Advice

[Special]

I'm 19 years old, open minded, honest, and I don't know what I want. I'm interested in math and computers. I decided to select computer engineering as my major. My first year of college was horrible. I failed miserably because I was stuck in a high school mind set (Didn't believe I had to study. I believed the daily lectures were plentiful. I was wrong and learned from my mistake).

When I failed I believed my world was over. So I dropped out of the classes to prevent any further damage to my grades. I do plan to go back but I just don't know what I want anymore.

Computer engineering would be fun I would enjoy doing that. I have second thoughts about it all the time because of my friends. Most of them are majoring in things that don't require mathematics, sciences, or any "difficult" course. I don't know why. I only picked computer engineering because I really like computers and technology. I like knowing everything about something new, when everyone around me asks for help.

The thing is I don't know what I want to do anymore. I feel like I'm getting lost in myself because I don't know what to do anymore. This happens when I travel.

For instance I used to visit my father in Idaho. I love the nature, outdoors, scenery, etc. I see so much beauty there. I don't want to sit at an office missing out on such opportunity to be outside being something else. I currently reside in California and I dislike where I live because of the lack of nature. I feel like I don't fit in with this town. Many people are happy because they don't live here permanently, they are military and stay for a few years then move on to another state or country. I feel like there's a much more beautiful place out there for me. For example on my trips to Idaho from California, I would travel first to Oregon, wait a few hours at the airport, then from Oregon finish my way to Spokane, WA. Idaho is just a drive away. Oregon and Washington were such beautiful places. (Of course not every aspect is beautiful, such as the ghettos, but in general it was a nice place).

I plan to visit again soon to see if I can find life there. But I'm unsure of myself because I want to find love too. Love can be found anywhere, even here in California, but I don't want to spend my days rotting away in this town. I feel much more alive when I'm around nature.

I know most of you are going to hate me for this next part but I also thought about Japan. It first interested me with Anime. I'm not a hardcore anime fan but I do enjoy anime. Mostly the love/romance genres like Clannad after story. I wasn't interested in moving to Japan until I further investigated Japan. I read about the culture how different and unique they are. How they are an isolated island away from the other cultures, and seeing how it developed.

The problem I have is I have to make a decision for my life and I don't know what to do now. I want to visit Japan someday soon in the next few years. But I'll have to make a decision for my career before then. A career that will work out if I chose to live in Japan, Oregon, or anywhere else life may bring.

The thing that worries me about Japan is relationships. How you are not supposed to show affection for each other in public. I've read how relationships aren't as close too. I want to have a lover and I feel like maybe I should forget about Japan due to the fact relationships won't be able to experience mutual love. Am I losing myself to think that?



TL;DR

1. What occupation would work in Japan as well as the United States that isn't teaching English.
2. Is it harder to find mutual love in Japan than in the USA due to not being able to be as close in relationships?
3. I don't consider myself charisma man so I'm moving to Japan because I suck in USA--Rather anime brought me closer to Japan and I see that the country has a beautiful culture. The nature is beautiful. The language is beautiful. The Japanese style homes are a dream. Is this a bad reason to move to Japan?

I hope someone can share some advice to help me decide what I should do with my life. Most of my friends are just going with the flow, but I want to live a happy life.

Thanks for reading.

[well_bicyclically]

....yada.....


1. What occupation would work in Japan as well as the United States that isn't teaching English.
2. Is it harder to find mutual love in Japan than in the USA due to not being able to be as close in relationships?
3. I don't consider myself charisma man so I'm moving to Japan because I suck in USA--Rather anime brought me closer to Japan and I see that the country has a beautiful culture. The nature is beautiful. The language is beautiful. The Japanese style homes are a dream. Is this a bad reason to move to Japan?

I hope someone can share some advice to help me decide what I should do with my life. Most of my friends are just going with the flow, but I want to live a happy life.

....

1. medicine. you should become a doctor.
2. the only true love in Japan is the love of money, and self love.
3. nature is so beautiful it glows! hitting your head countless times as you walk from room to room in a Japanese style house would likely render you senseless.

since when does going with the flow lead to unhappiness??

[KansaiBen]

Certainly helps if you actually graduate from university first.

