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  • Happiness

    As I posted in a previous thread, I'm going through a stressful but amicable divorce (if there is such a thing).
    Due to some of the GPer's comments; some positive, some not, I considered who is responsible for the happiness of self or partner.

    Very simply, IMHO, everyone is resonsible for their own happiness. We decide to be happy or not. This is not someone else's decision. If someone chooses to try and make us unhappy and we allow it, that's our problem. We can choose to take it on board or reject it.
    So, there is no point blaming other people. if we are miserable. Bloody hard to do, sometimes, but ultimately our happiness is up to us, not someone else.

    Just my opinion.

  • #2
    Enough said

    Originally posted by oxymoron View Post
    As I posted in a previous thread, I'm going through a stressful but amicable divorce (if there is such a thing).
    Due to some of the GPer's comments; some positive, some not, I considered who is responsible for the happiness of self or partner.

    Very simply, IMHO, everyone is resonsible for their own happiness. We decide to be happy or not. This is not someone else's decision. If someone chooses to try and make us unhappy and we allow it, that's our problem. We can choose to take it on board or reject it.
    So, there is no point blaming other people. if we are miserable. Bloody hard to do, sometimes, but ultimately our happiness is up to us, not someone else.

    Just my opinion.
    You,Oxymoron,are correct. You really can't blame others for your own life. It takes a lot of hard work sometimes to improve ourselves and our lives....it's hard work,but the choice is ours alone.

    Comment


    • #3
      Happiness is a warm gun.....bang,bang,shoot,shoot

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by oxymoron View Post
        As I posted in a previous thread, I'm going through a stressful but amicable divorce (if there is such a thing).
        Due to some of the GPer's comments; some positive, some not, I considered who is responsible for the happiness of self or partner.

        Very simply, IMHO, everyone is resonsible for their own happiness. We decide to be happy or not. This is not someone else's decision. If someone chooses to try and make us unhappy and we allow it, that's our problem. We can choose to take it on board or reject it.
        So, there is no point blaming other people. if we are miserable. Bloody hard to do, sometimes, but ultimately our happiness is up to us, not someone else.

        Just my opinion.
        Indeed.

        You might not always be responsible for the bad things that happen to you, but you are responsible for how you deal with such problems.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by oxymoron View Post
          As I posted in a previous thread, I'm going through a stressful but amicable divorce (if there is such a thing).
          Due to some of the GPer's comments; some positive, some not, I considered who is responsible for the happiness of self or partner.
          Havent been pretty much through the same situation myself@the thing about a divorce is that it is a rejection of yourself. Your wife has decided she would be happier by herself which means she has rejected you. For someone who has not been through that it can be a very tough pill to swallow and you tend to take it personally. You can decide either to fight the thing, be vindictive, wallow in self-pity, or you can choose to be magnanimous and respect her wishes even if you don't agree with them/her reasons. Being amicable is perhaps your way of saving face with her.

          I probably could have stayed in my marriage for the kids sake, toughed it out but in all likelihood would have been miserable staying with this person because they had in fact rejected you as a partner. You weigh up the pros and cons and decide how much better off you think you will be by pulling the plug. It becomes a judgement call.

          Also as non of the GPers are in the marriage with you, they have no way of knowing who is actually at fault. All they hear is your side. Jumping into another relationship while you are still married to someone else is probably not a smart idea but people seem to do it all the time in spite of themselves.

          I have found that eventually time heals all wounds, you learn to move on but it can be tough while you are going through it. Consider life as being a journey, and there will be setbacks along the way.
          Last edited by KansaiBen; 2012-06-20, 09:22 AM.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by thefg
            I hear people say you have to 'work' at a marriage and its not easy - well in my experience that's only true if you haven't married the right person. It took 3 wifes before i married someone who not just understood me but LIKED me for 100% who I am. Amazing feeling being approved of fully. I just have to be myself!

            My hope in you reading this is to give you hope that (and this does sound like a cliche I know) there IS someone out there who can make you happier than your ex did. Your job now is to find her.

