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  • girlfriends 4 G-gals

    This is directed at any non-japanese women who basically expats or have been here for a while.
    How do your long term friendships with Japanese go?
    (I am straight and happily married)I have been in Japan for about 5 years. Two experiences I had with 'friends' here left me a bit confused.
    The first experience was with a Japanese friend. We had known each other for 4 years when one day we were talking and I told her something very personal. She was supportive and I left it at that comfortable that I had found a true friend despite cultural differences. A week or so later she told me that she had revealed what I had shared with her with some friends of hers and her husband and they wanted to get together and have a night out to cheer me up. We went out about a month later, the waiter also seemed to be aware of my problem and gave me a little pep talk. I had already got over the problem weeks before but she seemed surprised that I was cheerful and up beat instead of still in need of cheering up. I tell myself that she meant well and she really is a great person but we rarely see each other now. I was once told that Japanese women don't share confidences and when foriegners do share confidences with Japanese the Japanese friend feels pressure to fix it. I guess this is what happened.
    Another situation is with a Japanese host family. In my late 20's I stayed with a wonderful Japanese family. The dad is a doctor and mum is a stay at home mum, with grown up parasite single girls who are given presents like paid overseas holidays to help them 'internationalize'. (yes I sound jelous because we always have paid our own way in my family)
    My husband sometimes says to me why don't keep up with them? You should put more effort in' Well I would like to but just feel confused about the relationship. After the homestay I kept in contact with the host-mother, by letter. She would point out my spelling mistakes whenever we met(in front of my husband and the parasite singles) and make a big joke out of it. Japanese people are not the only ones who lose face.Even though host mum is learning english as a hobby always writes to me in Japanese. The dad refers to me as a gaijin even though he is a doctor, one parasite single daughter flounces around in miniskirts and sexy boots giving my (japanese)husband a h**d on yes I am insecure. They are always trying to help us by telling us about apartments for rent because we mentioned we wanted to move and introducing me to a dentist(a relative) who couldn't speak Japanese and wanted to fill my mouth with fillings without any explanation.Also last time I called them up to say hello, they invited us to lunch then suddenly without warning whisked us off on a shopping spree at their favourite department store for clothes made in China( I shop at Eddie Bower, Benneton and Gap) which is really really nice. At this stage in our 'friendship', I just want to enjoy their company, I have worked Japan out for myself. When we visit them they only ever direct conversation to my husband . I would like to keep up both these relationships but I feel more comfortable with my ie )non-japanese friends and my wonderful japanese husband. Am I wrong?... Kell

  • #2
    Re: girlfriends 4 G-gals

    I know a forum that might interest you more. I do not want to put it on the board publicly, but you can e-mail me. ceo@ethecompanyname.com


    BTW, my husband is Japanese too!


    "Digital Girl"!

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