How to be not nice to girlfriend

[DavidStar]

uhm yeah ........

[Effected After]

Now she seems to be playing with me telling me I should look for other girlfriend because she says she cant control her mood swings and she says I deserve better. WTF WOMEN!?

There is only one answer to this, and that is 'ok'. And you leave it at that. After this point one of three things will happen:

1) She will come running back to you and tell you she will try to control her mood swings more. She probably won't actually do much better, but at least she will realize that she has to make an effort because you aren't willing to put up with it anymore.

2) You will lose your nerve, go running back to her, and have to deal with her mood swings indefinitely.

3) Neither of you will budge, and you will never date her again. But at least you won't have to deal with her crappy mood swings anymore.

One of the first two is the most likely result.

[DavidStar]

uhm yeah ........

[ozzijp]

____. I am losing it. She is not replying to my messages and has deleted me from a social network site. Is that serious. I am going crazy please what to do? Omg.

My body is feeling weird and I can't think anymore. I don't like this feeling.

Not serious. You are officially no longer an item but the up-side is that she has freed you up time-wise for some serious stalking.

[silikon_tajine]

At least you don't have to worry about convincing her to leave Japan now.

So, how when do you go on your trip?
Happy travels!

[pjb]

____. I am losing it. She is not replying to my messages and has deleted me from a social network site. Is that serious. I am going crazy please what to do? Omg.

My body is feeling weird and I can't think anymore. I don't like this feeling.

Bad news: It's over. Good news: It's over!

Friday night & it's nanpa time!

[trip_hop]

She .... has deleted me from a social network site.

The height of rejection! A binary bye-bye....

[DavidStar]

uhm yeah ........

[KansaiBen]

But she never ever demanded anything.

Except that she won't live overseas.

I see a long and happy future ahead for both of you.

[KansaiBen]

She has never snapped her fingers to let me do something. She is not that kind of girl. She always asked me if I would like to go with her to places etc. Of course I said yes.

But she never ever demanded anything.

Just to add another couple of points to Wavey's fine post.

Relationships are not always about being agreeable and saying you will go where ever she asks. Thats fine but there are times like this where you will disagree and relationships are in part about handling and managing conflict. Lovers spats, quarrels and arguments. Any one who ever says they never argue with their spouse or girlfriend is a liar. Either that or they have learnt how to manage disagreement without flying off into a silent huff.

I dont pretend to have all the answers seeing as I only had one extended relationship but I had the benefit of 20 odd years with one woman. some things I found and they may differ according to different people and circumstances

1. Japanese in general and women especially are not really touchy-feely and prone to pouring out their feelings to their boyfriends (as Wavey pointed out) they only open up to close girlfriends. They will bottle stuff up and then explode on occasion or just let you have it with both barrels and you wont see it coming. Hence the roller coaster reactions. BTW how often have you had that reaction where she puffs out her cheeks at you and acts cross? thats a prime example of "Im mad at you, Im not going to tell you why but I feel exasperation with your behavior so I'll puff my cheeks out")

2. Any marriage or relationship really, you have to choose your battles and don't expect to win all of them, but you should only fight the battles you think you can win. If you try to act with logic and reason you will lose. Sometimes you just have to walk away rather than risk a confrontation spiraling out of control through sheer stubbornness and pig headedness. Often a lot of pride and face is at stake here and many people just don't want to lose face rather than admit defeat or that they are wrong.


3. Somebody told me something before I married (and he was going through a messy divorce) and is very true is that most Japanese go through life playing a role. Japanese like to pigeonhole and categorise people according to the expected roles they have to play. I was expected to be the salariman that works his butt off, hands over salary and forgets about sex as soon as kids are born. She was fiercely protective of our kids, to the exclusion of a happy married life with a partner.

Your girlfriend may have her own ideas about what she expects and demands from you that are for different than the ideas you have for yourself. It may pay to find out exactly how she sees you and your role in her life. You seem to have put her in a box as a 'typical' Japanese woman when there is in fact no such thing except stereotypical images of how you perceive Japanese women to be. No more than there is such a thing as a typical man or a typical woman. You learn to play with the cards you are dealt, not hold her up to some kind of ideal or image and think thats how she actually is, because you have no idea if shes simply acting or playing a role for you.

I have a book lying around which has about 50-100 odd questions you should ask a partner before engaging in a marriage or serious relationship and the answers they give you will give you a good idea or where they are coming from as people and you can also determine if you have similar values and you are on the same page, rather than resorting to stereotypes and assumed beliefs about certain behavior.

[silikon_tajine]

But she never ever demanded anything.

Also posted by Star of Bethlehem:
<<Not into asian thing, I am asian myself. I know I can get better. I know I am too good for her and she knows that, makes her very insecure, but I love being loved so much, and I like her being needy and jealous. I like all the attention she requires, I love the stress and the moodyness I have to go through every week. Some guys dont like it, I need something like that.>>

If you love the stress, drama and fact that she never demands anything from you, what are you complaining for?

[HarryHurry]

So guys, had some improvements since last dramatic post here.

People told me not to be so nice to her and get some balls and be a man because I have been just to nice too her. Like a pushover as people refered to me here. And women dont like a men who say "yes" to everything and does not have an oppinion to nothing and agrees to everything.

So had some major improvements. Started telling her no when I dont feel like it. First she was angry but people where right, she keps coming back. Seems women want an ahole and a gentleman at the same time.

The thing is I just want to get some feedback and see if I am in the right direction, because today it seems to have escalated. She got moody like always and it pissed me off because we wanted to have a nice evening together and she blew it with her moodiness. (To the men out here. You know you were going to hit it this evening and suddenly it just gets cancelled, how frustrating!!)

