recently-deceased spouse....

[shonanfred]

Customer/friend has recently lost his wife.
He is closer than most customers.
We have a meeting May 9th.
I am abroad at the moment.
What is the proper etiquette? (I might send flowers if he were living in Canada).
Thank-you.
Fred

[Genkii]

Flowers with a (selfwritten) condoleance letter will do just fine.

[trip_hop]

Would ask some other Japanese what to do, flowers at a business meeting sounds rather inappropriate.
There are also some small etiquette books published on this topic.

And remember, don't send a New Year Greeting Cards (nengajo) this year.

[wernst]

flowers are good.

Also a condoleance card with 5000 yen is very common in Japan or a small gift (f.e. if the wife loved cookies) a box of cookies.

And yeh as said above, dont forget to NOT send a nengajyou.

[wernst]

Im also sure that you know to say

"okuyamimoushiagemasu"



My condolences btw.

[shonanfred]

Thanks everyone.
Fred
PS we'll send the flowers to his house, not take them to the meeting...

[thefan]

Normally you attend the wake or funeral and give an envelope with 3000JPY, (or 5,000 or 10,000JPY if it is close family or close friend). You get the envelopes at the conveni, there are two types, one for the wake, one for the funeral. You write in your name and address and they will send a gift in return at a later date, usually green tea or something.

If you can't attend you pass the envelope on to someone in your company or department who acts as representative. We usually send one person to represent us all, everyone takes a turn.

[thefan]

Would ask some other Japanese what to do, flowers at a business meeting sounds rather inappropriate.
There are also some small etiquette books published on this topic.

And remember, don't send a New Year Greeting Cards (nengajo) this year.

I thought it was the bereaved who didn't send the nengajo

[mr.sumo.snr]

I thought it was the bereaved who didn't send the nengajo

It's both. Which is why people send out cards in October/November to tell everyone they are officially in mourning.


--

[shonanfred]

Normally you attend the wake or funeral and give an envelope with 3000JPY, (or 5,000 or 10,000JPY if it is close family or close friend). You get the envelopes at the conveni, there are two types, one for the wake, one for the funeral. You write in your name and address and they will send a gift in return at a later date, usually green tea or something.

If you can't attend you pass the envelope on to someone in your company or department who acts as representative. We usually send one person to represent us all, everyone takes a turn.

Thank-you.
My situation makes the above a little difficult....self-employed and in China (have missed the wake and have no co-workers).
Flowers to the house it is....
Fred
PS that sending a gift in return is a load of hogwash that I have a big problem with - my friend (another friend) had more than 300 people attend his wife's funeral.....came by one day soon afterwards trying to figure out who was who so he could send a gift....

[YokohamaTommy]

Customer/friend has recently lost his wife.
He is closer than most customers.
We have a meeting May 9th.
I am abroad at the moment.
What is the proper etiquette? (I might send flowers if he were living in Canada).
Thank-you.
Fred

Now's the time to DEFINITELY mention that 50,000 loan repayment.

[Chromedome]

Customer/friend has recently lost his wife.
He is closer than most customers.
We have a meeting May 9th.
I am a broad at the moment.
What is the proper etiquette? (I might send flowers if he were living in Canada).
Thank-you.
Fred

When did you have the sex change?

[thefan]

Thank-you.
My situation makes the above a little difficult....self-employed and in China (have missed the wake and have no co-workers).
Flowers to the house it is....
Fred
PS that sending a gift in return is a load of hogwash that I have a big problem with - my friend (another friend) had more than 300 people attend his wife's funeral.....came by one day soon afterwards trying to figure out who was who so he could send a gift....

That's why the envelope and address thing is handy.

I lost a motorcycle buddy a few years back, wrote a letter of condolence, had it translated and sent it to his wife, she sent me a very nice reply some time later, translated into perfect English. I think people appreciate that gaijin do things differently at times.

[shonanfred]

I like poop

About the same time you developed the scat fetish?
Fred

[shonanfred]

That's why the envelope and address thing is handy.

I lost a motorcycle buddy a few years back, wrote a letter of condolence, had it translated and sent it to his wife, she sent me a very nice reply some time later, translated into perfect English. I think people appreciate that gaijin do things differently at times.

I get that...nice.
I just think it is a little something the department stores have cooked up....and absolute BS.
One last problem I have....I don't have his address.
Trying to avoid any awkwardness at the meeting....
Fred

[thefan]

I get that...nice.
I just think it is a little something the department stores have cooked up....and absolute BS.
One last problem I have....I don't have his address.
Trying to avoid any awkwardness at the meeting....
Fred

In that situation I'd wait til you have finished the business side of the meeting then find a quiet moment where you can explain you were out of the country and hand him the envelope with 3,000JPY, apologizing that it is late, but I'd check this with an older Japanese friend, if your wife is Japanese the father in law is usually a good source of advice on decorum. Giving money is a practical way of helping people deal with the situation.

I think the tradition of giving a small gift in return predates department stores, it's a way of discharging the debt of obligation.

[Chromedome]

About the same time you developed the scat fetish?
Fred

That must have been the time we tag teamed in that naked poop wrestling match.
I thought you went a bit far though when you poked your finger up my arse and turned me over. That was an illegal move.

[Bella Bowtruckle]

In that situation I'd wait til you have finished the business side of the meeting then find a quiet moment where you can explain you were out of the country and hand him the envelope with 3,000JPY, apologizing that it is late, but I'd check this with an older Japanese friend, if your wife is Japanese the father in law is usually a good source of advice on decorum. Giving money is a practical way of helping people deal with the situation.

I think the tradition of giving a small gift in return predates department stores, it's a way of discharging the debt of obligation.

I think that's a good idea, though having a representative go to the tsuya or soshiki with your envelope is fine as well. I've had to do that a few times sending it with relatives or coworkers when I couldn't attend in person and always got something small such as green tea a few weeks later along with a printed thank you note so it seems to be accepted. Once I was out of the country when a private student who was also a good friend passed away so I missed all the ceremonies and only found out when my BF found the obituary in the newspaper and read it to me. In that case I sent flowers to his wife along with a funeral money envelope of 3,000 yen (which I gave to the florist) and a hand written letter in English (which I also gave to the florist). His wife called me soon afterwards to thank me (she could read English but not speak it) and I also received the return gift in the post later.

[shonanfred]

I thought you went a bit far though when you poked your finger up my arse and turned me over.

Your smile said otherwise....
Fred
PS thanks again everyone.