Parental Racism

[Marius_II]

Yes, exactly. One learns to take it in stride. Say thanks or politely deny your culinary wizardry (?).

Thanks route for me. And "Thanks." only:

Those aren't genuine compliments about water boiling ability but rather chopstick skills caliber commentary.

Outside of work I answer chopstick-commentary by returning a spoon- or fork compliment. But at work I refrain from that, in most cases, since I'm going to see these people the following day.

Instead a simple "Thanks. (<-- notice period)" works like a politer version.

[steki47]

Outside of work I answer chopstick-commentary by returning a spoon- or fork compliment. But at work I refrain from that, in most cases, since I'm going to see these people the following day.

That whole "hashi jouzu" thing used to drive me nuts. Got used to it over time. I did aikido for about 4 years with a group of Japanese in my last place of residence. Every time we ate together, they made that comment. Yes, 6 months ago you were amazed that I can use chopsticks. Have I gotten better?

[Don Juan]

My wife has been telling (bragging) to her female co-workers about me cooking dinner on Mondays. Culture schmulture, how hard is it to boil pasta and open a jar?

Ah yes the stereotypical feminist northern gaijin....

one ex of mine kept asking me if I was going to cook dinner when "we get married" (yeah cause all gaijin do that uh?)

"Dear girl, I am more male chauvinist than your average japanese man, only with gentleman charm " I told her

I think my gaijin charm died that day

[USDMinJDMland]

I never had a problem with my wife's parents. They were actually excited to meet me. Had the whole family over. Mom, dad, younger brother #1 and his wife and little girl, younger brother #2 and his girlfriend, grandmother. They knew I was coming, but I didn't know her whole family was going to be there.

At the time, I spoke no Japanese. I had only been in Japan for a year, but with the Navy, so it wasn't required to learn the language. Every conversation was through my wife.

First thing her dad asked me when I sat down to meet him was, "Do you like beer?" My response, "Do fish swim?" (through my wife, of course) He smiled, poured a small glass for me and himself, and it's been good like that ever since.

When I asked for his blessing, he started crying and told me that he was happy his daughter had found someone who made her happy. Then asked when we were gonna start making babies with a ____ eatin grin on his face.



I love my wife's father as much as I do my own father. He treats us better than his other boys' families. My wife's brothers aren't screw ups, but they have made some bad life decisions and are still paying the price for it.

[steki47]

Ah yes the stereotypical feminist northern gaijin....

I am hardly a feminist, but years (er, decades) of bachelorhood have forced me to learn about cooking.

[Gaijin 06]

Yes to both

Thought so. So, speaking from a position of ignorance then.

Maybe your ex-gf parents didnt like your mug shot too much.

Maybe

[jron]

When I asked for his blessing, he started crying and told me that he was happy his daughter had found someone who made her happy. Then asked when we were gonna start making babies with a ____ eatin grin on his face.

I love my wife's father as much as I do my own father. He treats us better than his other boys' families.

haha.. I'm pretty sure, if we get that far, that that will be the EXACT same reaction my gal's father has.. lol..

Her family is really nice and her father is a very nice guy.. Very nice to me.. I hope it stays that way...

I am hardly a feminist, but years (er, decades) of bachelorhood have forced me to learn about cooking.

lol.. Some of us CAN cook.. My mother taught me to cook when I was a child and I worked my way through college as a prep-chef in various french restaurants.. I have no problem at all making casseroles, cooking an entire turkey dinner for thanksgiving or baking whatever I want from scratch..
:-)

[wildrose]

I think you are right to be careful about incorrect assumptions or biases.
Have you or your girlfriend talked about why you want to meet her parents?
Just wondering.

[steki47]

My mother taught me to cook when I was a child

Lucky you! My mother taught me to use a microwave!

[jron]

Lucky you! My mother taught me to use a microwave!

haha.. wasn't much choice considering they didn't exist when I was a kid..

[magicgirl]

Not true.. My brother has his marriage broken up by her parents.. He was an ENGINEER.. But see.. That just wasn't good enough for her snob-*ss parents.. Total Social Climbers.. Only a lawyer, doctor or Banker would have been good enough for THEM... An engineer from a family nobody knew in town knew??? Heaven FORBID !!!

