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  • any advice will be welcome

    i gonna try to be short... also forgive me if my english will be a bit boring coz i'm french speacker and i learned by myself...
    about 4 years ago (i'm 30 now, she's 25) i start a pen-pal with a Jgirl, i live in geneva, and she's in osaka.
    but when we start to email each other she was in london.
    last year she invite me to visit japan, that what i did, should i specify we didnt really planned to be a couple once? so more or less five days before i left (i spend about three weeks) we finally share the same bed... cried a lot at the airport and then continue to exchanging letters of email. end of story? not yet...
    after that i keep thinking about be with her, whatever where, japan or switzerland, both was ok for me. but she keep silent about this point and once just answer "i dont think so darling" so u could imagine how much i felt dissapointed about my misenderstood... but i keep it cool and decided to stay in same kind of relation as before i came to japan and not losing a friend. i get a girlfriend, she get a boyfriend, end of story? not yet...

    just 4 month later i broke up with my swiss girlfriend, and the same day, sachi resent me an email, like "could be fun to live together..." i bring it like a good hazard sign and felt more than glad to read it. I came back this winter in japan and we spent a month together, we went in naeba snowboarding, in osaka, kobe etc...
    when i saw her again the first time i was surprised about she put some wheight, was a bit difficult to accept for me, (i love yasete girls) but our sex didn't changed as well, so everything was fine... she almost finish her univesity and after this holidays i went back to switzerland where i work currently as graphic designer.
    then she finish her university, get the diploma and went a month in geneva.
    she had fun, even if she dont speak any word of french (who was her major at university...) but she's more fluent in english than me and in geneva some foreigner stay more than three or ten years without use any word of french (obviouse but true) also at this point of the story i've think it would'nt be any kind of problem about stay in switzerland. i've working hard, she join a japanese company who care about stock-option, and she worked like a crazy for some monkey monney...

    so i just arrived here one month ago and everything is every days changeable... sometime i feel really depressed, she's working a lot as quite unbelievable and my level of japanese seems growing very slowly (should i learn some english instate?)
    but whatever i try to hang on... i try to learn some japanese every days (i started in switzerland 6 month ago) and in same time i've learned about how much is difficult to get a friend here... i think it's gonna be quite impossible for me to get any job here with or without a visa (actualy i got a tourist visa) also the kenkon party is not for tomorrow. but she seems affraid about switzerland with or without wedding, she think more or less the same as me for geneva, no job, no friends, no hope. and she want to be independant and never have to claim about my monney to get anything... so... end of story???? i hope not... that's why any advice from skilled gaijin will be highly appreciated... okini by advance and sorry for this too long text.

    yashka.

    have a look at my page www.yashka.ch there is some picture of us

  • #2
    Re: any advice will be welcome

    A few points:

    1) Don't be hasty to marry or to settle in a foreign country. These are pretty important decisions not to be done on the basis of one not so stable relationship
    2) How old r u - how much work experience do you have?
    3) Job market in most places is bad, worse if you have no residence visa and no history of staying here, no local language skills
    4) Have u left ur job in Switzerland? If not, don't
    5) You can find many more Japanese girls here but dont go marrying them just because you had sex with them and got along with them. It sounds like after 'dating' for 5 days you were in love - too soon i say.

    Basically step back and think about what you are doing and what you really want before you move here OR marry someone.

    Just my opinion, since you asked...

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: any advice will be welcome

      i`m 30 old, work since almost 10 years in the grafic design field, earned some cash.
      i got a good job in switzerland(as i not leave at this moment), have plenty friends and expected sachyo will enjoy to coming to leave here... but she`s probably much more scared about moving there than me to stay in japan... i (we?) planned to go back in mid of september. (end of visa and date of ticket)

      about japanese, i'v started to learn it about aproximately 7month ago... actualy i`m in the ____ing hard tform chapter and everything seems to getting really complex in a exponent patern... but basicaly i like it very much.

      about my english skill as u probably already noticed i learned by myself... in poland!!!
      so i'm able to read anything coz french is quite similar... sometime.

      i hope all of this would`nt ended in a big disaster... but as we say in french "c'est la vie..." i guess now the relationship is chageable due of all this stress and unfortunately we have no real opportunity to get a rest together to think seriously about our futur. hope to not bore u with my story, thank to reply by advance.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: any advice will be welcome

        My advice in the current economy is keep the job you have, continue the Japanese study and move here permanently once you have a job offer. If your skill set is good you should be able (once the market picks up) to get a job here by visiting for interviews etc. The fact that you learned Japanese will show employers that you are serious about Japan. Alternatively you could enrol in a school here and learn, then look for a job here. Things could take a while to get better though economically.

