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  • JBS got dumped.

    Ah, woe is me, I say, trembling and wiping away my tears.
    Just got dumped by my girlfriend. ****, it sucks. I thought I might feel better confiding in my online gaijin pals, I guess it beats sitting and watching TV with a bucket of chocolate ice cream for a bit "me time".
    She was the best girl. I mean, you know it`s got that specialness when, before every date, you break out in profuse sweating and violent trembling. And I never experienced that kind of euphoria on a date with any other girl. Sure, her exact likeness to actress/singer Kyoko Fukada wasn`t at all bad, but it was deeper than physical attraction. And I`m not one to feel all warm, pink and fuzzy when I hold my girlfriend`s hand, but when I held hers, well, I felt all... warm, pink and fuzzy.(_ _)
    We had such a great time, we enjoyed each other`s company, we laughed together at men walking into lamp posts, we shyly smiled and blushed at the sight of each other`s underwear on that magical first love hotel visit. It was romance, pure and simple, and at its upmost best.
    So what went wrong? I did. When I couldn`t see her because of her work committments, I complained. I immaturely sulked at date cancellations and pouted at late e-mail responses, both of which she couldn`t help. This was a new, strange, and unwelcome aspect of a relationship for her, and she didn`t like it. I was her first foreign boyfriend, and indeed I was about the only foreign thing she had ever come into contact with, as she previously shunned English, international travel and foreigners. Her last boyfriend was a super-cool Indie band member, and when I say super-cool, I of course mean he didn`t give a **** when she had to cancel a date (most likely due to a plentiful supply of reserves).
    I`ll get another girl, I`m not arrogant, but I have been called very handsome on many occasions (usually by other men, but I`ll take it as a compliment, and it`s only because of my hairstyle), so I know it won`t be hard... but ouch!, my heart! I`m really hurting at the moment. I had all these awesome plans about holidays, moving in together, and the like. But my plans have been torn into pieces. Help me, my gaijin pals ( or ridicule me for being such a ____, either one). Any advice to help me feel better?
    And whatever, you do guys, don`t do what I did! Good girls need understanding, and patience. I wish I`d used more of those qualities.

    James

  • #2
    Any good advice? Not much. But there's one thing... since you admit that it was your fault, you might want to try admitting that to her. Not a huge chance it will save the day, but if that was the problem, then you might have some luck telling her that you'll change. But she might just be ready to move on, in which case, you'll also lose your self-esteem if you go grovelling only to have her tell you "it's not you, it's me"

    If you were going to try that, you should probably wait a couple of days, to give her a chance to miss you, and don't hold your hopes up too high.

    Well that's a bit of advice that's worth less than the standard two cents, but 2 hours and no replies... you just might have thought no one was reading, so here I am.

    Comment


    • #3
      I feel for ya man!

      On a positive note you now know what not to do in your next relationship. Don't worry about scoring the Chump points, it can happen to the best of us and you can eventually trade them in. Now let's see some trolls responses, they're always funny and inevitable.

      Comment


      • #4
        I feel your pain mate. I've been heart-broken this weekend myself (my girl's ex-husband came to her family reunion in Ishikawa... and she told me on friday - of course, I am here in Geneva so can not be there). I imagined for a moment that I would loose her, and I got VERY drunk these two past evenings to escape the thoughts.

        Anyway, that's just to say that I feel your pain.

        Bluedog's advice is good. That's what I would do as well. I would 'relaunch' myself to her as a person who has thought about it, understood what might have gove wrong and who still loves her and ready to accommodate her needs.

        Some girls might appreciate that... maybe write a short letter to her about it, instead of meeting, so that she has time to consider. But follow the letter up with a call or something in a few days.

        But if she still refuses... then your relations were never meant to be. You would not want to be with someone who does not understand you anyway. I remember being slowly and painfully dumped by one Russian girl back in my youth - that was my line of thinking that helped. What also helped was that I immediately started dating someone else.

