Changed jp bf..

[rievi]

Hi all, i'm really looking forward to your feedback about my relationship at the moment. So, i've been with a jp bf for five months now. We actually met in online dating site, i of course didn't see him right away. We chatted via messenger cause i refused to give my number before i feel it right and i feel comfortable with it. So after communicating via messenger for more than a week, we then decided to meet and it was really nice. We both spent 9 hours together that day. He took me to a few beaches and took me to his place (we didnt do anything inappropriate that time) and there he played piano for me. It's just all seems so sweet, and after that we went to have dinner and then we went our own way back to home. After the first meeting he seems eager to see me for the second time. And then 3 days after the first meeting, we meet again for the second time. We went to the botanical garden and spent some time talking to each other, he holds my hand for the first time that day. And after the garden, we went to the movies and when we're watching the movie, he pulled me into his arms. So there goes the lovely second meeting. and he asked me out again. At the third date, he kissed me and things got kinda steamy and BAM we did it. I really like spending time with him, he's really nice eventhough he's really introvert and kinda mysterious because he never talks much about himself, but he's been strange in the past 6 weeks. we actually never have any problem, but then these issues suddenly came up.

So, he went back to Japan in january, there's nothing strange, everything is good. We communicate via phone everyday and we also chatted via fb too. The thing is, when he was on japan, i told him that i couldnt extend my visa in our recent country so i'll have to go back to my country in early july 2012. When he got back here from japan, he still my same old bf but then within weeks he changed. I'm feeling that he started to push me away, which i dont know why. He started to having problems with holding my hands and sometimes i felt he's really cold and not interested on me anymore (i started to think that he's seeing someone else but when i confronted him, he said that he's been thinking about his problems and his future and maybe that affected his actions to me lately), and then he started to having problems to see me cause he's busy with his education and work (this is the recent issue at the moment). I'm starting to feel depressed about this, i'm feeling inappreciated, unwanted cause of his actions. After i analysed his behavior for the past six weeks, it is really strange, suddenly i'm the one who always asking to see him, suddenly i'm the one whose only excited about our relationship. And the worst of all, he forgot my birthday and we actually spent it together. I didnt tell him that it's my birthday cause i'm pretty sure that he knew, but yeeepp, he forgot. I actually felt like crap that day, it was just an emotional time for me. Well, but then i forgive him, I actually do really like him. When i asked why he changed he finally said that knowing me couldnt stay longer in the country making him controlled his feelings for me. I dont know wether i can believe his words or it's just his reasons to push me away. He said that if it's too painful for me i can just leave him.

We're gonna have a talk tomorrow. And to be honest, i've taken a decision to leave him. I know i'm going to miss him so bad and all the things, but as i said i felt inappreciated, unwanted and taken for granted. I'm trying my best for him, i really do, i cooked for him, come to his place to spend a few days with him, help him clean his place, try to cheer him up when he had a bad day. I just couldnt understand why he's doing this. If it's because of i'm going back to my country in july, to be honest, i think he's really selfish. Selfish cause he only thinks about himself, he didnt think about my feelings too. If he thinks we shouldnt be together anymore then he should talk to me instead of doing all these crappy things.

I just hope i didnt bore all of you with my story. I believe that if he really loves me, i wouldnt feel like i'm struggling alone in this relationship. I believe that if he really wants to be with me then there will be a way for us. But apparently, i guess he didnt think so. Ooohh, FYI, he's still a student in here, he's 32 and i'm 26. We're both in Australia at the moment. So, what do u think about my story??

[HairyHurry]

I gave up after, "Hi all"...



(but at least the OP didn't intro his epic novel with, "So,...", which is not a bad start)

[shonanfred]

Please tell me you are a chick.
Fred

[HairyHurry]

Please tell me you are a chick.
Fred

No, I'm a guy.

[ThaHamburgler]

I gave up after, "Hi all"...

Me too! *high five*

[Genkii]

Me too! *high five*

Me three! *high five*

[rievi]

Aaaawwwww. Thanks for the feedback guys. I just hope when you're in a hard situation in your life and you're asking someone's advice, they would actually came up with something that can help you instead og giving some bad jokes. Cheers

[Andun]

I just hope i didnt bore all of you with my story. I believe that if he really loves me, i wouldnt feel like i'm struggling alone in this relationship. I believe that if he really wants to be with me then there will be a way for us. But apparently, i guess he didnt think so. Ooohh, FYI, he's still a student in here, he's 32 and i'm 26. We're both in Australia at the moment. So, what do u think about my story??

