Separation/Divorce

[wolfparade]

Hi.

I've been married for 3 years to a Japanese and we have a kid.

the marriage has fizzled out and we have agreed to end it.

I want to stay near my child.

my wife said she would help with my visa which expires next year - maybe I can get permanent residency?

anyway, we are still living together but it's a bit weird.

my wife is being reasonable - she accepts that we are both to blame but what if she changes her mind and decides I can't see my child?

any advice please?

[liamoko]

Originally Posted by wolfparade

what if she changes her mind and decides I can't see my child?

then your proper fvcked... Search former threads here on similar topics please. All your answers are there.

[KansaiBen]

Originally Posted by wolfparade

H
anyway, we are still living together but it's a bit weird.

my wife is being reasonable - she accepts that we are both to blame but what if she changes her mind and decides I can't see my child?

any advice please?

If you even whisper to immigration you are getting divorced then forget about PR

Check out the CRN Japan website

http://www.crnjapan.com/en/

when you divorce you have to choose on the form who gets custody. 95% of the time its the mother who gets them. There is no law that can FORCE her to allow you to visit kids once you divorce.

PS maybe what you need is marriage counselling. Things will get worse before they get better, and you will be hit up for child support anyway.

[ben ali]

Yeah, c'mon man.... only three years marriage, and a kid? Chuckin' in the towel already?! Of course the fizzle's gone - the minute you put a ring on that finger all the fizz goes. Doesn't mean you can just ditch it.

[simplemind]

Originally Posted by wolfparade

we have agreed to end it.

I want to stay near my child.

maybe I can get permanent residency?

Arrange for a mediation at family court asap. She's being reasonable now so this would be your chance to get things on paper. Basically, there are two things to consider - how much child support (I pay Y50,000 per child) and how often you can see your child (once a month seems reasonable in Japan). The guys at family court will write up a document for as good as free and it'll be legally binding for another 17 years (until your child becomes an adult). Mind you though, it's gonna be hard on you when your (ex)wife moves far away, remarries, your child becomes too busy to see you etc. For now, though, I'd say you have a good chance on seeing your child after the divorce is complete but get it on paper. I'm seeing mine this Sunday...

[KansaiBen]

Originally Posted by wolfparade

Hmy wife said she would help with my visa which expires next year - maybe I can get permanent residency?

anyway, we are still living together but it's a bit weird.

my wife is being reasonable - she accepts that we are both to blame but what if she changes her mind and decides I can't see my child?

any advice please?

I would get permanent residency and then get a divorce, even if it means living separately until you get it. Get a divorce and your chances of getting PR drop by half. Immigration wants to see permanence and family stability before handing out PR.

Mediation is usually used when both of you can not agree on terms of a divorce, division of property or parental rights.

[simplemind]

Originally Posted by KansaiBen

Mediation is usually used when both of you can not agree on terms of a divorce, division of property or parental rights.

Exactly the issues at hand here. OP seems especially concerned about seeing his child after the divorce. If he claims to see his kid every other weekend with sleepovers I don't think the mother would easily agree with him. Even if she would (at this time), who's to say she's gonna keep such a verbal promise say one year from now...

The mediation can be used by the OP in this case to obtain their kouseishousho without going through the trouble of writing it up themseves and pay a notary public a shitload of money. Sounds like a clever thing to do to me...

What is it exactly that the OP and the mother of his child have agreed upon - child support, visitation rights? Sounds to me they have only agreed upun them both being equally to blame for the breakup.

[wolfparade]

Thanks for the advice.

I did some snooping and it turns out my wife "hooked up" with her ex-boyfriend a few months ago.

I think this is the main reason for her wanting a divorce/separation.

I kind of knew it but now I have proof - her emails.

does this change things?

if it turns nasty (she took our kid to her parents house the last time I stepped out of line and has since threatened to send me home without a visa) can I use her e-mails as some kind of evidence?

man, I never thought this would happen to me...

[davai.davai]

What I would like to say may sound cruel to some.

I think OP should return to his home country and start a new life, keep memories in his heart about the happy days in Japan and if he gets into a relationship, festina lente.

This will be the best way for him, his wife, and especially the baby.

His actual wife looks so immature, whatever she does I hope the baby won’t have to suffer but I doubt it. She’s Japanese, and knowing how kids from a previous bed are treated in Japan I fear the worse.
Even if she re-marries and her new husband accepts the baby the kid will have to suffer discrimination for being different.
With the years passing, he/she will start to resent his/her biological father.
So in the kid's best interest and emotional balance better stay away from him/her.

