you can be their playtoy.. happy casual sex for you and for them.

[canadamanada]

Possible, but unlikely.
Human relationships are difficult to manage, at best.
It is rare that 2 people could find only physical fulfillment in eachother and it be enough for both of them.

[diva]

wooo!!!! 3 YEARS after posting this message (and one and a half years after last posting on GP) jj gets some hot advice.

Is this a record?

[nymphett]

Difficult but definitely possible.
It's not that the party involved has a heart of stone, but you just learn to hold back your emotions.
You go in knowing what you want out of the "relationship", pour your heart and soul in the heat of the moment and come out a happy, sexually satisfied person. The ironic thing is the lesser you know abt the person, the less emotionally attached you become.

[canadamanada]

The ironic thing is the lesser you know abt the person, the less emotionally attached you become.
This doesn't seem ironic to me, at all. It seems to be expected, actually.

[nymphett]

This doesn't seem ironic to me, at all. It seems to be expected, actually.

Yeah, I guess you're right. I shall retract my last sentence.

[Morning Star]

The ironic thing is the lesser you know abt the person, the less emotionally attached you become.
>>I shall retract my last sentence.
Good, because I'll have you know that I've managed to fall in love with more glory holes than... well, more than you can imagine.

[stillnosheep]

Believe us, when it comes to you and glory holes we can well imagine

[eku]

hey sheepie...
where you at?
and wtf are you doing up so early in the AM?
me... i think i gonna hit the conbini for an eclaire....
:D

[stillnosheep]

Hi eku,

In Chinaland surrounded by limestone stacks (Gaungxi, NE of Vietnam and NW of HK). Nearest Combini probably HK or Shanghai. Slept earlier (bugger all to do after sundown 'cept drink and eat) What wouldn't I do for a comini and an eclair.

How Kyoto?

[eku]

Hi eku,

In Chinaland surrounded by limestone stacks (Gaungxi, NE of Vietnam and NW of HK). Nearest Combini probably HK or Shanghai. Slept earlier (bugger all to do after sundown 'cept drink and eat) What wouldn't I do for a comini and an eclair.

How Kyoto?
never ended up going to kyoto.... mores the pity. anyway it holds no more charm since you and kurogane left *sob*
but am holding out for the tailpinning foxy party...
you will have to temporarillllllyyyyyyyyy defect from your limestone shack and come and join us in the eclaire-rich surroundings of the kansai

[stillnosheep]

never ended up going to kyoto.... mores the pity. anyway it holds no more charm since you and kurogane left *sob*
but am holding out for the tailpinning foxy party...
you will have to temporarillllllyyyyyyyyy defect from your limestone shack and come and join us in the eclaire-rich surroundings of the kansaiWhat would I not give for a proper kinki eclair. Must dash. Am off to the market to try to find some veggies hidden amongst the dogmeat (and er yes, I believe you can choose your puppy and have it slaughtered in front of you to ensure freshness!)

[eku]

What would I not give for a proper kinki eclair. Must dash. Am off to the market to try to find some veggies hidden amongst the dogmeat (and er yes, I believe you can choose your puppy and have it slaughtered in front of you to ensure freshness!)
ooooooooh fresh dogs
i am sure okki would like that
as long as its a ______ and not menstruating... and has its butt plugged for safety.
:D