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Should I get a divorce?

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  • Should I get a divorce?

    Almost 10 years.
    Sexless for most.
    Tried almost everything.
    She just won't change.
    I'm afraid to be alone.
    And such.
    I'm rotting.

    What should I do???!!!

  • #2
    Originally posted by PhD View Post
    Almost 10 years.
    Sexless for most.
    Tried almost everything.
    She just won't change.
    I'm afraid to be alone.
    And such.
    I'm rotting.

    What should I do???!!!
    Yes. 9999999999999999999999

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by originaloli View Post
      Yes. 9999999999999999999999
      that's a lot of upside down 666's sir.........

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by PhD View Post
        What should I do???!!!
        Any kids?

        Btw, will you talk to this Pancake? He could use your stories regardless if you divorce or not.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by PhD View Post
          Almost 10 years.
          Sexless for most.
          Tried almost everything.
          She just won't change.
          I'm afraid to be alone.
          And such.
          I'm rotting.

          What should I do???!!!
          I got divorced after a fifteen year marriage. Two kids. I'm not you but unless you draw a line in the sand then nothing will change. I miss my kids but I have my life and my freedom back.

          Not wanting to be lonely is not a good reason to stay married to someone you dont want to be with. Theres alway the possibility of remarrying too. You have to decide which is worse- living by yourself or being lonely within a dead marriage.

          Sexless? then you probably need to consider getting your jollies outside marriage (e.g. soaplands) unless you have some Judeo-Christian scruples about fornication. She certainly has no scruples about abandoning her wedding vows.
          Last edited by KansaiBen; 2009-08-20, 10:49 AM.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by PhD View Post
            Almost 10 years.
            Sexless for most.
            Tried almost everything.
            She just won't change.
            I'm afraid to be alone.
            And such.
            I'm rotting.

            What should I do???!!!
            More details needed. How is everything else in the marriage besides the sex? If everything else is good, you should try talking to her about your sexual needs and/or go to couple's counseling. Sex is a major part of marriage but if it is only sex you are after, you should have never gotten married.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by PhD View Post
              I'm rotting.

              What should I do???!!!
              Kick the maggots our and take back control of your sh!t. Divorce her (I'm assuming it's more than just sex, right?) and start over again. The thought of it might suck, but it won't kill you and you'll be happier in the end for it.

              Comment


              • #8
                I think I'm sticking this out because I suffered terrible loss in the past (not my fault, not from romance). Also, the overarching feeling that I MUST be able to make it work, as if its the moral thing to do.
                But yesterday I thought of what my ideal girl would be specifically. Right away: non-smoker (the tobacco variety, not the other word for chicken); physically fit; exercises regularly; athletic (and no, I don't mean Yoga or something like that once a week. I'm talking hawt!); likes to touch, be physical; hugs; holding hands; massage; sex.
                Anyway, that's a start. My current girl is against all these things, has been for years, so I'm getting ____ing sick. I feel like the stress will give me cancer soon or something.
                I just realized that I don't see a lot of athletic girls around. Are there popular? Or the non-spotting, Is that just because of my wife induced stupor?
                Last edited by PhD; 2009-08-24, 04:13 PM. Reason: the other word for chicken

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Marius_II View Post
                  Any kids?

                  Btw, will you talk to this Pancake? He could use your stories regardless if you divorce or not.

                  HAHA!! Poor Mr. Pancake

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Always remember:- divorces are expensive because they are WORTH IT!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Here is what I did:
                      Talk to her about your needs (calmly - being upset only makes her more defensive and you irrational).
                      Explain that you cannot continue living this way, but do not threaten divorce, only say something will have to change.
                      If she has an aversion to sex, find out why. Listen to her, but do not be fooled by excuses.
                      Talking (calmly) is a great way to connect with your wife and get her with you. Talk about your feelings (if your wife can 'hear' this) or find a vocabulary that she understands. I found my j-wife is deaf to most talk of feelings, but understands a few. It was a chore finding the feelings she appreciated and understood.

                      My wife has improved in all areas of our relationship and it is much better.

