married and japanese "entertainment"

[whatablast2008]

Hey everyone. My first post. So I've been living here for about 9 months now with my wife who is Japanese. We're from North America. I don't speak japanese, and because I work mostly from home I don't meet very many people. I have a couple ok gaijins but there is a problem. They always want to go to places where you pay for various levels of female companionship. They are also married and have told me its cool and its the norm here. I have yet to follow up on this offer, but it puts me in a bad spot because they're pretty much the only guys I know and my only chance to really leave the house. I don't want to do anything that would get me in crap with the wife and back home its pretty much "if you can't tell you're wife what you did last night, you shouldn't be doing it". Pretty much loosing my mind here cause I never get out.

What do other people here do if they're invited out for a night with the guys? Do all guys who live in Japan do this sort of thing? HELP!

[Call_It_Like_Eye_See_It]

Hey everyone. My first post. So I've been living here for about 9 months now with my wife who is Japanese. We're from North America. I don't speak japanese, and because I work mostly from home I don't meet very many people. I have a couple ok gaijins but there is a problem. They always want to go to places where you pay for various levels of female companionship. They are also married and have told me its cool and its the norm here. I have yet to follow up on this offer, but it puts me in a bad spot because they're pretty much the only guys I know and my only chance to really leave the house. I don't want to do anything that would get me in crap with the wife and back home its pretty much "if you can't tell you're wife what you did last night, you shouldn't be doing it". Pretty much loosing my mind here cause I never get out.

What do other people here do if they're invited out for a night with the guys? Do all guys who live in Japan do this sort of thing? HELP!

My personal policy is, "No pictures, no proof!"

[KansaiBen]

What do other people here do if they're invited out for a night with the guys? Do all guys who live in Japan do this sort of thing? HELP!

Are you talking about strip clubs, hostess bars or soaplands?

Many Japanese women let husbands do stuff as long as they dont hear about it or they come home and try out new techniques on the wife.

Maybe find new friends.

[Since1990]

Hey everyone. My first post. So I've been living here for about 9 months now with my wife who is Japanese. We're from North America. I don't speak japanese, and because I work mostly from home I don't meet very many people. I have a couple ok gaijins but there is a problem. They always want to go to places where you pay for various levels of female companionship. They are also married and have told me its cool and its the norm here. I have yet to follow up on this offer, but it puts me in a bad spot because they're pretty much the only guys I know and my only chance to really leave the house. I don't want to do anything that would get me in crap with the wife and back home its pretty much "if you can't tell you're wife what you did last night, you shouldn't be doing it". Pretty much loosing my mind here cause I never get out.

What do other people here do if they're invited out for a night with the guys? Do all guys who live in Japan do this sort of thing? HELP!

You're better to loose your mind than to hang out with such 'friends'. They're not your friends. They don't care if your marriage gets into trouble. So, you might as well start from zero again in regard to how many friend you have in Japan.

I'd start with joining a club or doing a sport.

[whatablast2008]

Are you talking about strip clubs, hostess bars or soaplands?

Many Japanese women let husbands do stuff as long as they dont hear about it or they come home and try out new techniques on the wife.

Maybe find new friends.

Don't know what its called. They said you pretty much pay to make out with chicks and drink, and if you want to pay more there's usually places that offer more.

Besides being married, back home we don't need to pay for women. You go strut your stuff at a bar and if you can't get any its your own fault.

[whatablast2008]

You're better to loose your mind than to hang out with such 'friends'. They're not your friends. They don't care if your marriage gets into trouble. So, you might as well start from zero again in regard to how many friend you have in Japan.

I'd start with joining a club or doing a sport.

Thats what I was thinking too. Most guys I "know" here that seem decent don't speak english though. And the english speakers go to these places. Another guy I met durring a business lunch wanted to go to a place like this some time in the evening. That makes it even worse cause saying no potentially means loosing cash. I've been beating around the bush with him as to not meet up in the evenings, but instead for for coffee.

[BackDoor_Man]

Got to agree with "Since1990", they probably have wives uglier than sin! If you want to leave the house do so, there is nothing wrong with going out by yourself and finding your own adventures! There are places for all kinds of things and so what if you don;t speak Japanese, somebody will understand what you want and will help yo getting it. After all it is 2012 not 1600! Were are you, bum fack countryside?

[KansaiBen]

Don't know what its called. They said you pretty much pay to make out with chicks and drink, and if you want to pay more there's usually places that offer more.

Besides being married, back home we don't need to pay for women. You go strut your stuff at a bar and if you can't get any its your own fault.

Hostess bars the women are not prostitutes and can not solicit customers on company premises. They are paid to pour drinks sit on your lap and hear about the rough day you had at work. Some places if the woman is willing and you become a regular client you can make your own arrangements "off-premises", as long as you come and spend money at the bar.

