How do I meet Japanese guys?

[April]

The transcience of the human experience reaches its apex in the romantic relationship; why bother?

Oh dear! First year university student warning!

[Deicide]

Oh dear! First year university student warning!

No...I had over 8 years of university, thank you...and attempt to disprove the validity of the statement...I think you will find it challenging...

[Doombird]

The transience of the human experience is also manifested in eating chocolate ice cream and being kind to children. Can't go by that!!


Besides, sex is fantastic! Of course, I've only had 5 years of college; I wonder what they teach in that last three years?? I guess this Grasshopper has a ways to go.

Regarding the Polyamorous J-Guy Conundrum:
I'm also of a minority in my thinking about love, in that I don't believe that monogamous, lifelong marriage is a natural state for many people and I think it's not abnormal to have different partners in life. I was not raised by cheaters but among unmarried people: A divorced mom, a widowed grandmother, a bachelor uncle. Therefore I'm loath to condemn him outright: people have their philosophies, and even if they go against what we think is normal, they're not always morally wrong.

But if that's not the kind of relationship you want, don't make excuses to stay in it! No matter how nice he is, you won't be happy, and it will end sooner or later anyway. There is definitely a guy out there who is attractive, kind AND wants to be with one person! And I bet he's even heterosexual!!

[satsumagirl2005]

Thanks for your comments on this. I was surprised actually to not receive any kind of harsh lecture from any of you. Well I do enough to lecture myself don`t worry.

Yes I decided to not fall in love with this guy. I decided that at least 2 weeks ago. I have been feeling okay about all of this so far. However, in the long term prospect of things this is all too familiar and all too annoying for me.

Why is it that men are just after sex and not love? I have been in so many of these `unrelationships`. Oh what I would give to just have a real relationship. One where I can feel that there is a high level of mutal trust. One where I can introduce the guy to other people as `my boyfriend`.

Trust me, I am looking around right now.

[Aesthete]

Well that sucks that he has another girlfriend... but are you his number one? ^.~... Before you become serious with someone, it's really all a game of chess. Many people seek out several people at once, and see where the chips fall. Always try and think ahead a few moves when you first meet someone... My favorite part of acquiring a boyfriend is the hunt, the chase. The flirting, the blushing, the new experiences... the "new car" smell. hehe...

And don't feel that your lack of Japanese will be a killer when it comes to meeting men, what is it.... 98% of our language is body language? That is what you use most when you first "meet" someone.... the eyes... the smile... the blush when you look away sheepishly... it's all to draw them in. Language only comes in after. That being said, if they don't speak any/very little English - it's crud after. But hey, if they try and talk to you, at least it's an ego boost of some sort.

I suppose I would cruise university campuses in hopes of a higher English speaking population by day, and study Japanese by night. /grin

*muses*

[WalkingTabloid]

So blast away....what do you think?

I would consider that normal and healthy and *dating*.

I long for the days of ore when people *dated* for several months before swearing off all others instead of this "by the third date" nonsense we have now.

Then again I am the one who wouldn't consider living with or being "serious" with a man I had been sleeping with less than a year.

YMMV.

[WalkingTabloid]

Why is it that men are just after sex and not love?

Men want love. They just take time to fall in love unlike most women who find someone to fall in love with, rather than notice one day they are in love with someone.

I have been in so many of these `unrelationships`. Oh what I would give to just have a real relationship. One where I can feel that there is a high level of mutal trust. One where I can introduce the guy to other people as `my boyfriend`.

Why don't you give it *time*? Who knows in 6 months he may think it is a good idea to just see one another. Or maybe not. In the meantime why don't you enjoy the company of either men, diversify your portfolio so to speak and make sure you know what you want.

[WalkingTabloid]

He has told you a lie about how most Japanese people have many partners at the same time. This isn't true. Probably only in his social circle. I guess he grew up with cheating parents. If I were you I'd be calling his bluff and ask to meet the other girlfriend to get her okay!

???

Don't you think this is a little harsh? I mean they've been dating *a few weeks*. If I had been dating someone a few weeks and they pulled the "whine whine omg you date others" crap I'd file them under "stalker" and quietly change my number. Cripes I don't even KNOW someone well enough at that point to date exclusively.