        Anyway, advice is easy to give... rebuilding your heart is what's difficult. Been there many times (and did it to others). Does not get easier. But... it's amazing that a few months later it's almost forgotten.

        Comment


        • #5
          Same thing....

          Happened to me a couple of months back....not really a gf though....not to worry!

          Anyhow all you can do as bluedog says is send her an email along the lines of an apology for hassling her....dont hold much hope though...

          GDM - guessing nothing happened then?! lol

          BTW dont cut your hair...

          Comment


          • #6
            Other Fish

            What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger. If you're going to try & woo her back you may as well enjoy your couple of days freedom before you do. And if it doesn't work out you can use her as material - so long as you twist the facts "...& then I found out she'd been seeing her former Indie Band guy BF all along" etc. It's not sympathy from us you should be looking for, look for it in your next conquest as a way of steering the conversation around to how sensitive you are.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by THEDON

              GDM - guessing nothing happened then?! lol
              You mean, at their family reunion where her ex-hubby showed up? No, nothing happened.

              As my friends with Japanese wives here explained to me, the parents just wanted to give him the good face of an official 'soubetsukai' of sorts. They felt he was hurt a lot when she suddenly divorced him for me, and it was not good for him to just quietly dissapear from their lives. So they invited him over.

              What drove me nuts was the thought of him driving in the same car with her from Kobe to Ishikawa and back, and being around her for the whole weekend. I almost died in the hours when I knew they were on the road. I was gulping Whiskey, then beer, then Tequila. But she told me that within 10 minutes of getting into the car, he managed to remind her exactly why she divorced him - and she told him to shut up.

              The good thing was that we ended up talking a lot about our feelings when she came back, by the video link.

              So it was like a sudden illness. My heart still aches, actually, even though I know she's mine. I guess the thought of loosing her... I became like a lunatic. I got REAL drunk both evenings.

              Anyway, this thread is about James. Sorry I am behaving like Ally McBeal - me me me...

              --

              James, what can help is just writing it out. Put your feelings on paper. Then burn it. Works like a heart medicine for me

              In other words, celebrate the ending and get ready for a new beginning. It will be fantastic.

              Comment


              • #8
                Hugs

                Sorry to hear that, Big Guy. BUT, at least now you know where the cheap love hotels are.

                Ganbare!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                Comment


                • #9
                  Aw, shucks!

                  Thanks guys! I really feel a lot better. Sure, going to Shibuya, finding the nearest girl handing out promotional tissues who looks most like Kyoko Fukada, unfolding a map of the area and asking for directions, then asking her on a date and receiving a positive reply helped too. But still, you guys rock (^-^). (Lysnaderinlove, seriously, WHO is Kyoko Fukada?! Why, arguably Japan`s utest girl, of Fuji TV`s "Minami-kun No Koibito" fame. Damn that Arashi band member who got to kiss her in the last episode! I`m still infuriated, despite the September 16 airing. Damn you Arashi!)
                  Anyway, despite having a new girl, it may not be the same, this new girl doesn`t quite have the 89D cup size that the last girl had, but it`s exciting nontheless. We oughtn`t judge girls by their bust size, now should we? Man, I`m excited, this is because I now have a better arsenal of Japanese slang and colloquialisms, a knowledge of the locations of love hotels in Shibuya and Shinagawa vicinities and more cash to spend on the good, wholesome romantic encounters that I love so much. Sure, if my ex wanted to come back to me, I`d jump at the chance, but my mind is now preoccupied with this other girl, and I`m delighted!
                  Once again, thanks for your help! Man, when it comes to self-help, Dr. Phil and the Dalai Lama have got nothing on you guys! Well, I`m off! Wish me well on my next romantic adventure! And I wish you well on yours!

                  James

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    [QUOTE=Gaijin de Moscu]You mean, at their family reunion where her ex-hubby showed up? No, nothing happened.

