Perverted D!ckless Setup

[DavidTheGnome]

I know I joked about this situation to Jin, but decided to just tell you where I was coming from, because biochemistry can wait.


The other day or was it a week ago? Who the fuck cares...I had a one night stand with this guy I met at a bar. Just looking at his sunken face gave me a major clit boner and the thought of waking up next to someone where we both can count how many ribs we see through each other’s back totally turned me on. After a few drinks, we went back to his place. I was relieved he suggested his house because the last time I brought someone back home my roommates were all fucked up on acid and started to have a conversation with the walls of our dining room. I tried to pull off the whole "I currently fostering the mentally challenged as my way of giving back to the community" act, but the guy couldn't have left fast enough. He actually did the whole I can't figure out how to unlock this door fast enough without actually having to break down the door ordeal.

Anyway, upon arrival we had a few more drinks and the suggestion of role-playing came up; being that I am opportunistically sexually oriented, I readily agree. When he came back from the guest room, he was carrying a golden-ivory silk gown that had a beautiful beaded bodice, an a-line skirt with a bow accent and full train. It was a mother fucking wedding dress! "Why a wedding dress" I asked. His response was "It reminds me of Mariah Carey's wedding dress when she married Tommy Mottola back in 1993, better times, better music". Oh Jesus on a cracker, I'm going to be sleeping with a closet gay I thought, but it wouldn't have been the first, so I just went with it. Once I put on the dress we didn't have the patience to even act out anything; we headed straight to the bed and the romping began. To reference Britney's 2003 album, I was IN THE ZONE, everything was going great, we knew what each other wanted without having to say it out loud. It wasn't until midway though, things started to get really weird. All of a sudden everything went to a dead stop. The guy then started to curl up in fetal position at the end of the bed and began balling his eyes out. When I asked if he was okay he just said I reminded him so much like his wife that recently passed away. It was at that moment, everything started to come together and before I opened my mouth to ask he said what I dreaded to hear "and I knew you would fit perfectly in her wedding dress."

That's right, I was wearing a dead woman's wedding dress while being fucked from behind by her ex-husband on their bed, and under a wooden cross with a bleeding Jesus on it. Great. From there, I quickly got dressed and called for a taxi to bring me back to my car. As I waited outside the guy's house, I could still hear him crying. So I did what any kind, reassuring lady would do, I went back inside to turn on the TV so it can wash out the freak's sobs of depression and sorrow. Cab came, when home, ate a cupcake, brushed my teeth, and then passed out.

Weirder sh!t has happened to me before, so I don't really think about it, I just post it on the Pot.


Any weird sexual situations you guys have been in?

[talibanana]

that's funny

guess you won't be going back for seconds?

don't know much about J-dudes but from what I hear, they can be kinky like that and one widower that I know still wears his wedding ring and does not want to be with another woman for the rest of his life and he is like 38

the other J-dudes I know seem like they have no interest in women - herbivores

others are closet gays living the straight life

then there are the Otaku crowd

jeez....no wonder J-girls love us huh?

weird sexual situations? well, the girl I am seeing now wanted me to wear makeup once before we did it.......so I did and it was strange and the mascara got in my eyes

another girl pushed me into a wall before the first kiss and said "you wanna kiss me you fuc-ker?" - totally freaked me out - then she apologized and proceeded to choke me and said "sorry, I like it rough" - and at that point I got dressed and left the building which happened to be a truck stop motel

nothing really compares to your wedding dress story though...........holy crap that is sick

[haggydoggy]

I know I joked about this situation to Jin, but decided to just tell you where I was coming from, because biochemistry can wait.


The other day or was it a week ago? Who the fuck cares...I had a one night stand with this guy I met at a bar. Just looking at his sunken face gave me a major clit boner and the thought of waking up next to someone where we both can count how many ribs we see through each other’s back totally turned me on. After a few drinks, we went back to his place. I was relieved he suggested his house because the last time I brought someone back home my roommates were all fucked up on acid and started to have a conversation with the walls of our dining room. I tried to pull off the whole "I currently fostering the mentally challenged as my way of giving back to the community" act, but the guy couldn't have left fast enough. He actually did the whole I can't figure out how to unlock this door fast enough without actually having to break down the door ordeal.