And how do you know it isn't just YOUR social circle where people don't have more partners? The Japanese people I know are very into casual dating until it is time to settle down. There's not this rampant pairing off so common in the west. I realize your social group mileage may vary.

[WalkingTabloid]

I don’t know another other place where else can you find handsome, well built, intelligent guys with good sense of humor and without a trace of any kind of erectile dysfunction that don’t behave like playboys.

You forgot well groomed, know how to tie a tie, wear suits regularly and don't whine, actually might style their hair in something other than a Navy Seal Crew Cut, notice when they gain weight and do something about it....

[April]

Why is it that men are just after sex and not love? I have been in so many of these `unrelationships`. Oh what I would give to just have a real relationship. One where I can feel that there is a high level of mutal trust. One where I can introduce the guy to other people as `my boyfriend`.

Trust me, I am looking around right now.

Don't give up!

When me and my guy first got together it was just physical fun. After a few weeks of bed bunking it turned into something more. We were both very surprised! So don't go thinking "it's just sex" because it might be just the beginning.

[April]

???

Don't you think this is a little harsh? I mean they've been dating *a few weeks*. If I had been dating someone a few weeks and they pulled the "whine whine omg you date others" crap I'd file them under "stalker" and quietly change my number. Cripes I don't even KNOW someone well enough at that point to date exclusively.

And how do you know it isn't just YOUR social circle where people don't have more partners? The Japanese people I know are very into casual dating until it is time to settle down. There's not this rampant pairing off so common in the west. I realize your social group mileage may vary.

???

No. Not harsh.
I disagree with everything else you said, especially the part about thinking someone is a stalker because they are upset you have other boyfriends. You think I'm over-reacting??

Nevermind. We just have very different perspectives. I can't say I have agreed much with other stuff you have posted on different threads. But anyway, my internet connection cuts off tomorrow so i'll have to get back to you all later.

Again - good luck Satsumagirl! I hope to read about your success when I get reconnected again.

[Aesthete]

I would consider that normal and healthy and *dating*.

I long for the days of ore when people *dated* for several months before swearing off all others instead of this "by the third date" nonsense we have now.

Then again I am the one who wouldn't consider living with or being "serious" with a man I had been sleeping with less than a year.

YMMV.

Yes, I agree... many times when you start a new "relationship" you are merely going on "dates" - you are not actually in the relationship yet, you are just laying the foundation. It is not unusual for one partner to still be seeing other people on occasion.

Now, I'm selfish myself and don't like to share my men (and yet I catch my wandering eye occasionally /grin) but that is only after we have clarified that we are indeed in a relationship - and even then I don't consider it a "serious" one (oh... I love you too!) until we are hedging towards a year. Why? I firmly believe you don't really know someone well enough until you have been dating for over six months...

If he's going on dates with someone else, then that means you can hit on other men all you like. It's also a sign that he likely isn't interested in getting into a serious relationship - and if you want that commitment, you should perhaps graze somewhere else.

[damo351falcon]

Thanks for your comments on this. I was surprised actually to not receive any kind of harsh lecture from any of you. Well I do enough to lecture myself don`t worry.

Since you haven't taken my constructive criticisms too well in the past, I decided to zip it. You're on your own, best of luck!...

[satsumagirl2005]

Thank you for your comments here. Actually I have begun to feel a little better since reading this. Some people from back home were telling me to ditch this guy but I was having real mixed feelings about it because I do like him.

So what is the definition of casual dating? Does it include sex as well? And do we really have to define casual dating? If I don`t hear from this guy for a week at a time what do you think about that? I mean I would rather not have someone calling me daily. I need my space too. But a week seems long? I don`t know.

I can`t really hope that this going to lead into some great romantic relationship. I mean, this is something where I might really get burned. I recognize that it`s necessary to reserve my feelings for someone who is really special. It`s just hard to say now if that`s going to be him or not.

I feel like I have a lot of unanswered questions that I would like to ask him, but that I don`t ask because I don`t want to scare him off.

[Aesthete]

Thank you for your comments here. Actually I have begun to feel a little better since reading this. Some people from back home were telling me to ditch this guy but I was having real mixed feelings about it because I do like him.

So what is the definition of casual dating? Does it include sex as well? And do we really have to define casual dating? If I don`t hear from this guy for a week at a time what do you think about that? I mean I would rather not have someone calling me daily. I need my space too. But a week seems long? I don`t know.

