Fighting Talk

[pjb]

Let us suppose that you do something you think your partner would disapprove of, e.g. you spash out on that expensive Pioneer car I.C.E. system you have been eyeing up. Your partner finds out and gives you a hard time and explains that you are not to make expensive purchases again without consulting him/her. You are contrite and apologise and think it is the end of the matter.

Months later, you find out that your partner has bought some expensive clothes (even more so than your cherished I.C.E.!), so you challenge them.


You say somehting like:

"Those clothes look lovely on you, but seriously how much? I though we would agree to consult each other before making expensive purchases, just as you had earlier insisted."

Partner: "It is different."

You: "How so?"

Partner: "Can you not see that? Even if you can not, I do not care anyway!"

You: ...


In this situation your partner has simply dismissed you and shut down the argument by implying that you are an idiot. Not only that, but because you do not understand you are an idiot it makes you an even bigger idiot. Refusing to explain prevents you from engaging in any rational argument (which is clearly the purpose) and from this point the argument just degenerates into insults.

What is a good comeback to this kind of stonewalling?

[wernst]

LMAO I recognize this.

Just say "You are right, Im sorry" and forget about it. Its a waste of time otherwise.

[coolgaijin]

Just tell her she always looks fat.

[Uncompletist]

Buy an expensive divorce

[ThaHamburgler]

Buy an expensive divorce

roflmao. All three above responses are correct. haha

[oxymoron]

Ask her if she can cough...then tell her to fcuk off. No place in any relationship for stupid mind games; hers or yours.

[Hijinx]

Buy an ocelot.

[oxymoron]

Buy an ocelot.

Yup, it's easy to titillate an ocelot. You just oscillate it's t!t a lot.

[Effected After]

I'd just say 'I don't see how it's different, and whether that makes me an idiot or not is irrelevant, as I don't see how it's different. So please explain it me'.

[pjb]

Money wasn't the issue. It was more that I felt that the (now ex) had double standards (in other words, laying down rules for 'us' that she herself never intended to observe). She spoke like a true politician!

"If you don't understand.... then you are an even bigger idiot" doesn't bode well. If you honestly can't understand her reasoning and ask her for clarification which she doesn't give, it just sounds like she is attempting to delay an explanation as long as possible to milk out numerous purchases until you finally call her on it."

I think it was just her attempting to 'put me in my place', as she saw it. A p!ssing contest in other words. The fact that I couldn't think of a biting retort and my only recourse was to promptly go and kick the neighbour's cat makes me think she was winning.

[edin日本]

Better yet, toss the dress in the trash and go through her purse and take her cards. Do this in front of her and be prepared for some banshee level screaming. My ex did that the year we were going to go to Spain for our vacation. She used 1/4 of the money earmarked for the trip for clothes. No trip and no clothes.

[nynapaj]

You say somehting like:

"Those clothes look lovely on you, but seriously how much? I though we would agree to consult each other before making expensive purchases, just as you had earlier insisted."

Partner: "It is different."

You: "How so?"

Partner: "Can you not see that? Even if you can not, I do not care anyway!"

You: ...

I totally understand what she is talking about.
It goes like this- "I am a woman. I am allowed to tell you what to do with money AND I am allowed to make judgements for myself about the way I use money. You are a man. You are to obey those rules and NOT apply similar rules to me for any reason. This is the way of things."

Can you not see that?

[pjb]

Better yet, toss the dress in the trash and go through her purse and take her cards. Do this in front of her and be prepared for some banshee level screaming. My ex did that the year we were going to go to Spain for our vacation. She used 1/4 of the money earmarked for the trip for clothes. No trip and no clothes.

Ha. You should have told her it was a beach holiday. No need for clothes then!

[BackDoor_Man]

I do not why you guys put up with that crap! On our wedding day I told the soon to be wife that we would have an account for household expenses and the children needs, but I would maintain a separate account for my money and she would have a separate account for her money. That agreement was made 27 years ago and we have never fought over how we spend our money. She tried the old "Japanese husbands give all their money to their wives to handle" and I told her "I am not a Japanese husband" and that was the last time I heard that! I can buy whatever my heart desires with my money and she does not complain and vice versa!

However, some women have to try being the one who wears the pants and there is a simple solution, but all the namby pamby posters around here, will come out in droves, if I was to tell you all about it! Suffice to say: All you fairies, having problems with your wives or partners need to grown up and get some balls

[BackDoor_Man]

providing that is, that your heart only desires what is affordable on your very small take home salary! good thing your heart never seems to desire much more than a six pack of chu-hi and the occasional treat of some conbini porn.

Spoken like a true dumb t wa t, who doesn't know his arsehole from a hole in the ground! I do not drink chu-hi and for sure hate combini porn! You one of those namby-pamby posters I mentioned?

