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Awkward situation with J-Guy

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  • Awkward situation with J-Guy

    So I have a lovely Japanese boyfriend who I have been with for just over a month now. However he works very anti-social hours, so I often find myself a bit bored and lonely during most evenings and trying to socialise with friends.

    Anyway went to a Japanese language exchange get-together on my own last weekend and ended up chatting to this J-Guy. We seemed to get on well and he asked me if I wanted to do dinner afterwards so I literally thought "Why not? New friend! ". I have quite a few male friends already so didn't see any issues with this to begin with. However I quickly started feeling awkward as he insisted on paying for all my food and drink, as well as carrying my handbag because it was heavy...(WTF!!?). I maybe should have told him I had a boyfriend already, but he didn't actually come on to me in any way and I was worried I may just be reading into things too much.

    He's asked if he can meet me again this week. Should I tell him I have a boyfriend before I go, or just meet him with an open-mind?

  • #2
    I would tell him. That way, he does not shell out more $ for nothing.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by talibanana View Post
      I would tell him. That way, he does not shell out more $ for nothing.
      For that same reason I would suggest NOT telling him and getting all the free stuff you can.
      I only suggest this from my experience as women have done it to me. Why should YOU have to be the one to break the mold of woman-hood?

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by with_a_cherry_on_top View Post
        We seemed to get on well and he asked me if I wanted to do dinner afterwards so I literally thought "Why not? New friend! ". I have quite a few male friends already so didn't see any issues with this to begin with. However I quickly started feeling awkward as he insisted on paying for all my food and drink, as well as carrying my handbag because it was heavy...(WTF!!?). I maybe should have told him I had a boyfriend already, but he didn't actually come on to me in any way and I was worried I may just be reading into things too much.
        Before your next awkward date, start off naked, wrap yourself head to toe in this:



        And then tell him you have a boyfriend and are not interested. He will understand exactly what you mean.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by nynapaj View Post
          For that same reason I would suggest NOT telling him and getting all the free stuff you can.
          I only suggest this from my experience as women have done it to me. Why should YOU have to be the one to break the mold of woman-hood?
          funny i was going to say the same thing

          silly me for trying to change her ways

          my ex did that crap all the time and she got tons of free dinners out of it

          meanwhile i was stuck at home eating old kimchi and mayonnaise sandwiches

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          • #6
            wow you must like small ones

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Kyle Cartwright View Post
              wow you must like small ones
              Or do I? My current boyfriend has quite a massive one. And my previous non-Japanese boyfriend has quite a small one. Generalisations much!?

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by talibanana View Post

                meanwhile i was stuck at home eating old kimchi and mayonnaise sandwiches
                mayo should be banned from the earth.
                a mayo and kimchi sandwich just sounds like the spawn of hell.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by the_pink_tako_yaki View Post
                  mayo should be banned from the earth..

                  I always laugh when I recall that there is an entire research facility dedicated to that nutritional and gustatory monstrosity.

                  I think it's somewhere in Minnesota.

                  Quite famous amongst Your Fat Ones, apparently.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by with_a_cherry_on_top View Post
                    So I have a lovely Japanese boyfriend who I have been with for just over a month now. However he works very anti-social hours, so I often find myself a bit bored and lonely during most evenings and trying to socialise with friends.

                    Anyway went to a Japanese language exchange get-together on my own last weekend and ended up chatting to this J-Guy. We seemed to get on well and he asked me if I wanted to do dinner afterwards so I literally thought "Why not? New friend! ". I have quite a few male friends already so didn't see any issues with this to begin with. However I quickly started feeling awkward as he insisted on paying for all my food and drink, as well as carrying my handbag because it was heavy...(WTF!!?). I maybe should have told him I had a boyfriend already, but he didn't actually come on to me in any way and I was worried I may just be reading into things too much.

                    He's asked if he can meet me again this week. Should I tell him I have a boyfriend before I go, or just meet him with an open-mind?

                    Just bring it up politely in an average conversation over the phone before you go

                    Example:
                    *Phone rings*

                    Jguy: Hello, Is this Cherry?
                    Cherry: Hey, yea what's going on? What you been up to this week?
                    Jguy: Oh working about 80 hours this week, but what can I say it's Japan
                    Cherry: Yeah, I know my bf works hard too
                    Jguy: Your bf???
                    Cherry: Yea, I told you about him last week. His name is insert name here.
                    Jguy: Oh, um... I thought you were single
                    Cherry: Oh no!, I love him dearly. So you ready for dinner?

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      With a sakuranbo on top

                      Originally posted by Kokuwakamusha View Post
                      ...
                      Jguy: Hello, Is this Cherry?
                      Cherry: Hey, yea what's going on? What you been up to this week?
                      Jguy: Oh working about 80 hours this week, but what can I say it's Japan
                      Cherry: Yeah, I know my bf works hard too
                      Jguy: Your bf???
                      Cherry: Yea, I told you about him last week. His name is insert name here.
                      Jguy: Oh, um... I thought you were single
                      Cherry: Oh no!, I love him dearly. So you ready for dinner?
                      Jguy:...Oh, I don't think I'd be able to go anymore
                      Cherry: But I still get that bag you were going to get me, right?
                      Jguy: I...no I'm afraid not.
                      Cherry: Jeeesh, you guys just want to use us.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        just don't tell your boyfriend, that you're sleeping with another guy and everything should be fine.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Tell him. Duh.
                          Why would you even consider doing anything different, you would tell a guy back in your home country right?
                          If he's still interested in being friends, that's fine, but he should know that he doesn't have a chance at anything more. Don't get his hopes up!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Putting the pieces together, the OP is lonely. Despite her BF massive one, she's not getting the daikon on a regular basis. Along comes some much needed romance and while her head is saying it's not right, her hormones are saying, maybe I'll get some on the side if my fellow GPers tell me it's o.k. to do so.

                            I say go for it. You have to ask yourself what your current relationship is worth. The only reason you're contemplating this next move is something is missing. Put your cars on the table and be honest with everyone. No guilt. No lies.

                            The question you must answer is do I talk to my BF and tell him we're not seeing enough of each other? Do I not tell my BF and tell this new guy I have a BF but would like to see him and see what happens? You're not married. If you like this new guy, tell him to stop paying for everything if it makes you feel guilty. It's the Japanese dating style, however.

                            And the truth shall set you free! (it can also cause a LOT of drama along the way, too.)

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Thanks for all your answers guys! I don't mind honesty.

                              Anyway I forgot to specify some things in my original post, I'm not actually living in Japan right now! All this drama is happening in the wonderful city that is London. Also my boyfriend works evenings at a restaurant, which is why we can't spend much time together during the week.

                              I'm supposed to be meeting the other guy this evening, I've decided that I'm going to be honest with him if it becomes apparent that he does like me in that way. Also if he tries to pay for my stuff again, I'll refuse to let him do it and say it makes me uncomfortable as I have A BOYFRIEND!

                              I think he's a nice guy and wouldn't mind having him as a friend at all, but he doesn't make me laugh nearly half as much as my boyfriend does. It's true that he's not that bad looking in my eyes but I really wouldn't want to cheat on my boyfriend even if I'm not getting as much fun sexy-time as I'd like. I like to think I have some kind of morals.

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