Da Gster
2004-08-18, 12:14 PM
Based on the disappointment that many people have had with Japanese spouses I have taken the liberty of creating a contract to prevent future generations from having the same problem. Perhaps if Joe Schmoe had got his wife to sign this, things could be different. These could also be marriage vows I guess.
I, Yukiko Matsushima, hereby solemnly swear to adhere to the following regulations in a marital relationship with Jack Gaijin so help me god.
1. As sex is very important to my husband, sex shall take precedence over all other family activities. Exceptions include near death illnesses of children, post birth trauma, personal illness of physical discomfort, menstrual cycle, within 3 hours following an earthquake exceeding a scale of 8, intense state of emotional trauma.
2. Extended periods of non-sexual activity shall not exceed 3 days.
3. Alternative methods of “getting my husband off” may be employed at any time to take the place of sexual activity. Where sex is not possible due to personal physical discomfort, or time constraints I will use such methods.
4. If for any reason I should find myself unwilling to have sex for a period of over 2 weeks, I shall communicate the reason to my husband.
5. No less than 40% of the time, I shall be the one to initiate sexual conduct with my husband.
6. I will work full-time preceding the birth of children and no less than 20 hours per week after the 1st birth day of the youngest child has been exceeded.
7. I agree to speak Japanese to my husband if he should wish it.
8. I shall not take control of my husbands income without full consent from him.
9. At least every second day I must make some reference to my husbands nob being very large even if it isnt.
10. I shall do my upmost to make it look like I enjoy and look forward to every sexual encounter even if I have to pretend.
11. I shall ensure that I will not sleep with or in the same room as the children after they have turned 1 year of age.
I consent that failure to adhere to the above will result in one of the following:
a. divorce
b. a severe beating or at the very least a mean back hand
c. my husband having an affair or having sex with prostitutes
d. my husband moving out of home
Signed_________________
Yukiko Matsushima
Post Edited (08-18-04 15:02)
I, Yukiko Matsushima, hereby solemnly swear to adhere to the following regulations in a marital relationship with Jack Gaijin so help me god.
1. As sex is very important to my husband, sex shall take precedence over all other family activities. Exceptions include near death illnesses of children, post birth trauma, personal illness of physical discomfort, menstrual cycle, within 3 hours following an earthquake exceeding a scale of 8, intense state of emotional trauma.
2. Extended periods of non-sexual activity shall not exceed 3 days.
3. Alternative methods of “getting my husband off” may be employed at any time to take the place of sexual activity. Where sex is not possible due to personal physical discomfort, or time constraints I will use such methods.
4. If for any reason I should find myself unwilling to have sex for a period of over 2 weeks, I shall communicate the reason to my husband.
5. No less than 40% of the time, I shall be the one to initiate sexual conduct with my husband.
6. I will work full-time preceding the birth of children and no less than 20 hours per week after the 1st birth day of the youngest child has been exceeded.
7. I agree to speak Japanese to my husband if he should wish it.
8. I shall not take control of my husbands income without full consent from him.
9. At least every second day I must make some reference to my husbands nob being very large even if it isnt.
10. I shall do my upmost to make it look like I enjoy and look forward to every sexual encounter even if I have to pretend.
11. I shall ensure that I will not sleep with or in the same room as the children after they have turned 1 year of age.
I consent that failure to adhere to the above will result in one of the following:
a. divorce
b. a severe beating or at the very least a mean back hand
c. my husband having an affair or having sex with prostitutes
d. my husband moving out of home
Signed_________________
Yukiko Matsushima
Post Edited (08-18-04 15:02)