I know I joked about this situation to Jin, but decided to just tell you where I was coming from, because biochemistry can wait.
The other day or was it a week ago? Who the fuck cares...I had a one night stand with this guy I met at a bar. Just looking at his sunken face gave me a major clit boner and the thought of waking up next to someone where we both can count how many ribs we see through each other’s back totally turned me on. After a few drinks, we went back to his place. I was relieved he suggested his house because the last time I brought someone back home my roommates were all fucked up on acid and started to have a conversation with the walls of our dining room. I tried to pull off the whole "I currently fostering the mentally challenged as my way of giving back to the community" act, but the guy couldn't have left fast enough. He actually did the whole I can't figure out how to unlock this door fast enough without actually having to break down the door ordeal.
Anyway, upon arrival we had a few more drinks and the suggestion of role-playing came up; being that I am opportunistically sexually oriented, I readily agree. When he came back from the guest room, he was carrying a golden-ivory silk gown that had a beautiful beaded bodice, an a-line skirt with a bow accent and full train. It was a mother fucking wedding dress! "Why a wedding dress" I asked. His response was "It reminds me of Mariah Carey's wedding dress when she married Tommy Mottola back in 1993, better times, better music". Oh Jesus on a cracker, I'm going to be sleeping with a closet gay I thought, but it wouldn't have been the first, so I just went with it. Once I put on the dress we didn't have the patience to even act out anything; we headed straight to the bed and the romping began. To reference Britney's 2003 album, I was IN THE ZONE, everything was going great, we knew what each other wanted without having to say it out loud. It wasn't until midway though, things started to get really weird. All of a sudden everything went to a dead stop. The guy then started to curl up in fetal position at the end of the bed and began balling his eyes out. When I asked if he was okay he just said I reminded him so much like his wife that recently passed away. It was at that moment, everything started to come together and before I opened my mouth to ask he said what I dreaded to hear "and I knew you would fit perfectly in her wedding dress."
That's right, I was wearing a dead woman's wedding dress while being fucked from behind by her ex-husband on their bed, and under a wooden cross with a bleeding Jesus on it. Great. From there, I quickly got dressed and called for a taxi to bring me back to my car. As I waited outside the guy's house, I could still hear him crying. So I did what any kind, reassuring lady would do, I went back inside to turn on the TV so it can wash out the freak's sobs of depression and sorrow. Cab came, when home, ate a cupcake, brushed my teeth, and then passed out.
Weirder sh!t has happened to me before, so I don't really think about it, I just post it on the Pot.
Any weird sexual situations you guys have been in?