i need ......

[oceanheart]

i have been here in Tokyo for a few times ,to be with my net friend ( she ) , our relation
at the net was good ,so she invited me to visit her here i mean in Tokyo , she was nice to me ,and i spent a good time with her ,since last summer till now , this is my 4th time in Tokyo , in fact she is a good friend ,but she want to be more than a friend ,she told me ,that she loved me, honestly i tried to love her too ,but i couldnt ,i treid my best ,there is many different things between us ,there is a few matchs beween us,i treid to explain that for her ,but she didnt accepted it , and for the fact ,both of us are adults ,she is 36 y ,a teacher ,with master degree ,me either,but im 48 y,i had a divorce experience too,with a 10 y boy living with me ,she knew everything about my life.
my question is ,how i can explain that for her ,that both of us not match for each other,in many things,and i dont want her to be hurt ,coz she was hurt from her ex b/f .
i need ur help ,if u r a japanese or u lived here at japan for longt time ,pls i need ur advice.
thank u.

[MB1]

Oceanheart:

Are you absolutely sure that things will not work out with this girl? Unless there is some major, fundamental split that makes it impossible to be with her you might want to give it a try. From what you describe she seems educated and in a stable line of employment. Having many things in common with some one is not always the key to a good relationship. Have you considered that there might be some issues left over from your divorce that might be getting in the way.

Just keep your options open, you don`t want to through away something that could turn out good just because of a few doubts.

[Mandrake]

Has she ever been through a divorce? If not, I imagine it's real tough for her to understand where your coming from. Even between two divorcees it is real difficult where there are other parents involved and children. I feel for you dude.

I think you know what you have to do though. It is difficult, but you have to live true to yourself. Your life is yours and hers is hers.

[oceanheart]

i will explain something here ,for exampl ,im a social person ,i would like to be with some freinds ,places that be enjoyed ,specialy ,im at my summer holiday here,but she dont like that,she will feel bad if we are in some crowded place ,or among some her friends dinning ,or at shopping malls,she prefer to be at hot springs hotels or at her appartment than to be some where els,and if she did to go out with me ,coz she knew i will get board to be at her place all the time,and when i tried to go some where alone she refuse it,as u know im alone here ,without friends ,and i need some entertainment too,

[oceanheart]

no she didnt get married yet ,and she is living alone since she was at high school ( with room mate ) ,and she has 2 close girl friend ,one of them is marreid.

[sincity]

My take on your situation is that you took advantage of a desperate woman and now you want help to weasel your way out of it. Well I suggest you end it the same way it started: send her a few hackneyed expressions of eternal friendship/remorse via the internet. There's really no need to solicit advice for something as banal as this. In fact, it's a bit sickening. You screwed her over and now you want our sympathy..."I feel for you, mate. You tried to love her...You crossed oceans to enjoy her hospitality but it just wasn't meant to be. Your concern for her feelings is truly noble."

Feel better now?

[oceanheart]

i dont need a sympathy ,what i need its how i can make her more sociable ,than to be isolated lady ,she told me that ,she prefer to be alone with me all the time ,rather to be around with her friends or someothers she know.

[Anonymous]

Don`t listen to Sincity he is a player, bad and dirty.
If only you knew what this man has been up to...............

[oceanheart]

i couldnt got u ,do u mean that Sencity is a ( player ,dirty, bad ) man
im sorry i never met him yet.

[Anonymous]

I meant Sincity.
I`ve never met him either. I`m not sure I`d want to.

[oceanheart]

can i ask u something Rodney , r u living here ?

[sincity]

Yeah, Rodney is living here and so am I. Why don't we all get together and see if we can't iron this thing out?

[Robelto]

HI.. Im a bit confused.. Do you wanna work this out or do you wanna end it? If you wanna work this out, 1st of all you will have to speak out your thoughts and feelings to her. Be honest and tell her what you feel, and discuss it within each other and see if you 2 can come to a compromise. If it doesnt work out, then you will have to just move on.. We all get hurt somewhere down the road, but youre both adults. Things will settle in the long run.. Thats just life.. Off course its best if things work out, but life isnt perfect.. Fact of life..
Hope this can help...

[oceanheart]

sorry guys ,i know u r trying hard to give some advice here ,but in fact all of us non japanese ,im wondering why the japanese didnt answering me yet.

[Anonymous]

If you are feeling indescisive and　優柔不断like you seem to be...the the an. answer is ...............psychedelics. Yes OK they will make you wear your bollocks for earrings for a while but you will certainly make that desicion and put the rest behind you. Separate out a troubled mind. Pull the plug. Have a cheeky glimpse at your subconcious and its internal decision making process. Go on have a peek.
You met her on the net - does this augur well for the long term ? What were you looking for on the net

[oceanheart]

ok Rodney, that was my feelings when there is some troubles come over our relation, so ur advice for me that to leave her ,as long as our relation started at the net. is that correct ?

[Mandrake]

How you make her sociable OceanDude is that you take her out, you take her to the hot springs, you make her relax and be nice to her. She's looking after you and so get off your rocking horse and be decent....geez, if I were her I'd kick your lame ___ onto the street!!

...And you just know I would!