Only advice I can give is do what makes you happy. The older you get the greater the pressure to get on the gravy train and start acquiring things. Success in America is determined by how much you own.

[Pogopuschel]

Hello,

1. What occupation would work in Japan as well as the United States that isn't teaching English.

Almost anything except for occupations that require specialized knowledge or licenses pertaining to a certain country like lawyer, doctor, etc. The problem with most professions though is that you would need to speak nearly native Japanese to be considered for job here, the exception is teaching English and certain types IT work. IT is probably the easiest to get into I would say

Is it harder to find mutual love in Japan than in the USA due to not being able to be as close in relationships?

You are right that it's considered normal to show affection in public but that doesn't mean that closeness doesn't exist in private settings. Loving is a basic human trait. It's not limited by culture. Personally I would say that my relationships with Japanese women have been much closer than those with western ones. Sometimes a little "too close", if you know what I mean. (I'm sure other posters here do).

I don't consider myself charisma man so I'm moving to Japan because I suck in USA--Rather anime brought me closer to Japan and I see that the country has a beautiful culture. The nature is beautiful. The language is beautiful. The Japanese style homes are a dream. Is this a bad reason to move to Japan?

Hey, wait a second. First you were talking about "visiting Japan sometime within the next few years" and now it's "I'm moving to Japan". It's way to premature to think about these things now. You should visit first, maybe try living in Japan for a while. Your image of Japan will probably change after you've been here. Then you can start thinking about moving permanently and the reasons that motivate you.

Good luck.

[BackDoor_Man]

You`ve got to do what you want and not give a shite about what your friends are doing . You wrote " Computer engineering would be fun I would enjoy doing that. I have second thoughts about it all the time because of my friends. Most of them are majoring in things that don't require mathematics, sciences, or any "difficult" course. " Your friends are taking the easy way out and they will probably regret it in the long run. You on the other have found something that you know you will enjoy. Sure you`ll have to study more than your friends but you probably will be glad and happy with your decision in the long run. Go back to school and bear down, Don`t let things get out of hand, and don`t do things because your friends are doing them. If they decide to jump off a cliff, are you going to Jump off a cliff? I`ll tell you a secret: Japan is not going anywhere and will always be here, waiting for you!!

Good Luck

[KansaiBen]

read the poem Road not Taken by Robert Frost., Best poem I ever read. It talks about the path less worn and not so traveled on rather than the highway everyone else goes on. People are brainwashed by society to go to college, graduate so you can get a job and work for a company for 40 years and make as much money in the meantime, buying houses and care before you retire and shuffle off the coil. You reach 60 and wonder if it was all worth it. People do jobs because they make the most money or their parents push them into it or you drift into it because all your friends are doing it and you go along with the tide. You want to be like all the other lemmings diving off a cliff? Do it just because they are?

I did Business in my first year at college, bombed out badly and took a year off. Went back to college got my degree and came to Japan, been here ever since. Listen to your gut, do things you enjoy doing. The money etc will flow later. You want to be stuck in an 80-hour a week job you hate and have no life? You think a wife or GF will stick around if you are constantly AWOL or consumed by work?


There is also more to life than just going to work and acquiring things Having a big SUV and two car garage is noce to have but does it make you hapy? they are just THINGS. How about taking two years off and traveling around the world? While your friends are bogged down with mortgages and kids and loans you will have been through Europe and Japan and Asia. Heck I didnt even come to japan until I was 24. you are only 19 and too young to be thinking about the rest of your life.

[yu_ominae]

Hey, wait a second. First you were talking about "visiting Japan sometime within the next few years" and now it's "I'm moving to Japan". It's way to premature to think about these things now. You should visit first, maybe try living in Japan for a while. Your image of Japan will probably change after you've been here. Then you can start thinking about moving permanently and the reasons that motivate you.

Definitely! I came here for the first time because I was interested in the Japan I had imagined for myself through mangas and animes. It was nothing like it. Just like the USA isn't like what you see in the films really... Doesn't mean that it was disappointing though, just different. But you should definitely try to get on an exchange programme or something first and try to live here - not just travel as a tourist - for a few months, maybe a year. You're still young enough to get on an exchange with AFS or Rotary, so give it a try. It will not look bad on your CV either and will give you enough time to figure out what you want to do.

