Meeting Women (Under 28)

[encephalon]

My apologies if this is a stupid question.

The Cliff's Notes:

Basically, I'm having trouble meeting women around my age(23) or younger.

I live a little out of the way (an hour down the Joban) from Tokyo.

There seem to be two possibilities: find a (relatively) local girlfriend, or find a girlfriend in Tokyo.

The place I live is definitely not Tokyo(no clubs, no bars with an environment suitable for talking to strangers), so I have had essentially *zero* luck where I live.

I work as an ALT in a Junior High School, and not at an Eikaiwa, so I can't really meet women through work.

I've asked myself this question many times: "What do the (18-24 year-old) girls that live here do on the weekends?" The answer, I believe, is "They go to Tokyo."

I've met a few women at international parties in Tokyo, but they all seem to be A) 28-35, and B) (mostly) looking for potentially marriageable boyfriends.

I get the impression that it would be *a lot* easier if I lived in Tokyo, but I can't do anything about that at the moment.

My question is: What is a good way to meet younger (18-24 year-old) women when I'm only in Tokyo occasionally? I wouldn't mind going to Tokyo often if I had a girlfriend there.

Thanks in advance.

[westsan]

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Where do you live?? There is something going on everywhere.
Worst case scenario... go to where the brazilians hang out.

[encephalon]

Ushiku. Total suburbia.

There is a Shirokiya by the station. There are a few bars around.

Maybe there is something a few stations closer to Tokyo. Maybe Toride or Kashiwa has something. But if so, I don't know what.

[Frungy]

Man, that's pretty far out. What do people in Tsukuba usually do? Unfortunately, Ueno or Kita-Senji (nearest terminals) aren't a hot spot for young women... you have to go all the way to the west side of the city, like Shinjuku or Shibuya.

Maybe try church if you're religious, or if there's a university around, find out where they hang out.

[encephalon]

Well, you probably won't believe me, but Tsukuba *does not have a station*. They are building one, and (I hear) it will be operational in the fall. They're building a whole new line actually.

Of course, once the station is put in, all the girls will probably go to Tokyo, too.

I can go to Tsukuba, because I have a car. There is a gaijin bar/cafe in Tsukuba called crowd9. Run by a really nice Canadian guy.

But if I go there and drink, because of the car thing, I have to stay there all night. I got pulled over one night; talk about a close call. Won't do that again. $%&#!$@ zero limit! Very inconvenient. I've tried to make the place work for me a few times, but the only time anything happened was with a 27 year-old. Good fun in terms of bedroom gymnastics, but I'm looking for a girl I'll see regularly.

But so far, it's the best place around. I guess I might just have to work the place hard...

[Frungy]

Yeah, Tsukuba is a hellhole if you have no car. And never ever ever ever ever drink and drive- the penalties here are REALLY REALLY REALLY severe. And don't even think about speeding either.

If you go to Tokyo to meet a girlfriend, it'll take up a lot of your time and money just to get there. Go local or move into the city. There has to be young Japanese women at the universities in Tsukuba or somewhere on the Joban line...

[encephalon]

Well, I hadn't drank for two hours or so. I had only had two guinesses. I was fine. The question is, how long does it take to get back to a true *zero*? So I think I'm going to have to self-enforce a rule: stop drinking by three, never leave until 6am no matter what.

I don't know why I didn't think of this before, but I need to ask one of the young female bartenders at crowd9 where a good place to go is.

Hmm... I already get enough excercise, but maybe I can find a gym to join or something. Do younger Japanese women go to gyms?

Thanks for the advice.

[CLOWNPUNCHER]

I live in Tsukuba and have done for 14 years if you want to hook up with girls in Tokyo just put and ad in the pen friend section of japan-guide.com.

Say you live near Tokyo weed out the leeches and go meet a few for a lunch date.

Thats what I do all the time. Mind you I'm a bit of a man whore !!

Give it a try enjoy.

[westsan]

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Yeah, the train is great. It is just a numbers game. The more girls you talk to and make laugh, the more "good luck" you will have.

There is a brazilian bar in Ishioka I know of. you will probably be better off there.
Also those country girls use the various single services because they are looking for the same thing you are.

Tsukuba has some clubs and often you can cruise around them and pull alongside cars with girls in it and pick some up in that manner.

The school campus sounds like a good option too.

[buds]

"Basically, I'm having trouble meeting women around my age(23) or younger."
make friends with japanese guys 23 or younger.

