Announcement

Collapse

The GaijinPot Forum Is Closed

Please join us on our new Facebook Group.
See more
See less

Top

Collapse

Any successful interracial marriage?

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Any successful interracial marriage?

    Hi,
    I have been going thru this forum for sometime and feel so sad after hearing about so many divorces, kid issues etc. as i know that bad aspect of anything gets more attention than the good aspect. would like to know if there is someone who is happy or bit satisfied with their Japanese wife/husband.. need to hear something positive.... the negativity is scaring the sh1t out of me about my future with my girl... please share ur success story or just a nod will do

    Cheers

  • #2
    a real angel

    Originally posted by しむぱるじん View Post
    Hi,
    I have been going thru this forum for sometime and feel so sad after hearing about so many divorces, kid issues etc. as i know that bad aspect of anything gets more attention than the good aspect. would like to know if there is someone who is happy or bit satisfied with their Japanese wife/husband.. need to hear something positive.... the negativity is scaring the sh1t out of me about my future with my girl... please share ur success story or just a nod will do Cheers
    Marry a girl because she is nice, not because she is Japanese and/or cute. I've known my girl for 6 years. She works in the medical field, with patients who have no hope - they usually die within a short time. Its traumatic, disturbing, highly distressing work. She gets called out late at night and has to alleviate the pain and suffering terminally ill patients endure before they die. When she told me about her job, I thought she must be an angel and I pursued her - I knew she'd be the one for me and I didn't let up. Its not all roses. Sometimes she upsets me and I have to put her in her place. Women have their behavioural cycles. And sometimes I upset her too. Nobody is perfect. My girl will be a fine mother. She is even-tempered, non hysterical and (after much complaining on my part) is starting to pay her own way when we go out. The day she quits this job (and she is committed to it big-time and refusing to comply) is the day I will marry her.

    Choose a person by their character. Not the size of their t+ts or their ability to provide you horizontal refreshment. Or by careless, thoughtless words when they are a few days ahead of their periods -expect no logic from any woman during this time. Goodluck to all of you. I hope there are many guys out there who are as lucky as I.

    There's more to life than a trophy wife who'd ruin your life in a few years time. Its the best looking women, the ones who look like movie stars, who are the most frigid - that's my experience IMHO.
    Last edited by newhigh; 2009-09-23, 05:34 PM.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by しむぱるじん View Post
      Hi,
      I have been going thru this forum for sometime and feel so sad after hearing about so many divorces, kid issues etc. as i know that bad aspect of anything gets more attention than the good aspect. would like to know if there is someone who is happy or bit satisfied with their Japanese wife/husband.. need to hear something positive.... the negativity is scaring the sh1t out of me about my future with my girl... please share ur success story or just a nod will do

      Cheers
      I'm gay and have been in a relationship with a Japanese man for more than 10 years, living together for 6. Of course, the dynamics of straight and gay relationships are not the same, but I think the interracial aspects are similar. It's always harder dealing with someone from a different culture but there are plenty of people who manage it. I wouldn't be too alarmed by what you read on this forum. I imagine people who are unhappy in their marriages/relationships are far more likely to post their stories seeking advice or help than those who are getting along and making a life with their spouses. Thus you will see lots of "My wife ran off with the kids" or "We've had sex 3 times in 15 years" type of posts and not many "I'm happy with my husband/wife" or "We lead a normal life" posts. The people who are happy or in a healthy relationship don't need tell their stories here.

      Comment


      • #4
        Keep in mind that things like frigidity in a spouse, lack of sex, fights over money and upbringing of kids are not uniquely Japanese traits but are human traits. People the world over go through the same problems when they marry and even people from the same race or ethnic group divorce or experience marital problems. Its not because a person is Japanese that is the problem but because its because of upbringing, attitudes, personal values or simply incompatible personalities and because of the differences between men's and women's thinking. The fact that a gf or wife is Japanese etc is largely incidental to whether or not you get on with your spouse IMO.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by apeman View Post
          ..... I imagine people who are unhappy in their marriages/relationships are far more likely to post their stories seeking advice or help than those who are getting along and making a life with their spouses......

          .....The people who are happy or in a healthy relationship don't need tell their stories here.
          Couldn't have said it better... well stated!! I myself am happy, so never had the need to explain it herein.

