how to poo

[Anonymous]

Just arrived and see the japanese toilet in shops & outside. how to use it? I want to know before I have to!

[jack]

first you must reach down into the "hole" to find the plug, and pull it out (sometimes it is quite far down, so you have to reach way in). Once you have pulled the plug, you sit down over the hole, with your legs stretched straight out in front of you. You do your business, flush the toilet, and reach into the hole to replace the plug (the plug is to keep the rats and snakes from crawling up through the pipes).

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

THANK YOU! I'll think of you while I poo!

[Anonymous]

funny post!

[Anonymous]

The best I can figure out is that you face towards the toilet, squat (trying your best to keep your balance, sometimes holding on to anything within your reach), do the dirty as quickly and efficiently as possible, and stand up ASAP in order to avoid noxious fumes. Haven't tried reaching down the hole as mentioned above, however have not been bitten by any infectious varmits as of yet.

[nami]

All you are great!

I LOVE your posts!!!

[Simon]

What did you do for medical insurance cover for your time in Japan?.
I would apprecite your advice. Thanks
Simon
Ireland

[Anonymous]

hellarious

[Anonymous]

VERY IMPORTANT!!!! BEFORE USING THE TOILET MAKE SURE IT HAS TOILET PAPER!!!

MANY DO NOT, SO I STRONGLY ADVISE YOU TO CHECK TO AVOID A 3 RD WORLD EXPERIENCE

[Anonymous]

Do Like me... look for a western toilet...
Geez! I don't poo in a hole...


Andre

[Anonymous]

The big challenge with Japanese toilets is that there is a degree of skill involved in using them. Aim is a factor that we rarely consider when using a western toilet, but it is key to the succesful @!#$ in Japan.

When I first used one, I didn't know this and ended up leaving half a log on the side of the toilet, which didn't go down the drain when I flushed. Normally in that situation I would have just walked away and pretended someone else did it, but I was the only male worker in the office, so they would've known it was me. So I found myself, less than a week into my stay in Japan, cleaning my own @!#$ off the side of a toilet with nothing to use but a huge ball of toilet paper. This experience, while disgusting and humiliating, also gave birth to a powerful motivation inside me to master the art of pooing in a hole in the floor.

Now, having been here for a couple of years, I consider myself to be somewhat of a master bombardier. I can drop a clean, well-rounded coil on a dime from a standing position if I have to. Err....not that I've ever had to. Its a mark of pride for me to be able to @!#$ in a hole in the ground, and I scoff at all the weak willed asses out there who insist on using western facilities just because you won't get ____ on your pantlegs when using them.

[Anonymous]

Hi there,
ok, I tell you how to poo in Japanese toilet. You must lower your ___ to the hole down there. Don't sit on. You better drop poo in there like bomb away. You've got whole picture! I've done it millions of times, but I still don't like it. Stinks. Hey, If you use Japanese toilet eveyday, you get hemorrhoids someday. I've got one. It really hurts. Watch out!

[Jay]

i just pretend i am riding a horse except i don't touch the porcelin with my butt. if you need to hold on to the pipes at the front of the 'toilet' be pre-warned that the condensation build up on the pipes will dampen your hands...something you don't need damp while squatting over a poop hole...even though the water is probably clean...it doesn't feel too clean. If you don't touch the pipes and prefer to balance your hands on the floor...first think of all the people that could have missed the bowl or tracked it around with their shoes. best advice if you have weak knees and you plan to spend more than 2 minutes over the hole...run like the wind to the nearest hotel or chain restaurant and jump on an American Style. If you are lucky it will come equipped with the seat that sprays your butt and plays beautiful music.

Just load up your pockets with tissues before hand or that fresh feeling you had when you woke up this fine Japanese morning will be long gone.

Ahhhh....Japan....home of the rising sun

[Anne]

Hey the rules say no poo mouth. Ha! I just read the first post and I:ve never had to pull a plug out of the toilet. It:s true what they say about toilet paper. Here in Okayama, companies hand out Kleenex packets on the street with advertising on them, so those are always handy to keep on you at all times. Do the doo!

[Anonymous]

No toilet seat?!?!?!??!


Even China has that!!!

[candy]

Wait,

What did you mean by 'reach down into the "hole" to find the plug, and pull it out'?? Reach down the hole that the **** is supposed to go down through?

