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Do J guys change their behavior around gaijin women?

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  • Do J guys change their behavior around gaijin women?

    Okay, I have dated two J guys (no sex, just dating) and I am thoroughly confused. Before I came here I talked to a lot of men who had been to Japan and told me the worst imaginable stereotypes about J guys. But the ones I've dated have been so chivalrous they made me feel like a medieval princess being waited on by a serf: opened doors, paid for everything, poured my drinks, served my food, etc. One of them would block traffic gallantly with his body to protect me every time we crossed a street. This contradicts everything I have been told.

    My question: what is up with this? Is this kind of behavior the norm? Or should I assume that they are altering their behavior to suit what they think western women like? I am leaning towards the latter, but I would like to hear from some of you veteran gaijin girls.

    Thank you.

  • #2
    Not a gaijin girl but.......

    I would have to say yes.

    First it takes a Japanese of a different type to even consider going out with a non-Japanese. I dont mean that in the derogatory way. Japanese men are very introvertive around any female and will try to get informaion about the person of their interest from a mutual aquaintance. Then they will try and muster up enough courage to ask the person on a date.

    But once all the formalities are past and they are used to you, you will see the politeness slowly slip away. The same goes for any guy of any race (not 100% accurate, there are always those that defy the norm).

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    • #3
      j guys

      I have also known some japanese guys to brag to their friends how they bagged a western woman. For japanese guys, this is a major conquest and they are the envy of all their friends.
      I doubt the same guy would do the same for a japanese woman.

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      • #4
        Just enjoy what you have now. Who knows, it could be the real thing.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by dogjam
          I have also known some japanese guys to brag to their friends how they bagged a western woman. For japanese guys, this is a major conquest and they are the envy of all their friends.
          I doubt the same guy would do the same for a japanese woman.
          Yes, I've noticed this phenomenon. It's a bit of a deterrent for me. You might say it's the reason I haven't has sex with anyone yet. I might wait to have sex with anyone until I'm near the end of my contract and don't care so much about the gossip factor, since I'll be leaving it behind soon.

          That brings up something else I've been wondering: if I get a reputation as a girl who sleeps with J guys, what exactly will this do to my social life? I kind of fear it might make me never want to show my face in any of the gaijin hangouts ever again.

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          • #6
            Why does it bother you so much to the point that you're ashamed about sleeping with a Japanese guy? If he's polite and chivalrous, that's a step up on most gaikokujin guys you see in this country.

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            • #7
              Frungy,

              I'm not sure why it bothers me. I hadn't anticipated myself feeling this way. I think it's because I envision him bragging to other people about it in a lewd manner: "hey everybody! I bagged a gaijin woman!" and giving them the filthy details. If I knew for certain he was saying things like "I'm seeing this really nice girl", it wouldn't bother me a bit. I'm afraid I'm not adjusting well to being such an object of curiosity. Perhaps my opinion will change as I get used to it.

              Another point is that the first guy I was dating made a lot of comments about male gaijin dating J females. Without going into detail about what he said, it bothers him. Although he is friends with a lot of male gaijin, I detected that he had a bit of silent resentment towards them. It was too easy to imagine him wanting to tell them stories about me in a way that would make him feel he was "getting even" with them. This makes me nervous, because I socialize with those guys.

              Please don't get mad at me for feeling this way. I'm new here, and I still have to develop eyes for what I'm looking at. I'm aware my opinions will change over time. At least, I hope they will.

              I am so confused.

