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recently-deceased spouse....

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  • recently-deceased spouse....

    Customer/friend has recently lost his wife.
    He is closer than most customers.
    We have a meeting May 9th.
    I am abroad at the moment.
    What is the proper etiquette? (I might send flowers if he were living in Canada).
    Thank-you.
    Fred

  • #2
    Flowers with a (selfwritten) condoleance letter will do just fine.

    Comment


    • #3
      Would ask some other Japanese what to do, flowers at a business meeting sounds rather inappropriate.
      There are also some small etiquette books published on this topic.

      And remember, don't send a New Year Greeting Cards (nengajo) this year.

      Comment


      • #4
        flowers are good.

        Also a condoleance card with 5000 yen is very common in Japan or a small gift (f.e. if the wife loved cookies) a box of cookies.

        And yeh as said above, dont forget to NOT send a nengajyou.

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        • #5
          Im also sure that you know to say

          "okuyamimoushiagemasu"



          My condolences btw.

          Comment


          • #6
            Thanks everyone.
            Fred
            PS we'll send the flowers to his house, not take them to the meeting...

            Comment


            • #7
              Normally you attend the wake or funeral and give an envelope with 3000JPY, (or 5,000 or 10,000JPY if it is close family or close friend). You get the envelopes at the conveni, there are two types, one for the wake, one for the funeral. You write in your name and address and they will send a gift in return at a later date, usually green tea or something.

              If you can't attend you pass the envelope on to someone in your company or department who acts as representative. We usually send one person to represent us all, everyone takes a turn.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by trip_hop View Post
                Would ask some other Japanese what to do, flowers at a business meeting sounds rather inappropriate.
                There are also some small etiquette books published on this topic.

                And remember, don't send a New Year Greeting Cards (nengajo) this year.
                I thought it was the bereaved who didn't send the nengajo

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by thefan View Post
                  I thought it was the bereaved who didn't send the nengajo
                  It's both. Which is why people send out cards in October/November to tell everyone they are officially in mourning.


                  --

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by thefan View Post
                    Normally you attend the wake or funeral and give an envelope with 3000JPY, (or 5,000 or 10,000JPY if it is close family or close friend). You get the envelopes at the conveni, there are two types, one for the wake, one for the funeral. You write in your name and address and they will send a gift in return at a later date, usually green tea or something.

                    If you can't attend you pass the envelope on to someone in your company or department who acts as representative. We usually send one person to represent us all, everyone takes a turn.
                    Thank-you.
                    My situation makes the above a little difficult....self-employed and in China (have missed the wake and have no co-workers).
                    Flowers to the house it is....
                    Fred
                    PS that sending a gift in return is a load of hogwash that I have a big problem with - my friend (another friend) had more than 300 people attend his wife's funeral.....came by one day soon afterwards trying to figure out who was who so he could send a gift....

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by shonanfred View Post
                      Customer/friend has recently lost his wife.
                      He is closer than most customers.
                      We have a meeting May 9th.
                      I am abroad at the moment.
                      What is the proper etiquette? (I might send flowers if he were living in Canada).
                      Thank-you.
                      Fred
                      Now's the time to DEFINITELY mention that 50,000 loan repayment.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by shonanfred View Post
                        Customer/friend has recently lost his wife.
                        He is closer than most customers.
                        We have a meeting May 9th.
                        I am a broad at the moment.
                        What is the proper etiquette? (I might send flowers if he were living in Canada).
                        Thank-you.
                        Fred
                        When did you have the sex change?

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by shonanfred View Post
                          Thank-you.
                          My situation makes the above a little difficult....self-employed and in China (have missed the wake and have no co-workers).
                          Flowers to the house it is....
                          Fred
                          PS that sending a gift in return is a load of hogwash that I have a big problem with - my friend (another friend) had more than 300 people attend his wife's funeral.....came by one day soon afterwards trying to figure out who was who so he could send a gift....
                          That's why the envelope and address thing is handy.

                          I lost a motorcycle buddy a few years back, wrote a letter of condolence, had it translated and sent it to his wife, she sent me a very nice reply some time later, translated into perfect English. I think people appreciate that gaijin do things differently at times.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Chromedome View Post
                            I like poop
                            About the same time you developed the scat fetish?
                            Fred

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by thefan View Post
                              That's why the envelope and address thing is handy.

                              I lost a motorcycle buddy a few years back, wrote a letter of condolence, had it translated and sent it to his wife, she sent me a very nice reply some time later, translated into perfect English. I think people appreciate that gaijin do things differently at times.
                              I get that...nice.
                              I just think it is a little something the department stores have cooked up....and absolute BS.
                              One last problem I have....I don't have his address.
                              Trying to avoid any awkwardness at the meeting....
                              Fred

                              Comment

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