          Comment


          • #6
            I love the fact that the OP asked for succcessful Japanese/non Japanese marriage stories and the three replies have been from

            a gay man who isn't married
            an Aussie who isn't married or going out with a Japanese girl
            a divorcee who had a famously unsuccessful marriage to a Japanese lady

            To the OP, plenty of my colleagues and friends have successful marriages between (mostly) Western guys and Japanese ladies. Most of them have kids and are well settled down together. You do read lots of drama on this website but my personal experiences seem to differ markedly to what I have seen on this site.

            None of my friends are English teachers on 200k a month though, I am not sure how relevant that is....

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Gaijin 06 View Post
              To the OP, plenty of my colleagues and friends have successful marriages between (mostly) Western guys and Japanese ladies. Most of them have kids and are well settled down together. You do read lots of drama on this website but my personal experiences seem to differ markedly to what I have seen on this site..
              and your experience is just that, the experience of one person. The OP is not you and nor is anyone else. that is no guarantee he will be happy or sad if he marries his gf or still be together 10 years from now. Once the ring is on then he will have to take his chances. No one knows on their wedding day how it will all pan out and I'm sure you had as much idea as the next guy. Marriage is a lottery, IMO.

              If he wants feel-good stories of what happens to other people then all power to him.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by KansaiBen View Post
                and your experience is just that, the experience of one person.
                Actually it is over a dozen experiences, perhaps you missed the bit where I said I was talking about friends and colleagues?

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Gaijin 06 View Post
                  Ia divorcee who had a famously unsuccessful marriage to a Japanese lady
                  .
                  do you know any failed marriages that WERE successful?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Gaijin 06 View Post
                    Actually it is over a dozen experiences, perhaps you missed the bit where I said I was talking about friends and colleagues?
                    so how do you think this will actually help the OP except maybe give him a psychological lift? Do his chances of success actually improve here?


                    PS Im well aware that many marriages are happy here and it was you who brought up the fact I was divorced, not me, as if its relevant. I wasnt actually trying to talk him out of it, but the fact SO is Japanese really doesnt have a lot to do with whether he makes a good go of it IMO. He may have his own infuriating or disgusting habits that we dont know about, like clipping his toenails or farting in bed.
                    Last edited by KansaiBen; 2009-09-23, 10:27 AM.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by KansaiBen View Post
                      so how do you think this will actually help the OP except maybe give him a psychological lift? Do his chances of success actually improve here?
                      Read his post.

                      He is not looking for advice, he "would like to know if there is someone who is happy or bit satisfied with their Japanese wife/husband.. need to hear something positive...."

                      You can spam plenty of other threads telling there are no guarantees. Going to mention grass is green next?

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Gaijin 06 View Post
                        R."

                        You can spam plenty of other threads telling there are no guarantees. Going to mention grass is green next?
                        He also mentioned the negativity is scaring the sh-it out his making a commitment to his girlfriend so its not just idle interest.

                        Maybe you want to give him the benefit of your wisdom as to what makes a happy marriage as such advice is not often heard on these forums and most happy people simply take their relationships for granted that they simply dont bother writing it down here. They assume everyone also is like them and if you are not then its a personal failing.

                        It takes two to tango in a marriage after all.
                        Last edited by KansaiBen; 2009-09-23, 10:39 AM.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by KansaiBen View Post
                          I wasnt actually trying to talk him out of it, but the fact SO is Japanese really doesnt have a lot to do with whether he makes a good go of it IMO.
                          I think that is a very naive attitude. Marrying someone from a different country, culture and language does present unique challenges (and opportunities) which can have a bearing on the success or failure of a marriage.

                          Some very common aspects that are much more prevalent marrying "inter racially"

                          * choice of country for domicile - one partner could be homesick
                          * communication - likely to be conversing in a second tongue for one partner and this can have a greater or lesser impact on discussions, arguments and be a source of frustration
                          * family issues - marriage here is often seen as a joining of two families, which can be a source of friction
                          * partner roles - Westerners and Japanese can have different (culturally inspired) views on what the role of each partner is in the marriage
                          * children - differing thoughts on first language, education and parent roles

                          None of these is insurmountable or always a problem but they are more specific to "interracial" marriages than "same-race" marriages.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Gaijin 06 View Post
                            I think that is a very naive attitude. Marrying someone from a different country, culture and language does present unique challenges (and opportunities) which can have a bearing on the success or failure of a marriage.
                            .
                            of which the current failure rate between inter-racial and intercultural marriages is 50%, no small matter. My marriage is no more famously unsuccessful than anyone elses except its you having a personal dig at my expense which is par for the course. Its like saying the Titanic famously sunk.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I've been here 16 years and I don't know anyone who has been divorced. I must know about 30 couples and everyone seems normal.

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X