[ozzijp]

What is a good comeback to this kind of stonewalling?

Time-travel.... Not possible, you say? There will always be doubters I guess.
Well, a Pioneer surround sound-lovin' new j-gal would seem like the only way out of this most difficult situation.

I think the only reason KB didn't respond to this worthy thread was that he thought it quite beneath him, considering his expertise in the area of dealing with difficult partners. He has certainly seen a lot worse, I can tell you.

[PurpleDaisies]

Money wasn't the issue. It was more that I felt that the (now ex) had double standards (in other words, laying down rules for 'us' that she herself never intended to observe). She spoke like a true politician!



I think it was just her attempting to 'put me in my place', as she saw it. A p!ssing contest in other words. The fact that I couldn't think of a biting retort and my only recourse was to promptly go and kick the neighbour's cat makes me think she was winning.

Wait - this was your ex? You are wanting a comeback for an ancient argument with a woman you are no longer together with? Sheesh - I think the breakup was the comeback.

I'm betting your ex was a high maintenance, always perfectly groomed, beautifully dressed kind of girl.

While she saw your car stereo as a luxury, her clothes, makeup and beauty treatments as essential.

Even though I am not a high maintenance girl myself and do not own a single "brand" item (I got given a Guchi watch once but I lost it) - I see her point. You like the way she looks all dolled up and want her to look her best all the time, you need to factor that into the budget.

I think Backdoorman's solution is the best. Everyone needs to have a certain amount money that they are free to spend as they will.

[pjb]

Wait - this was your ex? You are wanting a comeback for an ancient argument with a woman you are no longer together with? Sheesh - I think the breakup was the comeback.

What would make you think I am after revenge? We're talking self-defence classes, silly.

I'm betting your ex was a high maintenance, always perfectly groomed, beautifully dressed kind of girl.

But of course. I have a weakness for proud, beautiful, elegant women.

While she saw your car stereo as a luxury, her clothes, makeup and beauty treatments as essential.

I didn't buy a car stereo. I allegorised the story to make it more interesting, though the thrust of what I'm saying remains the same.

Even though I am not a high maintenance girl myself and do not own a single "brand" item (I got given a Guchi watch once but I lost it) - I see her point. You like the way she looks all dolled up and want her to look her best all the time, you need to factor that into the budget.

The fancy clothes were to attract attention from other males. Like watching the Pied Piper of Hamlin, it was. She bought the semi-transparent pink panties for my benefit, and I'm sure they weren't that expensive (though, I fairness, I tore a few of them in my passion).

[BackDoor_Man]

I don't know about namby-pamby but I do know this: I take home easily 4-5 times what you do come the end of the month. Ain't you the c0ck of the walk keeping your kyu-man en at the back of the sock drawer next to your hentai porn!

Maybe it is time for you to die of cancer again. You sure put the dk into 1ldk!

Keep on talking T wa t. You have no Idea about what I do or how much I make, nor what I do in my life! I see you are still hurting over my gag. Poor you!

[Bella Bowtruckle]

Let us suppose that you do something you think your partner would disapprove of, e.g. you spash out on that expensive Pioneer car I.C.E. system you have been eyeing up. Your partner finds out and gives you a hard time and explains that you are not to make expensive purchases again without consulting him/her. You are contrite and apologise and think it is the end of the matter.

Months later, you find out that your partner has bought some expensive clothes (even more so than your cherished I.C.E.!), so you challenge them.


You say somehting like:

"Those clothes look lovely on you, but seriously how much? I though we would agree to consult each other before making expensive purchases, just as you had earlier insisted."

Partner: "It is different."

You: "How so?"

Partner: "Can you not see that? Even if you can not, I do not care anyway!"

You: ...


In this situation your partner has simply dismissed you and shut down the argument by implying that you are an idiot. Not only that, but because you do not understand you are an idiot it makes you an even bigger idiot. Refusing to explain prevents you from engaging in any rational argument (which is clearly the purpose) and from this point the argument just degenerates into insults.

What is a good comeback to this kind of stonewalling?

He,he. I can really sympathize. As the woman in my case I sometimes have to hide my clothes/shoes purchases (made with my own money) until I can discreetly slip them out for a suitable occasion. That's the reason why I never criticize any purchase my BF makes, in the hope that he'll let mine slide. Alas, though we have both joint and separate accounts he still sees that he has every right to criticize my spending because sometime in the future I might be spending his money if I give up my job. Maybe she saw your money as 'joint' whereas hers was a temporary 'hers alone in order to stay attractive'. In a way I do think men underestimate how much women like to buy clothes/make-up/lingerie and stuff just to feel good. It doesn't have to be designer or the world's most expensive but it is important and I wouldn't want to have to feel beholden to anyone in order to make that kind of buy.

