The things they don't tell you before you come.

[TeRReT]

Japan is harsh. Harsh doesn't even do it justice. Two months it took me to get a job. 3 trips to the big city to find an apartment, multiple nights hotel and food each time. Finding out how much it costs for an apartment hurts, but I survived that. Finding out my fiancee had to pay $2,000 for pension, I survived that. Finding out I had to pay $2,000 for pension, ouch, but survived that too. Finding out tonight that my fiancee has to pay $300 private medical insurance and $200 national insurance a month, after mailing my apartment contract today, I can't survive. I hope I can call and cancel before they receive the contract. Then I have to cancel my job and find a new one in her parent's city where I will be living with her parents. I can't afford $4,000 first month rent, plus $530 rent each month plus utilities plus $4,000 pension, plus $500 insurance each month. Have some mercy.

I read all the stories, I didn't think it could be true, that everything is so different here, that your relationships change, the women change. I thought after 3 years I knew my fiancee. I thought I could survive Japan. Beginning to have my first doubts. So much work for nothing. So much for a "free" working holiday visa. Not so much of a holiday.

[Glenski]

Are you saying that with all the information widely available on the Internet, you didn't know some of this basic info, like apartment fees?

Could this be the reason? "I read all the stories, I didn't think it could be true".

Why do you have to have private medical insurance and NHI, BTW, especially on a working holiday visa?

[Genkii]

I can't afford $4,000 first month rent, plus $530 rent each month plus utilities plus $4,000 pension, plus $500 insurance each month

2,000 pension a month or year?

Does your fiance work at all?

[well_bicyclically]

Japan is harsh. Harsh doesn't even do it justice. Two months it took me to get a job. 3 trips to the big city to find an apartment, multiple nights hotel and food each time. Finding out how much it costs for an apartment hurts, but I survived that. Finding out my fiancee had to pay $2,000 for pension, I survived that. Finding out I had to pay $2,000 for pension, ouch, but survived that too. Finding out tonight that my fiancee has to pay $300 private medical insurance and $200 national insurance a month, after mailing my apartment contract today, I can't survive. I hope I can call and cancel before they receive the contract. Then I have to cancel my job and find a new one in her parent's city where I will be living with her parents. I can't afford $4,000 first month rent, plus $530 rent each month plus utilities plus $4,000 pension, plus $500 insurance each month. Have some mercy.

I read all the stories, I didn't think it could be true, that everything is so different here, that your relationships change, the women change. I thought after 3 years I knew my fiancee. I thought I could survive Japan. Beginning to have my first doubts. So much work for nothing. So much for a "free" working holiday visa. Not so much of a holiday.

guess what! i will not get any easier. there are no yearly pay raises and your only alternative is to take on MORE work, or change jobs to get a higher salary! take a look at your co-workers... no travel, no new clothes, cheap housing, eating cheaply all the time, occassionally going out to drink. Yea, I want THAT life!

you are suffering from culture clash. you foolishly expected everything here to be just the same as in your home country! you should have done your homework, and not used the little head to do all the decision making!!

life is harsh!

[iago]

The things they don't tell you before you come.

"I really want cute haafu baby."

[ttokyo]

Finding out my fiancee had to pay $2,000 for pension, I survived that. ... Finding out tonight that my fiancee has to pay $300 private medical insurance and $200 national insurance a month, after mailing my apartment contract today, I can't survive. I hope I can call and cancel before they receive the contract. Then I have to cancel my job and find a new one in her parent's city where I will be living with her parents.
... So much work for nothing. So much for a "free" working holiday visa. Not so much of a holiday.

Thanks for the reality check. That should be made a 'sticky' post. Just two things :
+ Why are YOU paying your fiancee's pension and insurance ?
+ The 'Work and Travel' visa is designed for what it says - working and travelling, but not to sustain a family. Things will get worse if you get kids (e.g. your wife cannot/will not work).

[YokohamaTommy]

The things they don't tell you before you come.

manhole covers are everywhere and slippery as hell.

[TeRReT]

Thanks for the reality check. That should be made a 'sticky' post. Just two things :
+ Why are YOU paying your fiancee's pension and insurance ?
+ The 'Work and Travel' visa is designed for what it says - working and travelling, but not to sustain a family. Things will get worse if you get kids (e.g. your wife cannot/will not work).

