i am 20 and just standing in front of this vast complexity of my life, looking down on it, having lots of thoughts in my own country, but not thinking to be able to make a difference anyways. Now i am also standing in front of my somehow misbelieving attitude, which allows me to think about "social tabus" and the kind of like, without predujice.
I somehow got under the social radar in my country, means nothing is holding me back, from connecting to other people and cultures, and was also a kind of fetish i have had.
What i basically seek is what i miss here, to accompany higher superior people and to enjoy it with heart and soul. Practically a thing i somehow begin to loose faith in, while living here.
If someone bothers, i don't have to suffer anything and could have a rather ordinary life here in germany, but without being really able to feel pleasure and devotion. A normal kind of life is too depressing, the thinking of repeating a task without any joy, being a rather random way of life, without purpose, and this feeling of taking your life into your own hands.
Knowingly throwing away your life in an office or something like that, while people all over the world are delighted and have fun with their own species.
It would be a dream somehow, as i am affected to other languages and cultures. I spend my time reading about them, but never did a step forward to meet up with them, to feel those how those people are like and want me to be. It gives me goosebumps.
Why shouldn't i get something from a cake, being filled with a marvelous stuffing called life ?
What i want to ask is, how to get people to know, people being able to help me on my first steps maybe.
Maybe someones here with advice