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  • ladies first?

    In Japanese dating culture, is it normal to follow the "rules" like: ladies first, guy pays, getting the door, ect....or is that something generally not done here. Any insights on this?

  • #2
    Re: ladies first?

    I have found that you will have more success doing this. And, my Japanese wife's many office lady co-workers agree. They all admit they are looking for a "gentleman" who performs these chivalrous acts.

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    • #3
      Re: ladies first?

      Gentlemen are no doubt sought after, but if it isn't you, don't overdo it. If the relationship develops there is danger that it is not truly you they interested in but the image you have created. Then it will be a rude awaking a few years down the road when the gentleman is gone... common complaint among wives universally.

      I guess what I am getting at is: be yourself, and don't put too much thought into how to behave on a date. Just enjoy yourself and see yourselves as two people on a date and not a foreign guy dating a Japanese woman.

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      • #4
        Re: ladies first?

        Hey, thanks for the post, but ACTUALLY Im a Foriegn Woman, and Im wondering about the opposite of what you posted about....Gaijin girls dating Japanese men.
        Sorry, I guess I should have made that more clear. I guess the reason Im asking is because Im wondering what to expect.
        すみません!
        ありがとう

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        • #5
          Re: ladies first?

          Hi......I found that Japanese men show acts of chivalry but in different ways.......like never holding the umbrella on a rainy day or having to carry heavy bags. Also, many Japanese men will leave the table at a restaurant first which may be seen as rather rude from a western perspective but it is because the man wishes to pay without having his significant other worry about the amount/check.
          My Japanese husband demonstrates chivalry by making sure I am comfortable ie. warm/cool, not tired, etc. He is always asking me whether I am okay or not, very caretaking which is wonderful.....K.

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          • #6
            Re: ladies first?

            OOPs......>like never making the girl carry the umbrella or heavy bag> K.

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            • #7
              Re: ladies first?

              Just something that my Japanese fiance told me about her brother-in-law...

              Her sister lives with her husband's family (all Japanese). When my fiance visisted one day she sat at the table with her sister's husband and the father. Her sister and the mother prepared the meal and the drinks and made sure everything was good. They all ate. Then the sister and the mother cleared the table and cleaned up. Meanwhile the husband and father remained seated (the whole time). After dinner the husband went up to the bedroom to watch the soccer. Not a word to or from her sister or the mother. Just grunts and groans from between the men.

              Housewives? No. Both of the women also worked that day.

              Now this couple have been married less than 6 months!

              True story. Just thought I'd put it out there.

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              • #8
                Re: ladies first?

                Hi, I am married to a Japanese man who works 15 hour days so we can live a comfortable lifestyle in Tokyo and take two vacations a year.....I do all the household responsibilities but I only work 3 hours a day(although my hubby doesn't mind me not working)..I just thought that I would put that out there as well........Bee

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                • #9
                  Re: ladies first?

                  Dear *learning japan*,

                  How old are you? That might influence the chivalry of the men you plan to date. Rather, the age of the men, as well. Generally, I think you shouldn't expect anything from men. That is, don't expect doors to be opened for you, chairs to be pulled out, etc. If it happens, take it for all you can get. But, I wouldn't bet on it happening unless the man has had some experience overseas.

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                  • #10
                    Re: ladies first?

                    Well, Im 19. Actually, I went on a date with a guy who paid for me, opened doors, ect. He was 27. Is it normal? I dont know..... When you say "dont expect anything of men" do you mean Japanese men....or all men...............

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                    • #11
                      Re: ladies first?

                      you people are from osaka or kobe

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                      • #12
                        Re: ladies first?

                        Osaka or Kobe? Why do you say that, what do you mean?

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                        • #13
                          Re: ladies first?

                          I think chivalry is all very well, but some women need to get real. Men like being pampered too. Wanting chivalry from the man plus equality too often seems like 'want to have my cake and eat it too, plus get the guy to pay for it and hold the umbrella on the way home and listen to me complain about the rain'.

                          Equality is a two way street; some women tend to conveniently forget that when it comes time to be pampered vs do the pampering.

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