[edin日本]

Ha. You should have told her it was a beach holiday. No need for clothes then!

She knew what the money was for and decided to use for herself. That's just being selfish and nasty. And why did she need to buy a few overly priced designer frocks when a month later she could have cruised around the boutiques in Madrid?

[edin日本]

Wait - this was your ex? You are wanting a comeback for an ancient argument with a woman you are no longer together with? Sheesh - I think the breakup was the comeback.

I'm betting your ex was a high maintenance, always perfectly groomed, beautifully dressed kind of girl.

While she saw your car stereo as a luxury, her clothes, makeup and beauty treatments as essential.

Even though I am not a high maintenance girl myself and do not own a single "brand" item (I got given a Guchi watch once but I lost it) - I see her point. You like the way she looks all dolled up and want her to look her best all the time, you need to factor that into the budget.

I think Backdoorman's solution is the best. Everyone needs to have a certain amount money that they are free to spend as they will.

Yeah, he seems to have been taken over by the spirit of Kansai Ben and is reliving 2 decade old grievances. It's what pjb does best.

[edin日本]

You are a sad, middle-aged no-mark who has to pretend he is dying of cancer on the internet in order to get the attention he so badly craves. Added to that, you are a halfwit, semi-literate, clueless dimsh1t. I don't see anybody giving you any sort of employment that pays anywhere near what most educated people would consider respectable. Did you even go to college?

NEWSFLASH!!!! the highschooldropout is bringing up Jurassic era dirt! You are not the old bone hunter, Roy Chapman Andrews! Find some new dirt!

[monkeywrench]

What is a good comeback to this kind of stonewalling?

Well I wouldn't say it's a snappy comeback or constructive at all, but I guess I'd have to tell her that no, it's not different and she's an idiot if she doesn't see it.

Men may well underestimate how "essential" new clothing is for a woman, but any woman who thinks that music - and good equipment to listen to it - is mere entertainment and not essential for me, is in for a rude awakening if I have to go without for long. Music is a large part of why I didn't shoot my f-ing brains out a long time ago. Or shoot someone else's brains out.

I do not why you guys put up with that crap! On our wedding day I told the soon to be wife that we would have an account for household expenses and the children needs, but I would maintain a separate account for my money and she would have a separate account for her money. That agreement was made 27 years ago and we have never fought over how we spend our money. She tried the old "Japanese husbands give all their money to their wives to handle" and I told her "I am not a Japanese husband" and that was the last time I heard that! I can buy whatever my heart desires with my money and she does not complain and vice versa!

However, some women have to try being the one who wears the pants and there is a simple solution, but all the namby pamby posters around here, will come out in droves, if I was to tell you all about it! Suffice to say: All you fairies, having problems with your wives or partners need to grown up and get some balls

I guess separate accounts is one way to do it if it works for you. Another way is to have a partner whose judgment on spending you can trust in the first place. My wife and I share an account - I take out money when I need it and she does the same, and in 15 years together, of all the stupid sh-it we've fought about, we have never once had an argument about money or had to hide our spending from each other. Whatever she spends I trust is necessary on some level, and if it keeps her happy well that's good for me too... If anything, I'm the more irresponsible one. I've probably spent enough on recreational stuff to put one of the kids through college, but you know, saving for the future is one thing but in the meantime you gotta be happy. And if I ain't happy, nobody is. Trust and enlightened self-interest. IHOMO both partners deserve to wear pants or somebody's gonna have some cold genitals...

[Genkii]

Arguing with women is a waste of time unless you're masochistic.

Even if you're rationally right you can never win.

So what now?

I will tell you..

I don't know...

lol..

[Duymon]

So the lesson here is, sit down and have the money talk at the start of your marriage and stick to what you guys agree / compromise on. NO arguments and no bullshit later as long as you do that.

Honestly, I don't get the whole women controlling the money crap.

Guys have no problem managing their cash and expenses when they are single. Hell, most even cook, clean and do all their own chores when they are single. How is it they suddenly lose all those abilities when the J-wife comes in?

[Effected After]

For me it's just a matter of convenience. I have other stuff that I need to focus my attention on.

[Uncompletist]

If you want to have control over all your money, stay single and tax dodge.

[ozzijp]

For me it's just a matter of convenience. I have other stuff that I need to focus my attention on.

I presume that is work.

[Genkii]

I presume that is work.

Based on Effected After's posts indulged with selflove he must be a very important person with very high standards and ethics.

My guess he is a CEO of a really large company. Probably a selfmade millionaire who is also good with the ladies.

So yes he surely could his focus on more important things! like.. posting on this shithole called Gaijinpot everyday.

/sarcasm

[edin日本]

Effected After....

