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  • F**k Friends

    OK, fellow GPers, Person has some questions for you –

    1) How many of you have F**K friends? (This is a serious question)

    2) Further, if you a F**K friend, do you have more than 1?

    3) Moving right along - if you have a F**K friend, do you also have a significant other (boy/girlfriend, spouse, live-in partner, etc.)?

    4) If you have both, what is the difference between the two? Seriously.

    5) Is it possible, in your humble opinions, to have sex with your friends? Meaning, you donft consider people with whom you have such garrangementsh F.F. Rather, you actually consider them friendscjust with added benefits so to speak. (Wasnft there a Seinfeld episode about this?)

    6) Finally, if you do, in fact, have a F.F.(s), are BOTH (all) of you aware that is the extent of the grelationship(s)h?

    Why am I asking these questions?

    I recently became acquainted with someone who was looking for ANOTHER F.F. As flattered as a girl can be by such propositions (sarcasm intended), I have to wonder what the point is. RELAX! Ifm well aware of why people have A (one) F.F. However, when we talk about having MULTIPLE F.F., I get confused. Isnft the whole point of having a F.F. knowing that you are guaranteed some gactionh should all else fail? So, then, if you have this guaranteed gactionh, why the need for multiple F.F.? Isnft that just kind of gluttonycbeing a player/slut? It stands to reason that it canft be that he/she is looking for something gmoreh because he/she has already stated the extent of the relationship from the get-go (F.F.). Basically, the possibility of something more has been ruled out; one has simply added to his/hercrepertoire.

    What do I think about this? Next time around. I promise you, Sincity, youfll get all the gasserting myselfh you can take.

    **Ifm particularly interested in hearing from other females, but, as always, all comments are welcome -

  • #2
    All right! First to answer. Here goes:

    1) How many of you have F**K friends? (This is a serious question)
    Nope, don't have 1.

    2) Further, if you a F**K friend, do you have more than 1?
    See answer to 1.

    3) Moving right along - if you have a F**K friend, do you also have a significant other (boy/girlfriend, spouse, live-in partner, etc.)?
    Have a girlfriend, but no FF

    4) If you have both, what is the difference between the two? Seriously.
    The difference, in my opinion, is the type of responsibilities associated with the two. I.e. you shouldn't keep secrets from your girl friend, but as a FF is just a friend, it's ok to keep some secrets from them. There should be no tears when terminating a FF relationship. A FF is someone you can see as frequently or as rarely as you want, and shouldn't be complaining (why don't you spend more time with me?) etc.

    5) Is it possible, in your humble opinions, to have sex with your friends? Meaning, you donft consider people with whom you have such garrangementsh F.F. Rather, you actually consider them friendscjust with added benefits so to speak. (Wasnft there a Seinfeld episode about this?)
    Yes, I believe it is possible, but not for all people. It takes a certain detatchment between emotions and sex which many people don't have. I'm sure sincity, for example, would not have this issue (if he can maintain a female friend). I usually avoid such situations because in my experience the girl gets too emotionally attached, and then the situation becomes sticky. (Sorry for the bad pun.)

    6) Finally, if you do, in fact, have a F.F.(s), are BOTH (all) of you aware that is the extent of the grelationship(s)h?
    Like I said. Don't have one now. Sort of had one, but had to break it off when things were going the wrong way, before 'hard feelings' (oh, again with the bad pun) were created. I know girls can understand the concept, but I think in practice usually women have a harder time maintaining a FF. For example, would I consider it ok to have a FF while you are in a relationship? In my opinion, yes. If your partner can't satisfy you sexually, you should be able to get that satisfaction elsewhere, as long as your emotions remain 100% towards your partner (difficult in practice.) Also, don't get 'knocked up' by a FF, especially when in another relationship, that just screams 'awful situation'!

    Just my $0.02. Bah!

    Comment


    • #3
      Thank you for your answers.

      I wanted to add just one more thing - PLEASEx3 no one turn this into a Japanese man thing. The fact is, the person I'm referring to is a GAIJIN. So, that destroys that argument.

      I guess what I wonder is - does a man look at some women and say, "You - you will be my F.F." and at others and say, "You - you will be my girlfriend." If so, I kind of feel insulted.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by person
        Thank you for your answers.

        I wanted to add just one more thing - PLEASEx3 no one turn this into a Japanese man thing. The fact is, the person I'm referring to is a GAIJIN. So, that destroys that argument.