A 32 year old Japanese student? Pretty odd. Japanese usually do education by the book and are finished by their mid 20s.

[rievi]

@ Andun : yes. he's done his master degree back in japan. now studying a totally different subject in australia. he's been in here for 2 years and 8 months. he left his life in japan to struggle in here. so it might be another pressure for him cause he's not that young anymore..

[HairyHurry]

Aaaawwwww. Thanks for the feedback guys. I just hope when you're in a hard situation in your life and you're asking someone's advice, they would actually came up with something that can help you instead og giving some bad jokes. Cheers

I just hope that when I'm in a hard situation in my life I can explain it in less than a book...

[HairyHurry]

I am afraid that is what it is like here, rievi ... there is a lot of sarcasm, nastiness and what you might class as immature male behavior. It can be funny sometimes but it is a bit of a 'bar room' type environment and probably not one for raising questions like your own. There are a few sincere people but they are quickly drowned out.

Where are you from ... and are you hoping go and live in Japan? You say your own visa is running out.


* I think the admin ought to start a women only, woman moderated forum.

Wouldn't work. It would have to stop once a month for a short period....

[rievi]

I just hope that when I'm in a hard situation in my life I can explain it in less than a book...

Good on you

[rievi]

@ therethatbeendone : thank you for ur concern. I appreciate that a lot. Well, to be honest, i'm into sarcasm and jokes too, but i know when it's time to take something seriously and when it's time to joke or to use the sarcasm. Maybe they're not having some bad intentions by making joke on my situations, maybe they just wanted me to lighten up. As i say, maybeeee

Well, i don't have any plans to live in japan and neither is my bf. He doesn't want to come back to that hard life. And you were asking about my nationality right?? I'm dutch indonesian, was born and raised in indonesia but i'm in australia at the moment

Really?? There will be a forum for women?? I couldn't be happier

[Genkii]

Don't worry there is still hope! We have a pro here. A guy here on the forums with an anime avatar (yeah sorry forgot his name) that PM's everyone who have a relationship problem.

You already received his PM?

[rievi]

@ Genkii : aawwwhh, thanks for being nice. No i haven't actually..

[oxymoron]

Enjoyed your novella, OP. When is volume 2?

[rievi]

@ Oxymoron : aaawwhhhh, i'm glad i could entertain you with it..

[hml]

I think the admin ought to start a women only, woman moderated forum.[/i]

Why wait? *You* should start one!

[edin日本]

Why wait? *You* should start one!

Right after he gets his sex change.

[shonanfred]

No, I'm a guy.

Not you dude.
Fred

[lennonix]

There should be a women only forum.

[TJrandom]

.... So, what do u think about my story??

Is that your only question? And - why would you care what people think of your story? Unless - you are planning on becoming a story teller, it really shouldn't matter what people think of your story.

[rievi]

@ lennonix : definitely

@ TJrandom : well, who knows that there's someone who can explain his behaviour, cause i definitely couldn't understand..

[TJrandom]

@ TJrandom : well, who knows that there's someone who can explain his behaviour, cause i definitely couldn't understand..

I see. But since no-one here actually knows him, or you - I suspect that no one here will be able to explain his behavior. Lots of possibilities of course... he may be married, engaged, rethinking international relationships, have a stomach bug, be stressed out, etc.

[rievi]

I see. But since no-one here actually knows him, or you - I suspect that no one here will be able to explain his behavior. Lots of possibilities of course... he may be married, engaged, rethinking international relationships, have a stomach bug, be stressed out, etc.

Yeah, i suppose u'r right. Last night I just found out that he activated his profile back on the dating site where we met.. Couldn't say anything more..

[Kiboo]

Yeah, i suppose u'r right. Last night I just found out that he activated his profile back on the dating site where we met.. Couldn't say anything more..

Just let him be alone and find a different J　bf.

[oxymoron]

So sad, too bad!
Better luck next time.
Good hunting.

[rievi]

Just let him be alone and find a different J　bf.