[Anonymous]

no. If you read the post again you`ll see I recommend you take psychedelic drugs to help you reach your decision.
Is that what you are thinking ? I merely asked.

[Robelto]

i think u should remember that not all of us are non-japanese. u just need to make a decision from within your heart.. this is the same with any culture.. it doenst matter if youre japanese or not.. if you dont wanna hurt her, make a decision and move on.. thats the most proper thing to do rather than hanging on and on... it will all clear up in the end.. fact that she wanna be with u alone.. i dont know.. she seems insecure.. and probably scared of losing you or something, or shes just not sociable at all.. there are something u canb and cannot change... hope this helps.. but be a man and make a final decison...

[Morning Star]

Ocean;

This is how you change her:
1. Take her out to her favorite hot spring,
2. Give her flowers,
3. Say all of the things that she wants to hear,
4. Make sweet love (go down),
5. Dump her.
6. Get back together after she shows you how hard she's trying to change.

Every time you find something you don't like about her, repeat steps 1-6.

[sincity]

I wish to apologize for my earlier post. It was very much out of character for me. (But you have to admit, everything I wrote was probably true, even though I lack the moral authority of other posters.) You've never met me (and that was very generous of you to acknowledge, my good man) but if you ever have occasion to you'll find me to be sweet-tempered, sagacious, philanthropic and always happy to meddle in the affaires de couer of others. I come to you now as my true self with this selfless offer: I will take your woman to hot springs and I will take you to crowded places. You see I do not feel uncomfortable being naked in front of others (I rather like it) nor do I mind bumping shoulders with the masses. I will do these things for you only I beg you not to break the heart of that teacher and also not to experiment with psychedelic drugs.

But should you decide to end this relationship, I further beg you not to tell me. I have already made such a heavy emotional investment that I couldn't bear it...

[kurogane]

Sinster,
We forgive ya big guy.

Rodney,
STOP using Japanese w/o any translation! Maybe the OP doesn't speak or read it. Nice comments, though. Except for the psychedelics bit ;)

oceanheart,
If you know it won't work, end it quickly, but as gently as possible.

That is all.

[oceanheart]

thank u so much guys for ur advices,its make feel good,any way i will try to not hurt her ,and i will keep this relation til i find something about it,infact there something i will say it here,that when she lost her ex b/f ,as she told me ,she was realy sick for more than 2 y,
and she was under psyhchotherpy treatment , she didnt told me that ,til last week,when i saw her take some mediction , and thats make it worse for me to how i can decied what the best for me , im still here in Tokyo ,and my mind at home ,cause my son caled me last night,
so.........................................
i will do my best

[Morning Star]

Lost her boyfriend and was sick for two years... Check!
Underwent psychotherapy treatment... Check!
Unaware of it until last week when you saw her dosing... Check!

You two were meant for each other. When life throws you curve-balls, step up and let it hit you in the groin. Really throw your hips into it so it shatters your pelvis, too.

[oceanheart]

thank u for ur notes Morning Star , u r incredible advicer . u made my morning so bright by ur shiny star .

[Morning Star]

r u typin w/ a keitai? (*~_~*) y all the abbrev, n f'd up punct.? （・＿・）エッ。。？

Anyway, get her a pet rabbit. When she slaughters and cooks it, you'll know it's time to leave. If this reference doesn't make sense, watch Fatal Attraction and it will give you a little taste of things to come.

Where is your home country, by the way? Is your son with his mom or selling Chiclets in Mexico City? Why don't you just go back?

[oceanheart]

that for sure , ur words showing clearly where the place that u r raised up , when ur mother left u after ur delivery with a dirty morning star , u should go back to that place ,other wise ,this comunity will be effected by ur scum .

[Bluedog]

morningstar's got a point though. Hard to understand what you're trying to say when you're typing like ur ead s up uranus.

[kurogane]

watrutraingutoseybrudog?

Oceanfart,
They gots a point man. Your posts r hard to read. Not the grammar or vocabulary, but the actual typing, eh.

All Oceanfart's Pocky are belonging to the Aoiinu

[oceanheart]

i wish from every one here , to stop thier comment , no more emails please , it was my fault from the first i enterd at this room ,
sorry guys,
i hope my typing is cleared enough for every one to read and understand it.

[kurogane]

Got it, man.

Good luck with your woman.

[Mandrake]

Oceandude.

You missed MS's (aka. Bill Gates) subliminal message but don't worry the 字幕 version is on tomorrow night.

"The best way to make a monkey out of a man is to ape him"

[THEDON]

That has to be one of the strangest posts ive ever read...........im going to read it again....(maybe).

[Sora No Yume]

Ocean,

She has mental issues....I suggest you get out while the getting is good.....

it's obvious from your posts that you really don't have sincere feelings for her....so leave before she gets hurt.......or before she hurts you.....

you went to Tokyo.....saw her.... got some.... and now you're trying to "change" her into what you want her to be.....it's not going to work......

she's 36 yr old....never been married....set in her ways......in order for your relationship to work in anyway whatsoever you have to learn to accept each other just as you are....

Its just my opinion man.

[buds]

"she's 36 yr old....never been married....set in her ways......in order for your relationship to work in anyway whatsoever you have to learn to accept each other just as you are..."
ain't THAT the truth!