I don't have to pay for her pension or insurance, but its whether our combined income can afford all the expenses and be able to save money. She is ok with working and wants to work, but her mother is very old school and was surprised to hear she was going to work and that she was going to pay half the rent. Her mother thought when we marry I would pay all the bills and she could quit working. Unfortunately thats not viable at this time.

We were going to have a joint account with a percentage of both of our income going in there, and using it as a savings and to pay for expenses. Her old job was in a hospital and they paid for her pension and for her national insurance. She would rather not go back to that job, and I am fine with the added expense, and even willing to take on the new $500, just it will make things more difficult and now she is upset that I didn't know all of her expenses when she didn't explain them.

Now I am living the wrath of an angry Japanese, living in her mom's house, hoping to move out in 2 days but now that might be on hold or cancelled. I am willing to do the work and make more money and I knew before of many of the expenses, but in general there have still been many surprises.

It costs a hell of a lot more then expected, even delving into emergency money. I will start to work soon, but It will be awhile before I can make the money her mom expects.

Everything costs money and takes three times longer then expected and with more paperwork then i've ever seen.

[well_bicyclically]

...Everything costs money and takes three times longer then expected and with more paperwork then i've ever seen.

I am pretty sure that very sentence is engraved above the door between baggage claim and the passenger pick up area at Narita airport -- both terminal ONE and terminal TWO. you must have just missed it....

[TeRReT]

I am pretty sure that very sentence is engraved above the door between baggage claim and the passenger pick up area at Narita airport -- both terminal ONE and terminal TWO. you must have just missed it....

Damn, I came in Kansaii

Its just frustrating and I'm just venting. I'll get through it all, everybody here has experienced all the fun of everything here, I was just pressed too far last night.

I am fortunate that I have been able to come here, that I have been able to afford to be here and get an apartment with her and that I was able to get a job here relatively quickly. So I am happy for that. I just gotta work on learning the language a lot more. Its also frustrating for my fiancee because not only has there been a lot of paperwork and things to do, but she's had to do it all because I am not fluent enough yet.

Of course the fact I did all the paperwork and sorted everything out including getting her a job in Canada and Australia doesn't cross her mind, and if I were ever to mention that I'd see a hell nobody has ever seen. The wrath of a Japanese woman is worse then the paperwork I've just gone through.

[TeRReT]

Are you saying that with all the information widely available on the Internet, you didn't know some of this basic info, like apartment fees?

Could this be the reason? "I read all the stories, I didn't think it could be true".

Why do you have to have private medical insurance and NHI, BTW, especially on a working holiday visa?

There's a hell of a lot of information available on the internet, I tried to find what was relevant to me, but I obviously missed some.

There was no mention of pension in any of the working holiday sites I visited.

And its not me that needs medical insurance, its my fiancee who is native Japanese that needs it.

Its all stuff we will get through, I was just venting at 3am after I'd just found out about an additional $6,000 I didn't know about and couldn't sleep.

[TeRReT]

2,000 pension a month or year?

Does your fiance work at all?

$2,000 pension a year for each of us.

And she will start to work once we move in 2 days, but she is looking for a less taxing job then she used to have, so they won't be paying her pension or insurance for her.

[Effected After]

She is ok with working and wants to work, but her mother is very old school and was surprised to hear she was going to work and that she was going to pay half the rent. Her mother thought when we marry I would pay all the bills and she could quit working.

I can't stress enough that you should talk to your wife and find out if this is her way of thinking as well, and not just her mothers. It's by no means an old-school way of thinking in Japan. Ask about when you have children also - she may be willing to work when you get married, but expecting not to work after you have children. That's what happened with my wife, which I wasn't expecting. I was ok with it, because I actually preferred to have her at home with my boy rather than giving my boy to someone else to raise every day, but the point is that I had discussed working after marriage with my wife, not realizing that working after children was a different subject altogether.

We were going to have a joint account with a percentage of both of our income going in there

I think that joint accounts don't exist in Japan. I've never tried to start one, but I seem to remember reading that.

Of course the fact I did all the paperwork and sorted everything out including getting her a job in Canada and Australia doesn't cross her mind, and if I were ever to mention that I'd see a hell nobody has ever seen.

That, my friend, is the way to becoming a whipped and beaten man. Ask Kansai Ben for more info on this subject. If you hold off on saying things that are true because she will flip, in the end you have to hold off on saying everything. You need to tell her straight up that you know it sucks that she has to do the paperwork, because you did the exact same thing for her. Sympathize with the actions, while removing blame.

