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The things they don't tell you before you come.

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  • #31
    Originally posted by TeRReT View Post
    .... Finding out I had to pay $2,000 for pension, ouch, but survived that too. ....
    These days, you have Internet boards like this, Reddit, wiki and other sites for advice. You might discover certain things are NOT completely compulsory as claimed and that there are ways to get out of things like national pension.

    Advance hint: Even though the "law" indicates anyone with a receiving set is "legally obliged" to enter into a contract with NHK, there is no authority that will enforce this. It is not like the UK where such enforcement (for BBC dues) is rigorously enforced.

    Also, if you opt for (Japanese) public housing (which is NOT like American "projects" or UK's 'council housing'), you won't need to pay key money, huge non-refundable deposits, no guarantor and other b.s. like renewal fees every two years: (Japanese)

    Finally, even though I find the author to be an annoying drama queen, you might benefit from his book "HANDBOOK FOR NEWCOMERS, MIGRANTS, AND IMMIGRANTS TO JAPAN"
    Last edited by NorthByNorthwest; 2012-04-22, 04:28 PM.


    • #32
      It's all a learning experience man. If you are in love you have no choice but to tough it out.
      The bubble days are long over. You are going to need to work hard and make yourself marketable in Japan.
      Unless you are hired at the Boston Career Forum no one really just gets off the plane wealthy in Japan.


      • #33

        Originally posted by TeRReT View Post
        The last sentence is generally my downfall. That one phrase could safe me so much grief. I will endeavour to do as such.

        As for joint, its not really join, just a bank account in my name that we'll both have access to.

        And she definitely wants to work now, its not decided yet when we have kids, but i suspect she'd take some time off and then work again eventually. But definitely I need to talk to her more about that.
        the words of those who have experience as in real experience for some time in countries like Japan (and also Korea in my case).

        Posters like KansaiBen who has been there and done it right down to the divorce from his Japanese wife, and others here. There are so many red flags going up in your new life and you need advice so mate, take heed of it from us. There is something not right in all this money you're forking over - if your J fiancee (only fiancee for now) requires you to hand over so much cash at this stage that's a farking red flag right there.

        You're not established in Japan, in anything, not in teaching, not in business. Why are you paying so much while her family watches? Why doesn't she have some funds?

        Her family are doing jackshiz? Another red flag. Not all Japanese families expect the gaijin to hand over his cash in fact from my time living in Japan it was the opposite with a number of gaijin engaged to/married to Japanese. The families helped out and they certainly didn't expect their daughter who wasn't married to sponge off her gaijin man.

        You did everything to help their daughter get work overseas and looked after her - now the family's turn comes. It's called giri - obligation. It's as Japanese as Tokyo. My Japanese wife is actually Korean Japanese - her forbears came to Japan in the colonial, pre WW2 period to work. She identifies with Korean culture, she and her family aint the nutty, hypocritical Korean Japanese who love the evil regime in North Korea but won't go to live there, and they also are fairly Japanised in key ways while retaining some strong Korean values.

        I'm not in your position, I'm financially established, but when she was my fiancee, my wife's family did NOT expect me to pay for everything and they accepted that we were not going to have a show wedding to dump our money down the drain with. If in Korea it would have been harder to do that as the husband is supposed to come up with money for an apartment and weddings regularly cost more than a Korean's salary per year but we both would have said no to that.

        We had a classy wedding that her friends planned for minimal cost - it looked great, we spent some money, we all had a great time but we spent what we would have spent in Australia. If you are now being screwed for money think of the wedding - weddings in Japan and Korea cost insane amounts of money if you are weak enough to be scared of losing face for not spending money.

        But you are in a ____ey position at the moment. Her family should have paid some if not all of her dues. Most normal as in non poor Japanese families have a big savings base and they are used to helping their children although they are also prudent about retirement savings. Why are you paying all this money?

        Why are you even thinking about a bank account that this lady of yours has access to? You might as well say, "Help yourself, clean me out." Your bank account is your insurance against things going wrong and you need to have your own so she can't access it and her parents can't. Why doesn't she have her own fricking bank account? If you disregard my and others' advice on keeping your money separate you deserve any money losses that could very well come in the future.