[ttokyo]

1. What occupation would work in Japan as well as the United States that isn't teaching English.
2. Is it harder to find mutual love in Japan than in the USA due to not being able to be as close in relationships?
3. I don't consider myself charisma man so I'm moving to Japan because I suck in USA--Rather anime brought me closer to Japan and I see that the country has a beautiful culture. The nature is beautiful. The language is beautiful. The Japanese style homes are a dream. Is this a bad reason to move to Japan?

Honestly speaking, you will not be happy in Japan. Why ? Virtually all of the jobs for foreigners are in the Megacities such as Tokyo, Osaka and Yokohama and if you like nature you will suffer a great deal. Housing is so expensive that people live in tiny and crammed apartments. I'd really recommend to come over and do a combined holiday / fact-finding trip for job opportunities, ideally also an internship or similar. If you're (still) an IT student, that should be possible.


BTW. Yes, also the Japanese have a lack of doctors in the countryside, but you would need to speak 'perfect' Japanese to get the license.

[Special]

1. medicine. you should become a doctor.
2. the only true love in Japan is the love of money, and self love.
3. nature is so beautiful it glows! hitting your head countless times as you walk from room to room in a Japanese style house would likely render you senseless.

since when does going with the flow lead to unhappiness??

1. Becoming a doctor sound easier than learning Native Japanese. :\
2. Sounds disappointing
3. I like this!

Certainly helps if you actually graduate from university first.

Only advice I can give is do what makes you happy. The older you get the greater the pressure to get on the gravy train and start acquiring things. Success in America is determined by how much you own.

Thanks. I'm going back this summer and I plan to go all the way through to bring my GPA up. After that I want to try and foreign exchange to Japan to see what it's like while I'm still eligible.

Hello,


Almost anything except for occupations that require specialized knowledge or licenses pertaining to a certain country like lawyer, doctor, etc. The problem with most professions though is that you would need to speak nearly native Japanese to be considered for job here, the exception is teaching English and certain types IT work. IT is probably the easiest to get into I would say


You are right that it's considered normal to show affection in public but that doesn't mean that closeness doesn't exist in private settings. Loving is a basic human trait. It's not limited by culture. Personally I would say that my relationships with Japanese women have been much closer than those with western ones. Sometimes a little "too close", if you know what I mean. (I'm sure other posters here do).


Hey, wait a second. First you were talking about "visiting Japan sometime within the next few years" and now it's "I'm moving to Japan". It's way to premature to think about these things now. You should visit first, maybe try living in Japan for a while. Your image of Japan will probably change after you've been here. Then you can start thinking about moving permanently and the reasons that motivate you.

Good luck.

I like computers but I'm curious what kind of IT work I would be doing if I did take that path. Right now I manage a website for a friend and program a little php for him usually just small database script. Last week I helped my friends family setup their new computer and remove some viruses they had on their computer. Helped figure out what was wrong with their computers monitor too. At first I thought it was the graphics card but later found out it was the monitor itself.

I like what you said how it's a human trait. I was beginning to feel if I started liking the country and the environment there would be that flaw with relationships. Saying they've been closer than western women, that must be very close. My last relationship lasted for like 5 years. I think about it now I don't know how we lasted so long but it's over now, and looking back I can't believe I put up with some of those things. We were pretty close, but I realize how far away we were when I found out she cheated on meh. Is it true your Japanese wife can freely cheat on you if your not fulfilling her needs? You wouldn't divorce--just freely see other people and still be a family?

You are right. I want to foreign exchange there for a semester if I can. I'd like to try a full year but for now I want to try a semester.

You`ve got to do what you want and not give a shite about what your friends are doing . You wrote " Computer engineering would be fun I would enjoy doing that. I have second thoughts about it all the time because of my friends. Most of them are majoring in things that don't require mathematics, sciences, or any "difficult" course. " Your friends are taking the easy way out and they will probably regret it in the long run. You on the other have found something that you know you will enjoy. Sure you`ll have to study more than your friends but you probably will be glad and happy with your decision in the long run. Go back to school and bear down, Don`t let things get out of hand, and don`t do things because your friends are doing them. If they decide to jump off a cliff, are you going to Jump off a cliff? I`ll tell you a secret: Japan is not going anywhere and will always be here, waiting for you!!