Anyway, upon arrival we had a few more drinks and the suggestion of role-playing came up; being that I am opportunistically sexually oriented, I readily agree. When he came back from the guest room, he was carrying a golden-ivory silk gown that had a beautiful beaded bodice, an a-line skirt with a bow accent and full train. It was a mother fucking wedding dress! "Why a wedding dress" I asked. His response was "It reminds me of Mariah Carey's wedding dress when she married Tommy Mottola back in 1993, better times, better music". Oh Jesus on a cracker, I'm going to be sleeping with a closet gay I thought, but it wouldn't have been the first, so I just went with it. Once I put on the dress we didn't have the patience to even act out anything; we headed straight to the bed and the romping began. To reference Britney's 2003 album, I was IN THE ZONE, everything was going great, we knew what each other wanted without having to say it out loud. It wasn't until midway though, things started to get really weird. All of a sudden everything went to a dead stop. The guy then started to curl up in fetal position at the end of the bed and began balling his eyes out. When I asked if he was okay he just said I reminded him so much like his wife that recently passed away. It was at that moment, everything started to come together and before I opened my mouth to ask he said what I dreaded to hear "and I knew you would fit perfectly in her wedding dress."

That's right, I was wearing a dead woman's wedding dress while being fucked from behind by her ex-husband on their bed, and under a wooden cross with a bleeding Jesus on it. Great. From there, I quickly got dressed and called for a taxi to bring me back to my car. As I waited outside the guy's house, I could still hear him crying. So I did what any kind, reassuring lady would do, I went back inside to turn on the TV so it can wash out the freak's sobs of depression and sorrow. Cab came, when home, ate a cupcake, brushed my teeth, and then passed out.

Weirder sh!t has happened to me before, so I don't really think about it, I just post it on the Pot.


Any weird sexual situations you guys have been in?

You are so hot right now.

[Marius_II]

Did he starch the bed to keep her grooves?

Well. At least she was buried.
Right?

[RonBurgundy]

Did he at least stick it in a little?

If so, that's a notch in my book.

He could cry himself to bed saying "that's number two".

And just for the record I consider a blowjob a deal closer as well. I once witnessed a guy trying to fuuck a pony. It was in another country. The guy was extremley drunk and I'm pretty sure the pony wanted it.

[cucashopboy]

Nobody feels sorry for the guy?
Have you GPers no heart?!

[Pinkerton]

I know I joked about this situation to Jin, but decided to just tell you where I was coming from, because biochemistry can wait.


The other day or was it a week ago? Who the fuck cares...I had a one night stand with this guy I met at a bar. Just looking at his sunken face gave me a major clit boner and the thought of waking up next to someone where we both can count how many ribs we see through each other’s back totally turned me on. After a few drinks, we went back to his place. I was relieved he suggested his house because the last time I brought someone back home my roommates were all fucked up on acid and started to have a conversation with the walls of our dining room. I tried to pull off the whole "I currently fostering the mentally challenged as my way of giving back to the community" act, but the guy couldn't have left fast enough. He actually did the whole I can't figure out how to unlock this door fast enough without actually having to break down the door ordeal.

Anyway, upon arrival we had a few more drinks and the suggestion of role-playing came up; being that I am opportunistically sexually oriented, I readily agree. When he came back from the guest room, he was carrying a golden-ivory silk gown that had a beautiful beaded bodice, an a-line skirt with a bow accent and full train. It was a mother fucking wedding dress! "Why a wedding dress" I asked. His response was "It reminds me of Mariah Carey's wedding dress when she married Tommy Mottola back in 1993, better times, better music". Oh Jesus on a cracker, I'm going to be sleeping with a closet gay I thought, but it wouldn't have been the first, so I just went with it. Once I put on the dress we didn't have the patience to even act out anything; we headed straight to the bed and the romping began. To reference Britney's 2003 album, I was IN THE ZONE, everything was going great, we knew what each other wanted without having to say it out loud. It wasn't until midway though, things started to get really weird. All of a sudden everything went to a dead stop. The guy then started to curl up in fetal position at the end of the bed and began balling his eyes out. When I asked if he was okay he just said I reminded him so much like his wife that recently passed away. It was at that moment, everything started to come together and before I opened my mouth to ask he said what I dreaded to hear "and I knew you would fit perfectly in her wedding dress."

That's right, I was wearing a dead woman's wedding dress while being fucked from behind by her ex-husband on their bed, and under a wooden cross with a bleeding Jesus on it. Great. From there, I quickly got dressed and called for a taxi to bring me back to my car. As I waited outside the guy's house, I could still hear him crying. So I did what any kind, reassuring lady would do, I went back inside to turn on the TV so it can wash out the freak's sobs of depression and sorrow. Cab came, when home, ate a cupcake, brushed my teeth, and then passed out.

Weirder sh!t has happened to me before, so I don't really think about it, I just post it on the Pot.


Any weird sexual situations you guys have been in?

dear OP, this is your lamest post ever!

[DavidTheGnome]

Well. At least she was buried.
Right?

I wouldn't have been surprised if she was cremated and he would sprinkle her ashes on his face from time-to-time or snort them, just to be "closer" to her.

The guy was extremley drunk and I'm pretty sure the pony wanted it.

Poor pony, I guess he never got what he was hoping for.