I can`t really hope that this going to lead into some great romantic relationship. I mean, this is something where I might really get burned. I recognize that it`s necessary to reserve my feelings for someone who is really special. It`s just hard to say now if that`s going to be him or not.

I feel like I have a lot of unanswered questions that I would like to ask him, but that I don`t ask because I don`t want to scare him off.

Casual dating can include sex, but it is up to you to define the boundaries of your relationship. If you only want to have sex with someone whom is only seeing you, then you should resist and let him know that the only way he gets the goods, is if he ditches seeing any other girls. Although, him saying "You're the only one" and BEING the only one are two different matters. Men will say almost anything for sex!

As for not hearing from him in a week, it really depends on how serious you two are. If he's seeing another girl, then his time really is being spread around. That's the problem when he's going on other dates and you arn't - it leaves you at home wondering and waiting no?

And no, it's not likely going to lead to anything romantic, he's seeing a couple of girls at a time - he's likely just out to have fun and the like. Not ready to settle down and all that right? You should be out to have fun as well, no sense in rushing things when you have all the time in the world to find that mister right. In the meantime you can kick it back with mister ego, mister wrong and mister a$$hat. All of whom will be fun in the short term until you dislike and dump them for mister right.

In the meantime, i suggest you search for other greener pastures to fill up your free time. Who knows, the less you contact him, the more he may be inclined to contact you...

Remember, he should be the one chasing you!

[damo351falcon]

Thank you for your comments here. Actually I have begun to feel a little better since reading this. Some people from back home were telling me to ditch this guy but I was having real mixed feelings about it because I do like him.

So what is the definition of casual dating? Does it include sex as well? And do we really have to define casual dating?

OK, i said I wouldn't comment, but seriously....

I'm not trying to criticise, or put you down or anything like that, I am just telling you the reality of your situation before i go on further...OK?!....

Your 'people' back home are smart people (Aussies right??), if you don't want to get burnt you should listen to them, all I can see is you setting yourself up for a big fall.

Why a fall you may ask? because I've read all your posts, you seem naive, vulnerable, insecure, and definately out of your depth here (and no, I don't mean that in an insulting way). You long for a steady/secure relationship, but you come to us with this guy, who clearly states to you that he's got another on the side.

To me, he doesn't want what you want, he is cunning, clever and blatantly flaunting the fact that he's pulling, and wanting to pull, other girls and you say he's a nice guy?!.

He may be a nice guy, but this isn't the nice guy you want. You want the nice guy who only wants 1 girl and that girl is you.

Define casual dating? are you related to Dansm?

Casual IS casual, there are no strict guidlines, it's each to their own to decide. Sex/no sex, oral/no oral, holding hands/no holding hands etc etc..you get the idea, it's up to you and him to decide what's included or not, but refer previous points, you want a relationship, not a casual relationship.

Again....good luck..

[satsumagirl2005]

Hey there,

Don`t worry about me I am a big girl. Thanks for your advice as always.

No things are not looking any better since my last post. Yes I am planning to turf this guy.

Who said anything about Austraila? Damo, why you always trying to guess what I look like and where I am from? Well thanks for your post anyways.

[satsumagirl2005]

Casual dating can include sex, but it is up to you to define the boundaries of your relationship. If you only want to have sex with someone whom is only seeing you, then you should resist and let him know that the only way he gets the goods, is if he ditches seeing any other girls. Although, him saying "You're the only one" and BEING the only one are two different matters. Men will say almost anything for sex!

As for not hearing from him in a week, it really depends on how serious you two are. If he's seeing another girl, then his time really is being spread around. That's the problem when he's going on other dates and you arn't - it leaves you at home wondering and waiting no?

And no, it's not likely going to lead to anything romantic, he's seeing a couple of girls at a time - he's likely just out to have fun and the like. Not ready to settle down and all that right? You should be out to have fun as well, no sense in rushing things when you have all the time in the world to find that mister right. In the meantime you can kick it back with mister ego, mister wrong and mister a$$hat. All of whom will be fun in the short term until you dislike and dump them for mister right.

In the meantime, i suggest you search for other greener pastures to fill up your free time. Who knows, the less you contact him, the more he may be inclined to contact you...