                    As my friends with Japanese wives here explained to me, the parents just wanted to give him the good face of an official 'soubetsukai' of sorts. They felt he was hurt a lot when she suddenly divorced him for me, and it was not good for him to just quietly dissapear from their lives. So they invited him over.
                    QUOTE]


                    I don't want to sound rude, but...

                    It strikes me as odd that, here in Japan, when people divorce, children will "disappear" from one of their parent's lives. Yet, in this case, they didn't want the ex-husband to feel...abandoned? Sounds like they (not her, of course) would like him in their family again. Just my impression...being completely uninformed as I am.

                    Sorry, just wanted to point out the absurdity.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by JBS3009
                      Sure, if my ex wanted to come back to me, I`d jump at the chance, but my mind is now preoccupied with this other girl, and I`m delighted!
                      'nother piece of advise, try not to compare your new Miss with the now defunkt one...and try not to fall so truly, madly, deeply in love so quickly...lust fine, love no...that love thang takes a long time growing.

                      At least you're smiling again...and it was sunny today...go buy a lottery ticket!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Sorry to hear about that man.....
                        like what other people have written, wait a while then you can approach her and tell her what you've told us.
                        Remember it takes two to tangle.....remember this! Sometimes our first responses to the partner's actions may be the correct ones....blame for your actions can't all be on your shoulders.
                        Go get together with some mates, keep active and when things are tough, do some good solid exercise! That's my outlet at least.....
                        Gatsu de ganbaranakya....itsumo

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by person
                          It strikes me as odd that, here in Japan, when people divorce, children will "disappear" from one of their parent's lives. Yet, in this case, they didn't want the ex-husband to feel...abandoned? Sounds like they (not her, of course) would like him in their family again. Just my impression...being completely uninformed as I am.

                          Sorry, just wanted to point out the absurdity.
                          From what I have seen of them, these parents are very warm people, and the ex-hubby indeed became in a big way a part of family. His is a very nice man by the way. Warm, merry, humorous. His own family is very cold and did not like her, and he ended up spending a lot of time with her parents. So they felt they had to meet him one last time. It's almost a year since the divorce, so she says he became just of her many friends.

                          Almost same happened with my ex-wife... took my parents a year to get over her leaving their lives. They quite liked my ex (I was married for 10 years), and my mom met her frequently here in Geneva after that.

                          My ex-wive's parents still meet her ex-boyfriend from 11 year ago; and her father met with me several times saying that I am always welcome in their place and he hopes our friendship will continue forever.

                          Net, I would not generalise too much. It's not that unusual around me.

                          But it frigging bugs me nevertheless.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by JBS3009
                            Thanks guys! I really feel a lot better. Sure, going to Shibuya, finding the nearest girl handing out promotional tissues who looks most like Kyoko Fukada, unfolding a map of the area and asking for directions, then asking her on a date and receiving a positive reply helped too. But still, you guys rock (^-^). (Lysnaderinlove, seriously, WHO is Kyoko Fukada?! Why, arguably Japan`s utest girl, of Fuji TV`s "Minami-kun No Koibito" fame. Damn that Arashi band member who got to kiss her in the last episode! I`m still infuriated, despite the September 16 airing. Damn you Arashi!)
                            Anyway, despite having a new girl, it may not be the same, this new girl doesn`t quite have the 89D cup size that the last girl had, but it`s exciting nontheless. We oughtn`t judge girls by their bust size, now should we? Man, I`m excited, this is because I now have a better arsenal of Japanese slang and colloquialisms, a knowledge of the locations of love hotels in Shibuya and Shinagawa vicinities and more cash to spend on the good, wholesome romantic encounters that I love so much. Sure, if my ex wanted to come back to me, I`d jump at the chance, but my mind is now preoccupied with this other girl, and I`m delighted!
                            Once again, thanks for your help! Man, when it comes to self-help, Dr. Phil and the Dalai Lama have got nothing on you guys! Well, I`m off! Wish me well on my next romantic adventure! And I wish you well on yours!

                            James
                            I am VERY happy for you man. That's the spirit!

                            Go go James kun. You are alive, dude.

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