On this last trip I met my 42 y/o soon-to-be GF's parents.. She did NOT prepare her father.. Only her mother knew.. There was other family there. I walked into a room of, literally, open mouthed shock.. After a few moment to compose themselves.. I was treated like a rock star for the rest of the evening. lol.. Everyone had to get a picture with me, they were so excited it wasn't funny.. Her family had given up on her ever getting married and it was like I was sent from heaven or something.. It was funny as hell.. lol..
I could have been green with antennas and it wouldn't have mattered..

To provide a positive example, I'll tell you my story. I just got married in Nov. of last year. When my then-GF told her mom that I proposed, the mom was so happy and excited. I had talked about waiting until summer of 2010 to save up some money. Her parents gave us a bunch of money. THEN I met them. They were sweet and funny. I drank with the dad and chatted about literature and travel. Many of her relatives are teachers and involved with the arts. I am a "teacher" and took my wife to a performance of Beethoven's ninth recently. The family likes me.

Or maybe they are just thrilled that their 43-year old daughter got married at all. Either way, we are generally happy.

Oh, they are coming over for lunch this Sunday. Looking forward to it.

Just curious, but it seems that japanese parents start off having high aspirations for their son-in-laws, want them to be Japanese, or people in the the 'typical' prestigious vocations, but once their daughters remain unmarried at an age which is nearly beyond childbearing, they kind of get in touch with reality and become more accepting. Perhaps it doesn't even need to apply to Japanese, I believe parents in general feel this way.
Whatever it is, it's good to know that these girls eventually found the right guy, its better to wait for the right guy than to make mistakes and suffer along the way

[jron]

Just curious, but it seems that japanese parents start off having high aspirations for their son-in-laws, want them to be Japanese, or people in the the 'typical' prestigious vocations, but once their daughters remain unmarried at an age which is nearly beyond childbearing, they kind of get in touch with reality and become more accepting. Perhaps it doesn't even need to apply to Japanese, I believe parents in general feel this way.
Whatever it is, it's good to know that these girls eventually found the right guy, its better to wait for the right guy than to make mistakes and suffer along the way

lol.. ya.. I would not be at all surprised that the parents become a LOT more accepting the further past 30 the daughter gets.. Eventually, anything that can knock her up and give them a grand-kid is just fine by them..

[Subarctican]

Japan is a tribal culture, and some forms of racism (or xenophobia) are still the accepted norm. In America, we make a joke of the line, "I'm not prejudiced, but I wouldn't want one of them to marry my daughter." It's no joke in Japan.

It happened to me several decades ago with the first J-woman I loved. Her parents broke us up solely because I was a gaijin. And judging from this recent thread, http://forum.gaijinpot.com/showthrea...won-t-marry-me (which I suggest you read), it's still happening.

The good news is that they're not all that way. My second J-girlfriend turned into the love of my life; we're still happily married after 35 years together. She had to defy her family to marry me, but she did love me enough to do it.

There are a couple of ways to help protect yourself. First, be wary of falling in love with an oldest or only child. She is likely to feel more obligated to obey her parents wishes and to care for them in their old age.

Second, try not to fall in love with her until AFTER she introduces you to her parents, family, and close friends. This is a classic sign of serious intentions in the US too, but is especially important in Japan. If she keeps putting it off and making excuses, you'd be wise to run away. If she hasn't introduced you to them, then she's probably keeping you a secret from them.

There are really only two reasons for her to keep her relationship with you a secret: she's either not serious, or else she knows they will object. And if she's THAT much afraid of parental objection, she probably knows it will be fatal to your relationship.

[nynapaj]

Japan is a tribal culture, and some forms of racism (or xenophobia) are still the accepted norm. In America, we make a joke of the line, "I'm not prejudiced, but I wouldn't want one of them to marry my daughter." It's no joke in Japan.

You got it backwards. America is tribal, rife with the racism that goes back further, and deeper than can be described in words.
On the surface, they say it is a land of freedom. Foreigners actually believe that about the US.
Late at night, I feel more comfortable walking through the "bad parts" of Tokyo than I do walking through the "bad parts" of American cities.
I know I won't get killed just for being white!