[spacetiger]

That's such a heatbreaking story. You did it with a Mariah Carey fan? Oh well, at least it had a happy ending - you got to eat cupcake.

I guess the only wierd sexual situation I've been in was a threesome with a husband & wife, & it wasn't really that wierd. Except we had dinner first & they served oysters, because they're supposed to be an aphrodisiac. I don't really like oysters, so I refused them. That was a bit akward for a while, as they'd bought them specially for our sex date, but we got over it.

[DavidTheGnome]

that's funny

guess you won't be going back for seconds?

I stopped going to that bar as well. Thank god everyone in this city is a lush, so there are more bars than there are of Mexican babies, so I have my options.

That's such a heatbreaking story. You did it with a Mariah Carey fan? Oh well, at least it had a happy ending - you got to eat cupcake.

The cupcake was magical, red velvet with a cream cheese frosting, and hugged with red sugar sprinkles.

[talibanana]

OP....maybe you could go out on a 2nd date, but first put on some corpse make-up and then get in the dress

start the love making out by saying "so, you want some of this corpse pusssy?.......come and get it!!"

perhaps he will get over it

[davai.davai]

Davie, so bad to read you were picked up by an amateur.
I would have stuffed ripe ichigo in your manko before starting pounding you, how better to recreate a wedding night?

[DavidTheGnome]

OP....maybe you could go out on a 2nd date, but first put on some corpse make-up and then get in the dress

start the love making out by saying "so, you want some of this corpse pusssy?.......come and get it!!"

perhaps he will get over it

I kind of already act like a zombie when I get sh!t-faced drunk. I walk around all sluggishly and start talking in slurs and grunts.

Davie, so bad to read you were picked up by an amateur.
I would have stuffed ripe ichigo in your manko before starting pounding you, how better to recreate a wedding night?

I never experienced my own wedding night, but I'm sure it will consist of me passing out drunk before I even reach the alter. I want my future ex-husband to know what he's getting himself into.

[Seattlegirl]

I never experienced my own wedding night, but I'm sure it will consist of me passing out drunk before I even reach the alter. I want my future ex-husband to know what he's getting himself into.

Don't let your grandma know this. She might stop tossing those $20 bills at you.

[DavidTheGnome]

Don't let your grandma know this. She might stop tossing those $20 bills at you.

The thing is, I tell her that kind of stuff all the time. She then ends the conversation by saying "your husband will teach you about sex on your wedding night."

[Seattlegirl]

The thing is, I tell her that kind of stuff all the time. She then ends the conversation by saying "your husband will teach you about sex on your wedding night."

WORD UP, GRANNY!

[DavidTheGnome]

WORD UP, GRANNY!

I'll relay the message :P
I already know what she'll say "Stop listening to that rap hub-bub, with your bosom shaking women and daddy puffs."

[Seattlegirl]

daddy puffs.

[DavidTheGnome]

Awesome finds!

[Seattlegirl]

Awesome finds!

Just pour some purple drank on those suckers and you've got a mighty fine breakfast going on!

[jron]

That's right, I was wearing a dead woman's wedding dress while being fucked from behind by her ex-husband on their bed, and under a wooden cross with a bleeding Jesus on it. Great. From there, I quickly got dressed and called for a taxi to bring me back to my car. As I waited outside the guy's house, I could still hear him crying. So I did what any kind, reassuring lady would do, I went back inside to turn on the TV so it can wash out the freak's sobs of depression and sorrow. Cab came, when home, ate a cupcake, brushed my teeth, and then passed out.

I don't have a wooden, bleeding bejesus cross... But I do have a jackhammer jesus that I mounted on a plaque over the mantle in my old house.. And people thought i was religious.. hahahaha... Please feel free to come over and try it out any time. Oh, I also have the baby jesus butt plug as well... It's REALLY CUTE and its fun to literally shove Jesus up someone's ass....

I kind of already act like a zombie when I get sh!t-faced drunk. I walk around all sluggishly and start talking in slurs and grunts.

God, DTG.. You're really making me horny now !!!

The thing is, I tell her that kind of stuff all the time. She then ends the conversation by saying "your husband will teach you about sex on your wedding night."

Kinda reminds of the wrinkled and hunch backed little 80y/o lady in Tokyo that was miming the ____-in-mouth gesture at me trying to get me to come in for a message... What a lovely experience that was...

Any weird sexual situations you guys have been in?

well, my 2nd wife.... The one with like 60 tattoos.. Loved to be tied up whacked with a riding crop..
She also loved to play top wearing a little black leather police cap.. :-P she made straight jackets for a living.
We both wore lots of black vinyl and our good friend made vacuum beds..

[docomomo]

dear OP, this is your lamest post ever!

really? if she can only get more awesome from here, time to break out the coffee!