Remember, he should be the one chasing you!

By the way I really enjoyed your post!

[Deicide]

I love how people (mostly women) make relationships and dating their Lebensinhalt (content of their life or more figuratively life purpose). There are so many more interesting things in life than agonising over a guy you are dating...so many more interesting projects. It's funny I don't know too many men who do this though...

[Deicide]

The transience of the human experience is also manifested in eating chocolate ice cream and being kind to children. Can't go by that!!


Besides, sex is fantastic! Of course, I've only had 5 years of college; I wonder what they teach in that last three years?? I guess this Grasshopper has a ways to go.

Regarding the Polyamorous J-Guy Conundrum:
I'm also of a minority in my thinking about love, in that I don't believe that monogamous, lifelong marriage is a natural state for many people and I think it's not abnormal to have different partners in life. I was not raised by cheaters but among unmarried people: A divorced mom, a widowed grandmother, a bachelor uncle. Therefore I'm loath to condemn him outright: people have their philosophies, and even if they go against what we think is normal, they're not always morally wrong.

But if that's not the kind of relationship you want, don't make excuses to stay in it! No matter how nice he is, you won't be happy, and it will end sooner or later anyway. There is definitely a guy out there who is attractive, kind AND wants to be with one person! And I bet he's even heterosexual!!

The transience of human experience is the HUMAN experience but nonetheless some things are more transient than others. I simply do not see the point in investing great feelings in an individual when in a few years time they fade and/or you hate this person. Where is the investment/profit ratio here? So if you are to live there are more worthwhile things than to pine away for romantic relationship...

[damo351falcon]

Who said anything about Austraila? Damo, why you always trying to guess what I look like and where I am from? Well thanks for your post anyways.

I just thought you were an Aussie. Anyway, I just searched some previous posts and you are Canadian right? I apologise for any inconvenience caused.

As for guessing what you look like etc. you are way off base, when did i say anything about that?

Now back to the thread, it's good news you are planning to turf/turfed/turfing the guy (depending on how long the planning stage takes).

[satsumagirl2005]

The transience of human experience is the HUMAN experience but nonetheless some things are more transient than others. I simply do not see the point in investing great feelings in an individual when in a few years time they fade and/or you hate this person. Where is the investment/profit ratio here? So if you are to live there are more worthwhile things than to pine away for romantic relationship...

]


No doubt. Lucky for me I didn`t let myself fall for this guy so not much pining going on here. Yes aren`t relationships strange? It is odd to have so many positive feelings and then to turn it around and have so many negative feelings for the same person.

There wouldn`t be a good reason why you remind me of Dark Soul would there? Probably not but just wondered.

[satsumagirl2005]

I just thought you were an Aussie. Anyway, I just searched some previous posts and you are Canadian right? I apologise for any inconvenience caused.

As for guessing what you look like etc. you are way off base, when did i say anything about that?

Now back to the thread, it's good news you are planning to turf/turfed/turfing the guy (depending on how long the planning stage takes).

Yes I am a Canadian.

Looks like I may not have to do anything at all. I haven`t heard from this guy, he hasn`t heard from me, and that seems to be that. Pity. I was looking forward to telling him off. But I just haven`t seen him around town. I am also kind of making sure I don`t see him if possible.

[Deicide]

]


No doubt. Lucky for me I didn`t let myself fall for this guy so not much pining going on here. Yes aren`t relationships strange? It is odd to have so many positive feelings and then to turn it around and have so many negative feelings for the same person.

There wouldn`t be a good reason why you remind me of Dark Soul would there? Probably not but just wondered.

Yup that is why there are a waste...get yourself a good vibrator and you should be fine...

[Frostlight]

Why is it that men are just after sex and not love? I have been in so many of these `unrelationships`. Oh what I would give to just have a real relationship. One where I can feel that there is a high level of mutal trust. One where I can introduce the guy to other people as `my boyfriend`.

Not all men are just after sex. There are plenty of people who SAY they are (which would be the men who actually are, and the women who have only gone out with men who are, I suspect), but don't let that pull the wool over your eyes - sometimes cynicism can be just as much of an illusion as naivety. I know several guys who are definitely looking for love and long-term relationships. They're not generally the type who actively go chasing after girls, though, in my experience. These are the kinds of guys I see at uni and not at nightclubs, which seem to attract all the sleazy ones.

