kurogane
2004-12-01, 07:53 PM
READERS!! I apologise for interrupting this important thread already in progress, but I bring shocking and exciting news from the World of Science. In an important new scientific discovery, it has been decisively established that the last remnant of a species once thought extinct has surfaced thousands of miles from its ancestral homelands, somewhere in cyber-space in or around Japan.
For a poor quality image of this creature, go to http://www.gaijinpot.com/bb/showthread.php?t=8528
and look for a bottle shaped brown creature. The creature first appears somewhere around the middle of the page.
The species in question is the Great Brown Bottle-headed Baboon, which was thought to have become extinct in 1869. Scientists at the time attributed the species' extinction to its total lack of anything remotely resembling complex intelligence, which prevented its adaptation to rapidly changing ecological parameters. The Great Brown Bottle-headed Baboon is rather famous in ethology circles as the prime example among higher simians of an evolutionary dead end. Stupid, inarticulate, ugly as a slaughtered cow’s bleeding rump, the species was unable to adjust to the new conditions or situations in which it found itself, and, while not out foraging for grubs, tended to spend all of its free time in tightly clustered social groups. The leader of the troup would endlessly recite the same primitive series of sounds, and all members would bury their heads in the sand, mindlessly reproducing the leader’s incantations, with occasional shouts and screams of punctuation. It was thought that the seemingly endless repetition of mindless noise brought comfort to the simple minds of these biologically condemned creatures.
At the time, such ritualistic behaviour was thought to be limited to a peculiar strain of human religious fanatics, their arcane belief system started many moons ago by a clever carpenter, in which acolytes blindly followed the archaic and anachronistic fundamentalist teachings of charismatic leaders, whose exceptional ability to memorise verbatim entire passages of holy text was matched only by their inability to productively adapt those teachings to the actual world around them. They are particularly common in Nacirema, in regions such as Hatu, and Htuos.
At first, ethologists surmised that the Great Brown Bottle-headed Baboon might, in fact, be a direct ancestor of the members of such human sects, a sort of Missing Link between proper humans and their more cretinous fundamentalist relations. Scientists soon realized that this theory was too far fetched, and nowadays, at ethology school, the case is used as a prime example of ethical abuse (after all, what self-respecting baboon would wish to be characterized as a fundamentalist human).
Now, cut to the year 2004. On an obscure website with an improbable name in A Strange Country known for the consumption of Raw Fish wrapped in Seaweed and other such barbaric practices, what at first seemed to be a rather unattractive variety of Homo Americanus (subspiecies: hedinanus) appeared, and began reproducing the ancient sounds of the Great Brown Bottle-headed Baboon, as recorded in one of the first sound recordings ever made of a non-human activity. Careful investigation has revealed that the sound patterns are in fact identical, and that this strange and repulsive creature, is, in fact, the last surviving member of his species.
And they thought the Ceolocanth was such a big find. humph
For a poor quality image of this creature, go to http://www.gaijinpot.com/bb/showthread.php?t=8528
and look for a bottle shaped brown creature. The creature first appears somewhere around the middle of the page.
The species in question is the Great Brown Bottle-headed Baboon, which was thought to have become extinct in 1869. Scientists at the time attributed the species' extinction to its total lack of anything remotely resembling complex intelligence, which prevented its adaptation to rapidly changing ecological parameters. The Great Brown Bottle-headed Baboon is rather famous in ethology circles as the prime example among higher simians of an evolutionary dead end. Stupid, inarticulate, ugly as a slaughtered cow’s bleeding rump, the species was unable to adjust to the new conditions or situations in which it found itself, and, while not out foraging for grubs, tended to spend all of its free time in tightly clustered social groups. The leader of the troup would endlessly recite the same primitive series of sounds, and all members would bury their heads in the sand, mindlessly reproducing the leader’s incantations, with occasional shouts and screams of punctuation. It was thought that the seemingly endless repetition of mindless noise brought comfort to the simple minds of these biologically condemned creatures.
At the time, such ritualistic behaviour was thought to be limited to a peculiar strain of human religious fanatics, their arcane belief system started many moons ago by a clever carpenter, in which acolytes blindly followed the archaic and anachronistic fundamentalist teachings of charismatic leaders, whose exceptional ability to memorise verbatim entire passages of holy text was matched only by their inability to productively adapt those teachings to the actual world around them. They are particularly common in Nacirema, in regions such as Hatu, and Htuos.
At first, ethologists surmised that the Great Brown Bottle-headed Baboon might, in fact, be a direct ancestor of the members of such human sects, a sort of Missing Link between proper humans and their more cretinous fundamentalist relations. Scientists soon realized that this theory was too far fetched, and nowadays, at ethology school, the case is used as a prime example of ethical abuse (after all, what self-respecting baboon would wish to be characterized as a fundamentalist human).
Now, cut to the year 2004. On an obscure website with an improbable name in A Strange Country known for the consumption of Raw Fish wrapped in Seaweed and other such barbaric practices, what at first seemed to be a rather unattractive variety of Homo Americanus (subspiecies: hedinanus) appeared, and began reproducing the ancient sounds of the Great Brown Bottle-headed Baboon, as recorded in one of the first sound recordings ever made of a non-human activity. Careful investigation has revealed that the sound patterns are in fact identical, and that this strange and repulsive creature, is, in fact, the last surviving member of his species.
And they thought the Ceolocanth was such a big find. humph