[wolfparade]

you may be right. but I can't do it.

[wolfparade]

i undersatnad waht the last guy was saying but i also agree with you.

I'm sure we can work things out enough to give our daughter what she deserves - ie. her happiness.

we are getting on better than ever now!

thank you so much for your reply.

I'm sure it sounds naive but, I really think we can all be happy. and I hope you can be too!

[Jacque_S]

Is it just me, or am I sensing a trend here:

Originally Posted by wolfparade

I've been married for 3 years to a Japanese and we have a kid.

the marriage has fizzled out and we have agreed to end it.

I want to stay near my child.

Originally Posted by ben ali

the minute you put a ring on that finger all the fizz goes

Seems like the fizz in this case went to the wrong place...towards a fertile egg headed down the Fallopian tube.

Originally Posted by wolfparade

I'm sure we can work things out enough to give our daughter what she deserves - ie. her happiness.

we are getting on better than ever now!

thank you so much for your reply.

I'm sure it sounds naive but, I really think we can all be happy. and I hope you can be too!

Ah, naivete. Ah humanity! Does your kid have your country passport? If so, run away with her now while you still have a shot at getting away.

[Ken44]

Originally Posted by Jacque_S

Ah, naivete. Ah humanity! Does your kid have your country passport? If so, run away with her now while you still have a shot at getting away.

I know someone who did just that. An Aussie left on a Sunday afternoon with his four-year-old boy. No suitcase no nothing save a few toys for the tot. I saw them at lunch time just before they headed out to the airport.

However, this didn`t last as the boy missed his mother and the father felt obligated to return him to Japan. Last I heard the father was under J-court order to stay completely away from the child unless the mother is present or something like that.

[Jacque_S]

Left Sunday aft, back in Japan already? Sounds like he didn't have the resolve to see it thru. If he'd decided to take such a drastic step it should've been b/c the situation with wifey was dire, wifey was not a good mother, and he believed it was the only way to safeguard his rights as a father. If he's returned the kid to Japan already, seems like one of the above was either not true or this guy panicked and fucked himself royally.

[person]

Originally Posted by Jacque_S

Left Sunday aft, back in Japan already? Sounds like he didn't have the resolve to see it thru. If he'd decided to take such a drastic step it should've been b/c the situation with wifey was dire, wifey was not a good mother, and he believed it was the only way to safeguard his rights as a father. If he's returned the kid to Japan already, seems like one of the above was either not true or this guy panicked and fucked himself royally.

Oh, my! Perhaps YOU should try being more human. Maybe you aren't orgasming lately? Funny how some can be so critical but not like it when others are. So hypocritical.

[Ken44]

Originally Posted by Jacque_S

Left Sunday aft, back in Japan already? Sounds like he didn't have the resolve to see it thru. If he'd decided to take such a drastic step it should've been b/c the situation with wifey was dire, wifey was not a good mother, and he believed it was the only way to safeguard his rights as a father. If he's returned the kid to Japan already, seems like one of the above was either not true or this guy panicked and fucked himself royally.

The man left with his son on a Sunday afternoon telling his wife they were going to the park. I think they were gone maybe five months or so. The mother went once to OZ to visit the boy.

[DreamCatcher]

Advice from an experienced individual in your situation:

I have 2 girls and a STBX! I have been separated from my children for almost 7 years. They were domestically abducted! Against Article 9 paragraph 4 of the U.N. Children's Rights Convention signed and ratified by Japan May 22,1994. Take a Look at past posts from 2004 Below. I will be starting a new thread on this matter.


Option 1:
Go to Immigration Tomorrow and apply for a Long Term Resident Visa.

Option 2: Tell your wife to sponsor you until you get your PR Visa ,you should be able to apply now. Wish I would have done this years ago.

I represented myself in court recently against her Japanese Lawyer:
The judge threw the case out and sent it back to mediation!

The Family Laws and courts a a joke.

Posted 2004
Visa/Seperation/Children HELP! URGENT!

