View Full Version : Western men and Japanese women meeting on the Internet
2004-03-07, 07:51 AM
Hello all. My IP domain is the same as Bongo's. Because I'm married to him.
Here in the UK, there are many Japanese women who have met their husbands on the Internet. Many of them get married very shortly after meeting on the Internet. Often, the husbands are not especially good-looking and are not well educated, but the Japanese women too are often not especially pretty but nevertheless well educated.
My question is, what is the deal? How does this work and why? Is the tradeoff the good looks? Meeting your future spouse on the Internet just doesn't figure on my social roadmap, so why does it figure on so many other people's?
Many Japanese women living here ask me whether I met my husband (Bongo) on the Internet, and I'm surprised and confused about why they consider such a strange possibility. Can anyone enlighten me?
2004-03-07, 08:10 AM
A more advanced version of the Asian mail-order bride!
1) Look how many young people are unable to communicate directly with each other, unless they both have a "keitai" switched on or are plugged in!
2) Pressure of work, little chance of social interaction - solace on the wires?
3) On the net, you can be anything you want to be!
4) Two desperate ships in the "night?" Clutching at straws? It's easier.
BUT, I also ask you:
Is "good-looking" a necessary ingredient for a successful partnership?
Why do these Japanese women get married? A Visa? Get away from a miserable life in Japan? Escape the stigma of post-Christmas cake life in Japan?
And just how many of the cases are there?
2004-03-07, 10:14 AM
I would like to add a word or two. Why is meeting someone over the internet any different than meeting someone in a bar? I met someone who is now one of my best Japanese friend over the internet. She was just looking for someone to spend some time, have a drink, on so on. She just moved to the Osaka area and was looking for a foreign friend. I answered her post and we are great friends.
There is a great stigma over meeting people over the internet. There was the same thing over meeting people in a bar and other places a while back. Now with people and their busy lives, it seems that they have turned to the internet to meet new people.
Another Japanese couple that I know didn't meet over the internet, but got to know each other through email. They were both in the college band for a season. Both were cellists I think. they both were going overseas for there masters, she in America and he in the IK, and decided to exchange emails while they were overseas. They are now married. They did know much about each other at the time the left to study abroad.
Yes, on the net you can be anybody. But how many people have met some at a bar? I have meet women at a bar and dated, but nothing came of it. As for getting married shortly after meeting, I don't know. maybe insecurity.
2004-03-07, 11:31 AM
Oh, good grief. Bongo's long-suffering, significantly better, significant other. Yumi, as a tapeworm I can only praise your intestinal fortitude,
As you cling bravely to your fraying sanity, we strongly advise you to please, please refrain from scouring the archives here for they bulge and creak under the voluminous weight of your deranged and deluded husbands ramblings... the coarse descriptions of your, and I quote, "disproportionately wide caboose" and "front-row prop thighs" are the last thing you need to read.
Just lay back and think of England. Godspeed the vortex, fine woman.
Tomoko, the bathhouse homewrecker.
quit that! don't be starting nothing
i want to talk about this! finally, something i can sink my teeth into!
actually it's not just japanese women and western men, it's generally the whole planet i bet
my next-door neighbor (amer cau, divorced) met a guy (amer cau) from ohio on the internet. met him like some 250 miles away in another city, then moved completely and married him. this is only going to get more common, men are tired of dealing with the other forms of meeting women, especially after college has panned out.
i remember reading a survey/study/whatever that reported women to get more aroused by aural/cognitive/literary stimuli, as opposed to men, who use visual stimuli.
anybody care to comment?
i'm saying that exchanging emails -- which are letters, make no mistake, are honest indicators of a person's disposition/stance/inner reflections.
of course if a man or a woman (the more attractive member of a species) can meet people without using the internet, then why would they? letters take time, (and brain cells). the payoff(nekkidrekkidness) isn't as quick.
but if a guy is not gone get no tooty regardless, it doesn't hurt to exchange emotions/concepts/affirmations of self with another like-minded individual on the net? sou da na! atarimae jya...
ok, i'm gone stop here so i can listen to the rest of this mix, so holler back!