[TPG]

I know I won't get killed just for being white!

Wakeup call... You're blue!

[1standarduser]

My J-parents said this:

'If you bread with our daughter, the kid will be retarded. The races are too far apart, like Donkeys and Horses'
from father

'Gaijin always divorce their wives, so you can't get married'
from mother

'Americans all have AIDS. Here is a pamphlet for proof'
from grandmother - that was the most racist thing she did.

some of the stupid stuff I heard, but maybe not racist
'wow, you can use chopsticks'
'do you eat beef every day'
'do you eat bread every day'
'have you tried sushi'
'do you really have a different color blood'
'do you have a gun'

[1standarduser]

You got it backwards. America is tribal, rife with the racism that goes back further, and deeper than can be described in words.
On the surface, they say it is a land of freedom. Foreigners actually believe that about the US.
Late at night, I feel more comfortable walking through the "bad parts" of Tokyo than I do walking through the "bad parts" of American cities.
I know I won't get killed just for being white!

You may get killed in America just for being white walking in the ghetto.

But, let me ask you this. If you are black/white, can you hold the highest office in government in Japan?
If you are white, have tattoos or anything else they don't like, will they let you into every onsen, will they rent you an apartment, will they 'let' you work for them?
No.
People in America are violent idiots. Not racist.
People in Japan are racist idiots. Not violent.

Just wanted to get that straight.

[steki47]

'Gaijin always divorce their wives, so you can't get married'
from mother

What about:
"Japanese men always cheat, so you shouldn't marry one."
Yes? No?

[Don Juan]

You are totally wrong

You may get killed in America just for being white walking in the ghetto.

But, let me ask you this. If you are black/white, can you hold the highest office in government in Japan?

If you are white, have tattoos or anything else they don't like, will they let you into every onsen,

they wont let japanee either.
want to enter an onsen? dont be stupid to have a tatoo

will they rent you an apartment, will they 'let' you work for them?

i have an ap and i work here. in fact some japanese work for me

No.
People in America are violent idiots. Not racist.
People in Japan are racist idiots. Not violent.

Just wanted to get that straight.

straight as a hunchback

[1standarduser]

What about:
"Japanese men always cheat, so you shouldn't marry one."
Yes? No?

Actually, funny thing is they just don't care about that. They as in her parents and friends.
Their friends and relatives once took 5man from her mother and took me out to meet hookers.
Mother said, cool, here's the money. I didn't do any of the hookers (out of fear of my life), although I felt that it wasn't just a test since we'd gone out to the hostess bars before with their approval.
I've heard the comment that if the man makes enough money, it's OK to frack around.
You here that in the west, but only from men. Very surprised to hear women say that.

Don Juan - you're an idiot.
White/Black/Chinese people are barred from entering many places and cannot rent at most places (51% or more).
That's a fact. Trying to deny this is stupid.
And, I want you to name all the mayors and members of parliament that are foreign born.
Prime ministers, how many were not of 'pure blood'?

[1standarduser]

I like your quote btw 'Hey, just because I can get laid a lot here doesn't make it paradise. Or a "free" society'

The fact that skinny vagina is so easy is the reason EVERY gaijin friend I know lives in Japan.
But then again, I don't know any gaijin girls, so they probably care about 'culture' or something.

[Don Juan]

Don Juan - you're an idiot.

Thanks for saying that I am 100% right.
the minute you start insulting me, is the minute I can see you have no arguments and just rant like a little girl... probably the same type of rant you used when they denied you entering an onsen due to some moronic self-inflicted skin mark...

White/Black/Chinese people are barred from entering many places and cannot rent at most places (51% or more).
That's a fact. Trying to deny this is stupid.
And, I want you to name all the mayors and members of parliament that are foreign born.
Prime ministers, how many were not of 'pure blood'?

there are. obviusly Thank God not a majority since many foreigners think like you.

Prime ministers?? why should they name prime minister to

1. A non-citizen
2. someone who represents a very small minority

that is idiotic.

