How do I meet Japanese guys?

[Wavey Man]

Hey,

Not much advice on where, but from what I know of most decent Japanese guys, they are interested in almost anything but sex.

When my ex (from Canada) and I moved to Japan, she was very jealous of all the Jpn girls. Funny thing was, she started dating one of her students on the sly, while I was being Captain Faithful. I met him a few times, and he seemed like a nice guy. Older, dorky, and a bit awkward, but nice. I suppose he had to be, as he already knew who I was.

So, anyways, after the truth came out, she moved in with him, and within three months was back at my door, drunk, stoned and horny as a toad, complaining that except for the sex, he was The One (i.e. enough money, patience, and desperation to put up with the whiney, lyeing b#"$ch), so we started a weekly thing, then a twice weekly thing, then an almost daily thing, and one day he followed her back to my place, and when she got home, confronted her with it. It turns out they had got engaged, he had bought a house, a big fat ring, the whole damn thing.

He was crushed by her duplicity: kicked her out, sold the house for a song, took back the ring and threw it away (so she says), and packed up and left for his hometown almost overnight. Poor _______, the thing he couldn't get over was that the cruel _______ had told him how much bigger I was, and he couldn't get over the idea that he could never saisfy her, so he never tried.

I hope he got over it. I was a bit put off by her treatment of me, but I got mine back: the morning after she got kicked out by her BF, I changed my locks (she had a key), went on a long holiday, and left her out in the cold. Never spoke to her again, though I think I saw her somewhere near the mall last year, back at home. She was fat as a horse.

This had nothing to do with what you asked about, did it?

Sorry.

That was good read, thanks. So she's not hooking anymore then?

With Japanese guys I guess that I am always feeling crushed by the assumption, rightfully or wrongfully, that Japanese guys only want to date Japanese girls. I wonder if there is a way to know if a Japanese guy is single and interested in western women or not.

Perhaps you've never opened a Vancouver phone book to the Escort Services section?

Try it. You'll notice almost every advert has Japanese text in it.

[Koisomemomiji]

In theory people tell me I should have no problem finding a guy, particularly a Japanese guy. I am slim and have features considered attractive and "foreign" to the Japanese (such aslarge eyes, a narrow face, and a large nose - not so attractive in the west though!), speak fluent Japanese, and am often told I am very "japanese" in my ways even though I never intend to be or attempt to "be" Japanese, yet I have almost no luck with asian or Japanese guys (which is my preference, if you hadn't guessed!). I've had guys tell me I was attractive, funny, interesting, and that they respected me, but never want to be my boyfriend. I've been on a few of those ambiguous "dates" where it almost always ends up with him fading into the distance (i.e. Initial interest that fades, most likely!). I don't know what I do that makes the situation this way, and asking several people for honest advice, and nobody else can figure it out either! Such a mystery... The only thing I can think of is that I am not "kawaii" and I have a slightly husky voice, and that when I speak Japanese I don't seem as 'foreign' and 'exotic', or "adorable" for 'trying' to speak Japanese (not to boast, but I have studied and spoken Japanese for 7 years and lived there for one year, so I have reached a level of fluency which allows me to express pretty much everything I want to).

I guess I am the equivalent of the Japanese guy who likes foreign girls but assumes that they won't be interested - I have a complex that a Japanese guy would essentially prefer a Japanese partner for the long term, and that if it's a foreigner, he'll prefer somebody more 'kawaii' and submissive, in every sense of the word... Surely there must be exceptions...

[Sparda]

In theory people tell me I should have no problem finding a guy, particularly a Japanese guy. I am slim and have features considered attractive and "foreign" to the Japanese (such aslarge eyes, a narrow face, and a large nose - not so attractive in the west though!), speak fluent Japanese, and am often told I am very "japanese" in my ways even though I never intend to be or attempt to "be" Japanese, yet I have almost no luck with asian or Japanese guys (which is my preference, if you hadn't guessed!). I've had guys tell me I was attractive, funny, interesting, and that they respected me, but never want to be my boyfriend. I've been on a few of those ambiguous "dates" where it almost always ends up with him fading into the distance (i.e. Initial interest that fades, most likely!). I don't know what I do that makes the situation this way, and asking several people for honest advice, and nobody else can figure it out either! Such a mystery... The only thing I can think of is that I am not "kawaii" and I have a slightly husky voice, and that when I speak Japanese I don't seem as 'foreign' and 'exotic', or "adorable" for 'trying' to speak Japanese (not to boast, but I have studied and spoken Japanese for 7 years and lived there for one year, so I have reached a level of fluency which allows me to express pretty much everything I want to).

I guess I am the equivalent of the Japanese guy who likes foreign girls but assumes that they won't be interested - I have a complex that a Japanese guy would essentially prefer a Japanese partner for the long term, and that if it's a foreigner, he'll prefer somebody more 'kawaii' and submissive, in every sense of the word... Surely there must be exceptions...