[Anonymous]

Author: michael chang (---.cal.net)
Date: 07-22-02 19:39

No toilet seat?!?!?!??!


Even China has that!!!



ABC Michael Chang has clearly never been out of the USA. These toilets are very common all over China as well as in Taiwan, Thailand and Hong Kong.

[Anonymous]

Position yourself however your comfortable. Just make sure whatever comes out of your body doesn't end up on your body or clothes!

[Anonymous]

Having only spent a few months in Japan, I may not be an expert, but it's not all that bad.

I lived in a relatively small town (Okazaki - 25 minutes east of Nagoya), and they had western toilets everywhere. Though some places only had eastern style toilets.

It's true, there are lots of toilets without any paper supplied. Defenitely keep some on you when you travel. Hardly any place has anything to dry your hands with once you've washed them. Carrying a handkercheif will come in handy.

Many people in Okazaki carry backpacks wherever they go, even the businessmen. Maybe they are all carrying their own toilet paper?!

I've never carried my own TP, but I did try to have some kind of tissue with me at all times.

Western style seats are really high-tech in Japan. Many have electronic buttons, warmed seats, and different spraying jets of water. A few even had automatic seat covers. Once you flushed, a new seat cover would roll over the seat.

I love Japan! LOL

[Anonymous]

Whoever said to sit on the Japanese toilet -- EEWWW! The whole point of these toilets is sanitation -- you don't actually touch it so you probably won't pick up someone else's germs.
As far as the seat cover on some Western toiliets -- I saw one years ago in a French restaurant in Tampa, FLA. Maybe the owners had been to Japan ...
All this reminds me of the episode of THe Simpsons when they went to JApan; Homer played with the fancy toilet and then used it -- not knowing there was a camera in the bottom that gave the rest of the family a most horrific view ...
(Sorry so silly)

[Anonymous]

Tick Toc. Poop in the Pot...

[Anonymous]

The only way I have been able to use a J style toilet is to take my pants and underwear OFF!! That way I am sure to not get anything on my clothes.....its a bit time consuming but sometimes its is the only option.

[Kent Brockman]

This broadcaster gets totally naked bar the shoes. Heaven forbid i dump one all over the back of my freshly ironed shirt tail 5 minutes before going to air...

Colostomy bags can hold damn near 2 weeks worth if you`re insanely lazy... uhh... not that I have any first hand knowledge of such matters...

[Anonymous]

You are lucky to have such contraptions in your developed world.

[Anonymous]

Ok this is the proper way.
1. Straddle the toilet.
2. Undo your belt.
3. Lift up your shirt tail and grip it between your teeth.
4. Begin your descent.
5. Check continuosly that you are on target.
6. Check back of trousers are not interfering with drop zone.
7. Grip silver piping in front.
8. One last check of drop zone.
9. Evacuate
10. Swiftly look at drop site and try to gauge paper necessary.
11. Apply paper with smooth strokes, while praying you have enough.
13. Clean up finished.
14. Now execute a russian cossack's squat dance step kicking the flush lever with your right foot while standing up and grabbing your trousers to avoid splash.
15. Release shirt tail from between teeth.
16. Lean against wall (avoid boogers) and let BP settle.
17. Buckle up.
18. Jockey yourself into postition to allow yourself to open the door without steping in the porcelain.
19. Walk out.
20. Now wash your hands!

[Anonymous]

this is how you do it in japan, you leave the house you are in with the slum toilet and go to the neertest mcdonelds and start pretending to look at the menu board..... on your face you must show signs that you are thinking something like "Oh that hamberger it looks so tasty on the picture but maybe i will choose to have an appel pie or a fish" ......when the mcdoneld SCUM are not looking in your direction, you use all the stealth in your body and float into the staires. Once you are safly into the staires then you search the floors above for a toilet with more dignities. it is simple.

[geener]

The first time I started using the toilets in Japan was a disaster. I didn't pull my pants down past my knees forgetting that when you poop, pee comes with it. I ended up peeing straight into my pants. I sat in the bathroom for a good thirty minutes wiping myself and waiting till my pants dried. Really a bad experience. The second time wasn't as bad but I sat in the squating position too long and my legs fell asleep, I nearly toppled over into "the hole" while trying to get up. Yeah I guess I like my western toilets too, but learning to use the Japanese toilets is a must if your planning on staying here long.