Yes, i will just let it go. This is just too emotionally exhausting. Thanks Kiboo

[rievi]

So sad, too bad!
Better luck next time.
Good hunting.

Yeepp, it's his freakin' loss anyway, not mine

[hml]

Changed jp bf..

Yah, and I changed my underwear last week. wtbfd?

Are jp bf's a commodity now?

[Andun]

Yeah, i suppose u'r right. Last night I just found out that he activated his profile back on the dating site where we met.. Couldn't say anything more..

He sounds like a turd. A 32 year old perpetual student who has never worked a day in his life living off daddy's dollar = loser. Move on.

[rievi]

He sounds like a turd. A 32 year old perpetual student who has never worked a day in his life living off daddy's dollar = loser. Move on.

Thanks. I'm on it

[Genkii]

@ Genkii : aawwwhh, thanks for being nice. No i haven't actually..

Found his profile: http://forum.gaijinpot.com/member.ph...5-Cultureshock

PM this guy and whatever he tells you, you do exactly the opposite.

[rievi]

Found his profile: http://forum.gaijinpot.com/member.ph...5-Cultureshock

PM this guy and whatever he tells you, you do exactly the opposite.

Thank you for giving me his profile address. I appreciate it so much. I should do the opposite?? Seriously??

[dino_bravante]

my girlfriend's japanese and i'm swedish and we've been living together first in london and now in japan so i know that being in a relationship where you're have to change countries and extend visas and etc can be difficult.

maybe you're bf's unhappy with living in australia? you also said you have to go back to your country in july this year. do you mean indonesia? if that's the case, maybe he's anxious about that. maybe he feels that while it was awesome to be you, there are a lot of complications he didn't think about in the beginning of your relationship.

or maybe something else happened. you said he's an introverted guy. maybe there's another issue which is bothering him that he doesn't tell you about. have a serious talk with him. let him know that you are really bothered by what's going on and that you guys need to settle this now. tell him exactly you feel - that it seems like he doesn't care about you anymore, that you've been depressed lately, that you've been thinking about leaving him and so on. speak to him sincerely from your heart and i believe he should open up to you.

good luck. i hope it works out for you!

[rievi]

my girlfriend's japanese and i'm swedish and we've been living together first in london and now in japan so i know that being in a relationship where you're have to change countries and extend visas and etc can be difficult.

maybe you're bf's unhappy with living in australia? you also said you have to go back to your country in july this year. do you mean indonesia? if that's the case, maybe he's anxious about that. maybe he feels that while it was awesome to be you, there are a lot of complications he didn't think about in the beginning of your relationship.

or maybe something else happened. you said he's an introverted guy. maybe there's another issue which is bothering him that he doesn't tell you about. have a serious talk with him. let him know that you are really bothered by what's going on and that you guys need to settle this now. tell him exactly you feel - that it seems like he doesn't care about you anymore, that you've been depressed lately, that you've been thinking about leaving him and so on. speak to him sincerely from your heart and i believe he should open up to you.

good luck. i hope it works out for you!

Hi Dino, thank you for your concern and giving such a good feedback to me. Sadly, i have left him a few days ago. I did ask him to meet up and talk about this situation, to talk about what he and i want, out of this situation. Sadly, he always caught up with work, which i gotta understand when it comes to study and work, he will never put me first. So we ended up with not seeing each other for more than 3 weeks, he caught up with his work, and i caught up with mine. When i have time to see him, sadly he doesn't have time to see me, when he has time to talk, i don't have the time to talk. And he admitted that the main reason why he changed is cause he knew that he won't be able to be with me in next few months. I would love to talk and discuss about this, i do believe if we really want to be together, there will be a way for it, but what can i do when he already backed down on me? I feel so disappointed in him to be honest, we actually haven't officially break up, but i just consider so cause what he's doing right now is hurting me so bad. He said that he didn't have any option even if he wants to keep our relationship, he also said that if we're gonna do a long distance relationship, he wouldn't be able to commit to it, that all he can do for now, is concentrate on his study and stay where he is (there is no me inside of his plan, how sad).