        Oh and once again I would not even think about marrying until you are sure you love this person so much that you (and she) can overcome linguistic, cultural, racial, and mindset (kangaekata) differences as well as the usual problems and arguments that all couples have. This is not easy but it requires a huge amount of commitment from you.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: any advice will be welcome

          Tu as raison, c est la vie. Si l histoire se termine bien, vends le scenario ou ecris un roman.
          Bonne Chance!

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          • #6
            Re: any advice will be welcome

            ca risque quand meme d'avoir un cote "deja vu"...

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            • #7
              Re: any advice will be welcome

              In general, I think Japan is not a good gamble.
              Nor are Japanese girls/ladies.

              That said Japan has benefited me somewhat but I would have rather studied Arabic or Russian now that I know the Japanese.
              Maybe even Chinese.

              I read your story Yashka. Checked your site.
              It was fun reading (or interpreting). I would advise against that girl.. Osakan girls are even worse than Tokyo girls. Immature and lack independence.
              I mean if she majored in French,,, and cant speak a lick??? what does that tell you?
              It tells me she just used you to try to learn French... until she flip-flopped and gave up.
              Secondly, If you do venture to Osaka you will have plenty of work. Print and Graphic Design is huge here. It may take some time but you will find something. Those pacmen are kinda cheesy though for web design but hahaha I laughed -- cause for a second I thought you might be retarded. However, as I clicked painfully on I saw some cool abstract design.

              The lifestyle in Osaka is not that nice either.
              - but it can be OK

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: any advice will be welcome

                たぶん。。。maibe should i improve more and then will find any solution. anyway i stay here until september and have plenty left time to set my mind... unfortunately the relationship is very changeable, sometime it seems to be ok, sometime i think i've stepping somewhere in the hell... she's really kind and cute and everything but the problem is probably from my side. i think often about break-up and traveling alone in japan like a ghost until september... or better... to be a caveman somewhere in the mountain and forget my mistake to coming here. arg!!! 頭がいたい!!!

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: any advice will be welcome

                  Watch out - you are naive and prob dont understand J-women (or women generally?) No offence.

                  Spend your time here boning and getting to understand J-women. Then go back and bone a bunch of Swiss women. Then think about marriage (at which point it may seem less exciting than non-stop boning...)

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: any advice will be welcome

                    exactly, Phil, thats the point... i'm naive, miss probabely a common sense of psychology and will never getting married once. boning is fun, but unfortunately after plenty years that rather boring... in fact, are u married?

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: any advice will be welcome

                      with time things seems getting in a better way, we gonna probably go back for switzerland together and i decided to follow the phil opinion to marry her at the best time is gonna be possible, until that we share our lifes, not our names...
                      all the best

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        whatever

                        We broke up 2 years ago... well i really feel like excaving a rotten thing here...
                        that really insane that can retrieve every post we wrote once, look, i started this thread when i was 29, i'm 33 now... my ex-girlfriend should be... 29? 30? dead?
                        Even 4 years later i still don't know if it was a good imput or not to moved there... and i still don't know if Phil is married or not!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          huh? 2 years ago??

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by yashka
                            We broke up 2 years ago... well i really feel like excaving a rotten thing here...
                            that really insane that can retrieve every post we wrote once, look, i started this thread when i was 29, i'm 33 now... my ex-girlfriend should be... 29? 30? dead?
                            Even 4 years later i still don't know if it was a good imput or not to moved there... and i still don't know if Phil is married or not!
                            Wow!! cool man! thats cool you came back after 2 years to fill in the end of the story.. but what was it?! Did you end up being that caveman?

                            Did you move back to switzerland on that september in 2003? Do you feel it was the best choice? I'm in a similar situation with my gf at the moment except she is back home and I ran away to japan.. except she doesnt wannna contact me anymore.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              man!!
                              that is the first i bumped in.
                              after 2 years you came back!!!
                              nice one.
                              keep us informed alright?
                              my 2000 lira now euro advice, love is great!! but money too.
                              stability etc..
                              you choose!!!

                              Comment

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