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How common is cheating among Japanese men?

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  • How common is cheating among Japanese men?

    I know this is a strange question to ask but as a Caucasian girl interested in Japanese men, I'm very curious (worried?) about this.

    I've read a lot of posts on here from mystified Caucasian guys about how their wives would become increasingly despondent after marriage, refusing to have sex with them and even giving them a nudge or a wink in the direction of a soap land. Some have even posted about how their girlfriend or spouse gave them the ok for an affair so long as it was kept out of sight and out of mind. One explanation given for this was that 浮気うわき is a cultural norm in Japan with love and sex being treated separately and rarely together in marriage. "The wife is for keeping the home and raising the kids." Prostitution, compensated dating, or visiting a soapland is not 不倫ふりん because money is changing hands, which by some crazy logic is considered 浮気うわき, and somehow outside the accepted definition for "cheating." Apparently paying for sex doesn't even constitute 不倫ふりん in divorce either, although I do not know whether or not this claim is legitimate.

    This paints such a depressing picture for me. Are the people on Gaijinpot too jaded, or just experienced and realistic? The sex industry is huge in Japan and offers enough temptation on its own being legal without also being accepted as a cultural norm without guilt or shame. As some have said, is it really within the "culture" of Japanese men to have an affair or practice infidelity? As a Caucasian I feel that I would be even more at risk for this because there will always be cultural or language differences, whereas a natural connection will always exist with Japanese women.
    Last edited by Kohitsuji; 2009-03-11, 10:04 AM.

  • #2
    Originally posted by Kohitsuji View Post
    I know this is a strange question to ask but as a Caucasian girl interested in Japanese men, I'm very curious (worried?) about this.

    I've read a lot of posts on here from mystified Caucasian guys about how their wives would become increasingly despondent after marriage, refusing to have sex with them and even giving them a nudge or a wink in the direction of a soap land. Some have even posted about how their girlfriend or spouse gave them the ok for an affair so long as it was kept out of sight and out of mind. One explanation given for this was that 浮気うわき is a cultural norm in Japan with love and sex being treated separately and rarely together in marriage. "The wife is for keeping the home and raising the kids." Prostitution, compensated dating, or visiting a soapland is not 不倫ふりん because money is changing hands, which by some crazy logic is considered 浮気うわき, and somehow outside the accepted definition for "cheating." Apparently paying for sex doesn't even constitute 不倫ふりん in divorce either, although I do not know whether or not this claim is legitimate.

    This paints such a depressing picture for me. Are the people on Gaijinpot too jaded, or just experienced and realistic? The sex industry is huge in Japan and offers enough temptation on its own being legal without also being accepted as a cultural norm without guilt or shame. As some have said, is it really within the "culture" of Japanese men to have an affair or practice infidelity? As a Caucasian I feel that I would be even more at risk for this because there will always be cultural or language differences, whereas a natural connection will always exist with Japanese women.
    You sound exactly like someone I know in Nagoya.
    I knew a married couple where I lived before where the wife was caucasian and the husband Japanese. They had met at the university they studied at together in the US.
    I gotta tell you, the Japanese guy was one of the most unique I'd ever met - for a Japanese. He went to Catholic church, helped his wife around the house occasionally, spoke absolutely perfect English and loved to watch American football on a Sunday afternoon in front of the TV with a budwieser in one hand and a remote in the other. He was what you would consider to be a pretty typical middle class white guy in America. He would never cheat, and was a very loyal and loving father and husband.
    I know they exist out there. Are there many of them? Probably not, but they are there. I wouldn't know how to tell you to find them but you shouldn't give up on it.
    By the way, you don't live in Nagoya do you?