Good Luck

Yeah that's exactly what my friends are doing. Taking the easy route. I'm pretty sure they're going to wish they tried harder in school. One of my friends I kinda feel bad for because he's so lazy but he's really smart. He has the potential to be something great, but he won't apply himself. Also thanks for the positive energy. I hope Japan stays there!

read the poem Road not Taken by Robert Frost., Best poem I ever read. It talks about the path less worn and not so traveled on rather than the highway everyone else goes on. People are brainwashed by society to go to college, graduate so you can get a job and work for a company for 40 years and make as much money in the meantime, buying houses and care before you retire and shuffle off the coil. You reach 60 and wonder if it was all worth it. People do jobs because they make the most money or their parents push them into it or you drift into it because all your friends are doing it and you go along with the tide. You want to be like all the other lemmings diving off a cliff? Do it just because they are?

I did Business in my first year at college, bombed out badly and took a year off. Went back to college got my degree and came to Japan, been here ever since. Listen to your gut, do things you enjoy doing. The money etc will flow later. You want to be stuck in an 80-hour a week job you hate and have no life? You think a wife or GF will stick around if you are constantly AWOL or consumed by work?


There is also more to life than just going to work and acquiring things Having a big SUV and two car garage is noce to have but does it make you hapy? they are just THINGS. How about taking two years off and traveling around the world? While your friends are bogged down with mortgages and kids and loans you will have been through Europe and Japan and Asia. Heck I didnt even come to japan until I was 24. you are only 19 and too young to be thinking about the rest of your life.

Your life sounds great now. Are you doing IT in Japan? Also thinking about my friends having mortgages and SUV's and kids.. makes me laugh. I could just say, "I knew that would happen." I like what you said about the road not taken. I feel the same way. People get too much into their job and miss out on life away from society. They miss out on a lot of things, like seeing breath taking parts of the world. The earth is so beautiful and has the most beautiful things. I'm not a nature freak but I swear some parts of earth I find more beautiful than women.

I don't know how to explain it, but I know one of my friends who only wants to go to college to work. Nothing is wrong with that but when I asked her if she'd ever like to visit a place in the world or go somewhere on vacation she just said no, she wants to work. I felt stupid for asking her because she was so confident in not wanting anything else. P.S. She wanted to go to med school to be a plastic surgeon. She's attending her first year of med school right now. Also thanks for the advice on following my gut. I remember doubting my gut lots of times when it was actually right. For example say.. someone put a coin under 3 plastic cups, then rearranged them all and I was asked to pick which cup has the coin. I would always doubt my first answer, but if I never doubted myself I would have been right. It's weird.

Definitely! I came here for the first time because I was interested in the Japan I had imagined for myself through mangas and animes. It was nothing like it. Just like the USA isn't like what you see in the films really... Doesn't mean that it was disappointing though, just different. But you should definitely try to get on an exchange programme or something first and try to live here - not just travel as a tourist - for a few months, maybe a year. You're still young enough to get on an exchange with AFS or Rotary, so give it a try. It will not look bad on your CV either and will give you enough time to figure out what you want to do.

Thank you so much for this advice! You are the person who got me thinking of foreign exchanging. I'm really going to try to work hard to meet the requirements to exchange. I'll try to stay for a semester and then if I really enjoy it, maybe exchange again for a full year? I read I'd have multiple home stay parents but that would be just fine. The diversity of multiple households would be great. Right now I'm saving money and fixing my grades to have a better chance at going. Once again thanks for this great advice.

Honestly speaking..(Shortened for thread post)


BTW. Yes, also the Japanese have a lack of doctors in the countryside, but you would need to speak 'perfect' Japanese to get the license.

Perfect Japanese sounds intimidating. I'm trying to foreign exchange there for a semester if I can. Still though couldn't I visit other parts of Japan with a little vacation from work? I wouldn't mind working hard to visit other parts of Japan on my vacations.