        I guess what I wonder is - does a man look at some women and say, "You - you will be my F.F." and at others and say, "You - you will be my girlfriend." If so, I kind of feel insulted.
        I figured the whole FF issue wasn't such a cultural thing (although I hear that a large number of young Japanese people do have FFs. And to answer your question, from a man's point of view: sometimes that type of thought does go through a man's head. And sometimes there are good reasons, and sometimes not.

        For example (and I see this as a not so bad reason): Assume said gaijin will be leaving for his home country in a few months, and has no plan of staying on in Japan. Therefore he wouldn't be looking to start a real relationship, and what does he have to lose by seeing if he can have a FF before he leaves for home.

        Of course, there are always the times where a man says "I like her, but I know we have somewhat disparate personalities and a relationship would never work. I do sort of want to have some 'fun' with her though (because I find her physically attactive, or think she would be great in bed, looks easy, etc.)." Yes, it's somewhat demeaning, but at least he's being upfront about it. I've met plenty of guys who would try to keep up the ruse of a real relationship until things started to get too far, and would then just break it off.

        Like I said, I think FF is conceptually fine, but often in practice gets to be a bit less than ideal. If you really need the physical contact though, sometimes it's worth the risk.

        Comment


        • #5
          A Fine Concept

          As I already know what the hard-ons are gonna say, I too am more interested in a woman's perspective.

          But for that, we're gonna need a little cooperation from one of our favorite persons.

          Immortality can be yours! You, Person, will be revered and remembered by Gaijinpotters long after you settle into a monogamous relationship back in Chicago as a woman who had the courage to chuck her conventional morality and become that which (I suspect) is anathema to her so that she could bring knowledge to her fellow cyber world inhabitants by answering her very own questions in the real world of sweat, blood and tears.

          I trust that acquaintance of yours is still on the prowl....Willing to raise your fanny in the air for the sake of self-enlightenment?

          I look forward to your affirmative reply.

          Comment


          • #6
            Thank you, Sincity, for those words of...encouragement (though, I must admit, I had to look up "anathema"...wasn't quite sure).

            The truth be told, while the post is...crass (to say the least), I posted it with the intention (in the hope?) of learning something. This is one topic I would prefer to learn about vicariously...leaving my fanny way the hell out of it.

            Maybe this is a topic most would prefer not to fess up to? Quite frankly (oh no...I'm walking up to the fence, just about to throw a leg over...), I don't want to pass judgment on anyone (yep, the ride has begun...). I just want to understand...that's all. Maybe I'm missing something...somewhere.

            At any rate, maybe someone will enlighten me? Looks like you'll have to wait for just a little while...

            Comment


            • #7
              Hey person

              Against my better judgment, I begin to blab....

              Although I'm a monogamous sort of person, I've never been too successful in conventional relationships. I was in a situation, a few years ago, where I guess that I was the F**k friend, of sorts. I met a woman at a dance class who began approaching me after the class to talk. Among other things, she was quite distinctive by the large glittering rock attached to a certain manicured finger. Most of the talk was about her marriage that wasnft going the way she wanted.

              She was married to a rich older man [probably still is], who kept his money trees in far away lands. According to her, he spent half his time off in these far away places, harvesting his golden apples. For the other half of the time that he was here, there was no sexual contact between them. Hadnft been any for over 2 years, so she said.

              I was quite single at the time, but was still a little hesitant at getting involved. She was quite beautiful, well toned, waxed and polished - very well kept, so I had no problem with physical attraction.

              While she made it quite apparent what she wanted from me, I kept it to talk until finally she said, gLook, are you more interested in my husbandfs feelings or mine?h

              Well then, that put a different perspective on it, and needless to say, we then began to explore a more intimate relationship.. It actually went on for over 2 years.

              Some of the things that stand out in my mind: There was a whole lot of sneaking around. For me, there was no big problem, except that I had to make sure that I didnft do anything to blow it for her. I was/am a single father. At that time, my teen-aged daughter would spend part of the week with me, and part with her mother, so we tried to schedule my part of it when my daughter was gone. When her husband was gone [half the time], she was quite flexible, unless she had house guests. Also, she had both a house and a condo at her disposal.

              When her husband was in town, things were a lot more complicated. They entertained quite a bit, so there were droughts, especially when he was around in the summer. When we could, we did our fair share of making out on park benches, on the beach., and in vehicles. If it was hers, we would be in the back seat of a late model Range Rover. If it was mine, we would be in the turned down front seats of a beat-up Dodge Colt, somewhere near the stick shift.

