I'm 19 years old, open minded, honest, and I don't know what I want. I'm interested in math and computers. I decided to select computer engineering as my major. My first year of college was horrible. I failed miserably because I was stuck in a high school mind set (Didn't believe I had to study. I believed the daily lectures were plentiful. I was wrong and learned from my mistake).
When I failed I believed my world was over. So I dropped out of the classes to prevent any further damage to my grades. I do plan to go back but I just don't know what I want anymore.
Computer engineering would be fun I would enjoy doing that. I have second thoughts about it all the time because of my friends. Most of them are majoring in things that don't require mathematics, sciences, or any "difficult" course. I don't know why. I only picked computer engineering because I really like computers and technology. I like knowing everything about something new, when everyone around me asks for help.
The thing is I don't know what I want to do anymore. I feel like I'm getting lost in myself because I don't know what to do anymore. This happens when I travel.
For instance I used to visit my father in Idaho. I love the nature, outdoors, scenery, etc. I see so much beauty there. I don't want to sit at an office missing out on such opportunity to be outside being something else. I currently reside in California and I dislike where I live because of the lack of nature. I feel like I don't fit in with this town. Many people are happy because they don't live here permanently, they are military and stay for a few years then move on to another state or country. I feel like there's a much more beautiful place out there for me. For example on my trips to Idaho from California, I would travel first to Oregon, wait a few hours at the airport, then from Oregon finish my way to Spokane, WA. Idaho is just a drive away. Oregon and Washington were such beautiful places. (Of course not every aspect is beautiful, such as the ghettos, but in general it was a nice place).
I plan to visit again soon to see if I can find life there. But I'm unsure of myself because I want to find love too. Love can be found anywhere, even here in California, but I don't want to spend my days rotting away in this town. I feel much more alive when I'm around nature.
I know most of you are going to hate me for this next part but I also thought about Japan. It first interested me with Anime. I'm not a hardcore anime fan but I do enjoy anime. Mostly the love/romance genres like Clannad after story. I wasn't interested in moving to Japan until I further investigated Japan. I read about the culture how different and unique they are. How they are an isolated island away from the other cultures, and seeing how it developed.
The problem I have is I have to make a decision for my life and I don't know what to do now. I want to visit Japan someday soon in the next few years. But I'll have to make a decision for my career before then. A career that will work out if I chose to live in Japan, Oregon, or anywhere else life may bring.
The thing that worries me about Japan is relationships. How you are not supposed to show affection for each other in public. I've read how relationships aren't as close too. I want to have a lover and I feel like maybe I should forget about Japan due to the fact relationships won't be able to experience mutual love. Am I losing myself to think that?
1. What occupation would work in Japan as well as the United States that isn't teaching English.
2. Is it harder to find mutual love in Japan than in the USA due to not being able to be as close in relationships?
3. I don't consider myself charisma man so I'm moving to Japan because I suck in USA--Rather anime brought me closer to Japan and I see that the country has a beautiful culture. The nature is beautiful. The language is beautiful. The Japanese style homes are a dream. Is this a bad reason to move to Japan?
I hope someone can share some advice to help me decide what I should do with my life. Most of my friends are just going with the flow, but I want to live a happy life.
Thanks for reading.