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whats wrong with coming in at 4am?

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  • whats wrong with coming in at 4am?

    I'm away from my fiance as I've come back to England for a while..

    She has no problem with me being in the UK and doesn't think I'm off galavanting with other womern etc (which I'm not I might add). Things are fine with us spending time away from each other.. all well and good you might think..


    The other day I stayed out with friends until 4am.. Nothing major, just having a laugh and chilling out etc

    I told her on the phone and that was it..

    "delayed wedding", "have to think about things"

    Now.. No-ones waiting for me back at my place in the UK, nothing happened and no-one suffered any damage, pain or injury etc

    Her line was thats I should still behave responsibly because it would set a bad example for any children in the future and I shouldn't do that kind of stuff.. So I have to be a good boy and go home, be in bed by the typical 11pm because she doesn't like me out late. I can understand the " I was worried" but not the "thats it! I'm not sure about this, I think we should wait and see" bit that followed

    When this was explained I naturally said b*****ks

    These children don't exist and we're not married yet but it seems that I still have to follow some mythical code of husbandhood, fatherhood or whatever.

    Storm in a teacup perhaps but am I missing something?

  • #2
    Re: whats wrong with coming in at 4am?

    Yeah, you are missing something: You should have dumped her a long time ago.


    • #3
      Re: whats wrong with coming in at 4am?

      That's interesting, my Japanese girlfriend doesn't like it when I stay out late either, and when we go places to visit friends or whatever, she likes to leave around 11:30pm but for me I feel the night is still young! Sometimes we even fight a bit over it coz I'm used to staying out much later than 11:30pm! Maybe it's a Nihonjin thing... Not sure...


      • #4
        Re: whats wrong with coming in at 4am?

        I've had similar expriences when I was in Japan. When I was coming back from work (not partying or anything close to it) later than about 10 p.m., my gf and her mother were extremely pissed off. I think that simply did not trust me, and believed me to be going with other women etc. blah blah blah. Really hated it. No need to say that I am not with her anymore.


        • #5
          Re: whats wrong with coming in at 4am?

          Would just like to add that your fiancee's behaviour seems very odd to me, really indicating a lack of trust. And that certainly isn't good if you're going to get married!...

          Then again, I don't know her, and I am sure that you know what you're doing.

          Then, probably because of the distance, and the idea that she cannot check on you at anytime?


          • #6
            Re: whats wrong with coming in at 4am?

            well he is engaged, so, assuming some intimate long-term relations with her... maybe some misunderstand about expctations?
            some prior historY?

            but me,
            I'M WITH YOU ON THIS J. T. dump her while you can.
            later on, she'll take half of what's yours, and half of your half!
            (lawyer gets part of it)


            • #7
              Re: whats wrong with coming in at 4am?

              Please, do yourself (and us) favor and dump her. Whats keeping you with her? Her good looks? The fact that she is Japanese?

              Seriously man, imagine being married to her......this little 4am matter will seem like peanuts compared to the fits she throws about children, money etc. etc. Please......spare yourself and find a relationship based on trust than one based on the "coolness" of being international.

              While this is a long story(the following is a very brief summary) friend was in the same position as you, and he chose to marry her. He is 22, she is 36. She was _____y when they met, but for some odd reason he stuck with it because occasionally (rarely) she would tell him how much she loved him. She convinced him to drop out of school, cause she wanted to spend more time with him. The odd this is, they argue the majority of the time they are together. He dropped out of fast forward to today. She is 8 months pregnant and she pretty much had a breakdown because the baby is a boy, not a girl. Apparantly she was in denial after finding out that the baby was a boy. As for him, he is pretty much depressed, and working at a convenience store. To top it off, last week she told him she will leave him if he doesn't make more money........please, don't take the same route as him!!


              • #8
                Re: whats wrong with coming in at 4am?

                Tired listen to the voice of experience (every1 on this thread) and don't make a big mistake you will regret for a long long time. Your J-girl gf doesn't trust you being out. I have had the same thing thrown at me due to extreme paranoia on their part. Nothing you can say will change 20+ years of conditioning.

