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  • Help this dude out

    Im in a pretty weird situation here. Alright, Im in Japan now, high school foreign exchange student, 18, studying for the proficiency test coming up in December. By way of the local international center I found somebody willing to teach me Japanese for free, this 35 year old lady. I have been going to lessons twice a week now for a couple of months, and its a huge help for my Japanese. She is the only person I have found thats willing to teach me Japanese and not want to learn English in return. Things were going really good until about 2 weeks ago, I got the feeling she was starting to put moves on me. Lord knows I haven't been encouraging her, she is 35 and really unattractive. Now she wants to take me out to eat after lessons, and asks me not to wear my school uniform. This sucks. I really need the lessons, but damnit, Im not gonna go out with this lady. This week the lessons were really uncomfortable, and she still asks me to go to dinner with her, I make up excuses. Anybody been in the same situation? Any advice?

  • #2
    Well, the test is coming up here in December, so I need to learn as much as possible. And the lessons truly are a great help. Apart from her, there is nobody to learn Japanese lessons from. My host school doesn't provide any. So I really want to keep having lessons.
    As for her, she is 35 and single. I dont know a whole lot about her, since the only time we spend together is during lessons. She has attempted to flirt with me, God it was akward. I really doubt that she wants to have a nice conversation over dinner, after all, she is twice my age, we dont have anything in common. Oh yeah, and she did say, in English, "Let's go on a date together." But you are right, I dont know what her intentions are. But I do have a gut feeling.
    And yes, I would say I am a very attractive young man, pale blue eyes, athletic, and I have shapely American buns.

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    • #3
      According to some japanese friends of mine, the word "date" really just means two people making plans to go out together. There is not necessarily any romantic interest involved in a "date".

      Even if she does want to seduce you, she might just want to seduce you. I wouldn't necessarily mean she wants you to be her boyfriend or anything. Even if she's not that attractive, she may be able to teach you something more than just Japanese. I reckon at that age she's likely seen a few handy tricks...

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      • #4
        Originally posted by Boognish
        And yes, I would say I am a very attractive young man, pale blue eyes, athletic, and I have shapely American buns.
        American Buns? Is that like French rolls?

        Anyway, it sounds like she wants your buns in her oven. If you do decide to do some baking, then remember to wrap up your loaf. She may be having fantasies of DNA donations that would put a whole new twist on your future. Be careful, Buns Boy.

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        • #5
          Thats the thing man, I am DEFINITELY not gonna do any baking with this woman. So I really dont know what to do, the lessons are getting uncomfortable, yet I need them for the test coming up. Damnit.

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          • #6
            Free Japanese lessons?!? I should really try getting some of those myself. I don't care if I have to put up with flirty, unattractive women. It's nothing I haven't had to put up with before. As for the word DATE, even many of my American buddies have used it in a non-romantic way, 'just two people meeting for any purpose.' If she is single and lonely though, there is a good chance she might be putting the moves on you though. Best option, if she tries to suduce you blatently, tell her you are a 'cherry boy' and waiting until you're married before you touch a woman, other than that, play dumb to all of her flirting.

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            • #7
              Start making comparisons between your mother and her. That should turn off any woman...

              This will put the age difference in perspective as well as let her know you see her in a more non-sexual way. And when I say make comparisons, make them nice, but non-sexual. Of course, then there will be those who say men like women just like their mothers...a whole different thread I assume.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by person
                Start making comparisons between your mother and her. That should turn off any woman...

                This will put the age difference in perspective as well as let her know you see her in a more non-sexual way. And when I say make comparisons, make them nice, but non-sexual. Of course, then there will be those who say men like women just like their mothers...a whole different thread I assume.
                I think in a normal situation that might work, but, assuming the Japanese woman wants to do more than go out for a nice meal with boog I don't think this will necessarily work. It seems that he's already tried to make it known that the advances are unwanted, and she probably just wants a boy toy more than anything else. Because of this, unless he insults her to the point where she doesn't want to teach him either, I doubt that making comparisons with his mother will really halt her assault. This is presumably someone who is partially after him because he's half her age (and a gaijin). I think he'll just have to win in endurance.

