Any successful interracial marriage?

[しむぱるじん]

Nothing quite like bragging about your sex life on the net is there?

Hey i would too if i had that score................ or maybe not :P

[しむぱるじん]

One of the difficulties I often hear about, as well as experience in my marriage to a J-woman, is the difference in assumptions and expectations about everyday things. For example, J-wives often have a negative reaction to their husband's communication style (even when he's talking to his compatriots), attitude about his job, his strong individuality and relative lack of regard for the group and saving the face of others, etc. J-women might find this stuff cool while dating, but it isn't as exciting when it's coming from the breadwinner and head of household. Not everybody adjusts to these differences, and the accumulated stress can be significant.

Yeah i noticed it on couple of occasions that j-girls can be quite unforgiving with our attitude sometimes. things which are totally normal for us might be totally taboo for them... and they are quite strong about their opinion too.... but for me its interesting start for a healthy debate on perceptions.

The bottom line is how suitable intercultural marriage is for you. Deciding to avoid intercultural marriage is no less honorable than deciding to pursue it. The choice is solely yours.

BINGO!!

[しむぱるじん]

I think the phrasing could have been better there!

haha I thought it was quite disgusting too.... :-P

dont worry Ben i got what u mean.... but u know.....

[しむぱるじん]

Question

I'm gay and have been in a relationship with a Japanese man for more than 10 years, living together for 6. Of course, the dynamics of straight and gay relationships are not the same, but I think the interracial aspects are similar. It's always harder dealing with someone from a different culture but there are plenty of people who manage it. I wouldn't be too alarmed by what you read on this forum. I imagine people who are unhappy in their marriages/relationships are far more likely to post their stories seeking advice or help than those who are getting along and making a life with their spouses. Thus you will see lots of "My wife ran off with the kids" or "We've had sex 3 times in 15 years" type of posts and not many "I'm happy with my husband/wife" or "We lead a normal life" posts. The people who are happy or in a healthy relationship don't need tell their stories here.

appreciate ur input dude... sorry dont want to be rude or anything... but what is the perception here for gay relationships?... I remember i met this gay guy in perth who was in japan for a yr...i think in Nara... and he hated cuz he reckon ppl were quite dark on him.

[しむぱるじん]

Keep in mind that things like frigidity in a spouse, lack of sex, fights over money and upbringing of kids are not uniquely Japanese traits but are human traits. People the world over go through the same problems when they marry and even people from the same race or ethnic group divorce or experience marital problems.

you got that right... there are plenty of guys in Oz who cheat on their wives on a regular bases....... and the rest of it.... I have experienced it too

Its not because a person is Japanese that is the problem but because its because of upbringing, attitudes, personal values or simply incompatible personalities and because of the differences between men's and women's thinking. The fact that a gf or wife is Japanese etc is largely incidental to whether or not you get on with your spouse IMO.

too right...

those stats u quoted .... i think they are quite normal compare to the rest of the world medians right?!

[jinseinosensei]

Hey i would too if i had that score................ or maybe not :P

I don't...

[Marius_II]

200...plus!

Nothing quite like bragging about your sex life on the net is there?

At 200 and still drawing short,
you're either a horrible learner of what to look for,
or just plain bad at encouraging it to show itself.

But I liked his + plus! +

[tora916]

The people who are happy or in a healthy relationship don't need tell their stories here.

This is really the point that is most important. Those of us who have had wonderful and loving relationships probably won't post here (on this thread) because there is no need to. Each relationship is unique and personal. That being the case one can hardly give any more advice than simple common sense that has already been given by the first poster after the OP's.

Maybe this will help some of you. It's not mine it's from a very old book on Andalusian life from the Moorish period. Please forgive the stilted translation.

"When one who you care for hurts you, write it in sand and the winds of forgiveness will carry away both the deed and the pain.

If that person does something wonderful for you write it in stone because there is no wind on Earth capable of erasing it.

Learn to write your pain and sorrow in sand and write your good fortune in stone.

It is said that it takes only a moment to find someone special, an hour to appreciate them. a day to love them but more than an entire lifetime to forget them."

[Gaijin 06]

I don't...

You're more likely to have had 200 men I would think.

[Marius_II]

"When one who you care for hurts you, write it in sand //

If that person does something wonderful for you write it in stone //

Damn those selective Andalusians.

I agree on your sentiment, that when it's fine there's no reason to write (or brag...Newhigh and Jin),
but it doesn't work quite like the Andalusians.

More like the opposite,
not just because we write to hdds and not stones.

Write anything about Japan in a bad fashion and suddenly you're a fullfledged basher to whomever might not disagree. No regards to all the other, good opinions you might hold.