                As for Jackie's friend's situation that is hardly surprising. A lot of J-females marry based on the numbers. I don't know what part if any love plays beyond the guy being a sperm bank and a money bank...


                • #9
                  Re: whats wrong with coming in at 4am?

                  PS: Jackie at least in Japan your friend should be safe financially since the woman on divorce usually gets jack **** (though she keeps the kid). Might be the best thing for him if she gets out of his life and he can get together with someone his age not his mum's age...


                  • #10
                    Re: whats wrong with coming in at 4am?

                    Two things, they are in the states now and she will have the baby in America, then go back to Japan. Finally, I wish they would give the baby up for adoption. Its the best option.......unfortunately, there isn't a chance in hell of it happening as they see it (having a baby) as a way to help the relationship.

                    Although he shares plenty of the "blame" (p*ssy whipped) for this whole mess, its almost scary how mythodical she was in luring him into dating, going out, and eventually marriage. The funny thing is.......she initially thought he was loaded, as he had a full scholarship to school that gave a hefty monthly stipend and worked on the side while studying in Japan, so his expendable income was quite high. Only when she came to America did she realize that he was a regular old "poor college student" she shocked for a while.....until her biological clock kicked in and he became the sperm donor. Oh....its just crazy......the weak man & the succubus

                    Oh, finally (part 2).......While living in Tokyo, one of my rules was to never date anyone I met in Roppongi. Of the people I know that have odd (or failing) relationships with Japanese women, they met in Roppongi......Gaspanic, Bar Isn't It? etc..........The people I know that are in succesful relationships met through friends, at events etc. In my opinion.....its a good rule to have.


                    • #11
                      Re: whats wrong with coming in at 4am?

                      Most J women I have met are extremely unstable. (can't keep a job, extremely dependant on family or friends, can't make even a simple decison) They are looking for someone only to take care of them financially. In the beginning they put out all the time and then after the wedding they don't anymore. They know that men think below their waist and that is the best way to get them. They have no idea about a true relationship. They are only taught how to be cute and genki. They don't play with barbie dolls they play with real babies they make with the "sperm donor". Once the children come they become number one and they spoil and pamper them all the time. Hence, the man "sperm donor" finally realizes how lonely he truly he is and seeks other companionship.

                      The man in the long run has very few choices left; stay and be used like a human wallet, leave penniless (as she controls all the money), or cheat with anything he can get his hands on.


                      • #12
                        Re: whats wrong with coming in at 4am?

                        Well any guy that gives his woman control over his money is a fool. Separate bank accounts are are hidden assets.


                        • #13
                          Re: whats wrong with coming in at 4am?


                          The general consensus is to leave her... hard call over something that seems so trivial? But I hear what you guys are saying..

                          My mum was so looking forward to the wedding as well ;-)

                          I think you're right in that it boils down to trust .. but then she has no cause not to? I could maybe understand it if she was your typical J-girl but shes not.. Living at home forever, not working, etc She's lived in Aus, UK, has a career etc so it's not as if she's wet behind the ears...

                          I think I'll let it stew for a while... "you call me when you're ready" type thing..

                          What do you reckon, dumping her just seems like an equal over reaction...


                          • #14
                            Re: whats wrong with coming in at 4am?

                            What does "b*****ks" mean?

                            sorry.. but I just didn't read that one.

                            too long for "breaks"

                            too short for "boondocks" or "broomsticks"

                            "buttocks" fits, but doesn't make any sense - as is the case with "bythorks"

                            Oh, and seperate bank accounts won't help you much if there's a divorce. Unless she doesn't know about it and doesn't find out. Having the money in someone ELSE's name works. Like get a guy buddy and make an account for each other! Wives of either guy cannot touch it (legally, anyway.)

                            Then again, you'd have to be making enough money to warrant hiding it, eh??


                            • #15
                              Re: whats wrong with coming in at 4am?

                              ('haven't seen any responses from the females - foreign and/or Japanese..)


                              Any opinions/suggestions to our friend "tired"? I'm quite sure he and the rest of us who have seen this thread would like to hear from your side.. but please, keep it SHORT and SIMPLE..