He's the guy that supplies the Redshirts to the Startrek franchise They must go through at leas a 100 per episode

Here's one just for Genkii

[kurogane]

What is a good comeback to this kind of stonewalling?

1. Never call a wife or GF (or BF or husband) a 'partner'. Unless you also run an accountancy partnership together.

It is the gayest euphemism going.

2. Never be contrite. Block, diffuse, and ignore. Wax on, Wax off

Japanese smell blood in the air like sharks in the water. They are an inherently cruel, fundamentally barbaric people with rather good manners, and amongst the better ones, some appreciable panache.

It's no coincidence the Bridge on the River Kwai was built their way by them, not our way by us.

And always assume that most Japanese women will treat their PUOSEA as a mildly retarded 11 year old.

Think of the male role models they grew up with.


3. Stop worrying about trivial crap with Beeyotches you dun dungheaped.





































PUOSEA = Primary Unit of Significant Emotional Attachment (short and sweet, non?)

[trip_hop]

PUOSEA = Primary Unit of Significant Emotional Attachment (short and sweet, non?)

So, do you give a PDA to your PUOSEA?

[Genkii]

Effected After....

He's the guy that supplies the Redshirts to the Startrek franchise They must go through at leas a 100 per episode

Here's one just for Genkii

Here's one for you

[edin日本]

For Genkii, so he will always know where stupidity lies in wait when he looks in the mirror.

[paradoxbox]

What is a good comeback to this kind of stonewalling?

I'm sick of your crap, get out of my house.

Single life rawks

[gaijin ga iru]

Shortly after I got married, my wife (Japanese) started this little game with the closet door. I'd leave it partially open like she asked, but she'd whine, "no, not like that," as she'd grab the door and barely move it, "like this!" It clearly wasn't about the door, but about setting me up to fail. I told her to give me a pencil.
"Why?"
"Just hand it to me."
I put a mark above the door right where she left it. "There. Anything else we should mark?"
A scowl overcame her game face as she walked out of the room.

I'd do the same with money. I'd get a notebook and sit at the kitchen table with her. I'd write out a budget listing who is responsible for each expense. No way would I agree to receiving an allowance. There would be a bucket for savings, a bucket for expenses, and spending money for each of us. Complete transparency and accountability on both sides. If she had a problem with it, I'd drop the pencil and head straight to my suitcase.

[kurogane]

That closet door story made me laugh.

If nothing else, it helps put paid to the Myth of The Japanese Woman.

Not that lots of them are't great, but nicer............probably not.

Still, if you like a healthy amount of childish mind games and petulant tantrums, they can't be beat, as far as I know.







Trip Hop,

I would happily give a PDA to my PUOSEA, but I have a feeling my idea of a PDA is different from yours.............

[Genkii]

Shortly after I got married, my wife (Japanese) started this little game with the closet door. I'd leave it partially open like she asked, but she'd whine, "no, not like that," as she'd grab the door and barely move it, "like this!" It clearly wasn't about the door, but about setting me up to fail. I told her to give me a pencil.
"Why?"
"Just hand it to me."
I put a mark above the door right where she left it. "There. Anything else we should mark?"
A scowl overcame her game face as she walked out of the room.

I'd do the same with money. I'd get a notebook and sit at the kitchen table with her. I'd write out a budget listing who is responsible for each expense. No way would I agree to receiving an allowance. There would be a bucket for savings, a bucket for expenses, and spending money for each of us. Complete transparency and accountability on both sides. If she had a problem with it, I'd drop the pencil and head straight to my suitcase.

I like you.

Japanese women like you more when you don't put up with their bullshit. I believe all those irrational and crazy things are just a test to see how you would react to find out if you're alpha or beta. And if you're easy to control.

Don't let women pussytrap you or you become like this guy:

I guess separate accounts is one way to do it if it works for you. Another way is to have a partner whose judgment on spending you can trust in the first place. My wife and I share an account - I take out money when I need it and she does the same, and in 15 years together, of all the stupid sh-it we've fought about, we have never once had an argument about money or had to hide our spending from each other. Whatever she spends I trust is necessary on some level, and if it keeps her happy well that's good for me too... If anything, I'm the more irresponsible one. I've probably spent enough on recreational stuff to put one of the kids through college, but you know, saving for the future is one thing but in the meantime you gotta be happy. And if I ain't happy, nobody is. Trust and enlightened self-interest. IHOMO both partners deserve to wear pants or somebody's gonna have some cold genitals...

[monkeywrench]

Don't let women pussytrap you or you become like this guy:

Yes, by all means don't be a man who spends to his heart's content and never hears a word about it from his wife. Be like these others who live in a state of tug-of-war and whine on the forum about how their big mean wives try to control them.

Are you retarded???

Nevermind, your several hundred brainless posts and notable lack of female companionship already answered that.