As for the guy... this is just my personal opinion, but if it was me, I would dump that guy ASAP. I would *never* let someone get away with cheating on me. No second chances, because they should have known better than to do it the first time. If they can't make up their mind whether they want me or not, or are "testing" me out to see if there's a better alternative, that's not the sort of man I want in my life, and there's no point in wasting my time over them, because I would rather be single anyday than date someone disloyal. Just a thought.

[damo351falcon]

nice thought...

[satsumagirl2005]

Not all men are just after sex. There are plenty of people who SAY they are (which would be the men who actually are, and the women who have only gone out with men who are, I suspect), but don't let that pull the wool over your eyes - sometimes cynicism can be just as much of an illusion as naivety. I know several guys who are definitely looking for love and long-term relationships. They're not generally the type who actively go chasing after girls, though, in my experience. These are the kinds of guys I see at uni and not at nightclubs, which seem to attract all the sleazy ones.

As for the guy... this is just my personal opinion, but if it was me, I would dump that guy ASAP. I would *never* let someone get away with cheating on me. No second chances, because they should have known better than to do it the first time. If they can't make up their mind whether they want me or not, or are "testing" me out to see if there's a better alternative, that's not the sort of man I want in my life, and there's no point in wasting my time over them, because I would rather be single anyday than date someone disloyal. Just a thought.

Yes thanks for that. I agree with you completely. It was not that the guy cheated on me. He was cheating on someone else with me. Well whatever. He seemed proud of himself or something. I didn`t like it. So I stopped calling him. I saw him in the street with some other woman and I also saw him in the supermarket with her buying groceries together. Their relationship seems pretty clear to me but I was nice to them.

He is an odd one though. Recently he has been sending me text messages and asking me how I am. Why I have no idea.

Basically my feeling right now is nothing for him and I am looking for a new guy.

[satsumagirl2005]

Yup that is why there are a waste...get yourself a good vibrator and you should be fine...

Got thorns don`t you?

[銕銕銕]

Got thorns don`t you?

but they're ingrown, so feel free to grab him b the stem and give him a good shake

[Sparda]

Connection. Word of mouth. Via Internet:
http://www.being-a-broad.com/
http://www.mynippon.com/
http://www.thepinkcow.com/
etc., etc., ...

Don't worry - they'll come & hit on you till you drop dead ;-)

In fact I'm half Japanese ... interested? :-D

Hello XD do u happen to know fluent japanese? In this case u speak english but if ud like to help me out just a little with the language id thank u very very much D:!

[Pepelepew]

Do any gaijin women have advice for me about how to meet Japanese guys? What if I don't speak Japanese beyond a few phrases such as "Watashi wa biru ga ski des"?

Also, how do I meet decent Japanese guys who are interested in more than just sex?

To provide more of a context here, I'll mention that I am moving back to Japan this summer, but I don't know which city I'll be placed in yet.

This one tickled me....you're showing your level of intelligence with that type of question, sister. If you're coming to Japan, the answer is ANYWHERE!! Even the guy who will stamp your passport can be a target!! If you are looking for guys that are just not interested in sex, I suggest a Buddhist monastery in Nagano...

[FrostbiteFalls]

This one tickled me....you're showing your level of intelligence with that type of question, sister. If you're coming to Japan, the answer is ANYWHERE!! Even the guy who will stamp your passport can be a target!! If you are looking for guys that are just not interested in sex, I suggest a Buddhist monastery in Nagano...

Cool story, bro.

Fun fact: this thread was started 5 years ago.

[Pepelepew]

[QUOTE=FrostbiteFalls;1125304]Cool story, bro.

Fun fact: this thread was started 5 years ago.

....I know....I guess GP needs to reactivate old threads to keep things going....

[Sparda]

Hi, Satsumagirl..

Actually I did met a lot of nice Japanese guys--most of them back in my country. Of course I met some bad guys also but I'm sure you can tell the bad from the nice guys.

Most of the nice guys are shy as April mentioned before. The problem is most of Japanese guys got problem in expressing their thought and feeling, and left it to you to figure it out by yourself. Sometimes, if you hit to much wrong answers, poof! they're gone

By the way, here's some sharing.