I heard they love foreign cosplayer ones, blonde aswell with blue eyes...im not sure what to tell you since im almost really getting real with a Japanese guy but dont give up ^-^ and good luck...oh i wish i spoke fluent Japanese!! If i dont end up marrying jpn guy ill marry a korean, theyre much easier to make friends with and many dream dating a brazilian (so its easier for me), plus as handsome as japanese (i give preference to japanese still). So XD really, good luck ^-^!! By the way i met my almost.. jpn guy on facebook lol...out of randomly typing japanese guys names... and picked the most handsome ones to send messages ^^.

[Booker]

By the way i met my almost.. jpn guy on facebook lol...out of randomly typing japanese guys names... and picked the most handsome ones to send messages ^^.

damn.....guess i need to make my profile public now....

[monkeywrench]

In theory people tell me I should have no problem finding a guy, particularly a Japanese guy. I am slim and have features considered attractive and "foreign" to the Japanese (such aslarge eyes, a narrow face, and a large nose - not so attractive in the west though!), speak fluent Japanese, and am often told I am very "japanese" in my ways even though I never intend to be or attempt to "be" Japanese, yet I have almost no luck with asian or Japanese guys (which is my preference, if you hadn't guessed!). I've had guys tell me I was attractive, funny, interesting, and that they respected me, but never want to be my boyfriend. I've been on a few of those ambiguous "dates" where it almost always ends up with him fading into the distance (i.e. Initial interest that fades, most likely!). I don't know what I do that makes the situation this way, and asking several people for honest advice, and nobody else can figure it out either! Such a mystery... The only thing I can think of is that I am not "kawaii" and I have a slightly husky voice, and that when I speak Japanese I don't seem as 'foreign' and 'exotic', or "adorable" for 'trying' to speak Japanese (not to boast, but I have studied and spoken Japanese for 7 years and lived there for one year, so I have reached a level of fluency which allows me to express pretty much everything I want to).

I guess I am the equivalent of the Japanese guy who likes foreign girls but assumes that they won't be interested - I have a complex that a Japanese guy would essentially prefer a Japanese partner for the long term, and that if it's a foreigner, he'll prefer somebody more 'kawaii' and submissive, in every sense of the word... Surely there must be exceptions...

At first I was gonna say it must be the big nose - somebody was just being polite if they said guys find that attractive - but since you're able to lure them on dates that don't pan out, well I wouldn't put too much into how you say things, like not being cute enough or having a husky voice, but maybe more what you're saying, cuz I for one got about halfway through that mess of alternating self-pity and self-flattery, quotation marks and parentheses and ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

[Koisomemomiji]

At first I was gonna say it must be the big nose - somebody was just being polite if they said guys find that attractive - but since you're able to lure them on dates that don't pan out, well I wouldn't put too much into how you say things, like not being cute enough or having a husky voice, but maybe more what you're saying, cuz I for one got about halfway through that mess of alternating self-pity and self-flattery, quotation marks and parentheses and ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Boring to you my post may have been, but at least I don't feel the need to put people down with unconstructive, unsubstantiated comments over the internet. Good luck with that. If you knew anything about Japan, you would know that large noses are actually considered attractive and that many japanese women undergo plastic surgery to have larger or "taller" (as they call it) noses.

But anyway, here's to some actual constructive and insightful discussion based on experience...perhaps...

[monkeywrench]

If you knew anything about Japan, you would know that large noses are actually considered attractive and that many japanese women undergo plastic surgery to have larger or "taller" (as they call it) noses.

Yes of course - they envy your outsized nose. That's why every idol you see is endowed with a large honker. In fact, if you learn to whistle an AKB48 song with that thing, you ought to have the boys following you around like the rats of Hamelin.

They do like small noggins though, that's true. I hear the head shrinking business is booming.

There was a bit of constructive feedback in my post there (I think you're probably neurotic), but you can bet your big beautiful schnoz that by definition any substantial suggestion as to what causes the guys to beat a retreat from you won't be a comment you want to hear. Let's just go with you're too Japanese for them. Or that it's an unsolvable mystery and you lose them for no good reason whatsoever, despite the attractiveness, humor, interest and respectability they credit you with as they back away smiling and nodding (and btw, in your year in Japan did you happen to notice they will say literally any fvckin thing to be polite and you're not supposed to really believe it?)...

[Seattlegirl]

How many Japanese people do you know? If you speak Japanese it is certainly possible to find interesting company, male or female, in Japan, in my experience, the proportion of people with whom I can have conversations on a deeper or intellectual level are probably the same in both Japan and the UK for myself - i.e. relatively rare.

(not to boast, but I have studied and spoken Japanese for 7 years and lived there for one year, so I have reached a level of fluency which allows me to express pretty much everything I want to).

I think these two posts tell us a lot about you and why you can't seem to get a guy (or Japanese friends).

Boring to you my post may have been, but at least I don't feel the need to put people down with unconstructive, unsubstantiated comments over the internet. Good luck with that. If you knew anything about Japan, you would know that large noses are actually considered attractive and that many japanese women undergo plastic surgery to have larger or "taller" (as they call it) noses.

But anyway, here's to some actual constructive and insightful discussion based on experience...perhaps...