                      BTW, she found out I had a secret female friend from the internet that I met (for dinner only!) when we were living in Japan this Summer. Wife got super pissed, hurt and finally decided to listen to my needs. I lost a tremendous amount of trust in her eyes, but she now is more affectionate and open to my needs. I like our current relationship and have no complaints, but I do not know what damage the secret has done and will do.

                      OP, it seems you need connection with other people. Go make female friends and see if this helps you understand/fill what is missing.

                      Good Luck!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I hear you OP.

                        I have a genuinely great relationship with my wife, but it genuinely sucks at the same time. We have fun together, we're genuinely friends and we love each other and take good care of each other. Time spent together is time well spent for the most part.
                        But she is neither a romantic nor sexual person(post marriage ffs), and that's what drives me nuts. Just google search making your partner romantic, and it's all women giving women advice on how to make their man more romantic - which has proved totally worthless for my situation. I've done all of those romantic male suggestions and have decided it's just cultural difference...

                        As far as marriages go we're very stable and happy - but I'm a romantic (and a man, so I need some physical lovin', and yes, it's few and far between) and this is where we don't see eye to eye.

                        So I'm stuck in a situation where divorce would make both of us unhappy, and staying together is a major sacrifice of sex and romance for me.
                        I end up being a Jekyl and Hyde - when I feel my romantic gestures ignored or when I'm just horny and frustrated, I think divorce would be better for me in the end. When I'm not, I can't imagine us getting divorced. Unfortunately, Hyde is becoming more and more frequent.

                        And because it's important info for the peanut gallery: We have no kids.

                        I guess phred figured it out, I hope I can too.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by phred View Post
                          BTW, she found out I had a secret female friend from the internet that I met (for dinner only!) when we were living in Japan this Summer. Wife got super pissed, hurt and finally decided to listen to my needs. I lost a tremendous amount of trust in her eyes, but she now is more affectionate and open to my needs.
                          Good Luck!
                          I second what phred said, find some nice ass on the side until she comes around.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Shakes Spear View Post
                            I second what phred said, find some nice ass on the side until she comes around.
                            To clarify, I did not find ___ on the side. I genuinely sought out the companionship and counsel of women about my wife's age. I love my wife and wanted to understand why she was so opposed to the type of relationship スキンシップ I wanted (needed). She claimed it was cultural, but I have experienced the opposite type of relationship with other Japanese women, including her. The mistake (according to my wife) was meeting her. I do not regret meeting her, but I regret the outcome. Once you meet someone (and they are much better looking than their pictures - WOW) after a year of several-a-week e-mails, the relationship changes and it becomes more emotionally intimate. It becomes hard to quit or remain 'friends'. I offer this as a warning.

                            To the OP: Was your wife ever sexual? If not, then you knew what you were getting into. If she changed, talk with her (calmly, lovingly and not whining) about what has changed and get her to understand the thoughts and decisions she made to become non-sexual. My wife thinks she's fat (she is) and unattractive (she is not since I see the thin her I married, still). It may be this or some other issue. Does she want to have kids? Gotta have sex for those! The talking could back fire and she may see you as a wimp. If that's the case, then other decisions need to be made by you, about your future. I found it was nice to 'practice' loving talk and thoughts with my friend before I started to talk with my wife. I was so focused on not getting laid that I found I was not able to talk lovingly, just lustfully (desperately).

                            Good Luck!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by phred View Post
                              To clarify, I did not find ___ on the side. I genuinely sought out the companionship and counsel of women about my wife's age. I love my wife and wanted to understand why she was so opposed to the type of relationship スキンシップ I wanted (needed). She claimed it was cultural, but I have experienced the opposite type of relationship with other Japanese women, including her. The mistake (according to my wife) was meeting her. I do not regret meeting her, but I regret the outcome. Once you meet someone (and they are much better looking than their pictures - WOW) after a year of several-a-week e-mails, the relationship changes and it becomes more emotionally intimate. It becomes hard to quit or remain 'friends'. I offer this as a warning.
                              Right on brother! You tapped that ass good didn't you! You sly dog! Good on ya mate!
                              Last edited by Shakes Spear; 2009-11-29, 06:40 AM.

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