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Ancient species discovered in Japan.......

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  • Ancient species discovered in Japan.......

    READERS!! I apologise for interrupting this important thread already in progress, but I bring shocking and exciting news from the World of Science. In an important new scientific discovery, it has been decisively established that the last remnant of a species once thought extinct has surfaced thousands of miles from its ancestral homelands, somewhere in cyber-space in or around Japan.
    For a poor quality image of this creature, go to
    and look for a bottle shaped brown creature. The creature first appears somewhere around the middle of the page.

    The species in question is the Great Brown Bottle-headed Baboon, which was thought to have become extinct in 1869. Scientists at the time attributed the species' extinction to its total lack of anything remotely resembling complex intelligence, which prevented its adaptation to rapidly changing ecological parameters. The Great Brown Bottle-headed Baboon is rather famous in ethology circles as the prime example among higher simians of an evolutionary dead end. Stupid, inarticulate, ugly as a slaughtered cowfs bleeding rump, the species was unable to adjust to the new conditions or situations in which it found itself, and, while not out foraging for grubs, tended to spend all of its free time in tightly clustered social groups. The leader of the troup would endlessly recite the same primitive series of sounds, and all members would bury their heads in the sand, mindlessly reproducing the leaderfs incantations, with occasional shouts and screams of punctuation. It was thought that the seemingly endless repetition of mindless noise brought comfort to the simple minds of these biologically condemned creatures.

    At the time, such ritualistic behaviour was thought to be limited to a peculiar strain of human religious fanatics, their arcane belief system started many moons ago by a clever carpenter, in which acolytes blindly followed the archaic and anachronistic fundamentalist teachings of charismatic leaders, whose exceptional ability to memorise verbatim entire passages of holy text was matched only by their inability to productively adapt those teachings to the actual world around them. They are particularly common in Nacirema, in regions such as Hatu, and Htuos.

    At first, ethologists surmised that the Great Brown Bottle-headed Baboon might, in fact, be a direct ancestor of the members of such human sects, a sort of Missing Link between proper humans and their more cretinous fundamentalist relations. Scientists soon realized that this theory was too far fetched, and nowadays, at ethology school, the case is used as a prime example of ethical abuse (after all, what self-respecting baboon would wish to be characterized as a fundamentalist human).

    Now, cut to the year 2004. On an obscure website with an improbable name in A Strange Country known for the consumption of Raw Fish wrapped in Seaweed and other such barbaric practices, what at first seemed to be a rather unattractive variety of Homo Americanus (subspiecies: hedinanus) appeared, and began reproducing the ancient sounds of the Great Brown Bottle-headed Baboon, as recorded in one of the first sound recordings ever made of a non-human activity. Careful investigation has revealed that the sound patterns are in fact identical, and that this strange and repulsive creature, is, in fact, the last surviving member of his species.

    And they thought the Ceolocanth was such a big find. humph
    Last edited by kurogane; 2004-12-01, 07:57 PM.

  • #2

    oooh (omg i cant stop laughing) you discovered this phenomena and yet you dont want to put your name on it.... awwwww kurogane so modest, me likes all your posts
    (any advice for high velocity coffee stains on monitor?)


    • #3
      If we were any closer................

      you'd be behind me. (The Other Marx)
      I am glad to find a fellow Science Lover.
      As for the coffee, I accept the blame, and the honours, and suggest a big greasy goober. Wonderful cleaning fluid that. You'd think Amway would have bottled it for sale by now.


      • #4

        Goober Spit and Polish, clean things the natural way. Completely bio-degradable. Millions of Moms cant be wrong. Goober Spit and Polish, cleaning the cheeks of children for centuries, now put it to work in your household.
        Can also double up as hair gel or personal lubricant.

        Prolly make a fortune but i wonder if it has to be human...... i keep getting pavlovian visions of thousands of labradors lined up on a conveyor belt with pizza smells wafting thru the production area..... little muzzles with taps like the ones on maple trees set to collect the GooberJuice

        is there a patent?


        • #5
          yeah and you know what else was recently discovered in Japan? WMD - they have been using them on the school sports fields to keep that pesky weed down - I think they call it `grass` back home -


          • #6

            its a sin to keep pesky weed down......


            • #7
              On the other hand

              Originally posted by eku
              its a sin to keep pesky weed down......
              Unfortunately, here its a crime to put it down. Sadness.


              • #8

                the grass IS greener on the other side of the pond


                • #9
                  Oh Yeah!

                  Me want smoky smoky
                  But No.
                  Smoky Smoky Not


                  • #10
                    i heard

                    that there is this lost village in nagano called@@
                    where they grow smokey smokey for da emperors new clothes..... and for the ropes around the sumo mound... and for da ropes hanging at temple gates.... hmmmm mebbe its possible just to roll and smoke an ozeki when he is in ceremonial garb... but methinks he would be too high in cholestrol.... for a country where smoking nicotine is allowed in so many places.... its such a shame that they dont do much more than wear their smokey smokey....... waaaaaaaaaaa
                    no wonder pink floyd never caught on here


                    • #11
                      Kurogane just say NO!

                      BUT, want to smokey smokey.
                      But Not!
                      Because No!

                      Seriously though, the abundance of hemp here really does get to me. Of course, it ain't all flowery and buddy like we know it.
                      My ex always tells me how the stuff grows on the riversides in her home town, and, traditionally, of course, it was a vital resource. After the war, apparently, it was a major source of pain relief for the wounded and disillusioned. Now, the Self Defence boys come around every spring and cut it down. They used to just spray it with some noxious weed killer, but fortunately for the kids and the fishies and the bidries, they stopped that. She's always teasing me that if only they would let it flower she could send me some. But Not. Because NO!


                      • #12
                        this bud's for me

                        where have all the flowers gone?
                        picked by the jeitai everyone....
                        when will they ever learn, when will they ever learn?
                        but seriously if they pop up each year..... think about it..... some kind of pollenization is occurring.... and to do that........ one needs some kind of bud
                        which means
                        OMG i gonna join the self defence force......