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    • #3
      Originally posted by Kohitsuji View Post
      This paints such a depressing picture for me. Are the people on Gaijinpot too jaded, or just experienced and realistic? The sex industry is huge in Japan and offers enough temptation on its own being legal without also being accepted as a cultural norm without guilt or shame. As some have said, is it really within the "culture" of Japanese men to have an affair or practice infidelity? As a Caucasian I feel that I would be even more at risk for this because there will always be cultural or language differences, whereas a natural connection will always exist with Japanese women.
      So how do you account for women who do NOT like their husbands sleeping around. Sure some wives tolerate it but there are just as many who are upset when they find their husbands wander, in which case it is not a cultural norm (as though its something thats generally accepted)

      Compensated dating? Do you think its normal and accepted for grown men to date 16 year olds and buy them presents? Do you think wives would accept their husbands doing that? Do you think all Japanese wives accept that their husbands will visit prostitutes? I doubt it, and you have to ask why men feel they have to visit prostitutes in the first place. i.e they are not getting it at home. Especially if you have kids it can be hard on a relationship if there is no intimacy involved yet you have to raise children.

      I will also add that on occasion (married and single) Japanese women will also have affairs too so its not just a problem with Japanese men.

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      • #4
        I don't know if I make friends with the wrong people here in Japan, but most of them at one point did some extra-maritial activities. For example, one of my best friends here has a great family with two children and it seems that he has a great relationship with his wife, but sometimes spends the weekend with another woman. Another friend of mine claimed that sleeping with prostitutes or kyabakura girls is not considered as cheating.

        Again, it could be just the people I know (35+ Japanese IT Professionals), but I have yet to meet a married Japanese man that was completely faithful. Furthermore, this is just a very small sample of the Japanese male population.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by es137 View Post
          I don't know if I make friends with the wrong people here in Japan, but most of them at one point did some extra-maritial activities. For example, one of my best friends here has a great family with two children and it seems that he has a great relationship with his wife, but sometimes spends the weekend with another woman. Another friend of mine claimed that sleeping with prostitutes or kyabakura girls is not considered as cheating.

          Again, it could be just the people I know (35+ Japanese IT Professionals), but I have yet to meet a married Japanese man that was completely faithful. Furthermore, this is just a very small sample of the Japanese male population.
          Maybe only IT guys cheat on their wives?

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          • #6
            In my time in Japan , just over a year, i have met One Japanese guy who would not consider cheating, about 80% feel it is their budda given right.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by thenoie View Post
              In my time in Japan , just over a year, i have met One Japanese guy who would not consider cheating, about 80% feel it is their budda given right.
              It's not just Japanese men but monogamy is not an ingrained male gene, however much women disagree with it. The only thing that stops most men is the fear of being caught.

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              • #8
                The fear of getting caught or the fear of the repercussions of being caught?

                When I was younger I had plenty of married women offering themselves up to me. It is not just the guys. Granted the host bars do alright too.

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                • #9
                  it is mandatory in some parts, even written into marriage vows.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by KansaiBen View Post
                    It's not just Japanese men but monogamy is not an ingrained male gene, however much women disagree with it. The only thing that stops most men is the fear of being caught.
                    ... and the added expense!!!!

                    WHY on earth do you think Japanese housewives control the money??? Because they are all brilliant economist and LOVE math??? I think not.

                    Ancient Japanese proverb: Control the wallet, and you control the testicles!!!

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by psychokitty
                      How common is cheating among Japanese men?

                      ........farked if I know, and I`m married to one!
                      the ones whore good at it never get caught

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                      • #12
                        About as common as is it among Japanese women.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by psychokitty
                          typo intentional?
                          indeedeth.

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                          • #14
                            This forum never ceases to amaze me with blatant `generalisations`. Un-farking-believeable!

                            This is not directed to the OP, whom I believe is being earnest and asking a serious question!

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by new sprout
                              "Caucasian girl interested in Japanese men"

                              I can surely understand the attraction white dudes have for J women (Im married to one) but I could never see what a white gal sees in a J dude. They are not physically attractive, they are control freaks with high expectations (make that bento) and they will cheat on you.

                              So whats the deal?

                              Just keepin it real.
                              I can't see why a white girl would want to be with a Japanese guy. I also can't see why a Caucasian girl would want to be with a Caucasian guy. Hell, I can't see why a girl would want to be with a guy in the first place. If I was a girl I would definately be a lesbian.

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