[Anonymous]

ohohohoh man.
I was in Taiwan riding the train all night, doing some travelling after I finished with a short-term teaching contract. I got out of the train station and had to crap like hell. I looked for the hostels listed in Lonely Planet for about a half hour until I reallized that I had reached DEFCON Alpha Beta OMEGA!!! There was going to be a colassal meltdown in my pants. Colon breach in T minus 10. Through some chance of fate, I found some wierd sleazy arcade in an alley and made a dash for the closest bathroom. As you know, the stalls are about 3 ft x 3 ft including the squat toilet; and I had to stack my backpack, duffel bag, and camera up around me on the wet floor. Nice. As a previous post mentioned, the only safe way to blast feces firehose-style on a squat toilet is to remove your shorts and underwear and then hold them under your arm. Anyway, I unleashed the most heinous hot slushies all over the back of the little bowl and then collected myself. The hot chills subsided. As I attempted to get my shorts back on, I slipped around on the wetness of the tile floor, sending my camera bag into the horrendous, briney abyss of the squat toilet. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooo! I yanked it out and washed it off in the sink for a bit. After getting out of the rest room, I looked up and found that I had accidentally gone into the women's bathroom. Well, I thought that was actually a bit of good luck since it was likely no where near as filthy as the men's. I walked a few paces and looked to my left. The arcade had one of those claw grabby games where you try and send the pinchy metal fingers down to grab stuffed animals and deposit them into a hole where you can collect your prize. This particular grabby claw game had dildos for prizes. I nodded at some female attendant nearby and walked out into the street, having just brutally assaulted her bathroom with my anus.

Take care,
Balljangles

[mike12da]

wow....

[Anonymous]

Wow!!!!!!! i'm imprest!!!!!!
there is, as usual a whole lot of bowlsh*t on this site but this time..................you are conversing about actual sh#t!!!!!!!! man, you guys are bloody beyond everything!!!!!!!!
Suggestion for your next post:
- "Why nobody told me that I must remove my d*ck before to close the zipper"

[Anonymous]

LOL! I read this thread awhile ago, and remembered it when I stumbled upon this:

http://www.asahi-net.or.jp/~AD8Y-HYS/movie.htm

[reepo]

Murphy`s Law dictates that being a squat down toilet your load will be the smelliest,runniest and biggest that will require 6 rolls of crap paper that is very often not supplied in public boghouses so avoid them at all costs and go to a hotel.Try a different one each time cause eventually they will ask you not to come back.Flushing the moment you drop the first bundle is advisable to avoid the smell and flush as many times as needed after that.
P.S.Don`t keep your keitai in your shirt pocket as Murphy`s Law applies as long as you are in the cubicle and it WILL at some point fall from your pocket into the lidless crapola.

[Anonymous]

Very educational

http://daveahlman.com/toilet/toilet.htm

[Seven Helmets]

This is one of the most entertaining posts I've ever read! ha ha

Just adding my 2c to the fray..........make sure you don't take too long, because like "Geener", your legs start falling asleep, and it's a b*tch trying to move/stand up once this has happened!

[Anonymous]

Geez I haven't laughed this much in a long time, good sh*t guys!
Had to use one in Brunei for the first time, it took a bit of thinking to work it out but i got there eventually....unscathed!

[FLCL]

I had a wee in one once and that nearly killed me. Then I found out it was the only one in six cubicles like it, Gahhh.
Usually there are normal toilets nearby; I've never been forced to dump in one.
You are talking about those ones you get all over France too aren’t you?

The best thing I ever did was accidentally activating the bum wash on an electric toilet whilst standing finished and ready to leave. I was totally soaked and had nothing to dry myself off on so looked pretty cool emerging from the museum toilet to meet the wife.

[MB1]

This has got to be the stupidest topic ever posted on this site.
There is nothing difficult about asian style toilets, its just crybaby gaijin who want everything in Japan to be like it is in the west.

As though the "western" world was so great or better.

Here is your tip for today:
If you don`t like the conditions in Japan(including the toilets); DON`T COME!!!!