2004-03-07, 02:35 PM
Difficult to judge why people meet each other over the net, but knowing about Japanese and their lifestyle, it is highly possible that J women just can't stand very low social position here in Japan and also J men treating then like @@@@. No wonder they try to escape abroad by all means, and live there without enormous stress they have in Japan with anyone who just doesn't call them "OOoo-i !!!!". To my opinion, at the point when common cultural and social rues and manners are naturally proven as "normal" at any country in the world, Japan still lives at the era of "original culture", which is great when you visit Japan for a short time in order to see temples or partisipate at the tea ceremony, but certainly not when you try to live here longer. And to the surprise to many Japanese themselves, their own women/men find the system strange or don't feel like living here any more. In Japan most people are lonely, stresed, angry without showing that to their bosses but releasing stress doing drinking/manga/ kyabakura/chikan/ストーカ/ドライブ etc. SomeJ people yet seem to show some "Gaijn feachers", which is a disaster for themselves and for the society. J always say to gaijin "自分の国に帰れ！", even in Tokyo. So every 変わり者, unless being 芸能人 or very rich, naturally tires to catch ANY foreigner to go out of here. They are free to go anywhere. After going back home I hope I wouldn't discriminate J people living in MY country for what they have done to me and other foreigners in Japan.
2004-03-07, 08:21 PM
and also J men treating then like @@@@.
2004-03-07, 10:24 PM
The big 3 traditionally are
meshi/ furo/ nero;
food/ bath/ sleep!
And of course lying on the cold floor in the morning to save husband getting cold feet when going for his slippers. Makes a mockery of "The Four Yorkshiremen!"
2004-03-08, 12:39 AM
About the internet meeting, I reckon the stigma comes up because the net would become the avenue of choice for those that had decided to get married and wanted to find someone quickly for that purpose. It's not that there's anything wrong with meeting on the internet per se, it's just that it's not a great idea to decide you want to get married in one month and then start trying to find a girl that fits your idea of how it's all going to work out, doing comparisons on the personals as if you're shopping on ebay (neither of which I've done, so I don't know how good the analogy is ; ) And the more people doing this kind of wife shopping, the greater the stigma for those who might initially meet on the internet but don't then think of their wife like a downloadable entity. One of my best friends met his fiance on some introduction site, but their relationship is healthier than most, so it obviously works well for some people.
"lying on the cold floor in the morning to save husband getting cold feet"
Right. I'll be sure to mention this to my wife. Seems like she's not doing her conjugal duty...
Whatd'ya mean it's cold? Just lie down and think of England, er, I mean the rising sun.
2004-03-09, 03:43 PM
Well, the nearly 50% divorce rate in the US are basically from "traditional" marriages, ie, typical dating/engagement/proper Church wedding scenario...and about half of them fail!!
Surely, Internet dating and marriage can't be any worse that that...
2004-04-02, 10:31 PM
Where on earth do you live in the UK??
I have many Japanese friends who have been in the UK and not 1 of them has met anyone on the net....
As for meeting on the net and getting married in the future...then hey...leave them to it!
But yeah getting married quickly after just meeting strikes me as bizarre!
2004-04-18, 10:23 AM
To Mr. Triphop,
With regards to your first question, the answer is "no".... Looks are important but true friendship, passion for life, being in touch with your feelings and self confidence are key to a healthy relationship... there are lots more but in short there is no one true aspect to anyone's character that you can pinpoint to what makes a compatible relationship.
Well maybe the most basic one comes close.... Respect.
Post Edited (04-18-04 10:26)
2004-04-18, 03:47 PM
red cherry make that cherry red baybee!!!
2004-04-20, 03:20 PM
Yum Yum wrote:
"Often, the husbands are not especially good-looking and are not well educated, but the Japanese women too are often not especially pretty but nevertheless well educated."
There will be no confessional biography here, thank you very much.
Kurogane has spoken.