[TeRReT]

I can't stress enough that you should talk to your wife and find out if this is her way of thinking as well, and not just her mothers. It's by no means an old-school way of thinking in Japan. Ask about when you have children also - she may be willing to work when you get married, but expecting not to work after you have children. That's what happened with my wife, which I wasn't expecting. I was ok with it, because I actually preferred to have her at home with my boy rather than giving my boy to someone else to raise every day, but the point is that I had discussed working after marriage with my wife, not realizing that working after children was a different subject altogether.


I think that joint accounts don't exist in Japan. I've never tried to start one, but I seem to remember reading that.


That, my friend, is the way to becoming a whipped and beaten man. Ask Kansai Ben for more info on this subject. If you hold off on saying things that are true because she will flip, in the end you have to hold off on saying everything. You need to tell her straight up that you know it sucks that she has to do the paperwork, because you did the exact same thing for her. Sympathize with the actions, while removing blame.

The last sentence is generally my downfall. That one phrase could safe me so much grief. I will endeavour to do as such.

As for joint, its not really join, just a bank account in my name that we'll both have access to.

And she definitely wants to work now, its not decided yet when we have kids, but i suspect she'd take some time off and then work again eventually. But definitely I need to talk to her more about that.

[YokohamaTommy]

I hope she's really hot.
Oh and prepare to dine in hell.
You're in Japanland now.
The winter was just a prelude.
Muahaha..

"One of us..One of us..One of us..."

~The Hyaku en store chant

[Call_It_Like_Eye_See_It]

The things they don't tell you before you come.


manhole covers are everywhere and slippery as hell.

So are those raised yellow path markers for the blind...

Whoever invented those had a wicked sense of humor..!

[Chromedome]

The things they don't tell you before you come?

I'm on my period.

[ThaHamburgler]

I hope she's really hot.
Oh and prepare to dine in hell.
You're in Japanland now.
The winter was just a prelude.
Muahaha..

"One of us..One of us..One of us..."

~The Hyaku en store chant

hahaha, this ^

[Koenji]

So much for a "free" working holiday visa. Not so much of a holiday.

The WHV is not intended for people to establish a career and marriage in Japan. It's meant for young single and flexible people to have a short experience of Japan and then go back home.

Actually, it sounds like you both should head back to your country. If you intend on being an English conversation teacher in Japan and then have a family, then your financial problems will only continue, on and on. Japan. Most Western countries have much better long-term outlooks.

[Agitator]

The WHV is not intended for people to establish a career and marriage in Japan. It's meant for young single and flexible people to have a short experience of Japan and then go back home.

Actually, it sounds like you both should head back to your country. If you intend on being an English conversation teacher in Japan and then have a family, then your financial problems will only continue, on and on. Japan. Most Western countries have much better long-term outlooks.

There's a frequent poster who perfectly illustrates the above. Heed this post.

Terrifically,
A.

[Pinkerton]

The things they don't tell you before you come.


manhole covers are everywhere and slippery as hell.

you having a problem with all the man-hole covers you come across in Japan???

[Hijinx]

I think the biggest shock I encountered after first coming to Japan was the fact that Japanese drink human blood.

[Pinkerton]

I think the biggest shock I encountered after first coming to Japan was the fact that Japanese drink human blood.

after a week, i was use to that. you know, its not so bad once you get past the taste...

[jarjarbinks]

I think that joint accounts don't exist in Japan. I've never tried to start one, but I seem to remember reading that.

of course they don't exist, and of course OP s money will all rest in the fiancee's account 'cause it's easier to open an account for a native' .
Just keep in mind that all the money in that account will vaporize should you decide to split. my 2 yens.

[Call_It_Like_Eye_See_It]

Nobody told me that most of the toilets in the train stations, buildings, and parks would be glorified porcelain holes-in-the-ground....

That said, I didn't expect so many people to excuse the late night ____ on a building in lieu of the former....

[vegan666]

Nobody told me that most of the toilets in the train stations, buildings, and parks would be glorified porcelain holes-in-the-ground....

Oh man, I HATE these things. I tried to get behind them (excuse the pun), but dangling over a whole in the ground, pants roudn ankles, it's just no good.

Now warmed toilet seats and bidet's... I am all for them!