So with your extensive experience of ONE YEAR in Japan, you have chosen to come to this forum and insult other posters without bothering to find out (or care) how much experience they have in Japan, which in the case of many posters is up to 20+ years. If you want useful information on this forum, I suggest you pay attention to the tone of your posts. You will find you get a better response.

[Koisomemomiji]

I think these two posts tell us a lot about you and why you can't seem to get a guy (or Japanese friends).



So with your extensive experience of ONE YEAR in Japan, you have chosen to come to this forum and insult other posters without bothering to find out (or care) how much experience they have in Japan, which in the case of many posters is up to 20+ years. If you want useful information on this forum, I suggest you pay attention to the tone of your posts. You will find you get a better response.

I don't pretend to know everything after spending one year in Japan. Maybe I put myself across wrongly but there is a lot of assumption about my statements you are making. My first statement was in surprise in response to a statement about how somebody wanted to have "more interesting" conversations with gaijin women as japanese women were basically "kawaii" airheads, which I found incredibly offensive and generalising, far more "insulting" than you seem to think that I am, and from people with supposedly more experience in the country than me, perhaps 20+ years as you say, they should know better, so I don't see why I should show respect to disrespectful statements.

Also, with the second statement you quote me on, you seem to assume that I am being an arrogant show-off, when I am merely stating the fact that I have reached a good level of Japanese simply because I have studied it for long enough, which I imagine many people can do - I described it for the purpose of explaining something, I don't exactly bellow it from the rooftops. You also assume I have "no Japanese friends." I do have a circle of friends, some of whom are Japanese, I have people who are no more than relatively superficial acquaintances, of course, but others who genuinely want to know me and who I want to be friends with also, just like anyone else.

Monkeywrench, I'm not even going to regard your posts anymore as they are baseless and disrespectful (i.e. stating I am "probably neurotic" "boring", and that what I say drives people away based on a couple of posts I've made here) and you clearly like to hide behind some kind of ridiculous snide forum 'persona' (sorry, used quotation marks again, try not to fall asleep yet) aimed to offend. Perhaps I'd listen if what you were saying was consistent with what several people who know me were saying, (and are good enough friends to be actually honest) even if I was somehow not aware of it, but me denying a so-called substantial suggestion which is gleaned from very little is not somehow 'denying the truth'.

Linked to this and somewhat more in contribution to the topic, I seem to find that some foreigners seem to see the Japanese (in relationship terms or otherwise) as some kind of alien race that ought to be treated far different to western cultures. While it is certainly true that there are key cultural differences and there are times where different ways of communication are used, it cannot be viewed so simply and without taking into account simple basic human variation. I have found Japanese people (and not just ones who have lived abroad for a long time) who are more blunt than the average Japanese and more individualistic in their thinking, and may even face almost as many difficulties or times of alienation as foreigners. I have met Japanese people who are very much like the "stereotype" others less so in varying degrees. The numbers of such people in Japan who vary a lot from the stereotype may be relatively small but not insignificant. Like anywhere else, there are obviously different attitudes and outlooks in different parts of Japan, although most descriptions of Japanese people, particularly from foreigners, seems to come from experiences with the typical Tokyo Japanese person. Again, this is my opinion, and not absolute truth.

In my personal opinion, living as a foreigner in Japan or having a relationship (in whatever way) with a Japanese person isn't about acting like a Japanese person, I am not Japanese, but in order to integrate oneself into society in one's own way, with a time and place for things - there may be times to shut up and follow societal norms, at others, you might have the right to help others understand your way of thinking, or even discover commonalities you didn't know existed.

[Sparda]

damn.....guess i need to make my profile public now....

LMFAO LOL , omosiroi ^-^


XD ....hahahah....

Nice one XD!

[Sparda]

I don't pretend to know everything after spending one year in Japan. Maybe I put myself across wrongly but there is a lot of assumption about my statements you are making. My first statement was in surprise in response to a statement about how somebody wanted to have "more interesting" conversations with gaijin women as japanese women were basically "kawaii" airheads, which I found incredibly offensive and generalising, far more "insulting" than you seem to think that I am, and from people with supposedly more experience in the country than me, perhaps 20+ years as you say, they should know better, so I don't see why I should show respect to disrespectful statements.

Also, with the second statement you quote me on, you seem to assume that I am being an arrogant show-off, when I am merely stating the fact that I have reached a good level of Japanese simply because I have studied it for long enough, which I imagine many people can do - I described it for the purpose of explaining something, I don't exactly bellow it from the rooftops. You also assume I have "no Japanese friends." I do have a circle of friends, some of whom are Japanese, I have people who are no more than relatively superficial acquaintances, of course, but others who genuinely want to know me and who I want to be friends with also, just like anyone else.

