'Gaijin Giveaways'

[Coin-Operated-Clown]

In all the time I've lived in Japan I haven't once enjoyed the thrilling indignity of being mistaken for a Japanese. Always I am Pepsi on the Japanese palate. If I could speak the language (at all), I'd ask a Japanese just how they fine-tune their wheat/chaff radar. As it is, I can only speculate as to what is my Gaijin Giveaway, and ask what you think might be yours....

[Coin-Operated-Clown]

After using a public lavatory I often forget to "forget" to wash my hands.

(Aach! Foolish COC! It is your gaijin giveaway!)

[Coin-Operated-Clown]

When a doddery old-dear finds herself obliged to stand on a crowded train, I neglect to feign sleep, and eccentrically offer my seat.

(Cretinous COC! Will you never assimilate?)

[Kent Brockman]

Another thread blathers speciously about the nose/_____ size correlation...

I have a cold.

Did anybody else feel the earthquake? For this I apologise.

[Coin-Operated-Clown]

In the porno section that occupies fully 70% of the floorspace at my local video store I eccentrically foreswear the holy trinity of 'schoolgirl', 'toilet', and 'rape' in favour of watching obviously adult women engage in apparently consensual sex.

(Aach, COC! Why don't you just wear a sign!?)

[Kent Brockman]

"...hang on, that Adonis-like character over there doing sit-ups... he'll lose that rock-hard abdominal buff toneage if he keeps going that slowly... shall I go over and tell him to put that bench up at an incongruously acute angle and tuck his feet under the bar to use his legs to pull himself up... OH SH_T, WAIT, is it a..."

[Coin-Operated-Clown]

He waits until all others at the table have finished eating before lighting his postprandial cigarette. Hen Na? Oh, I see, he is.....

[Coin-Operated-Clown]

His girlfriend's business in the bank should take no longer than 20 minutes, still he cuts the engine while he sits waiting in the car? It is peculiar. Oh, oh I've got you.....

[Anonymous]

Maybe you aren't reading porn magazines on the train in full view of everyone else?

Maybe you aren't dressed in hideous 80s clothing?

Maybe you don't limp painfully on 6 inch stilletto heels? (well maybe *I* don't)

Or maybe, just maybe, being very tall and blonde is my giveaway?

[smallworld]

What is that awful tinkling sound in the stall next to me? Is the musical box broken? If so, why doesn't she flush continually until she's done her horrible business? What kind of animal can pee so openly, brazenly?
Oh, OK. She's a...