[twelvedown]

I have always avoided squatters. They really are the worst toilet ever devised....
but, the past year I have , due to force of nature, had to use them twice.
The second time was much better than the first.

[Effected After]

I prefer them myself - for public toilets that is. Western style public toilets are gross.

[purple]

I prefer them myself - for public toilets that is. Western style public toilets are gross.

Yes, absolutely true.

And squat style toilets are far healthier for elimination of the waste than western style toilets.

I vote for more squat toilets. It pi55es me off that many public places now only have western style toilets.

[Call_It_Like_Eye_See_It]

I vote for more squat toilets. It pi55es me off that many public places now only have western style toilets.

Complain to Noda. That poop head is full of 5hit!

Or take a shovel with you every time you go out!

[NorthByNorthwest]

.... Finding out I had to pay $2,000 for pension, ouch, but survived that too. ....

These days, you have Internet boards like this, Reddit, wiki and other sites for advice. You might discover certain things are NOT completely compulsory as claimed and that there are ways to get out of things like national pension.

Advance hint: Even though the "law" indicates anyone with a receiving set is "legally obliged" to enter into a contract with NHK, there is no authority that will enforce this. It is not like the UK where such enforcement (for BBC dues) is rigorously enforced.

Also, if you opt for (Japanese) public housing (which is NOT like American "projects" or UK's 'council housing'), you won't need to pay key money, huge non-refundable deposits, no guarantor and other b.s. like renewal fees every two years:

http://blog.japantimes.co.jp/yen-for...ublic-housing/

http://blog.japantimes.co.jp/yen-for...ts-to-die-for/

http://www.ur-net.go.jp/ (Japanese)

Finally, even though I find the author to be an annoying drama queen, you might benefit from his book "HANDBOOK FOR NEWCOMERS, MIGRANTS, AND IMMIGRANTS TO JAPAN"

[tomtucker]

It's all a learning experience man. If you are in love you have no choice but to tough it out.
The bubble days are long over. You are going to need to work hard and make yourself marketable in Japan.
Unless you are hired at the Boston Career Forum no one really just gets off the plane wealthy in Japan.

[caramellocap]

The last sentence is generally my downfall. That one phrase could safe me so much grief. I will endeavour to do as such.

As for joint, its not really join, just a bank account in my name that we'll both have access to.

And she definitely wants to work now, its not decided yet when we have kids, but i suspect she'd take some time off and then work again eventually. But definitely I need to talk to her more about that.

HOLD ON, HOLD ON! LISTEN TO OR RATHER READ
the words of those who have experience as in real experience for some time in countries like Japan (and also Korea in my case).

Posters like KansaiBen who has been there and done it right down to the divorce from his Japanese wife, and others here. There are so many red flags going up in your new life and you need advice so mate, take heed of it from us. There is something not right in all this money you're forking over - if your J fiancee (only fiancee for now) requires you to hand over so much cash at this stage that's a farking red flag right there.

You're not established in Japan, in anything, not in teaching, not in business. Why are you paying so much while her family watches? Why doesn't she have some funds?

Her family are doing jackshiz? Another red flag. Not all Japanese families expect the gaijin to hand over his cash in fact from my time living in Japan it was the opposite with a number of gaijin engaged to/married to Japanese. The families helped out and they certainly didn't expect their daughter who wasn't married to sponge off her gaijin man.

You did everything to help their daughter get work overseas and looked after her - now the family's turn comes. It's called giri - obligation. It's as Japanese as Tokyo. My Japanese wife is actually Korean Japanese - her forbears came to Japan in the colonial, pre WW2 period to work. She identifies with Korean culture, she and her family aint the nutty, hypocritical Korean Japanese who love the evil regime in North Korea but won't go to live there, and they also are fairly Japanised in key ways while retaining some strong Korean values.

I'm not in your position, I'm financially established, but when she was my fiancee, my wife's family did NOT expect me to pay for everything and they accepted that we were not going to have a show wedding to dump our money down the drain with. If in Korea it would have been harder to do that as the husband is supposed to come up with money for an apartment and weddings regularly cost more than a Korean's salary per year but we both would have said no to that.

We had a classy wedding that her friends planned for minimal cost - it looked great, we spent some money, we all had a great time but we spent what we would have spent in Australia. If you are now being screwed for money think of the wedding - weddings in Japan and Korea cost insane amounts of money if you are weak enough to be scared of losing face for not spending money.