            Good luck
            When my first GF and I broke up, her dad had a talk with me. We had been together for 4 years so it was hard and it wasn't MY choice, so it was harder.
            He told me something that really made sense about this. He had seen us for years and he had seen that we weren't getting along and I was putting in the effort to compensate. He said, "In the future with whoever you meet, don't ever be afraid to break up. If you argue, just break up. It's not worth the time, because the two are essentially not a good match. When you find the right person, you won't argue and there won't be any problems. But if you waste your time trying to "work things out" with a GF that you don't fit with, then you might miss your chance with the one that is perfect for you. She might see you and notice that you have GF and think "oh, well, he's taken. That's too bad." Don't create that situation by being with the wrong woman."

            When he told me this, he had been married for about 35 years, so I guess he found a good one.

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            • #7
              This thread got derailled by the talk of divorce.

              I agree with the original point of the thread, that happiness is a decision. It's along the same lines as people who say 'you make me angry'. No, they let themselves get angry by the things I say. I can't make anyone angry, only they can do that. I also can't make anyone happy, they can only let themselves be so. Of course, I can make that decision easier or harder, but I can only influence that decision, I am not the one who actually makes it.

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              • #8
                Happily married couples never have big arguments?

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                • #9
                  Not all the time. I have a big argument with my wife once a year or so, and pretty much no small arguments. It's one of the reasons I decided to marry her, she's really easy to be with.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by KansaiBen View Post
                    Havent been pretty much through the same situation myself@the thing about a divorce is that it is a rejection of yourself. Your wife has decided she would be happier by herself which means she has rejected you.
                    Quit projecting your failure(s) onto other people. You have no idea what his wife has decided.


                    Also as non of the GPers are in the marriage with you, they have no way of knowing who is actually at fault. All they hear is your side.
                    Why does anyone have to be "at fault"?

                    I don't know, maybe you're trying to say the right thing and just doing a lousy job of it.

                    Amicably,
                    A.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Agitator View Post
                      Quit projecting your failure(s) onto other people. You have no idea what his wife has decided.
                      she decided she didnt want to be married or spend any more of her life with him. Thats how it usually works. All marriage breakdowns are failures (usually of communciation) not just mine.


                      Why does anyone have to be "at fault"?

                      I don't know, maybe you're trying to say the right thing and just doing a lousy job of it.

                      A.
                      Its always darkest at the bottom of a lighthouse.

                      Allegorically yours.

                      KB.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by madazzahatter View Post
                        Happiness is a warm gun.....bang,bang,shoot,shoot
                        you son of a bithc! you beat me to it!!!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by nynapaj View Post
                          When my first GF and I broke up, her dad had a talk with me. We had been together for 4 years so it was hard and it wasn't MY choice, so it was harder.
                          He told me something that really made sense about this. He had seen us for years and he had seen that we weren't getting along and I was putting in the effort to compensate. He said, "In the future with whoever you meet, don't ever be afraid to break up. If you argue, just break up. It's not worth the time, because the two are essentially not a good match. When you find the right person, you won't argue and there won't be any problems. But if you waste your time trying to "work things out" with a GF that you don't fit with, then you might miss your chance with the one that is perfect for you. She might see you and notice that you have GF and think "oh, well, he's taken. That's too bad." Don't create that situation by being with the wrong woman."

                          When he told me this, he had been married for about 35 years, so I guess he found a good one.
                          That's some damn good advice he gave you. You'll probably miss him more then your exwife am I right?

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Genkii View Post
                            That's some damn good advice he gave you. You'll probably miss him more then your exwife am I right?
                            Yeah, I got along with her parents a lot better than with her.
                            The mom and the dad were both really nice... it's kind of strange that their daughter was a b!tch. lol

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                            • #15
                              "In the future with whoever you meet, don't ever be afraid to break up. If you argue, just break up. It's not worth the time, because the two are essentially not a good match. "

                              Hmmm? I kind of get what he meant in that if you're a perfect match,you'd never argue...but that's impossible. NEVER ARGUE? NEVER? I feel it's more of a give and take and trying to meet halfway because you love someone. There isn't a person in all of my years,in all of my life that I have never argued with,but that doesn't mean that I didn't or don't love them.

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