              One evening, we were in a secluded beach parking area steaming up the windows of my car when lights began cutting through the darkness and voices became more than apparent. While I was busy, and able to ignore the commotion, she was not, and insisted that I see what was happening. I got up, rolled down the window, and found that we were in the midst of 4 stretch limos and a hoard of well-dressed drunken teenagers. It was high school grad season and we were in the thick of a parking lot party. Kind of ruined the mood. We high-tailed.

              There were other times when she would suddenly be wracked with guilt. gDo you want me to go?h I would say. gNo.h gDo you want me to stay, then?h gNo.h c???c???c???...

              And then, there were feelings. I fell in love with her, and I believe she fell in love with me. However, Ifm certain that she would never leave her husband for me, poor schmuck that I am. She had everything she needed. Almost. Me? I was just the icing on the sumptuous cake of her lifestyle. Why she picked me, I donft know. She just did, and it was flattering to be sure.

              But that was then, and this is now, and I havenft really answered any of your questions yet.

              From what I understand, some guy has approached you to be a part of his stable of f**k friends. Yikes. No way Jose. So what do you do: sit and wait until itfs your turn? Rejection. Jealousy. Humiliation. Or, better yet, in his mind, perhaps you are bisexual, and want to have a go at both him and some other gal. Hee hee Believe me, because Ifve been guilty of thinking about this scenario myself. Like most guys I know, it has more than crossed his mind. However, the long term possibilities of such an arrangement are dubious, unless you are a Mormon fundamentalist. Are you? Hee hee

              For me personally, there can only really be one person at a time [unless the above scenario came true - har har har - shaddup already!]. There are too many issues concerning health and feelings. Now, I know that sincity might have something to say about this, but I donft know.

              If you are there sincity, do your relationships often overlap? intertwine? multiply? intensify? transmogrify?

              Well, Ifve said enough. Ifve said too much. [I think those are somebodyfs lyrics, maybe]

              Just another goofy perspective for you, person. Hope it helps...

              Ifm outta here

              gg

              Comment


              • #8
                Cool story!!

                I dont think the girl was at fault. Everyone needs attention.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Yah... no

                  She wasn't at fault. I spent a lot of time wondering out loud why her old man didn't pay attention to her. Once I got started, I couldn't help myself...

                  gg

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Very, very, very interesting, GG - thank you for sharing

                    it's particularly intriguing (if you will) since the male/female roles have been reversed so to speak

                    my guess - and it's just a guess - is that, IF F.F. relationships are common (and I'm not convinced they are) - they are difficult to "maintain"

                    are they possible? of course

                    the thing is - maybe if FROM THE GET GO you have no real desire for the person (like you don't find them particularly attractive...but do-able, not interesting...but then not that boring either, etc.), you could maintain a purely physical relationship

                    however, if you find the person interesting/attractive/etc., I think it's hard to stay within the realm of a F.F. relationship

                    I don't know. I think there are at least a few men out there who could confirm I'm perhaps the antithesis of a prude (no whore, but definitely not a prude). I could sooner see having a one-night stand (it's all about the physical aspect then). However, if you are with someone (more than once...many times), it's far too likely that you will develop feelings for him/her...how could you not? I mean, maybe it's more a "woman" thing (or maybe just a "person" thing...me or humanity; you decide), but you're sharing yourself with another person (sounds sappy, but...). When you take the time to get to know someone (more than just their favorite position), you are creating some kind of connection.

                    I could go on and on, but...I will spare you. I think it's an amazingly enticing idea...but one that is hard to put into practice.

                    Thanks for reminding me boys (men) can be "sensitive" too!!

                    One more thing - At least in my mind, Friend and F**K don't go together. Friends are your friends; lovers/partners are your lovers/partners. It's that simple. Hopefully, your lover is your friend too. However, if just a friend, then sex isn't part of it.
                    Last edited by person; 2004-09-12, 07:28 PM.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Another FF story

                      I feel loose lipped today, so I'll tell another side of the F**k Friend story. This is about my girlfriend before she started dating me.

                      Anyway, when I met Maki she had just recently come back from 8 months in Montreal, and during most of her time there, she was essentially someone's FF. This situation would have been fine, but she wanted him as more, and he probably just saw her as 'easy action'. Essentially, she liked him, and she let him know her feelings, and then he said something to the effect of 'we can see each other, but I won't be your boyfriend'. They even moved in together, but he wasn't faithful to her, no matter how much she wanted him, he just saw her as a FF. He even made sure that they kept their relationship completely secret, even though some other people generally knew.