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              • #8
                Shag away baby :P

                I guess it comes down to whether he wants you for who you are, or if he's playing the game to show his gaijin mates he's the bee's knees. Only you can judge that, but his being polite may be just wisdom of knowing how a (western?) lady likes to be treated. Only you will be able to make that call, and you may end up being wrong, either way. You probably won't know until afterwards anyhow. I have to agree with tokindug, cool name that the Japanese male, like all others, will probably slip in this department as time goes by. But hey, you're in Japan to try the local delicacies, and if you like him enough and think he's genuine..........shag away :P

                Markos

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                • #9
                  Pepper;
                  Most guys - especially J-guys - I know go don't into filthy details about the women they're seeing, its uncouth. If he seems like the kind of guy that's capable of treating you like a princess one minute and griping about your stinky cooter the next, then you should follow your instincts and keep him at a distance.
                  I have several J-guy friends who have/had Gaijin g/fs and I've never known any of them to speak disrespectfully of them, even after it was over. If its an office romance, they're extremely discreet, because anything else would damage their image professionally.
                  The first guy you mentioned complaining about Gaijins plundering J-girls was probably just trying to send you the signal that he sees women as people and not as playthings. Then again, he might just be rascist and insecure about the fact that gaijins are stealing the love of his J-sisters.
                  Either way, go with your gut. Most guys are looking for a relationship and not just a conquest.

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                  • #10
                    "Stinky cooter?" You get a gold star for good lingo! And I'll throw in another one for that sound advice.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Morning Star
                      Pepper;
                      Most guys - especially J-guys - I know go don't into filthy details about the women they're seeing, its uncouth. If he seems like the kind of guy that's capable of treating you like a princess one minute and griping about your stinky cooter the next, then you should follow your instincts and keep him at a distance.
                      I have several J-guy friends who have/had Gaijin g/fs and I've never known any of them to speak disrespectfully of them, even after it was over. If its an office romance, they're extremely discreet, because anything else would damage their image professionally.
                      The first guy you mentioned complaining about Gaijins plundering J-girls was probably just trying to send you the signal that he sees women as people and not as playthings. Then again, he might just be rascist and insecure about the fact that gaijins are stealing the love of his J-sisters.
                      Either way, go with your gut. Most guys are looking for a relationship and not just a conquest.
                      Thank you. That makes me feel so much better.

                      I have to ask: Do western women have a reputation of having stinky cooters? Ahhh, one more myth I'll have to work hard to dispel.

                      And since you brought up the cooter factor, please let me ask this question: pubic hair: yay or nay?

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                      • #12
                        Pepper;
                        I'm not even going to go into stinky cooters... literally and figuratively.
                        Pubic hair - Well trimmed, of course. Shave it all off if you like that itchy in the place you can't scratchy feeling. That's one area a lot of J-girls have a problem with, they never even prune the hedges.
                        A while back I had to pull out a pair of scissors and go to work. She just looked at me with a horrified expression on her face and after I was done she was like, "What was that all about, you scared me to death, I didn't even know what you were doing."
                        "I thought it would be more romantic if I surprised you."

                        You might have to pull a similar move on your J-boyfriend. J-guys at the sentos and onsens don't even need to cover up with a towel because their hair just billows out and covers everything. Oh Lord, and the old guys with the footlong nuts that knock against their knees when the walk. But enough about that, let us know what happens.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Morning Star
                          Pubic hair - Well trimmed, of course. Shave it all off if you like that itchy in the place you can't scratchy feeling. That's one area a lot of J-girls have a problem with, they never even prune the hedges.
                          Now that it's been brought up... yeah, I noticed that. Kind of took me by surprise since my gf shaves every other hair on her body. I've never known a woman to shave the hair on her forearms before...

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                          • #14
                            Pepper,
                            Like my usual ally and occasional slag pal Morning Star said, if they seem nice, they probably are. That their level of formality drops the closer you get may be something that bugs you, but you'll have to get closer to find out.

                            As for stinky cooters and pubic hair, I find Canadian girls (okay, okay women) to be, in general, better smelling than some J-women. It is not so much malaodorous, as it is the difference in bodily odours that turns me off sometimes. Here I find a tendency towards a sort of vinegary, pickly smell. Not my idea of a romantic aroma. As for pubic hair, the more the better. Bush it up, bebby.

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                            • #15
                              Just to be crude, and for the hell of saying this:

                              When playing ball, I prefer artificial turf. Go merkin baby! For those who don't know the wonderful word merkin (if you can't guess from context), look it up in a dictionary. Very useful in day to day conversation.

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