Soaplands are essentially a brothel. Pay for the massage rub-down and they will give you "extras".

[nynapaj]

What do other people here do if they're invited out for a night with the guys? Do all guys who live in Japan do this sort of thing? HELP!

I would find a new group of people to hangout with.
One thing to start with that would help you find foreign friends and improve your quality of life is to get into a Japanese class. There are a lot of volunteer classes that charge almost nothing. You can go in with zero Japanese ability and they will get you started from there.

[nynapaj]

Hostess bars the women are not prostitutes and can not solicit customers on company premises. They are paid to pour drinks sit on your lap and hear about the rough day you had at work. Some places if the woman is willing and you become a regular client you can make your own arrangements "off-premises", as long as you come and spend money at the bar.

Having known several women that have worked at these places.. THEY ARE PROSTITUTES.
But as you say, they don't have sex with every guy that goes in there and one usually has to be a regular first.
MOST of the women that work in kyaba have had sex with at least one of their customers. It's not an everyday thing, but it's not a never thing either.

[EDIT- to KB]
PS... You say that they "can not solicit customers on company premises", but I know a few that told me that they hated it when the mama kept telling them to have sex with customers. Maybe legally, you are right, but there are definately a few mamas out there that push the girls to have sex.

[Effected After]

It depends on the girl. The girls who do best/most popular girls put out. For them it's a bit of a balancing game - put out too early, the customer moves on to another girl. Wait too long, the customer moves on to another girl. They have to time it right.

To the OP - if you don't want to go to the girlie bars, say so. Hang out with your buddies, and when they go girling, bow out (sorry, guys, I'm not in, have fun!) and go have a drink by yourself somewhere. Meet some new people. If the guys have a problem with that, they aren't worth being friends with. But I think most guys will be understanding of that.

[Genkii]

I would find a new group of people to hangout with.
One thing to start with that would help you find foreign friends and improve your quality of life is to get into a Japanese class. There are a lot of volunteer classes that charge almost nothing. You can go in with zero Japanese ability and they will get you started from there.

This is actually good advice. Even if you don't meet anyone interesting atleast your japanese will improve.

[Uncompletist]

Invite your wife out

[madazzahatter]

...you're from North America and your friends asked you to go to a strip club,would you go and what would you say to your wife before you went,or would you not say anything? If you went,would anything happen? If something did,that decision would have been yours,would it have not? If you did do something,would you tell your wife? If your friends offered you drugs,would you do them? If your friends jumped off of a bridge,would you jump too? I think you see where I'm going with this.

[KansaiBen]

PS... You say that they "can not solicit customers on company premises", but I know a few that told me that they hated it when the mama kept telling them to have sex with customers. Maybe legally, you are right, but there are definately a few mamas out there that push the girls to have sex.

But can they say no to customers they dont want to have sex with? Most hostesses do not lose their jobs if they wont sleep with clients. Some hostess clubs may be defacto call girl joints but it doesnt mean all of them are.. They may lose extra income or lose clients if they dont sleep with a client but the pressure is on there to keep the client coming back and spending money and as someone mentioned the offer is there if they need it with some girls, but it is not de facto the case with ALL hostesses. One can always quit if the pressure becomes too much.

[Genkii]

But can they say no to customers they dont want to have sex with? Most hostesses do not lose their jobs if they wont sleep with clients. Some hostess clubs may be defacto call girl joints but it doesnt mean all of them are.. They may lose extra income or lose clients if they dont sleep with a client but the pressure is on there to keep the client coming back and spending money and as someone mentioned the offer is there if they need it with some girls, but it is not de facto the case with ALL hostesses. One can always quit if the pressure becomes too much.

And how do you know all this?

[Effected After]

How do you know he's wrong?

[ttokyo]

Thats what I was thinking too. Most guys I "know" here that seem decent don't speak english though. And the english speakers go to these places. Another guy I met durring a business lunch wanted to go to a place like this some time in the evening. That makes it even worse cause saying no potentially means loosing cash. I've been beating around the bush with him as to not meet up in the evenings, but instead for for coffee.

The key question here is whether it can be put on an expense account, especially his. We actually had a case where a broker was inviting us to a strip club but this seemed just an excuse to meet his 'regular' girl there.

If that guy is your customer, he probably expects you to invite him.

[HarderFasterBaby]

Don't know what its called. They said you pretty much pay to make out with chicks...

Just remember... You'll be kissing 6000 drunk salary men as part of the bargain.

[thefg]

Do all guys who live in Japan do this sort of thing? HELP!

yes, and no.


Some do, some dont - just like in most countries

I go to hostess bars often (due to work) with a group of Japanese work 'friends' I enjoy it because Ive come to know the girls and its more like a night out with girl-friends, however id much rather be drinking with them somewhere thats not a hostess bar.