[KansaiBen]

Your life sounds great now. Are you doing IT in Japan? Also thinking about my friends having mortgages and SUV's and kids.. makes me laugh. I could just say, "I knew that would happen." I like what you said about the road not taken. I feel the same way. People get too much into their job and miss out on life away from society. They miss out on a lot of things, like seeing breath taking parts of the world. The earth is so beautiful and has the most beautiful things. I'm not a nature freak but I swear some parts of earth I find more beautiful than women.

I don't know how to explain it, but I know one of my friends who only wants to go to college to work. Nothing is wrong with that but when I asked her if she'd ever like to visit a place in the world or go somewhere on vacation she just said no, she wants to work. I felt stupid for asking her because she was so confident in not wanting anything else. P.S. She wanted to go to med school to be a plastic surgeon. She's attending her first year of med school right now. Also thanks for the advice on following my gut. I remember doubting my gut lots of times when it was actually right. For example say.. someone put a coin under 3 plastic cups, then rearranged them all and I was asked to pick which cup has the coin. I would always doubt my first answer, but if I never doubted myself I would have been right. It's weird.
.

Just reading this thread again I spoke to a friend of mine yesterday who spent 16 years in Japan and went back to live in Australia. Living off savings and close to breadline in Sydney. He said something that struck a chord. Unless you have been there years worked your way up from the bottom and built a career its very hard to go back at 40 or so and start from scratch. Most jobs you need qualifications and experience. If you have no qualifications other than a few years in Japan then there is no way you can really make it at home. His sixteen years in Japan means nothing to employers back in Australia and hes competing with immigrants from India and Bangladesh for low level paying jobs. Nows its whites who are suffering in Australia.

Most of the people like me who make a career in Japan it becomes a lifestyle choice. I have chosen to live here and make Japan my home, as I also have kids. Some people end up her by default, they get hooked on Japan and before you know it 10 years have gone by and its too late to make a start back home. The alternative is be like your friends, get the professional qualifications and skills. work up to managerial level or become lawyers and doctors or teachers etc on 100 grand a year.

You might be interested to know that in the US at the moment the AVERAGE income is about $25,000 a year. You get a lot of rich people still but as a percentage of the working population its still very small. The LARGE majority have sub prime mortgages,. paying off debt and negative equity. many are long term unemployed or living off equity in their homes. To buy into a house now in Australia you need $100-200,000 in cash to pay a deposit on a home. According to friend homes in Sydney now cost over $1 million for an ordinary house. People have huge student loans to pay off often taking over ten years to pay off, some default and escape to other countries to avoid loan debt. In my country the outstanding student loan debt is 12 BILLION dollars owed to the government by graduates.

You have weigh up whether you want to join the gravy train, spend years paying off student debt, saving up for a deposit, spending 30 years paying off a mortgage where the loan ends up more than the house is worth. Do a job that you probably hate so you can buy a little section out in the suburbs and have 2.3 kids and white picket fence.

OR...... you can go with your gut, go against the grain and come to Japan, smell the roses and live in a foreign country and culture. Most of us are here because we have the Japan fix in our bones and most of us dont want to be anywhere else. Sure we don't make great money, compared to back home, but after 25 years here I cant think of any place I would rather want to live. Its not for everyone, but after 2-3 years you will probably have a better idea what you want to do with your life and what is important to you. The American dream back home or the expat experience.


PS there is a lot of peer pressure on this forum in particular, that if you are in Japan and an English teacher you are a loser and you cant make it back home. You are only a 'somebody" if you have letters behind your name or you have a law degree or you are an engineer making big bucks. People judge you by your social status, your occupation, what car you drive and what toys you own. It all seems very shallow and superficial. Does having all that make you happy, maybe having a loan to pay off the Mercedes or Beemer or the big apartment in Roppongi Hills.

Such people also are often called "big hat, no cattle" as they have the outward manifestations of wealth but its all on borrowed money so they can "appear" rich to their friends. Many people may appear poor but have money tied up in stocks real estate and dont need to show off with abig house or a big car. Do what makes you happy and dont be concerned with what everything else thinks. Its your life and you have to be happy living it and you owe nothing to anyone.

Rant over.