Dealing finance with Japanese wife

[Anup]

I married with Japanese wife for three years. During first six month..everything went very fine..I work she work..we had a bank account with two cash card, I deposit all my salary to the common account, she deposits her salary to her own account..both of us divide the common account to various purpose don't mind since I earn more then her..we were having good time with good sex.....one day she left her job ..financial process was still going as it was ..I had no complain ...but suddenly she took my cash card by saying that I may lost it and she started controlling the whole amount and giving me a little kozukae..I was worried but no objection..we were having some little dispute over that dealing but still having some good time with some sex..after couple of month she started moving my salary to her own account just after every payday by saying that due to my foreign complicated katakana name she is having trouble. I could not accept it but finally could not argue, since I did not want to make my home hale......I needed stay outside of Japan for six months for work ..once I came back I found I have nothing in my bank account and she is controlling everything ..my life with small kozukai started from then...we were having disagreement from then and no sex for last two years ..we could not tolerate each other , sometimes even we went physical to each other...I am not saying that I didn't trust her but I wanted to have a fair game 50/50..common or some control.....

Now we are living separately and she is still in control and I am with kozukai ..and she is even saying me to back to my own country...I am having miserable time and don't know what should I do. Should I don't do anything ? left everything ? try to pursue her to back to normal start life again ? take some strong role ?

She blames me for everything ....I don't know what went wrong ...Any suggestion appreciated.

[daveaway]

Give an inch, taken for a mile. How did thing degenerate so much without you knowing?

You say you have been married to this woman for three years. No sex for two!!

She must have taken controll over your money quite early on in the piece. You wernt suspicious?

Yes I would have to say I would back hand her too.

Mate even if you get back with her this circle is bound to continue, dont do it slap her and go home.

Best of luck

Dave

[jpyconnection]

1st go open your self a new account and change all of your finnacial matters such as your pay, paying bills etc etc. to this new account.

Just do it all in one day..

Then I'd say it sounds as though marriage is probably over so just forget about her and move on.

If she bothers you threaten legal action to recoup the money she has clearly "stolen" from you.

It's very unlikely that anything would come of such action but you need at least one threat in case she starts bothering you for money since from what you've describebed she's lazy.

Also you shouldn't contact her at all. You may face a divorce proceeding of some sort as it is so be careful...

You're not in a enviable situation but you need to take contriol of your own life and move on..

[trip_hop]

Oh dear, the myth and stereotype of the sweet, submissive, obedient Japanese woman taking care of her husband! In reality, they control the house, finance, children and all affairs related to it; BUT the average Japanese husband is quite happy to delegate it. He can also do what he likes, as long as he comes home at night. You have been converted without you knowing it to a typical Japanese relationship; your wife probably thinks she is doing it for you, and cannot understand your anger.

However, you are not a typical Japanese husband. And she does not accept or understand that.

There seems to be a huge gap in expectations of marriage, understanding and agreeing on each others' role, communicating together, living together, and life in Japan. Contact a professional counsellor experienced in "international marriage" reconciliation. You can try and discuss it and work out a compromise or agreement, OR if you feel that the relationship is gone, or is not for you, then get out of it.

I don't think she can be said to have stolen your money, not in terms of Japanese societal norms, and not to instigate criminal proceedings. However, whatever happens, I should open a new account as suggested above, and make sure that it is controlled by you.

[daveaway]

She bled him dry! AND Kicked him out!

My wife pays bills etc. I'm cool with that. But withdrawing all funds is another thing (although I do his sirname may have been a problem)

[trip_hop]

Whoops - missed that bit. Traditonal Japanese women often have a housekeeping book with all expenses entered. Better find out where the money has gone. Maybe just transferred to her account, but she needs to account for it.

Kicked out, or he left? Not sure.

Either way, looks as if it is over. Differences are too big.

[thickmick]

Anybody who gives their money ( unless he blows it all on drink or gambling ) to the wife is weak and deserves all the crap he gets ...You guys who fall for this crap and then try to make excuses to justify it .....You should go and get another set of balls

[CLOWNPUNCHER]

Sounds like the Yahoo chat room ( pay pigs for money dommes )

You only have yourself to blame!< NEVER I say NEVER let a woman control your life>

[Anup]

Thank you very much for all of your opinions. All are very valuable. I think I will need to take very decisive step as a next and your input will help. I thank you again.

