I have been lurking and posting on the forum for a while, but I have never really posted my story.
Most of the time I just come across as cynical and resigned, but sometimes it gets to me.
I am a gaijin woman married to a Japanese guy, with a child. If you don`t look too closely, our marriage works. He has a reasonably good job, I work part-time for money for myself and also look after our little boy who is at kindergarten.
However, my husband sleeps pretty much all the weekend. He will rarely do anything with the family, and even for things for our son - such as kindergarten events- most of the time he won`t show up.
The biggest thing for me is the lack of sex. Since our son has been born, our sex life is pretty much close to zero - and actually was completely zero for the first 3 years of our son`s life. The last 2 years we have actually had sex a few times - but it is pretty infrequent. Currently it has been exactly 3 months since the last time (damn, it is so infrequent I can remember the date).
I am not unattractive. I lost all the baby weight, and am getting more male attention at the moment than perhaps ever in my life. I know that people find me attractive, that is- except my husband. He says that I am attractive and that he wants me, but he never wants to have sex - and if I initiate anything he is too tired.
At first after the baby was born he said he couldn`t have sex because the baby was sleeping in the same room. I pointed out that it was a large house, and suggested all number of places we could do the deed. I suggested getting his mother to babysit while we went to a love hotel. Wasn`t interested in anything I suggested. I worked on moving our little boy into his own room - but then my husband couldn`t have sex because the baby was in the same house.
Then of course it is because he is tired.
Basically it is every different excuse you can imagine, but it ends up the same - no sex. If I try to talk to him about it, he says that he is attracted to me and that he does want sex (just not today)
Even if I sleep naked next to him, he will just roll over and go to sleep. If I start something, he will just say he is tired. Of course I have wondered if he is getting it elsewhere - but I don`t think he is (of course I could be wrong). I have thought that if I could catch him cheating it would be good, because I could get out more easily.
If I don`t think of him as a husband, but just as a roommate - I can do it. If I can forget that I want to be a woman and be appreciated and have a passionate sex life, and just concentrate on raising my child - I can do it. If I concentrate on enjoying the campany of friends, and forget that I am supposed to share anything but an empty courtesy with my husband - I can do it.
Seen from the surface he is a good husband, and our son loves him. I also am scared that if I leave, I may lose custody of our son - and I would do anything to avoid that.