I met my first Japanese guy back in my country. We first met at my office as I was assigned to manage his art exhibition --he's an artist--so it's a formal encounter having a meeting w my boss.

2nd time we met, we went for coffee and dinner and he offered to cook some japanese food for me.

3rd time we met, he cooked okonomiyaki for me and asked me to be his gf. I was shocked but I said yes --not much commitment, no promises, we just wanted to give it a try.

2 months later on my birthday, he told me that he, for sure is going to marry me one day. I was surprised as I know Japanese men don't make promises easily, decent guys only say what they really mean and fight to keep the promise.

2 years later, we got married.

of course, it's not as simple as the way I told you above. Lots of ups and downs, the cultural background difference did caused lots of serious problems. He spoke my language --but not so fluently, I was totally blank about his language. The language itself already caused a lot of misunderstanding case. And lots of his friends also told me that he's not considered as a Japanese in term of he's a very straight forward person. When we met, he was also work as a social worker volunteer under contract to one of japanese government institution. This might the first thing that attracted me back then.

How to find a decent Japanese guys then ?
I guess you could ask your japanese friends to introduce you.
I don't really into internet things in finding a guys especially decent guys. Be carefull you might instead bump into some psycho stalkers (there're some threads bout this). Just try to make as many friends as you can. The right one might just appear in front of you without any effort at the right time at the right place, of course if only you believe in fate.

Good luck, friend

Aw omg pretty story, i wish i was as lucky as that but things keep turning out bad, i dont make promises aswell, when i do i usually never break them, ive tryed hard with a scottish guy but now its kindof over, were friends tough. Now im looking for japanese guys but i live in Brazil and here we barely have them...So its being hella difficult for me to find any, any tips Dx... I tryed the website meet-asian.com but it asks for VIP always... ive found some real handsome thin japanese guys there though. They smile at me back, one of them messaged me (he seem to be very cult since he does tons of important things and i can tell by his pics anyway), but i cant reply anyof them or even send email to them and my budget is as low as just-good-for-food right now so i cant afford to risk for a VIP for 1 month (would cost around 30 dollars). What can i do then!?!?

Omg help D:

Btw im trying to learn their language because i just love it, so i know a few but its still very few Dx!

I dont mind dating crazy guys as long as theyre not real trouble, as in, that dress like cosplay and stuff (i find that totally hot anyway LOL) example: The Gazette band (link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=chh9uUSbTNA).

So any tips >_< ... ill be turning to 25 but ppl swear im not over 18 by my looks and i prefer a guy my age or younger but in that case he prob wont want any serious thing, but i prefer the younger ones cause theyre much more fun and more up to travels and different things!

Help DX!

[Kagari]

well right now i am using doki doki to talk to j-guys, its an experience [what colour is your pantiy today......]

seriously i suspect the decent guys are near extinction.....

[Sparda]

well right now i am using doki doki to talk to j-guys, its an experience [what colour is your pantiy today......]

seriously i suspect the decent guys are near extinction.....

I dont know whats wrong ive joined a japanese site with handsome guys 22x and they all smiled at me i smiled at them but once i answered them they all poofed away, but my personality is all happy you know and i type a lot sometimes.

Is it my impression or j guys just like dead alike bout chat girls? lol cuz i cant think about gettin even more simplier and serious in my chats! or answers, that is..

D: little help over here!

[Seattlegirl]

[Kiboo]

No way..................

[Sparda]

You guys are really a bunch of asses, well ive finally made contact with some japanese guys, thankfully theyre not mean and lack respect like you. In the end this forum really didnt help at all or you guys are the only group thats very disrespectful and idiots here. Anyway, sayonara, good luck with your japanese talking that leads to nowhere =^-^= !

[Kiboo]

You guys are really a bunch of asses, well ive finally made contact with some japanese guys, thankfully theyre not mean and lack respect like you. In the end this forum really didnt help at all or you guys are the only group thats very disrespectful and idiots here. Anyway, sayonara, good luck with your japanese talking that leads to nowhere =^-^= !

I just wanted to tell you where I met my Japanese husband. But I changed my mind and will keep it to myself. Please, don't offend the valuable trolls of this GP.
Sayoonara... (>_<)