Regards

[Osucker]

hey thickmick! all sport is rigged!

[buds]

i agree with miz th. in japan the wife is known as the ministry of finance? plus a lot of them quit their jobs after they get married... foreign complicated katakana name being trouble kinda makes sense too... the boxes on forms i have filled out in japan seem kinda small...
good luck bro

[yashka]

in ur case i just would like to kill her (^_^)v

i just feel glad to found somebody more naive than myself... this sort of thing happend to me few years ago (in another way... but involved with financial problems as well) so i know that bad feeling to belong to some puppetmaster...

anyway if the story is true i'd like juste to tell you "bonne chance..."

[oceanheart]

im in relation with a japanese lady for a year now,and she tried to talk about the marriage many times , im a divorced guy ,with a 10 y boy , in fact i didnt decied any thing yet ,so what is ur advice

[Anonymous]

Yes oceanheart we have seen it.
Think yourself lucky you are not in a sexless marriage, or that you do not speak Inuit and Mandarin and Japanese. I`m never posting here again.
We are thinking about your predicament - all the boys and I are going round Glenski`s caravan tonight for pizzas and "three men and a baby" on DVD.....and we`ll get back to you tomorrow.
Anup your wife has lost it completely and has no right (as far as I can conceive) to financially isolate you and send you home. Take The Th`s advice and go to a marriage counsllor who will have the lingusitic and diplomatic skill to make sure that both parties are communicating their point with each other. Sounds to me like she has panicked and gone loopy. Have you done something to her that you are not telling us ? Why is she clinging to the finances as a method of control ?
There`s a way out - put an appointment in with the counsellor.

[Bill]

anup
u got one thing going for u ....u didn't have kids with this woman........now that would have been the cruncher.
As above I would just get out and find a new girlfriend....get her to do all ur billing and money transfers for u. Preferably a girl who wont shirk away from a cat fight.....restart ur life in japan....and remember it is only japan .....there is a whole big world outside!!!!!
good luck

[takai]

thing about ___ Women:

GOOD:
* they take care of the children full-time
* they clean, wash, iron, take care of the house full-time
* they do NOT complain
* they take care of "everything"
* thay do NOT _____ around

BAD:
* Do NOT expect understanding (not HER priority. Her MISSION is to take care of children and the house)
* DO NOT expect LOVE, caring attitude, an open mind, that she reads your mind, that she will understand your problems, etc...(not HER priority. Her MISSION is to take care of children and the house)
* DO NOT expect words like "honey", "i love you", etc.....(not HER priority. Her MISSION is to take care of children and the house)
*Do NOT expect blowjobs and good sex (not HER priority. Her MISSION is to take care of children and the house)
*Do not expect a CARING attitude, hugs, emotional support of any kind, that she cheers you up, that she makes funny jokes, that she understands you, that she gives you ambition, energy, etc...( not HER priority. Her MISSION is to take care of children and the house)...

Put everything on a balance, according to your EXPECTATIONS, and decide wheter to marry.....hehehehhee,,,,as Socrates said......you will regret it always........

(Everyone, please, feel free to use this as a new thread)

高



Post Edited (08-07-04 01:29)

[Bill]

Kinda go along with u Takai on most of the stuff u said above bar one though"they dont complain" from the tv dramas to atashinchin(spelling?) they complain....they whine at their husbands, kids, dogs, etc....I see it every day on the street with the kids....hear it thru the walls and open windows in my street.....

[kurogane]

Takai,
No. Too stereotypical. At least you are not being a troll today.

[buds]

why he can't say "jpn" though? the letters are closer on the keyboard even

[Bluedog]

"why he can't say "jpn" though? the letters are closer on the keyboard even"

You have a good point, (although letters being closer usually means that they are harder to type). Bishop Tang of ____ approves your suggestion to use jpn instead of ___.

[kurogane]

Kurogane concurs on "jpn". That ___ thing really burns my cookies. Esp.　when used by a gaijin troll posing as a native.

Good points, but still no ____ for your tang. Sorry big guy.