        Cast a cold hard eye on it - is this lady worth it? How? If you're worried, get out before you marry. It doesn't look promising from what you've told us. My wife speaks great English, Korean and Japanese. I speak great Japanese and some Korean. Koreans are mostly difficult people to get along with from my experience and other foreigners' experiences of life in Korea and the society suffers from a collective chip on the shoulder because of their racialist theories that propound Koreans should be the centre of the world.

        But my wife also can't stand that attitude although she is rightfully proud of the Korean traditions and history that truly shows Koreans in a fascinating and achieving light. We communicate in Japanese and English 50/50. We can talk directly about everything. She is interested in intellectual subjects as well as more popular ones, she didn't see me as an ATM, neither did her family.

        It doesn't look the same for you.
        Last edited by caramellocap; 2012-05-05, 03:54 PM.


        • #34
          Not a bed of roses...

          Well, you've got a lot to think about... I came to Japan on Working Holiday Visa over 2 decades ago. Then the economy was booming. It was easy to find good jobs but frankly speaking after 2 years I was ready to end the experiment. What's more, times have changed, my friend. The future looks rather bleak now. Based on what you've told us, I think you and your fiancee should engineer a return to your homeland and don't rush into marriage! Take it from your sempai on this site... life in Japan is not a bed of roses. On the other hand, you never know how life will turn out... Hang in there!


          • #35
            Originally posted by TeRReT View Post
            Japan is harsh. Harsh doesn't even do it justice. Two months it took me to get a job. 3 trips to the big city to find an apartment, multiple nights hotel and food each time. Finding out how much it costs for an apartment hurts, but I survived that. Finding out my fiancee had to pay $2,000 for pension, I survived that. Finding out I had to pay $2,000 for pension, ouch, but survived that too. Finding out tonight that my fiancee has to pay $300 private medical insurance and $200 national insurance a month, after mailing my apartment contract today, I can't survive. I hope I can call and cancel before they receive the contract. Then I have to cancel my job and find a new one in her parent's city where I will be living with her parents. I can't afford $4,000 first month rent, plus $530 rent each month plus utilities plus $4,000 pension, plus $500 insurance each month. Have some mercy.

            I read all the stories, I didn't think it could be true, that everything is so different here, that your relationships change, the women change. I thought after 3 years I knew my fiancee. I thought I could survive Japan. Beginning to have my first doubts. So much work for nothing. So much for a "free" working holiday visa. Not so much of a holiday.

            Did you call your Mommy collect and ask her how to wipe your poopy bum bum by yourself????

            Originally posted by TeRReT View Post
            Damn, I came in Kansaii.


            I have been coming in Kansai for about 16 years now, and I have to say, it is way, way better than coming in Kanto.

            I think it especially true of Kyoto, and maybe even the nicer parts of Osaka, but girls that live at home get fed better, and have better bums, and seem to have heard of the various benefits of Kegels.

            If those F'in airlines still ran a direct Vancouver to Osaka flight, I would be coming in Kansai a lot quicker than I have since they cancelled the routes.
            Last edited by kurogane; 2012-05-06, 12:05 PM.


            • #36
              Just make sure she remains your "fiance" for the foreseeable future, and use birth control. Find out when she's ovulating and make damn sure you don't get fooled into not using protection when she is.

              You "thought you knew" her? Obviously you didn't. She's being _____y now, when you're not even gaffed, let alone in the net or landed in the boat? What do think it's going to be like later? Do want your kids to grow up in Japan? Do want to ever leave with them? Do you want them brainwashed against you and "foreigners" in general?

              Her mother is down your ___ already? Take a good look at her. She's the future waiting for you in a few decades. Sorry bud, you picked the wrong one and if you're smart you will wake up to that fact with a bang and save yourself years of unhappiness and regrets that you will never be able to undo. To say nothing of the happiness with someone better who you will never meet, or meet too late.

              Start planning your exit NOW and make sure you don't leave any of your DNA behind, or any indication that you are going. Or you will be sorry. I kid you not.
              Last edited by Wavey Man; 2012-05-08, 04:32 AM.