I am rather new to the forums. I have read many and got a wealth of great information.Wish I had read these much earlier. I'm in a bind and would like some good advice.I'll make the story short and keep the messy details down. I have been here 15 years, married to a J-Girl, 2 children,we have been seperated for 3 years. I refused to sign the divorce document and the case was closed by the family court 3 years ago. My spouse visa is under application for renewal again. Yes, foolish I didn't get the PR long ago. I trusted my wife and kept on the Spouse Visa. I had 3 years SV for several years. I had applied for PR 10 years ago but I was going OS within the following 6 months on business and cancelled it on my wife's advice as I would be out the country when I needed to be here. BS! To make a long story short, marriage was on the rocks for years, She filed for divorce shortly after running me over with the car in the presence of my children. I didn't have her charged by the police for my children's sake. I let her back. Problems persisted, she was in heavy dept before and was doing it again, I changed the account number until she was willing to explain where the money was going.blah, blah, blah. I was overseas visiting my sick father while we were first seperated and when I came back everything I owned was gone. EVERYTHING INCLUDING MY SOCKS!! I could write a book on this one!! I have read many of the posts here. I checked out the CRN site and took note of the good advice given on the threads. I put a block on any attempt for a divorce by her forging my signature at the ward office last year.REASON? She had forged my signature in the past to collect insurance policy funds, skimming money from our childrens education insurance etc... Immigration has told me to divorce her and change my visa. I don't want to change visa status until she get's honest with me, the children, family etc. I want acces to my children. They called and visited me recently. They were severly punished for that. I have gone to the police. No help as it's a family matter. She even came to the Koban and scrached me in the presence of the police. They did nothing! What a joke!
Questions: Can they not renew my Spouse Visa even though we are still technically married? I don't have contact with her. She is a very cantankerous woman to say the least. Will I have to change visas? Leave? I have offerd money,clothes, food for the children etc. It's always "next time" condo kudasai. The in laws have lied about their whereabouts for years. Yes, I have a degree, Teachers lic. in my original country and Japan, 20 plus years experience etc.
It's a long messy story. It's had an effect on my health and outlook on things in many ways. It would drive the purist Mormon to drink! No religious offense intended.
Any helpful advice? Please I need it ASAP! I'm worn out!
Thanks! I have seen some good advice to others and sure could use it now! Visa/Seperation/Children HELP! URGENT!

[wolfparade]

Hi again.

well, it's been a while and a lot has happened.

I've applied for my PR status and hopefully should get it soon, which will be a weight off.

we're still living together...

once I get the PR my wife can do whatever she likes!

she decided she wants us to to stay together - for the moment anyway!

thanks,

wp

[wolfparade]

well, we're still together.

my wife is pregnant again.

life is never dull!..

[KansaiBen]

Originally Posted by wolfparade

well, we're still together.

my wife is pregnant again.

life is never dull!..

My mother was a 'divorce' lawyer (now retired) and once defended a guy whose wife pumped out her third kid and then asked him almost immediately for a divorce. at the end of the day you are responsible for ALL offspring unless you decide to do a runner. They are your kids and you have to pay for them until they are 18 whether you are still with your wife or not.

I have just been through the ringer myself and still have contact with my kids though financially I have lost my shirt and more. wife has total custody so its not a pretty picture.

You really dont have a whole bunch of options when you have kids. My brother got his ex girlfriend pregnant, they got back together but relationship fizzled. hes now a solo dad with limited contact with his kids as mother has custody.

Do you really want to spend your whole life in a relationship where wife doesnt really love or like you or want to be with you but is only there because you provide a roof over her head. that is what you are looking at. Social Welfare by another name and you are the guy who pays.

[shu]

Originally Posted by wolfparade

well, we're still together.

my wife is pregnant again.

life is never dull!..

What a silly fool.

[Gadzooks]

Originally Posted by KansaiBen

Do you really want to spend your whole life in a relationship where wife doesnt really love or like you or want to be with you but is only there because you provide a roof over her head. that is what you are looking at. Social Welfare by another name and you are the guy who pays.

Isn't this most marriages anyway? I not sure the "happily ever after" thing really exists KB.

G.

[Gadzooks]

Originally Posted by wolfparade

well, we're still together.

my wife is pregnant again.

life is never dull!..

Congratulations, life goes on, eh?

If you're willing to share, how did you and your wife manage to successfully work through your previous relationship difficulties, where so many others (on this forum, for eg.) failed?

Kind regards,

G.

[kevin_keegan]

how not to get a divorce:

1. Listen to your wife
2. Talk to your wife
3. Actually make love to her once in awhile
4. Take her out once in awhile
5. Spend time with her, at home or wherever
6. Repeat

If all else fails, wear a damn condom for god's sake so you're not in trouble in the first place!!

[Marius_II]

Originally Posted by wolfparade

well, we're still together.

Still togheter?

Not that I'm part of any unit of the linguistic-police, I do feel the need to point out that the term used should be

"back togheter"

no?