Monkeywrench, I'm not even going to regard your posts anymore as they are baseless and disrespectful (i.e. stating I am "probably neurotic" "boring", and that what I say drives people away based on a couple of posts I've made here) and you clearly like to hide behind some kind of ridiculous snide forum 'persona' (sorry, used quotation marks again, try not to fall asleep yet) aimed to offend. Perhaps I'd listen if what you were saying was consistent with what several people who know me were saying, (and are good enough friends to be actually honest) even if I was somehow not aware of it, but me denying a so-called substantial suggestion which is gleaned from very little is not somehow 'denying the truth'.

Linked to this and somewhat more in contribution to the topic, I seem to find that some foreigners seem to see the Japanese (in relationship terms or otherwise) as some kind of alien race that ought to be treated far different to western cultures. While it is certainly true that there are key cultural differences and there are times where different ways of communication are used, it cannot be viewed so simply and without taking into account simple basic human variation. I have found Japanese people (and not just ones who have lived abroad for a long time) who are more blunt than the average Japanese and more individualistic in their thinking, and may even face almost as many difficulties or times of alienation as foreigners. I have met Japanese people who are very much like the "stereotype" others less so in varying degrees. The numbers of such people in Japan who vary a lot from the stereotype may be relatively small but not insignificant. Like anywhere else, there are obviously different attitudes and outlooks in different parts of Japan, although most descriptions of Japanese people, particularly from foreigners, seems to come from experiences with the typical Tokyo Japanese person. Again, this is my opinion, and not absolute truth.

In my personal opinion, living as a foreigner in Japan or having a relationship (in whatever way) with a Japanese person isn't about acting like a Japanese person, I am not Japanese, but in order to integrate oneself into society in one's own way, with a time and place for things - there may be times to shut up and follow societal norms, at others, you might have the right to help others understand your way of thinking, or even discover commonalities you didn't know existed.

You know, earlier on ive had a big trouble in this forum, dont mind them @_@.... instead just look somewhere else, i didnt get my help in here, really. And that would be quite easy to randomly grab japanese or korean guy but the hardest thing is having a serious relationship with them and i suppose you want it serious... so thumbs up dont give up, おねがい　します ^-^ (yes i type some Japanese now because that facebook jpn guy really helps me out with it, i think studying it on my own would be so difficult) !!

=^-^= so cheer up and do it! よし!

[monkeywrench]

I don't pretend to know everything after spending one year in Japan. Maybe I put myself across wrongly but there is a lot of assumption about my statements you are making. My first statement was in surprise in response to a statement about how somebody wanted to have "more interesting" conversations with gaijin women as japanese women were basically "kawaii" airheads, which I found incredibly offensive and generalising, far more "insulting" than you seem to think that I am, and from people with supposedly more experience in the country than me, perhaps 20+ years as you say, they should know better, so I don't see why I should show respect to disrespectful statements.

Also, with the second statement you quote me on, you seem to assume that I am being an arrogant show-off, when I am merely stating the fact that I have reached a good level of Japanese simply because I have studied it for long enough, which I imagine many people can do - I described it for the purpose of explaining something, I don't exactly bellow it from the rooftops. You also assume I have "no Japanese friends." I do have a circle of friends, some of whom are Japanese, I have people who are no more than relatively superficial acquaintances, of course, but others who genuinely want to know me and who I want to be friends with also, just like anyone else.

Monkeywrench, I'm not even going to regard your posts anymore as they are baseless and disrespectful (i.e. stating I am "probably neurotic" "boring", and that what I say drives people away based on a couple of posts I've made here) and you clearly like to hide behind some kind of ridiculous snide forum 'persona' (sorry, used quotation marks again, try not to fall asleep yet) aimed to offend. Perhaps I'd listen if what you were saying was consistent with what several people who know me were saying, (and are good enough friends to be actually honest) even if I was somehow not aware of it, but me denying a so-called substantial suggestion which is gleaned from very little is not somehow 'denying the truth'.

Linked to this and somewhat more in contribution to the topic, I seem to find that some foreigners seem to see the Japanese (in relationship terms or otherwise) as some kind of alien race that ought to be treated far different to western cultures. While it is certainly true that there are key cultural differences and there are times where different ways of communication are used, it cannot be viewed so simply and without taking into account simple basic human variation. I have found Japanese people (and not just ones who have lived abroad for a long time) who are more blunt than the average Japanese and more individualistic in their thinking, and may even face almost as many difficulties or times of alienation as foreigners. I have met Japanese people who are very much like the "stereotype" others less so in varying degrees. The numbers of such people in Japan who vary a lot from the stereotype may be relatively small but not insignificant. Like anywhere else, there are obviously different attitudes and outlooks in different parts of Japan, although most descriptions of Japanese people, particularly from foreigners, seems to come from experiences with the typical Tokyo Japanese person. Again, this is my opinion, and not absolute truth.

In my personal opinion, living as a foreigner in Japan or having a relationship (in whatever way) with a Japanese person isn't about acting like a Japanese person, I am not Japanese, but in order to integrate oneself into society in one's own way, with a time and place for things - there may be times to shut up and follow societal norms, at others, you might have the right to help others understand your way of thinking, or even discover commonalities you didn't know existed.

But...but...if you come on here and, with only a couple of posts, wonder aloud why you can't get a guy, why get all testy that an answer is based on only a couple of posts?