[Morning Star]

Hey Encephelon,
I'm living in Kandatsu, so if you find out where all the young hotties are, let me know. I'm convinced that there's something in the water in Ibaraki that makes everybody ugly and stupid. No offense to anybody in Ibaraki, but I don't drink the water just to be on the safe side.

[swordfishtrombone]

Basically, you gotta do the all nighter. That's what it takes.
Get your a*ss to roppongi if needed. At least half the hos are from out of town anyway so you're bound to meet someone from chiba, ibaraki or wherever sooner or later.

I've had chicks from tochigi, ibaraki (toride and abiko) and chiba, all met in roppongi (years ago when i was single, of course). funny thing is i lived in tokyo, and they all took the big train ride to tokyo (pun intended).

[Dr.Drew]

Join Asoboo.com and look through their site...it's pretty good, and you can search all Japan!!

[encephalon]

Thanks to everyone for their advice.

I've tried the internet thing(including asoboo) and haven't had that much success... There aren't enough locals signed up, and the Tokyo girls seem to back off when they hear how far I live. The successes I have are all over 27.

FYI, I've heard that friendfinder.com and adultfriendfinder.com are great. Unfortunately, I have no method to pay the premium.

I have a couple of younger Japanese male friends, but they live in Tokyo. But I'm working it. A 30 year-old woman I befriended at an international party works at a department store. So if she doesn't want to go the ecchi/relationship route, she might be able to hook me up.

By the way, has anyone been to the international parties in Shibuya? How are the gender/age ratios there? Any different?

Morning Star, you're actually on to something about the water here... (I've been told that) The water in southern Ibaraki all comes from Kasumigaura Lake. And a student of a friend of mine says his mother (who works in Tsukuba) studies the water problems here. And his family STILL drinks the tap water. There's the stupid part for you. But as far as ugly goes, when crowd9 is at it's peak, there are some *hot* women there. Where is Kandatsu, by the way? Tsuchiura or something?

Tried the all-nighter thing in Roppongi once. Didn't have much luck. Maybe I just don't know "the method". And I can't really dance, which doesn't help much. I just spent way too much money.

Thanks again

[n]

Go to Kashiwa.....u wont be disappointed.

[encephalon]

Umm... What's in Kashiwa?? I know all the girls seem to go shopping there on the weekend... but even though they are there, I don't know a good place/method to approach Japanese women outside of just going up to them in a bar.

I mean, I haven't tried hitting on women in the street, but I don't think that would go over too well for most women...

Just like when I was at a Wendy's in Takadanobaba, and there was this cute girl working there that I thought might be *looking* at me a little bit. I've been kicking myself about it for days, but I just don't think I can bring myself to hit on a perfect stranger in an ordinary environment, especially when she's at work...

[westsan]

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Kashiwa is known as the Shibuya of Chiba. All the girls walking around shopping are waiting 4 you to pick them up.
You just got to try.

[encephalon]

Uh... wow... really?

Well, I know where I'm going tomorrow...

Thanks...

[Ageless]

I have a question:

-What`s it like living in Tokyo? (girls,work,life, etc)

I come from the border of Aichi and Shizuoka prefectures, which is nice but I always thought Tokyo to be hard to live.....to get a sense of nature and peace if you know what I mean.

-Do alot of people on these forums live in Tokyo central, like Shibuya, Shinjuku etc??


Peace!

[Nozomi]

This has turned into quite an interesting discussion. Arguably the best way to meet girls in Japan is the way Japanese people do-through introductions. Their is no limit to the number of people, male and female, you can meet this way. How about having a casual get-together at a restaurant or izakaya with some of the people you know from work, international parties or elsewhere? Ask the people you know to bring a friend or two along. There is absolutely no pressure on anyone and you might even meet the girl of your dreams! The worst that can happen is that you have a good time and widen your circle of friends. If you know some people at Tsukuba University, why not start there?!
I would use all the methods open to you to find someone you like. Remember, there must be over 10 million females who live within 1 hour of Tokyo! You can approach girls anywhere if you are confident about chatting to them. You don't have to make them think you are picking them up. The vast majority would be only too happy to talk with you.
Of course it is easier going to places where girls go to meet people. The best international party of the few I have been to is http://www.b-able.jp/tokyo_international_party_english.html Last time I went, the ratio of females to males was about 2:1! The beauty of that one is that they don't kick you out when the party is over. You have to pay for your drinks after that but you can stay as long as you want. A significant proportion of the girls who attend such parties seem to live in Chiba, Ibaraki, Saitama and Kanagawa. I think the same could be said for those who go to Roppongi. Maybe the quality of those girls is questionable though.
I wish you the best of luck. Let us all know how you go on.

