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Are they just using me?

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  • Are they just using me?

    how would you know if your gfriend/bfriend is just using you to improve their english?


  • #2
    Re: Are they just using me?

    Simple...ask them to teach you Japanese when you are together and see if the relationship grows.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Are they just using me?

      my current boyfriend (Japanese) says he has no patience to teach, he does not have that type of personality.

      i have had full conversations with some Japanese girls in my workplace which consist of them speaking to me in English and me replying in Japanese.

      but to be honest i am worried that I may be wasting my time with this guy.

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      • #4
        Re: Are they just using me?

        I got the impression from a friend of mine that most j'girls just date americans for free english lessons....

        But this friend can be a real turd at times, so i did not listen to him. Anyways I have no experience in this subject but i still felt like posting an opinon.... of my friend's... that is a turd.... yeah...

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        • #5
          Re: Are they just using me?

          i am wondering does anyone have a method/trick/test whatever you want to call it.

          im sure lots of gaijin here have one time or another wondered about this....

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          • #6
            Re: Are they just using me?

            maybe its a stupid idea but why dont you try to make one date a week when you only speak japanese - lets say every thursday and only that day.if he will find a lot excuses to break that date then you know.

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            • #7
              Re: Are they just using me?

              Thank you, i think its a good idea.

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              • #8
                Re: Are they just using me?

                I have a japanese girlfriend and we always speak in japanese together sometimes she asks how to say things in english and the other japanese girls i have been with have been the same so i have no experience in this.

                i agree with hotaru but you could just start speaking japanese all the time instead of just 1 day a week

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                • #9
                  Re: Are they just using me?

                  Hi Sophie, Hotaru,s idea is good and very effective. I have a policy at the company that I work with that demands that Japanese staff must converse with each other in english
                  at designated times in the day, of course being a company policy, it has teeth so it
                  works well.

                  You might have to tell this guy you have needs too, and not those kind.
                  Tell him that you need a mutually lingual symbiosis. Remind him that you are
                  here in Japan to broaden your capabilities not just him. If he gets the pip
                  then ask him to try your scenario on for size, If he cant work it out that the
                  best you can is 50/50 well then thats a personality trait, and probably what you
                  didnt want to hear.
                  I know that some guys are overly proactive in taking the lead in conversation in
                  the language of their choice, My wife said I was guilty of it too for a while.
                  But my level of Japanese proficiency reflects how I somewhat over road her
                  intentions to learn english. I just forgot that she to was trying to learn, I just
                  needed to be reminded.

                  If your Jguy cant understand that then ditch him because his is pretty selfish.

                  Regards The Raceace

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                  • #10
                    Re: Are they just using me?

                    Good question Sophie, but if you have to ask, then you probably already know the answer. Try and speak Japanese and if he puts on a sour expression tell him where to go. It's fair to expect to use/learn some japanese with you're with him. You might be able to put up with that free eikawa stuff at your work or at a bar but you don't need that ____e when you're with your boyfriend.

                    I speak mostly English with my wife cause she's much better than I am in japanese, but if I thought she was looking for a free eikawa ride, I wouldn't have even dated her. Few things ____ me off more than that does. Who wants to feel like they're in a classroom when they're in bed????

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                    • #11
                      Re: Are they just using me?

                      Bluedog: "Who wants to feel like they're in a classroom when they're in bed?"

                      I don't know, but just imagine if you could feel like you're in bed when you're in the classroom!

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                      • #12
                        Re: Are they just using me?

                        Sophie, I agree that Hotaru's idea of fixing "Nihongo Time" and sticking to it is a good one. Your guy can't possibly object to that, because you're not asking him to be your sensei, you're just asking him to speak in Japanese with you. Of course that will involve him in explaining a few words to you, but that responsibility goes along with dating someone who speaks a different native language! It's part of the package! If he's not ready to accept it, then he's not ready to be in an interlingual relationship.
                        .

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                        • #13
                          Re: Are they just using me?

                          @ = ?

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                          • #14
                            Re: Are they just using me?

                            Thanks for raising these issues guys! I totally think my retard of an ex was just using me for English (among other things, hee hee). He was sugoi wagamama!. You just have to sort the Sh*t from the clay, coz there's this other J-guy that I met who was really quiet and shy who hardly said anything and if he did it was in Japanese, but he surprised me by writing me e-mails that resembled "war and peace" in English, I was very impressed. I think i'll be "Asobi-ing" with him when I get back! .

                            Like any relationship you both have to make compromises to make it work and if s/he's not willing to help you with your Nihongo and you help his/her Eigo then they're not worth it.

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                            • #15
                              Re: Are they just using me?

                              I just refuse to speak English and I soon find out how sincere they are.Give it a try.

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