As for your findings on stereotypes, variation and relationships, it seems that ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[Jakebullet]

I don't pretend to know everything after spending one year in Japan. Maybe I put myself across wrongly but there is a lot of assumption about my statements you are making. My ......



Blah blah blah...




vely superficial acquaintances, of course, but others who genuinely want to know me and who I want to be friends with also, just like anyone else.

ting like a Japanese person, I am not Japanese, but in order to integrate oneself into society in one's own way, with a time and place for things - there may be times to shut up and follow societal norms, at others, you might have the right to help others understand your way of thinking, or even discover commonalities you didn't know existed.

Erm.. Maybe cos your just too darn ugly!

[なるほど]

On 3 June, Sparda wrote

You guys are really a bunch of asses, well ive finally made contact with some japanese guys, thankfully theyre not mean and lack respect like you. In the end this forum really didnt help at all or you guys are the only group thats very disrespectful and idiots here. Anyway, sayonara, good luck with your japanese talking that leads to nowhere =^-^= !

...but despite our lack of helping and having said sayonara with such finality, she apparently couldn't help herself, as she was back with this super kawaii post on the 22nd

I heard they love foreign cosplayer ones, blonde aswell with blue eyes...im not sure what to tell you since im almost really getting real with a Japanese guy but dont give up ^-^ and good luck...oh i wish i spoke fluent Japanese!! If i dont end up marrying jpn guy ill marry a korean, theyre much easier to make friends with and many dream dating a brazilian (so its easier for me), plus as handsome as japanese (i give preference to japanese still). So XD really, good luck ^-^!! By the way i met my almost.. jpn guy on facebook lol...out of randomly typing japanese guys names... and picked the most handsome ones to send messages ^^.

What exactly is an "almost..jpn guy"? And when will you really get real with the almost..jpn guy? I guess that's the kind you get randomly typing in names on fb.

And more of the exhausting emoticons today! We are so fortunate! Despite the big trouble, she still wants to post!

You know, earlier on ive had a big trouble in this forum, dont mind them @_@.... instead just look somewhere else, i didnt get my help in here, really. And that would be quite easy to randomly grab japanese or korean guy but the hardest thing is having a serious relationship with them and i suppose you want it serious... so thumbs up dont give up, おねがい　します ^-^ (yes i type some Japanese now because that facebook jpn guy really helps me out with it, i think studying it on my own would be so difficult) !!

=^-^= so cheer up and do it! よし!

Yeah, I'm an @ss. Or am I almost really an @ss?

[なるほど]

Erm.. Maybe cos your just too darn ugly!

I was going to say "didactic" but your answer is better.

[Pogopuschel]

blabla

Of course I or we don't know you but from your posts can guess why you can't find Japanese guys. Most guys like kawaii, emotional, submissive, and less ambitious/successful (Or dare I even say stupid? ; )) girls. Including me. They're just more fun. If I base my opinion solely on your posts I could be sure that I would never date you, ever. I'm not saying something is wrong with you, and there are certainly other guys out there, but it's something you should consider.

[Trichophyton-in-my-pants]

I think Sparda sent me a friend request on Facebook.

[Bella Bowtruckle]

In theory people tell me I should have no problem finding a guy, particularly a Japanese guy. I am slim and have features considered attractive and "foreign" to the Japanese (such aslarge eyes, a narrow face, and a large nose - not so attractive in the west though!), speak fluent Japanese, and am often told I am very "japanese" in my ways even though I never intend to be or attempt to "be" Japanese, yet I have almost no luck with asian or Japanese guys (which is my preference, if you hadn't guessed!). I've had guys tell me I was attractive, funny, interesting, and that they respected me, but never want to be my boyfriend. I've been on a few of those ambiguous "dates" where it almost always ends up with him fading into the distance (i.e. Initial interest that fades, most likely!). I don't know what I do that makes the situation this way, and asking several people for honest advice, and nobody else can figure it out either! Such a mystery... The only thing I can think of is that I am not "kawaii" and I have a slightly husky voice, and that when I speak Japanese I don't seem as 'foreign' and 'exotic', or "adorable" for 'trying' to speak Japanese (not to boast, but I have studied and spoken Japanese for 7 years and lived there for one year, so I have reached a level of fluency which allows me to express pretty much everything I want to).

I guess I am the equivalent of the Japanese guy who likes foreign girls but assumes that they won't be interested - I have a complex that a Japanese guy would essentially prefer a Japanese partner for the long term, and that if it's a foreigner, he'll prefer somebody more 'kawaii' and submissive, in every sense of the word... Surely there must be exceptions...