But you are in a shitey position at the moment. Her family should have paid some if not all of her dues. Most normal as in non poor Japanese families have a big savings base and they are used to helping their children although they are also prudent about retirement savings. Why are you paying all this money?

Why are you even thinking about a bank account that this lady of yours has access to? You might as well say, "Help yourself, clean me out." Your bank account is your insurance against things going wrong and you need to have your own so she can't access it and her parents can't. Why doesn't she have her own fricking bank account? If you disregard my and others' advice on keeping your money separate you deserve any money losses that could very well come in the future.

Cast a cold hard eye on it - is this lady worth it? How? If you're worried, get out before you marry. It doesn't look promising from what you've told us. My wife speaks great English, Korean and Japanese. I speak great Japanese and some Korean. Koreans are mostly difficult people to get along with from my experience and other foreigners' experiences of life in Korea and the society suffers from a collective chip on the shoulder because of their racialist theories that propound Koreans should be the centre of the world.

But my wife also can't stand that attitude although she is rightfully proud of the Korean traditions and history that truly shows Koreans in a fascinating and achieving light. We communicate in Japanese and English 50/50. We can talk directly about everything. She is interested in intellectual subjects as well as more popular ones, she didn't see me as an ATM, neither did her family.

It doesn't look the same for you.

[BobPar]

Well, you've got a lot to think about... I came to Japan on Working Holiday Visa over 2 decades ago. Then the economy was booming. It was easy to find good jobs but frankly speaking after 2 years I was ready to end the experiment. What's more, times have changed, my friend. The future looks rather bleak now. Based on what you've told us, I think you and your fiancee should engineer a return to your homeland and don't rush into marriage! Take it from your sempai on this site... life in Japan is not a bed of roses. On the other hand, you never know how life will turn out... Hang in there!

[kurogane]

Japan is harsh. Harsh doesn't even do it justice. Two months it took me to get a job. 3 trips to the big city to find an apartment, multiple nights hotel and food each time. Finding out how much it costs for an apartment hurts, but I survived that. Finding out my fiancee had to pay $2,000 for pension, I survived that. Finding out I had to pay $2,000 for pension, ouch, but survived that too. Finding out tonight that my fiancee has to pay $300 private medical insurance and $200 national insurance a month, after mailing my apartment contract today, I can't survive. I hope I can call and cancel before they receive the contract. Then I have to cancel my job and find a new one in her parent's city where I will be living with her parents. I can't afford $4,000 first month rent, plus $530 rent each month plus utilities plus $4,000 pension, plus $500 insurance each month. Have some mercy.

I read all the stories, I didn't think it could be true, that everything is so different here, that your relationships change, the women change. I thought after 3 years I knew my fiancee. I thought I could survive Japan. Beginning to have my first doubts. So much work for nothing. So much for a "free" working holiday visa. Not so much of a holiday.

Did you call your Mommy collect and ask her how to wipe your poopy bum bum by yourself????

Damn, I came in Kansaii.

Dood,

I have been coming in Kansai for about 16 years now, and I have to say, it is way, way better than coming in Kanto.

I think it especially true of Kyoto, and maybe even the nicer parts of Osaka, but girls that live at home get fed better, and have better bums, and seem to have heard of the various benefits of Kegels.

If those F'in airlines still ran a direct Vancouver to Osaka flight, I would be coming in Kansai a lot quicker than I have since they cancelled the routes.

[Wavey Man]

Just make sure she remains your "fiance" for the foreseeable future, and use birth control. Find out when she's ovulating and make damn sure you don't get fooled into not using protection when she is.

You "thought you knew" her? Obviously you didn't. She's being bitchy now, when you're not even gaffed, let alone in the net or landed in the boat? What do think it's going to be like later? Do want your kids to grow up in Japan? Do want to ever leave with them? Do you want them brainwashed against you and "foreigners" in general?

Her mother is down your ___ already? Take a good look at her. She's the future waiting for you in a few decades. Sorry bud, you picked the wrong one and if you're smart you will wake up to that fact with a bang and save yourself years of unhappiness and regrets that you will never be able to undo. To say nothing of the happiness with someone better who you will never meet, or meet too late.

Start planning your exit NOW and make sure you don't leave any of your DNA behind, or any indication that you are going. Or you will be sorry. I kid you not.