                      This went on for most of her time in Montreal, she thought the world of him, he thought of her as a FF. He would go out almost every weekend for the entire weekend and refuse to tell her where he was going and what he was doing (although he was quite obviously seeing other women), and of course she would worry about him. They got in fights almost daily, but she liked him too much to end it, and he was obviosly too blind or not considerate enough to realise it really would have been best to just stop what he was doing. One day though, it ended. He out of the blue told her that he couldn't stand Canada anymore and was returning to his home country the next day (10 points to anyone that can guess where, and I'll give you a hint, they were both studying English, and he's not Japanese). She was completely devastated and cut her stay in Montreal short by about 3 months, and came back to Japan a couple of weeks later.

                      She cried pretty much every day after they broke up until we started going out. Even then it took her a couple of weeks until the tears stopped. It's been about 5 weeks now, and she's mostly over him, but she still sees him as this great person. I, on the other hand, hate him for what he did and how he abused someone else's feelings.

                      I guess the point of this is, if you're going to get into a FF relationship, make sure that both parties are quite clear that it's only that, and will never be anything more. Otherwise, you are just scum.

                      Wow, I feel like I just rambled a lot, but I guess it's kind of a sore point with me.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by madmaxxam
                        I guess the point of this is, if you're going to get into a FF relationship, make sure that both parties are quite clear that it's only that, and will never be anything more. Otherwise, you are just scum.
                        That's how I feel about it, as well. Exactly. Well put, madmaxxam.

                        I passed up my potential FF relationship. Basically, in my senior year of high school, a friend's girlfriend's friend (who was a sophomore) told my friend (sounds like hs already, right?) that she wanted to "rip my clothes off and f*ck me hard." I wondered what kind of girl actually talked that way to strangers... and I wondered how many other guys had taken her up on it... so I passed. I was not used to such an attitude since most high school girls are not so blunt about that sort of thing, at least not the ones that I dated.

                        Should I regret it?
                        Last edited by imTony; 2004-09-13, 09:17 AM. Reason: spelling

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Ha ha! This guy sounds like a real winner. Wonder what she saw in him. A guy like that has issues. You can bet he is a miserable person inside. Have no idea where he would be from. France perhaps? Italy?

                          Another reason why an F.F is a bad idea:
                          A friend I know is married to this women. He had various encounters with other gilrs but they didnt last. He got involved with this girl, at first as a FF. They even speant a lot of time at his house while his wife was away. In this case the girl wanted to call it off knowing that this couldnt go on. He on the other hand had become emotionally attached to her and couldnt say good bye. She gave in and they continued seeing each other. His reasoning for not being faithful was the lack of sexual attention he was getting from his wife. Since seeing this girl it had been a long time since he and his wife slept together so his wife has tried to make the moves on him on several occasions. He still loves her a lot, but he finds that he is no longer sexually attracted to her. He is completely messed up now and doesnt know what to do. He told me to never sleep around because of the stress that he has got out of it. Thanks to him I can see the real danger in what can and will come out of it.

                          On another note Ive never been impressed by friends that boost about pulling off a one night stand. In my experience the first time with someone is not the most fun and is usually quite weird and scarey. Im going to sound like a nob now, but the best sex is when you know that person well and there is a mutual trust between you.
                          Last edited by Da Gster; 2004-09-13, 09:40 AM.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            SO SO SO WELL PUT Da Gster. That's it exactly

                            quote:
                            "In my experience the first time with someone is not the most fun and is usually quite weird and scarey. Im going to sound like a nob now, but the best sex is when you know that person well and there is a mutual trust between you."

                            You do NOT sound like a "nob".

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Da Gster
                              Ha ha! This guy sounds like a real winner. Wonder what she saw in him. A guy like that has issues. You can bet he is a miserable person inside. Have no idea where he would be from. France perhaps? Italy?
                              Nope, Mexican. And yeah, I constantly ask her why she let this go on, what she saw in him, etc., and she still insists that he's a great guy, and she wants to be friends with him again once her emotions for him are completely gone... If my best friend were doing that to a girl I'd beat the tar out of him on principle. Then again, I don't think any of my friends would take advantage of someone like that.

                              Comment

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