I was going to type out a long reply but it's really too hot and humid and has probably been said before. But in a nutshell - I came here a fair few years ago and had no idea about the negative image of 'foreign girls'. Therefore I wasn't limited by it and didn't assume guys (japanese and foreign) wouldn't be interested because they clearly were. As was I. And I've had no problems meeting and dating men of any nationality. So, are you interested in men ? Do you like them, enjoy their company even if it's not going to lead to a date ? Does it show ? It may sound like I'm asking silly questions but I'm not. Can you be nice to a man even if you're not interested in him sexually ? If another man that you do like is watching your reactions to a guy you're not attracted to is he going to think you're scary to approach? Do you listen to him ? Remember small things about him such as his interests/work schedule/food preferences and then try to arrange something that you think he will like ? Do you admire him openly ? Laugh at his jokes ? Think he's intelligent ? Do you let him know that ? Are you 'easy' to spend time with? Have a laugh with? Will you get along with his friends ? His family ? Do you like his country or criticize it all the time ?

You say your dates 'fade out' - well - does he even know you want to see him again ? Are you intimidating ? Does he have to work to impress you ? Are you affectionate ? Do you flatter him ? How often do you smile ?

There's honestly so much more but I'm tired. I came here over 15 years ago and as I said, no problems meeting and dating men of any nationality. Of course if I were back on the market now I'd have a much harder time simply because I'm older and many guys my age now are married to lovely women and have children, and younger men want women their own age or younger. But it amazes me still to hear women of any nationality complain that they can't get a man. Unless they're gay, most men love women and they love to be looked up to and appreciated. And gay men also tend to like/love women and want to be appreciated. So if you look up to, like, and appreciate men it really ought to be easy !

Oh, and don't limit your interactions if you really just want a 'Japanese man' - those ojisans/obasans you work with have sons and nephews and know a lot of people. If they like you and think that you're suitable they will start putting out 'the word'. Those 'gaijin men' you work with have Japanese friends interested in 'gaijin women'. As do your Japanese female friends. It's all there for the taking.

IMO.

[Bella Bowtruckle]

That really was longer than I expected wasn't it ? Sorry. But just - don't give up. Don't analyze. Just go for what you want with no sense of limitation.
And be nice.

[Bella Bowtruckle]

White trash/black trash/asian/ North Pole or any other nationality I think this should be the anthem for women everywhere:
let's hear it for the boy Deniece Williams
www.youtube.com/watch?v=NnuYhFRYbAw - Cached

[Booker]

White trash/black trash/asian/ North Pole or any other nationality I think this should be the anthem for women everywhere:
let's hear it for the boy Deniece Williams
www.youtube.com/watch?v=NnuYhFRYbAw - Cached

i'm not quite sure why i just sat through that.

reveling in the memories of the early 80s, i suppose.

[FreshRamen]

What exactly is an "almost..jpn guy"? And when will you really get real with the almost..jpn guy? I guess that's the kind you get randomly typing in names on fb.

i think it's pretty easy to assume she meant "a guy who is almost her japanese boyfriend" by "almost..jpn guy"

@koisomemomiji I think you should listen to Bella's advice. I also don't want to think badly about you because as you said we can't really judge your off of a few posts, but from your posts you come off as having a bit of an ego. You think you're better than others or place yourself (at least intellectually) on a pedestal. Even if a guy was at "your level" he might find that vibe a turn off.

Anyway men like woman. You've only been here a year. Be patient

[Krobin]

Soon to be 200 posts? I won't bother to read it all, but I'll meet you.. even buy you a beer or a shot of whiskey. I'm not Japanese, but people seem to think I'm soso ok anyway. Amazing, no?

[Booker]

amen to that.

i could pass for part asian in a room full of asian peoples. if asian men are your thing.
look me up on facebook

[Wavey Man]

I was going to type out a long reply but it's really too hot and humid and has probably been said before. But in a nutshell - I came here a fair few years ago and had no idea about the negative image of 'foreign girls'. Therefore I wasn't limited by it and didn't assume guys (japanese and foreign) wouldn't be interested because they clearly were. As was I. And I've had no problems meeting and dating men of any nationality. So, are you interested in men ? Do you like them, enjoy their company even if it's not going to lead to a date ? Does it show ? It may sound like I'm asking silly questions but I'm not. Can you be nice to a man even if you're not interested in him sexually ? If another man that you do like is watching your reactions to a guy you're not attracted to is he going to think you're scary to approach? Do you listen to him ? Remember small things about him such as his interests/work schedule/food preferences and then try to arrange something that you think he will like ? Do you admire him openly ? Laugh at his jokes ? Think he's intelligent ? Do you let him know that ? Are you 'easy' to spend time with? Have a laugh with? Will you get along with his friends ? His family ? Do you like his country or criticize it all the time ?

You say your dates 'fade out' - well - does he even know you want to see him again ? Are you intimidating ? Does he have to work to impress you ? Are you affectionate ? Do you flatter him ? How often do you smile ?

There's honestly so much more but I'm tired. I came here over 15 years ago and as I said, no problems meeting and dating men of any nationality. Of course if I were back on the market now I'd have a much harder time simply because I'm older and many guys my age now are married to lovely women and have children, and younger men want women their own age or younger. But it amazes me still to hear women of any nationality complain that they can't get a man. Unless they're gay, most men love women and they love to be looked up to and appreciated. And gay men also tend to like/love women and want to be appreciated. So if you look up to, like, and appreciate men it really ought to be easy !