Anyways, takes a big dude to forgive.
Or a big pussy. One thing is for sure - that has got to be some very sweet ___ meat-pie you're having there.

Congratulations!

Pics!

[RonBurgundy]

Two words, Paternity Test.

There's one born every minute.

[KansaiBen]

Originally Posted by Marius_II

Still togheter?

Not that I'm part of any unit of the linguistic-police, I do feel the need to point out that the term used should be

"back togheter"

no?

NO, it should be back together.

[Marius_II]

Originally Posted by KansaiBen

NO, it should be back together.

Told you I were no goth-damn cop.
* sips, throws away smoke-bud *

[hairyass]

Originally Posted by wolfparade

well, we're still together.

my wife is pregnant again.

life is never dull!..

She screws other dudes.

And you are getting screwed.

Life might never be dull, but you are son.

[KansaiBen]

Originally Posted by Marius_II

Or a big pussy. One thing is for sure - that has got to be some very sweet ___ meat-pie you're having there.

Congratulations!

Pics!

How do you know it's his?

[Marius_II]

Originally Posted by KansaiBen

How do you know it's his?

He did say they're back togheter.
Exclusively, who knows?
The baby, his or not, who knows?
We shouldn't make assumptions nor mock that which we don't know.









....hahahahaha, just kidding. Almost had myself there for a while. Mock on as you were...

[KansaiBen]

Originally Posted by Marius_II

He did say they're back togheter.
Exclusively, who knows?
The baby, his or not, who knows?
We shouldn't make assumptions nor mock that which we don't know.









....hahahahaha, just kidding. Almost had myself there for a while. Mock on as you were...

Marriage is kaput and his wife is making babies. Either its a way to trap a husband into staying or give him rope to hang himself with it. One or the other.

[Marius_II]

Originally Posted by KansaiBen

Marriage is kaput and his wife is making babies. Either its a way to trap a husband into staying or give him rope to hang himself with it. One or the other.

Awh come on now don't be so negative.

Ti's the season.


Although I do agree fully. By having a very sweet as$ meat-pie I meant the power of the (that) pus$y being so strong as to overrule sanity and common sense.

And I for one toast to those kinds of pus$ys. As long as they're not snaring around my jr.

[PanicInducingGaijin]

Originally Posted by KansaiBen

Marriage is kaput and his wife is making babies. Either its a way to trap a husband into staying or give him rope to hang himself with it. One or the other.

Or, as is commonly the case, it's just another example of people not doing any life planning. One of the three.

[Gadzooks]

Or, they actually love each other and wanted another the kid and agreed to have another one (?).

KB I know you've been through a hard time. I'm sorry to see that you're damaged goods and will probably remain suspicious and hateful of women for the rest of your life.

G.

[PanicInducingGaijin]

Originally Posted by Gadzooks

Or, they actually love each other and wanted another the kid and agreed to have another one (?).

Perhaps you're right.

[KansaiBen]

Originally Posted by PanicInducingGaijin

Perhaps you're right.

well if people love each other they dont plan on getting divorced.

getting divorced while having kids at the same time, planned or not is the equivalent of pouring gasoline on a barbecue. Some one still has to support them.

Yes Im somewhat bitter (like the last 15 years has been a complete waste of time), but the important thing at this time is kids' welfare, and only people who have been through it knows what its like.

[wolfparade]

just to let you know how it's going...

well, my wife is 'still' my wife and she's due next week!

the way I see it is - it took us time to 'adjust' to being married, with a kid, in Japan/to a foreigner.

we started off badly but we came through some tough times.

she had her thing, I was doing my thing, it came to a head (!) and we sorted it out.

it's the hard times that make you stronger!

and yes, she is gorgeous!

thank you!

[let`s talk]

Originally Posted by wolfparade

just to let you know how it's going...

well, my wife is 'still' my wife (we never actually separated, hence the 'still')

the way I see it is - it took us time to 'adjust' to being married, with a kid, in Japan/to a foreigner.

we started off badly but we came through some tough times.

she had her thing, I was doing my thing, it came to a head (!) and we sorted it out.

it's all good now. actually, better than ever!

it's the hard times that make you stronger!

thank you.

and yes, she is gorgeous!

Good news.Really good.Hope it will be like that forever and better than ever.What else are supposed adults to do? Enjoy the life! All the best.

[ChrisElliot2000]

Originally Posted by let`s talk

What else are supposed adults to do?

I'm starting to think it's intentional.