He knew form the beginning that i will be staying in Australia for a year and i also told him i have some intentions to extend and will try my best to do it. I was hoping i can change my visa into a student visa, unfortunately, my boss whose said that he's gonna help me with it at the first place, changed his mind when he heard how much money i'm gonna need for the visa (i need 25 grand for it btw), even though the money will be back to my boss at some point (after my visa's been approved, i can withdraw the money back), they still wouldn't do me that favor. Well, i of course couldn't blame them for that, that is their decision and i'm not gonna blame or force them to help me stay. So, after i knew about the visa and that i wouldn't be able to extend my staying or change my visa here, i talk to him about it, i'm not asking him to lend me those 25 grand, i'm just simply letting him know the situation (he was in Japan when i told him about this). And when he came back to Australia around the end of last January, he's still my same old sweet bf, but he started to change a week after that. I didn't know the reason why he changed, until he told me about it around a week ago. All i know is he's changed into some kind of stranger that i didn't know. Before, he always holds my hand when we're walking, he always asks when he can see me, but then everything's changing, i was thinking that he might see someone else but i know he doesn't and when i talked to him, he made it really clear that there's no third person. Finally, he told me that knowing not being able with me in the next few months, "unconsciously" affected his behavior, that he's "unconsciously" pushing me away.

I asked him to meet me and talk about all of it, but he canceled on me twice cause he has to work. And after that, i saw that his profile is been reactivated back on the dating site, so i guess what he wants is pretty clear, he just doesn't have the guts to say it to my face. After all, he knew that by "unconsciously" pushing me away, it'll lead to a break up at the end of the day. So, i stopped communicating with him, what's the point of keeping communicate anyway?? And i just consider that we already break up. It's been very hard for me lately, but i think this is the best for me and i definitely deserve someone much much better.

Anyway, thanks for taking some time to give me such a nice feedback. I hope your relationship works

[dino_bravante]

@rievi: you're welcome! i would advise you to try again to meet up with him. be aggressive and tell him you really need to talk about this. if he doesn't wanna meet up, surprise him at his school or work. you might think this is too much but if you really wanna be with him, i think you should fight for him. maybe deep inside he wants to be with you but there's so much else going on around him with school and study, being away from japan, living in new country etc, that he's confused.

i feel like trying to talk to him again could be a good idea but of course you should do whatever you feel is best. i hope you can work it out. if not, then i wish you all the best to you in the future!

[nightsdawn]

OP, I was happy when you said you were just going to move on. You should. I'm sure you'll find a much better guy in no time. I don't know why some women convince themselves that they need to stay with guys who treat them this way. I don't think you are one of these girls, btw. Just don't listen to those people that are telling you to force someone, who is obviously avoiding you, to talk with you. You seem stronger, just let him run away and find someone who isn't a child. And I don't think he is acting this way because he is "Japanese". This is his true colours. My fiance is Japanese and he is the sweetest person I have ever met. He is also incredibly open and honest. I've told him what some of my friends' Japanese boyfriends did or said to them, and he always says that's not because they are Japanese.
Personally speaking, I have no time for people who play games with other people's hearts, and neither should you.

[oxymoron]

OP, a friend of mine, some years ago, was working as a Nova teacher (read entertainer) and was dating a Japanese high school student. He was hopelessly in love, treated her like a princess and planned to, eventually, marry her.
However, as soon as she started university, she met a Japanese guy, from a wealthy family, who was studying law. She dumped my friend instantly. He was heartbroken and brooded for a few months. Then he changed. He turned into a total root rat, $crewing anything wearing a skirt. No female student of his school was safe.
This went on for a couple of years, unabated. Eventually he met a college student that he fell totally in lust with and eventually married. Hes still married, with a couple of rug rats and is as happy as a pig in sh!t.
I hope you can learn something from this. God knows what, though!

[Andun]

OP, a friend of mine, some years ago, was working as a Nova teacher (read entertainer) and was dating a Japanese high school student. He was hopelessly in love, treated her like a princess and planned to, eventually, marry her.
However, as soon as she started univerity, she met a Japanese guy, from a wealthy family, who was studying law. She dumped my friend instantly. He was heartbroken and brooded for a few months.

That's nothing. On J TV the other day there was this story of a British girl who faked cancer with her boyfriend and broke up with him by faking her own death sending him a 'last words' video tape, then rings back later pretending to be the girl's sister just to see how broken up the poor sod was. He didn't find out the truth until six years later when Facebook came online. Sick! Sick! Sick!