Nozomi

[encephalon]

Thanks for the advice, Nozomi.

I would try the introductions thing, but all of my friends live in Tokyo and are usually quite busy (as they are married)...

As for work, I work at a public Jr. High School, and thus I really doubt they have friends in my target age range. And I am on vacation at the moment (which is part of the reason I've gotten a little frustrated with this whole thing... my vacation is dwindling fast...)

I've thought about that party in Shibuya before... being in Shibuya, is the age range a little better? Of course, with a 2:1 ratio, I guess there *must* be some younger women. I think I'll try going there. I need to go to Shibuya anyway... haven't been there yet... just heard the stories =)

Thanks!

[Nozomi]

It seems there is a party there this Saturday night. Check out the HP for more details. I have only been there twice, but there was a good mix of ages there both times. It goes without saying that the people who attend such parties are very different from the usual crowd who hang out in Shibuya. One word of warning...it is all you can drink and all too easy to overdo it! I am sure you will have a good time though. You can get tired of international parties after a while but they are good to go to a few times. Remember that everyone is there to meet people! You can talk to whoever you like without fear of rejection. When would you ever have such a environment? Also, even if you don't click with the girls you meet it might be best to stay in touch with them. They will have friends and so many of them. By arranging a couple of casual get-togethers you can really widen your circle of friends. Have a great time whenever you go. And, look into all the other alternatives too; after all, like I said yesterday, you have 10 million girls to choose from!

Nozomi

[Code Rot]

I am with Buds on his call: ""Basically, I'm having trouble meeting women around my age(23) or younger."
make friends with japanese guys 23 or younger"
I often see gaijin males walking around holding hands with a Nihon-girl, and I always think -- they look so removed from Japanese society, they might have a Japanese girlfriend but they still look like they are on the edge of the society, and they aren't even dressed in Japanese fashions! You can tell, they don't know anything about the real Japan. These guys are "guy-jin" in every sense of the word. You don't want to end up like them. I am sure that none of these guys have Japanese man friends. They think that since they are not gay, it would be wasting their time to have male friends. But this is a big mistake, I think. Having male friends can be a great boost to finding girlfriends. For starters, they can introduce you to their female friends. They can teach you how to speak masculine rather than feminine Japanese. If you get together with their female friends, you can be sure they are not Roppongi bitches or eikaiwa sluts. They will love you for who you are. You can rest assured they are not going out with you just to get a green card or to practise their English. And if you got together with them, you will start to learn what Japanese culture is really about -- a lesson you will not learn with the shallow Shibuya or Roppongi girls. It is up to you, what choice you make.

[encephalon]

Yeah, I hear you guys on that...

To be honest, I'm having trouble making Japanese friends in general here; I have too few contexts to make them in. I work at a Japanese JHS where most of the people commute every day (Is that something unique to Ibaraki? They seem to move people every two-three years here...). I've met one or two (women) at the international parties(who work/live in Tokyo/Saitama), but outside of an event like that, where people go specifically to meet other people, I'm kind of lost.

My only male Japanese friend that is more than a mere acquaintance is a friend from my dojo who lives in Shinjuku. We might hang out earlier in the day before I go to the party in Shibuya. Who knows, he might want to go along. Of course, he hasn't been able to get a new girlfriend since his ex-girlfriend left him(ouch), so I don't think he's in a great position to help me out. But who knows...

I also know what you mean about the "guy-jins', LOL. I've seen a few of them at the two international parties I've been to. There was this guy that was *obnoxiously* hitting on these two girls. I mean, sure, I went and talked to girls at the party. But I wasn't obnoxious or pushy. After the girls managed to brush him off(smile and walk away very quickly), the guy said in a loud voice to the air, "Well what was that all about!!??" As if he was surprised that the girls didn't just jump on him right there...

I ended up talking to this nice 30 year-old. I think we both knew nothing was going to happen... definitely not that night, at the very least. But we talked a lot and enjoyed each other's company... which is never a waste of time. I'm supposed to see her for lunch in about a week. I'm not sure what she wants our relationship to be(just friends or something more), but being just friends is quite fine with me. Probably preferable(I have, at this point in my life, a deathly fear of Marriage).

While I can't and don't want to be *fully* "assimilated" into the Japanese cultural collective (I'm not and don't want to pretend to be Japanese), I think I know what you're saying. Besides having no appreciation for the better sides of Japanese culture, they don't understand or even want to understand it. Even a little.