Normally I would be quiet and just say nothing, but this time I told her she is acting like a baby and that frustrates me and when she has problems she should talk and not keep telling me "betsuni"

Now she seems to be playing with me telling me I should look for other girlfriend because she says she cant control her mood swings and she says I deserve better. WTF WOMEN!?

I am seriously young and new to this business and I jumped right into Japanese women, thats hardcore man. Help me out here.

Of course I want to jump back into her arms crying not to leave me, but I have to play the confident man. So please help me.

Should I tell her I dont care. Or something like "get real girl, I know I deserve better" or just tell her nothing.

I want to give her the impression I dont really care and she will come back anyway, I know she is playing. But I am a bit scared she might be seriouis. But I cant imagine she breaking up with me, she wouldnt.

Oh, put another record on, will ya.

I suggest In The Hall of the Mountain King, especially the part where the TROLLS come in...

Honestly, I can't believe you dudes still giving serious replies to our troll...

[Potnoodle]

David starr
You are a
C
U
N
T
Of the ninth degree

[DavidStar]

David starr
You are a
C
U
N
T
Of the ninth degree

Thanks. Feels good hiding behind the Internet? You would never tell me this in person.

[Potnoodle]

Ha! I bet I would tell you that your a cuuunt to your face and you wouldn't do a thing about it except probably running to Gaijinpot forum to ask for advice...

C
U
N
T

Moreover, when girls break from a relationship they go a little crazy, your girl is probably being passed back and forth between Leroy and co

[silikon_tajine]

Oh,

I suggest In The Hall of the Mountain King, especially the part where the TROLLS come in...

.

Ha! Hilarious.

But seriously David, you do nothing but treat the others on here with a condescending attitude, especially towards Americans (not that I personally take offense b/c I am not American). Why should we now jump to your emotional rescue?

And it is rather strange to come running to GP to ask about what you should do/think/say/how to act in your private affairs. Get some real friends.

[Potnoodle]

Yeah, get some real friends, David,
You souless
Cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnntttttttttttttt

[DavidStar]

uhm yeah ........

[KansaiBen]

Dave if you are not actually a troll I can sense where you are coming from as I pretty much went through the same experience myself.

My guess is you are the NAGS, the New Age Sensitive guy, Mr Nice-guy who wants to do the right thing by his girlfriend, are not the type to pull wings off flies or open beer bottles with his teeth, or think his idea of a good time is watch Saturday Night Football.

Your girlfriend (or ex) as the case may be sounds flakey, you have been taken over by her charms and don't want to stand up to her and be assertive, I have learnt through experience and extensive reading that many women don't know what they want, and seem to go for jocks and jerks that treat them like crap and they come back for more. Your girl doesn't want to leave Japan but expects you to do all the running around and courting. She has you wrapped around her little finger and she knows it. Just write doormat all over your forehead. She knows all she has to do is snap her fingers and you come running, including putting off your studies for a year so you can be with here. Stand up to her and what does she do? delete your phone number and email before you can say boo.


Act all sensitive and caring i.e act more like a woman than a guy would and many women don't like it. I don't know why.

There was a long thread on here not so long ago about successful marriages and dating Japanese women. Unfortunately I dont have a good track record in that department (marriage failed after 16 years but how many guys would last that long) but it gave a good run down of what NOT to do.

No two Japanese girls are the same and you should avoid stereotyping them or think because she is Japanese she is Miss wilting wallflower. The cute exterior is very deceptive IMO and as soon as you let your guard down she will eat you alive.

[silikon_tajine]

Guys why so harsh on me.

I don't attack Americans. .

<<I am seriously dealing with a bunch of morons here! Americanos? >>

From the thread about Japanese books on Japan.

[silikon_tajine]

I don't attack Americans.

<<Dont like Okinawa that much, too many Americans with bad reputation. Dont want to be seen as just another stinky criminal and rapist gaijin down there haha.>>

From your road trip thread.

Not to mention you gloat about your girlfriend's family being oh-so-in-love with you BECAUSE you're NOT American.

[Jakebullet]

So guys
....





BLAH BLAH BLAH.... IM A ____ING TROLL _______

.....

r" or just tell her nothing.

I want to give her the impression I dont really care and she will come back anyway, I know she is playing. But I am a bit scared she might be seriouis. But I cant imagine she breaking up with me, she wouldnt.

Crawl back into your hole.

[Ms.Hyde]

Just keep your cool. Distract yourself by going out with friends and hit clubs or something tonight. Chat up a girl and have fun. Bottom line, sounds like you both need some time apart to evaluate the relationship if it is worth the bs (from both of you) trust me there are fun loving women who is down for it anytime you want it (like me ;])

so chin up xxx

[Potnoodle]

David Starr,
To put in simply, you are a moron...

You talk about wanting to be a strong man but you come on Gaijinpot and let other people tell you what to think, what to feel and how to treat your woman.

You have no personality and no soul of your own.

You let people on this forum, the Gaijinpot relationship forum FFS, tell you what to do and now look at what's happened... You've blown it big time... And, to be honest, I think your ex is better off without someone who cannot captain his own fate...

Do you seriously have no idea about women that you actually took peoples advice here...

David Starr you are a soulless moron...

[DavidStar]

Do you seriously have no idea about women that you actually took peoples advice here...

if I am 35 yes. but I am 21 so its very okay to ask for advice as I am still learning.

[Ms.Hyde]

do you look like your avatar? if you do I might be your solution...

lol

[DavidStar]

do you look like your avatar? if you do I might be your solution...

lol

I am really young. You are older than me. Like everybody here I guess.