I am not saying there is no racism。Obviusly there is. but I have found more racism in the US when they take me for a criminal in each and every airport I use.

by the way. having a tatoo and then crying because one is not allowed to a place is Moronic

[Effected After]

I have lots of tattoos, and I've never been asked to leave an onsen. Sento are a little different - but as the sign that says 'no tattoos' is usually in Japanese at the door, I conveniently ignore it. I've never actually been asked to leave a sento either, though I have only been a handful of times. I do have a friend who has been asked to leave though.

But tattoos have nothing to do with race - they rules are in place for the Japanese as well. If anything, I have been given a free pass due to my race when not being asked to leave the sento even though I have tattoos.

[black lightning]

I have found more racism in the US when they take me for a criminal in each and every airport I use.

Have you experienced any other racism in the United States besides in our post 9/11 airports? I'm curious. Because racial profiling in airports barely scratches the surface of American racism.

[black lightning]

I

The fact that skinny vagina is so easy is the reason EVERY gaijin friend I know lives in Japan.

Wow. Boys are more shallow than I thought if that's the case. They really do think with their d!cks.

[TJrandom]

...is the reason EVERY gaijin friend I know lives in Japan....

Wow - not many gaijin friends I take it. And obviously - No, you do not know me, and I am not your friend.

[nynapaj]

Have you experienced any other racism in the United States besides in our post 9/11 airports? I'm curious. Because racial profiling in airports barely scratches the surface of American racism.

Look!! I am a white guy that grew up in an area where whites were the M*I*N*O*R*I*T*Y. In each classroom there were 1 ~ 3 white people.

The other kids take your food if you are white.

They don't let the whites sit down on the school bus.

If you have to do detention after school, the colored folks (any color but WHITE is enough) sleep, but if you dare do the same, the head teacher (also, not white, BTW) comes over and gives you sh*t about it!
If you ask, "What about them? They're sleeping" the teacher's answer is, "Don't worry about them. I am talking to you."

So don't give me this trash about "after 9.11"!! America is one of the most racist countries out there. Racism is part of the education. When they ask you (in elementary school) to do a essay/presentation about your "cultural roots", the racism starts. From that point on ward, you know that THOSE kids are from Europe, THOSE kids are from Asia, and THOSE kids are from Africa. Before that essay all those kids played together. After that, they start to self-segregate.

[nynapaj]

The fact that skinny vagina is so easy is the reason EVERY gaijin friend I know lives in Japan.

For me, it has to do with the fact that the American economy is dead and it is not going to come back for probably 20~30 years.
I came here to be able to have a job that pays for my life.

[kurogane]

Anyway, the parental racism issue - hit me.

If you were the same self-absorbed idiot I wrongly thought you were when you first came on here, I'd say Go Fish.

But you're not. You'll be fine. You're good enough, you're smart enough, and doggone it, we like you.

So will He, or They.

And never forget what I told you about parental racism, oh so many posts ago.

I pretty much hit the Triple Crown of Racial Hatred, and we were fine.

And since you can't be half as much of a doof as me, so will you.

PS glad to hear things are Happy Happy.


PS My mother told me, after we broke up, that she thought it was all for the best, as marrying People of Other Races never led to any good.

Her parents came to Canada on a boat, and spoke English not much better than that dude at Bangkok Airport that calls for the taxis.

I just laughed. As did my father.

Bigots are everywhere, man. It's only the non-white ones that still have the stones and the arena to indulge it.

Like I said, you'll be fine.

The fact that skinny vagina is so easy is the reason EVERY gaijin friend I know lives in Japan.
.

Dude, you need to meet some new people.

I first went to Japan because they told me the spring snow was good.

They lied, but it worked out.

For me, it has to do with the fact that the American economy is dead and it is not going to come back for probably 20~30 years.
I came here to be able to have a job that pays for my life.

That's sadder than the post you were replying to.

Then again, you don't lke them regardless of skinny or fat, so................