TIP #2
LEARN TO SIT SEIZA STYLE AS WELL. It is not difficult (here again it is just a case of whiney Americans, Brits, canadians,ect. who don`t want to adapt to something new.)

Actualy, the only thing more stupid than the fuss made over squat toilets are the bozos who seem to think the fancy electronic toilets are rocket science and, as a consequence, spray water all over themselves.

Are people honestly this ignorant or do they spray themselves because they think it is some sort of unwritten requirement for them to do so or to have a "funny" story to tell their gaijin friends and relatives?

[Bluedog]

"As though the "western" world was so great or better."

Geez, talk about taking a thread that was kind of funny and dumping one on it. It's not about crybaby gaijin. What do japanese people do when they go overseas and experience something new? They spend ages talking about it... "sugokatta de, mizu ga bwaaaaatto detekita. Bikurishta!"

This is the other side of the coin and is then, actually, quite japanese in essence.

But I'm glad to see that you're the king of the sh*tter and unfazeable.

[kurogane]

MB1 (Massive Blockhead???????),

First of all, what my fellow Pocky-ite BD says. Read it. The Poo is You. But also, Thanks for showing us how not to take a poo in japan. Showering unnecessary crap on people who are having a highminded and thouroughly enjoyable, amusing and informative discussion of matters scatological is Very Japanese, as someone so obviously Deeply Informed about Their Unique Culture must surely know. They talk about their crap and their bowel movements all the time. OOPS, sorry, I forgot. You would have to actually speak Japanese to realise that.

You are a vicious, self-hating, miserable little ____. If only we could figure out how to flush you. OH, and just to prove that I can be even more pedantic than The Pedant; re: the advice you gave about not coming to Japan if you don't like the toilets:

How would anyone know what the toilets are like BEFORE they come here you logic challenged dimwit?



Post Edited (07-14-04 19:11)

[MB1]

Kurogane:
Calm down dude,
I`m sorry that I made you mad but were I`m at there sems to be alot of gaijin who just complain about everything. Every once in a while I just get fed up with it .

About the language: My Japanese is not the best in the world but it`s passable and I have never heard any Japanese discussing toilet related issues. Maybe I haven`t met those people yet

About the electronic toilets out there: seriously, I still cann`t believe that so many people accidently hose themselves down.

[FLCL]

MB1 - Stop all that high and mighty crap, the only one complaining was you, everyone else has just been pointing out an unfamiliar environment for an every day occurrence.

As for spraying yourself with a toilet, everyone who has been to Japan has had to go for the first time once. Maybe people are intrigued by the buttons they don't understand; maybe they pressed them, that’s just what people are like. If you've never been to Japan and never even seen a bidet, I'm sure the last thing you would be expecting was an electronic stick to come out the back and spray a high powered jet of water.

Oh but I expect you did, and I suppose you just got on with everything without a problem the first day you got to Japan noticing no difference at all in your day to day life, expertly fitting in unlike those pathetic gaijin morons bumbling about like they are on some slapstick comedy vacation.

[kurogane]

MB1,
Peace unto you my (hopefully) mellowed out brother. I was just having a good flame myself there.
I do agree with you on the electronic toilet spray thing, though. At least most should know to get out of the way ;) Mind you, that's probably how I flooded half the first floor of a 600 year old temple, oh so many years ago OOOPPPPSSSSSSSSSS ;)

[stevehelium]

Thanks everyone, I am not SERIOUSLY laughing my POO off...

GREAT posts.

^_^
Stephen

[gentleman quality]

i had chronic geri once after coming back from SE Asia.. let me tell you what.. that squat toilet didnt help matters! hard on the knees.
and by the way, i'd rather have a japanese squat toilet than the chinese equivalent ANYday..

ever seen a Chinese **** trough? i dont know how Chinese dudes manage to squat, smoke a cigarette, read a newspaper, AND stare at the foreigner all at the same time. it must be some special kung-fu technique.

[kurogane]

It's called Imperialistic Xenophobic Superiority Delusional Syndrome. And just wait to see what happens when they actually become a civilised country.

[kuro_kitty]

Just arrived and see the japanese toilet in shops & outside. how to use it? I want to know before I have to!

Fu@k it, just hang on until you see a Maccas or Starbucks!