With my non work friends (mostly gaijin) we go to normal bars. (I dont think any of them have ever been to a hostess bar)

suggest you get some different friends if you dont like were these ones hang out. Plenty of gaijin here just like going to normal bars

[nynapaj]

But can they say no to customers they dont want to have sex with? Most hostesses do not lose their jobs if they wont sleep with clients.

Well, it is their choice in the end, but the pressure is always there. One friend of mine was complaining about it to me after only 2 weeks on the job. She said that the mama always suggested that she do "枕営業".
Off the top of my head, I have 7 friends that have or currently work in kyaba. There is no mandate to have sex with the customers, but there is an expectation that you will at least once in a while.
I would say that the best phrasing is that "Most hostess girls have sex with some customers." Not all girls and not all customers.

Also, it is interesting to mention that the ones that always complained about the sex thing didn't do it very long. They said that they didn't want to have sex with the customers... and they quit after about a month or two.

[thefg]

Besides being married, back home we don't need to pay for women. You go strut your stuff at a bar and if you can't get any its your own fault.

trust me that happens here also.

the guys that only ever pay for it are usually ugly losers who have no choice OR (and this is common) Just too lazy to bother to pick up girls

[thefg]

The key question here is whether it can be put on an expense account, especially his. We actually had a case where a broker was inviting us to a strip club but this seemed just an excuse to meet his 'regular' girl there.

If that guy is your customer, he probably expects you to invite him.

spot on.


i have several friends who only get to see 'their girl' when they get to take customers to the clubs on expense accounts.

[Effected After]

I would say that the best phrasing is that "Most hostess girls have sex with some customers."

I'd say that's about as accurate a statement as can be made on the matter.

[madazzahatter]

trust me that happens here also.

the guys that only ever pay for it are usually ugly losers who have no choice OR (and this is common) Just too lazy to bother to pick up girls

You don't pay for the sex......you pay for them to leave

[Genkii]

How do you know he's wrong?

You didn't get it. The smiley above the post suggested he was a regular.

[shonanfred]

You didn't get it. The smiley above the post suggested he was a regular.

KB can barely pay his hydro bill...how the hello do you think he can afford a hostess?
Fred

[KansaiBen]

KB can barely pay his hydro bill...how the hello do you think he can afford a hostess?
Fred

what makes you think I want to spend my money in a hostess bar?

[KansaiBen]

trust me that happens here also.

the guys that only ever pay for it are usually ugly losers who have no choice OR (and this is common) Just too lazy to bother to pick up girls

or they just dont want to come back to the same woman every night.

[shonanfred]

what makes you think I want to spend my money in a hostess bar?

Ummm...I don't (duh).
Fred

[pjb]

I don't want to do anything that would get me in crap with the wife and back home its pretty much "if you can't tell you're wife what you did last night, you shouldn't be doing it".

Do it in the afternoon, then.

[pjb]

It depends on the girl. The girls who do best/most popular girls put out. For them it's a bit of a balancing game - put out too early, the customer moves on to another girl. Wait too long, the customer moves on to another girl. They have to time it right.

Pretty much like relationships of the regular (non-payment) type!

[KansaiBen]

Ummm...I don't (duh).
Fred

All hostesses really do is pour you overpriced drinks, light your cigarettes and sing karaoke with you. I can pour my own frigging drinks, light my own cigarettes and I'm a 100,000 yen better off.

If you want to have sex with a hostess expect to pay through the nose with it from buying expensive whisky and brandy at the club and paying for the hostess' time. Not much of a deal if you ask me.

[shonanfred]

All hostesses really do is pour you overpriced drinks, light your cigarettes and sing karaoke with you. I can pour my own frigging drinks, light my own cigarettes and I'm a 100,000 yen better off.

If you want to have sex with a hostess expect to pay through the nose with it from buying expensive whisky and brandy at the club and paying for the hostess' time. Not much of a deal if you ask me.

Why are you telling me this?
I go all the time.
Fred

[KansaiBen]

Why are you telling me this?
I go all the time.
Fred

Lucky you. Whole point of this post is to rub my nose in it that you can afford it. Personally I have better things to do with my time.

[Genkii]

Personally I have better things to do with my time.

We all know you are a very busy men.

*looks at your postcount*

*shrugs shoulders*

How is your date going btw?

[shonanfred]

Lucky you. Whole point of this post is to rub my nose in it that you can afford it. Personally I have better things to do with my time.

Dude...who uses their own money at those places?!?!?
Yeesh.
Fred
PS "better things" like posting hourly here?

[KansaiBen]

Dude...who uses their own money at those places?!?!?
Yeesh.
Fred
PS "better things" like posting hourly here?

My di-ck is bigger than your di-ck.....

(sigh)

[KansaiBen]

*shrugs shoulders*

How is your date going btw?

Wedding's next month. You are not invited.

[shonanfred]

My di-ck is bigger than your di-ck.....

(sigh)

Doubt that very much.
Fred