Oh, and don't limit your interactions if you really just want a 'Japanese man' - those ojisans/obasans you work with have sons and nephews and know a lot of people. If they like you and think that you're suitable they will start putting out 'the word'. Those 'gaijin men' you work with have Japanese friends interested in 'gaijin women'. As do your Japanese female friends. It's all there for the taking.

IMO.

Excellent advice anywhere, and especially in this case.

You shouldn't have to fawn and flatter, and I'm sure it doesn't come easily to most westerners, especially women, but it sure does help to be pleasant and cheerful and interested.

Sometimes when we force ourselves to be cheerful and pleasant it can actually become first a habit and then second nature.

[Sparda]

On 3 June, Sparda wrote


...but despite our lack of helping and having said sayonara with such finality, she apparently couldn't help herself, as she was back with this super kawaii post on the 22nd


What exactly is an "almost..jpn guy"? And when will you really get real with the almost..jpn guy? I guess that's the kind you get randomly typing in names on fb.

And more of the exhausting emoticons today! We are so fortunate! Despite the big trouble, she still wants to post!



Yeah, I'm an @ss. Or am I almost really an @ss?

Since i couldnt really bother about the negative lame disrespectful replies i got here about my posts, i didnt even remember of you. But if youre one of those ppl that sucked at replying me, then ure an ___ yes. I also am so fine with this because i know what is really going on, maybe that girl that posted is right... you guys make too many wrong out of a sudden assumptions...lol

どおも　ありがとう　for the kawaii , kekeke lol

^-^

[Koisomemomiji]

i think it's pretty easy to assume she meant "a guy who is almost her japanese boyfriend" by "almost..jpn guy"

@koisomemomiji I think you should listen to Bella's advice. I also don't want to think badly about you because as you said we can't really judge your off of a few posts, but from your posts you come off as having a bit of an ego. You think you're better than others or place yourself (at least intellectually) on a pedestal. Even if a guy was at "your level" he might find that vibe a turn off.

Anyway men like woman. You've only been here a year. Be patient

I will admit it is a flaw of mine to have an ego. I hate losing, I am competitive and I don't like it when people are better than me at things. However, I am aware of this and its more directed towards myself, rather than relative to others. I believe it is a very unintelligent view of intelligence to think of yourself better than somebody else due to how society traditionally perceives intelligence (often those good at maths, science, exams, etc, which is just one aspect) and any kind of objective comparison is impossible and meaningless anyway. Reading my first post it may have come across as thinking I was god's gift but wondering why no guy liked me, but what I meant was to say that I wasn't a social recluse, there were good things about me, but wondered why I didn't have much luck as others who know me (and who are and have been honest) don't really know why as well.
Also, I have been told several times on forums or from my emails/texts/anything written that I can seem a bit pretentious or stuck up but that I am nothing like that in real life. Perhaps it is just my writing style.
I do try to be approachable and easy to talk to, although I am rubbish at praising people, it doesn't come naturally to me at all. It would just be interesting to get the perspective of one of the guys I went on some 'ambiguous' date with and see what he really thought.

[Bella Bowtruckle]

I can see how that might be a problem. Try to remember though that we become better at things ourselves by learning from others and guys especially like to teach/show/help women out. If you're giving the impression that you know everything already they might be put off. Of course it's natural to want to show off your good points and hide your weaknesses, but that can have a bit of a negative effect sometimes for a woman. It might work better if rather than trying to impress you let yourself 'be impressed' by your dates. Sounds terribly old-fashioned I know but...

[Jenks]

I don't pretend to know everything after spending one year in Japan. Maybe I put myself across wrongly but there is a lot of assumption about my statements you are making. My first statement was in surprise in response to a statement about how somebody wanted to have "more interesting" conversations with gaijin women as japanese women were basically "kawaii" airheads, which I found incredibly offensive and generalising, far more "insulting" than you seem to think that I am, and from people with supposedly more experience in the country than me, perhaps 20+ years as you say, they should know better, so I don't see why I should show respect to disrespectful statements.

Also, with the second statement you quote me on, you seem to assume that I am being an arrogant show-off, when I am merely stating the fact that I have reached a good level of Japanese simply because I have studied it for long enough, which I imagine many people can do - I described it for the purpose of explaining something, I don't exactly bellow it from the rooftops. You also assume I have "no Japanese friends." I do have a circle of friends, some of whom are Japanese, I have people who are no more than relatively superficial acquaintances, of course, but others who genuinely want to know me and who I want to be friends with also, just like anyone else.

Monkeywrench, I'm not even going to regard your posts anymore as they are baseless and disrespectful (i.e. stating I am "probably neurotic" "boring", and that what I say drives people away based on a couple of posts I've made here) and you clearly like to hide behind some kind of ridiculous snide forum 'persona' (sorry, used quotation marks again, try not to fall asleep yet) aimed to offend. Perhaps I'd listen if what you were saying was consistent with what several people who know me were saying, (and are good enough friends to be actually honest) even if I was somehow not aware of it, but me denying a so-called substantial suggestion which is gleaned from very little is not somehow 'denying the truth'.