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                • #9
                  Yes, but...

                  No woman (or man for that matter I'm sure) wants to feel old. As soon as you do that, any sexual thought should go out the window...or at least I would think so. This is why I said to make nice comparisons. While she may feel old (or at least a great age difference), at least she won't be angry...or at least she shouldn't be.

                  My idea was just a suggestion. I don't know this woman...or the boy posting. The fact is, I can't imagine being physically attracted to someone that age...and I'm in my early 30s as well. Because of this, it's a little difficult to think like such a person (and, heck, I am person).

                  Perhaps - and I suppose it's a possibility - she does, in fact, just want to be seen with the poster. As Boognish wrote, they have little in common. Because of that, it may be that she just wants to be seen with a gaijin...strange, but common with some people I suppose. I would have to imagine it is just the being "seen" part because, in terms of having things in common, I can't imagine they would have much.

                  At any rate, I'm not sure what I would do in such a situation. In my case, if a man really repulsed me, I would end it. However, assuming the woman is harmless (meaning, doesn't appear to be a stalker, etc.), you may want to just "draw things out" as long as you can. You get the lessons, she gets some sort of thrill at the possibility of having a date with you, etc. You get the picture. If her motives are sexual, it seems a little sad to go after a boy (which, at your age, you are). So, while it may not be nice to lead her on, she really ought to be getting out and meeting someone more...available, "appropriate", etc.

                  And please, to those of you who may feel compelled to turn this into an "older woman/younger man" issue (like, why is it OK for men but not for women), I'm NOT saying that. In this instance, I'm talking about age as well as unwanted advances. Further, no matter who is older, when we are essentially talking about a child (again, Boognish, at your age, that's what you basically are...sorry), I don't really "get it". High school kids are...high school kids (perhaps emotionally/mentally more than physically, but still kids nonetheless).

                  Person has spoken. Take from it what you will.
                  Last edited by person; 2004-10-11, 08:54 AM.

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                  • #10
                    Thanks everybody, keep the advice coming
                    Next lesson is on tuesday, Jesus, Im not looking forward to it

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                    • #11
                      Come on, 35 isn't that old and most Japanese women look pretty young for their age.

                      You're only 18...stop stressing, give her one and add it to your tally!

                      Just close your eyes and think about Camryn Diaz or Jennifer Lopez...they're about 35 aren't they?

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by kuro_kitty
                        Come on, 35 isn't that old and most Japanese women look pretty young for their age.

                        You're only 18...stop stressing, give her one and add it to your tally!

                        Just close your eyes and think about Camryn Diaz or Jennifer Lopez...they're about 35 aren't they?
                        Here here. Just make her treat you to some nice dinner, etc. first. It's like being a gigalo. Take one for the team.

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                        • #13
                          Get her to buy you a car.

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                          • #14
                            I want to hear back from the Booge on this. I remember being alone with a teacher at her apartment in high school and her putting the moves on me. It was awkward, frightening, and not a pleasant experience. Even if she had a rock-solid body I probably would have been paralyzed with fear at the prospect of taking the skin boat to tuna town.

                            I also had a volunteer Japanese sensei, older woman (maybe 40's) with a wandering eye and an obvious fetish for gaijins. She was a good teacher, but there's no way I would have ever gone out with her, even as a friend if I thought she had ulterior motives.

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                            • #15
                              Booger,
                              I know these be salad days and you seem pretty messed up and all that but you have been with a chick before, right? If you have, then forget about the hag and munch happily on the high school snatch. And this is Japan, man: I've never had any trouble finding people who speak Japanese. You want a free Japanese lesson? Go to the Police box. You can ask the cops anything and it's their job to answer. Local international center? Places like that are always wack! Punch a few girls in the arm until you find someone suitable.

                              Your problem is imaginary. As I said, you have a school yard full of options. If I were you, however, I'd try to make an unattractive, aging woman happy. It's the right thing to do. Now that doesn't mean you have to accept her dinner invitations. I don't think I'd wanna be seen in public with her, either. No, after a study session, just put on the safety goggles and start drilling. It's the least you can do...

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