[jerseykid]

Wow. Boys are more shallow than I thought if that's the case. They really do think with their d!cks.

sounds like u have a lot to learn about boys

and why is it that threads 6 months old get brought back as if they were new threads

does anyone check the date? OP is probably long gone by now

[1standarduser]

Thanks for saying that I am 100% right.
the minute you start insulting me, is the minute I can see you have no arguments and just rant like a little girl... probably the same type of rant you used when they denied you entering an onsen due to some moronic self-inflicted skin mark...

by the way. having a tatoo and then crying because one is not allowed to a place is Moronic

You are insulting now. Does this make you hate yourself?
I have no tattoos. It is freedom of expression if another would like one, just as it is freedom of expression to have a different hair cut or clothing than others. It's illegal in the USA to deny somebody a home or a meal. In Japan, it is NOT.

You didn't name anybody in the government. I assume you don't know of anybody.

[Don Juan]

You are insulting now. Does this make you hate yourself?
I have no tattoos. It is freedom of expression if another would like one, just as it is freedom of expression to have a different hair cut or clothing than others. It's illegal in the USA to deny somebody a home or a meal. In Japan, it is NOT.

You didn't name anybody in the government. I assume you don't know of anybody.

freedom of expresssion my arse. that is a western concept. Dont try to impose your cultural concepts into another culture..

I ve never been denied a meal btw. in fact the attention here is much much superior than the US with that stupid custom called tips.

[1standarduser]

And to those that are not in Japan because girls are easy.
I believe it's possible some people are motivated by other things, especially from poorer countries moving to Japan for their future.
My friends (all from US, Australia, Brittan) all admit they stayed because of vagina. Maybe some were nerds that originally went there for some culture or to learn or something else weird, but in the end, it was the same.

I've never had the opportunity in America personally of having sex with multiple girls in one night, nor had girls pay me for basically being white and having sex (private lessons).
Shoot, I don't know anybody here that can land 20-40 girls a year in the states. Nobody. Then again I don't know any pro ball players or celebrities. But 'normal' people can do that in Japan.
I found that just having some muscle and being exotic was more than enough.

[Don Juan]

And to those that are not in Japan because girls are easy.
I believe it's possible some people are motivated by other things, especially from poorer countries moving to Japan for their future.
My friends (all from US, Australia, Brittan) all admit they stayed because of vagina. Maybe some were nerds that originally went there for some culture or to learn or something else weird, but in the end, it was the same.

I've never had the opportunity in America personally of having sex with multiple girls in one night, nor had girls pay me for basically being white and having sex (private lessons).
Shoot, I don't know anybody here that can land 20-40 girls a year in the states. Nobody. Then again I don't know any pro ball players or celebrities. But 'normal' people can do that in Japan.
I found that just having some muscle and being exotic was more than enough.

u r just trying to depress me, arent you?

[1standarduser]

freedom of expresssion my arse. that is a western concept. Dont try to impose your cultural concepts into another culture..

I ve never been denied a meal btw.

Is Japan not free in this way? Are tattoos illegal son?

You never pointed out all the gaijin political heads. I'm sure there are a couple, but you can't even name 1?
I'll take any current white or black guy at the upper end of the political spectrum. Even 1 is better than the 0 you provide.

That's cool you can eat. You also pretend that you can rent without problems and go anywhere you want.
Anybody that has lived in Japan knows that renting (and even buying) is prohibited for gaijin in most (51% or more) places. I am 100% sure this is the case in Saitama, Tokyo and the Kansai area as I have lived in all. Can't say 100% for sure in the other parts, but I'm sure other people on here have faced racism and flat out denial to rent in other regions.
You are wrong on this. If you admit when you are wrong, people won't think you are such an idiot.

I'll start: I was wrong to insult you.

[1standarduser]

u r just trying to depress me, arent you?

Don't get depressed man. Just join up with an MMA gym here, start taking supplements (protein, not roids) and hit up the bars. The girls will come. They LOVE fighters!
I prefer to go in pairs because it seems the girls do the same. It's much harder to pick up girls with a big group, and I sometimes lack confidence alone (or without alcohol).

[1standarduser]

oh yeah, and you wouldn't be depressed if you heard some of the stories....
I should start a new thread for that.
Something like 'Crazy chicks you brought back from the bar'