Linked to this and somewhat more in contribution to the topic, I seem to find that some foreigners seem to see the Japanese (in relationship terms or otherwise) as some kind of alien race that ought to be treated far different to western cultures. While it is certainly true that there are key cultural differences and there are times where different ways of communication are used, it cannot be viewed so simply and without taking into account simple basic human variation. I have found Japanese people (and not just ones who have lived abroad for a long time) who are more blunt than the average Japanese and more individualistic in their thinking, and may even face almost as many difficulties or times of alienation as foreigners. I have met Japanese people who are very much like the "stereotype" others less so in varying degrees. The numbers of such people in Japan who vary a lot from the stereotype may be relatively small but not insignificant. Like anywhere else, there are obviously different attitudes and outlooks in different parts of Japan, although most descriptions of Japanese people, particularly from foreigners, seems to come from experiences with the typical Tokyo Japanese person. Again, this is my opinion, and not absolute truth.

In my personal opinion, living as a foreigner in Japan or having a relationship (in whatever way) with a Japanese person isn't about acting like a Japanese person, I am not Japanese, but in order to integrate oneself into society in one's own way, with a time and place for things - there may be times to shut up and follow societal norms, at others, you might have the right to help others understand your way of thinking, or even discover commonalities you didn't know existed.

Well this right here is your problem. Up until the last chapter it appeared a badger ran up your skirt and ruined what could have been a perfectly pleasent exchange of ideas and interests. You ain't gonna be winning social points with that attitude.

And the world keeps on spinning, mystical revelations or not....

[speedboat]

Do any gaijin women have advice for me about how to meet Japanese guys? What if I don't speak Japanese beyond a few phrases such as "Watashi wa biru ga ski des"?

Also, how do I meet decent Japanese guys who are interested in more than just sex?

To provide more of a context here, I'll mention that I am moving back to Japan this summer, but I don't know which city I'll be placed in yet.

So, how has life treated you in the last 4+ years?

[Trichophyton-in-my-pants]

Oh, please. Be yourself and stay what you are. Being natural is the best way to win. Your think Japanese guys won't figure out if you start pretending? They have a pile of Japanese girls who are perfect at pretending. Lie is not what they expect from a foreign woman. Because they can easily find lie among their own Japanese women. They don't need them or their lie anymore.

Also, don't be ugly or fat.

Seriously.

[Booker]

Also, don't be ugly or fat.

Seriously.

it's true.


though being an ugly and/or fat man is like totally in these days.

[Trichophyton-in-my-pants]

though being an ugly and/or fat man is like totally in these days.

It had to happen at some point.

Fashion is a fickle mistress and being gorgeous and stick thin has run it's course.

Fingers crossed for crew cuts and wifebeaters.

[TheAtomicFunk]

It had to happen at some point.

Fashion is a fickle mistress and being gorgeous and stick thin has run it's course.

Fingers crossed for crew cuts and wifebeaters.

I'm looking forward to butterfly collars coming back, open down to the naval, with multiple Italian gold chains tangled in a sweaty mat of chest hair. At least then I wouldn't be so embarrassed walking around town with my grandmother.

[Jenks]

Fat = excersize and get interested in other than fast-food

Ugly = Needs more alcohol

[Bella Bowtruckle]

Oh, please. Be yourself and stay what you are. Being natural is the best way to win. Your think Japanese guys won't figure out if you start pretending? They have a pile of Japanese girls who are perfect at pretending. Lie is not what they expect from a foreign woman. Because they can easily find lie among their own Japanese women. They don't need them or their lie anymore.
I am sure she doesn't want to win social points among losers. What they think of her is unlikely her problem at all.

I agree that the OP shouldn't try to fake things or try to be something she's not and she should keep her high standards. On the other hand, just as she's proud of her achievements/intelligence/looks and so on, and seems to want to be admired. Well, all I'm saying is that her dates probably feel the same. There's a reason she's on a date with them/finds them attractive and she needs to let them know that if she wants things to continue. I wouldn't waste my time on a second/third date if I thought the guy wasn't really interested in me/thought he could do better than me. So why is she surprised if the men she has been out with don't pursue it if she hasn't complimented them or made her interest clear ?

[Booker]

....stick thin has run it's course.

i hope not

as they say, a woman can never be too rich or too thin.


they *do* say that, right????

[monkeywrench]

I will admit it is a flaw of mine to have an ego. I hate losing, I am competitive and I don't like it when people are better than me at things. However, I am aware of this

Well that's a start. I saw this article on Yahoo today about "defensive dating" and thought of you...
http://yahoo.match.com/cp.aspx?cpp=/...el=%27nofollow

[Hijinx]

Or one sits--whatever.

[Effected After]

Probably because she didn't have the reasons to compliment them or made her interest clear. That happens.

It does. And a woman by no means has to compliment the man she is on a date with. But, she then cuts herself off from any men who like to be complimented. If she's ok with that, then there is no problem.