That's why I'm looking for a suitable *girlfriend*. I don't want to just bed another (j)girl. I want to spend time with a human being, too.

I apologize if this post has turned into an incoherent rant... I'm a bit tired...

Thanks again for the advice; it's really appreciated...

[encephalon]

Actually, I have a new, related question... I've tried the personal ad/penpal thing. Quite a bit, actually. And I've gotten emails. But after I reply, that is usually the end. I get no response. I mean, I just write a quick self-introduction and getting-to-know-you type questions. Nothing rude or even very revealing.

Do a lot of these women get cold feet or something??

Thanks...

[FLCL]

I found a lot of young girls looking for gaijin are a bit pathetic and drop off quite quickly but if you keep it going for quite a while before meet you weed aout the losers and have a less seedy reason for meeting. I stopped about five years ago but thats because I got quite serious with one girl (who I am now married to).
My advice is to not go looking for a girlfriend, just look for friends, thats how you find girlfriends anyway.

[westsan]

Personals... send them an action packed email.
Lie and make up crazy stories full of exagerations about yourself and tell them all bout what youll do for them.
That will help.

[encephalon]

Thanks again, everyone, for your comments.

westsan, sorry, that's not really my style...

Went to the Xanadu party in Shibuya last night, figured I'd let everyone know how it went. (Actually, I went to the Guggenheim Collection exhibit across the street before the party. I recommend it.) I posted a slightly more detailed account in the "International/friendship parties in tokyo" thread.

Basically, I just had fun socializing. Met three women, got three email addresses. I wasn't really there to do pickups.

Had a good time...

[Nozomi]

Encephalon

Glad to hear you had a good time at the party in Shibuya!
Like you mentioned, it is a touch difficult to make yourself heard but there is a good mix of people, right?

In my opinion, finding a good partner is like a lottery.
Maybe you aren't gonna win the jackpot with one ticket.
But buy enough tickets...

Nozomi

[westsan]

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In my opinion, finding a good partner is like a lottery.
Maybe you aren't gonna win the jackpot with one ticket.
But buy enough tickets...

Nozomi

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Ohhh NO! Nozomi, I dont reccomend gambling w/ your future!

Lottery, HaHaHaHaHaHahaahahahahahahaha

[encephalon]

Yeah, I'm starting to realize that I just need to go out with as many people as I can for a while till I find something that clicks.

But here's a questions. I'm getting together with two girls I met at that party(they are friends, both from Osaka) later this month.

I'm not sure if there is any implication in that all three of us are going out together. I'm not sure if there is supposed to be any kind of romantic overtone or not.

I figure it could mean one of three things. They just want to go out for dinner and have a good time. Or they want me to choose between them(easy decision). Or they _don't_ want me to choose between them(if you get my meaning). All three cases are fine by me.

I guess I just have to play it by ear and "read the air" on the day in question. But if anyone has any insight into this kind of thing, I'd rather not go in completely blind.

[Nozomi]

Let me explain about my lottery analogy.
Like our friend Mr. Encephalon correctly inferred, I was merely stating that it is always best to meet as many people as possible.
That way, you can choose the person who best suits you.

Regarding the meeting with the two girls from Osaka, I would just have a good time.
I don't know if there is any chemistry between you but I think the vast majority of Japanese girls wouldn't see it as anything more than having lunch or whatever.
No matter what happens, keep in touch with these girls. They will know other people.

By the way, you could try greeting them with "もうかりまっか?"
This is a standard greeting in Kansai and I am sure they would fall about laughing.
Living in Tokyo, that's all I know about Kansai dialect, but I am sure some of the Kansai residents who frequent this forum could give you a few more pointers.

Nozomi

[encephalon]

Actually, tried the moukarimakka thing at the party. Yeah, they thought it was funny. They also said that they haven't ever said that... it's something old men say.

Go figure...

But anyway, I'll be playing it by ear... Thanks, everyone...

Jeff

[buds]

"it's something old men say."
yep, but i think they just say that to throw us off :p
anyway, i went to that tokyofriends thing in sangenjaya
met some great guys, who introduced me to some great girls
whoo in general
also the party around hatchobori was pretty interesting. at first i was generally feeling sorry for the other people in the room, but eventally some moderately women showed up and i was able to get my ogle on and go home happy. drinking a lot takes the edge off the price of admission, but i'm a see-sawawer.