Back to OP: sure, I know of a few. Most successful seems to be the ones where the couple have met abroad, and not on vacation.

[PUNCHtoTHEguts]

Whoa!

I've known my girl for 6 years. She works in the medical field, with patients who have no hope - they usually die within a short time. Its traumatic, disturbing, highly distressing work. She gets called out late at night and has to alleviate the pain and suffering terminally ill patients endure before they die. When she told me about her job, I thought she must be an angel and I pursued her - I knew she'd be the one for me and I didn't let up. Its not all roses. Sometimes she upsets me and I have to put her in her place. Women have their behavioural cycles. And sometimes I upset her too. Nobody is perfect. My girl will be a fine mother. She is even-tempered, non hysterical and (after much complaining on my part) is starting to pay her own way when we go out. The day she quits this job (and she is committed to it big-time and refusing to comply) is the day I will marry her.

Choose a person by their character. Not the size of their t+ts or their ability to provide you horizontal refreshment. Or by careless, thoughtless words when they are a few days ahead of their periods -expect no logic from any woman during this time. Goodluck to all of you. I hope there are many guys out there who are as lucky as I.

Mate, that is Fukked up. All of it. And you think you are lucky? That's no pretty picture painted with them words up above.
Good luck. I reckon both of you are gonna need it.

Just wondering... How do you put her in her place?

[Trichophyton-in-my-pants]

Mate, that is Fukked up. All of it. And you think you are lucky? That's no pretty picture painted with them words up above.
Good luck. I reckon both of you are gonna need it.

Just wondering... How do you put her in her place?

"The day she quits this job is the day I marry her" is more than slightly disturbing, agreed. Also, putting one in her place is borderline insane.

But, if you are implying that working with dying patients is a non-desirable trait in a woman, I think you are just being ignorant. Isn't it basically the same as to say that you wouldn't date/marry a surgeon? Or an ER worker? I think it's more likely that people in these fields of work are way more stable than nine-to-five hamsters, or bored housewives. If they wouldn't be, they wouldn't pursue a career in medical care in the first place.

So, besides the two above mentioned points, I see absolutely nothing "fukked up" about his situation.

[yabadaba]

of which the current failure rate between inter-racial and intercultural marriages is 50%, no small matter. My marriage is no more famously unsuccessful than anyone elses except its you having a personal dig at my expense which is par for the course. Its like saying the Titanic famously sunk.

Its 40% for non-Japanese men and Japanese women, higher for non-Japanese women with Japanese men. the national rate for both being Japanese is 38%, soooooo its safer for many western men to marry a Japanese women then one from their own country and not that different for the Japanese women either way.

[PUNCHtoTHEguts]

the pleasures of the talkback!

...But, if you are implying that working with dying patients is a non-desirable trait in a woman, I think you are just being ignorant.

Oh go on. Call me ignorant! I don't mind. Actually, I should have been a bit clearer. I got no problems with what she does. Although I'm not really sure you would call it a trait. You might be referring to a personal characteristic that attracts her to such a job.

Isn't it basically the same as to say that you wouldn't date/marry a surgeon? Or an ER worker? I think it's more likely that people in these fields of work are way more stable than nine-to-five hamsters, or bored housewives. If they wouldn't be, they wouldn't pursue a career in medical care in the first place.

I kinda disagree with this but with no real data to back me up. But I'm willing to bet that I think you'll find people in jobs that deal with death and human trauma on a tragic level may actually be
more stressed than the gerbils you speak of... Well as long as those gerbils aren't stuffed up Richard Gere's arrse.

AND I'm not sure I follow your logic of: The more stable one is the more likely one is to enter the medical field. I don't think there is any correlation between the two. Again, no data to back me up. Just a Hair-Bear-Bunch hunch.

So, besides the two above mentioned points, I see absolutely nothing "fukked up" about his situation.

Really? How about these...
"I knew she'd be the one for me and I didn't let up."
"Women have their behavioural cycles."
"My girl will be a fine mother."
"She is even-tempered, non hysterical."
"Or by careless, thoughtless words when they are a few days ahead of their periods - expect no logic from any woman during this time."
"The day she quits this job (and she is committed to it big-time and refusing to comply)"

REFUSING TO COMPLY!?!?!?!?

He's with a chick who he has basically described as an obstinate washing machine!

I just find it all kinda bizarro. Unless of course English isn't the dude's first language.
But hell, go for it newhigh. Who cares if I think you're in fairyland, I'm just some jerk on the internet blabbing on about somebody's relationship I haven't the foggiest about.

[newhigh]

Read the first post: the OP wanted positive stories, not negative stuff. I felt my relationship was positive. Not bragging about anything. I love my girl, and she loves me. Is there something wrong with that? I wish the rest of you the very best and hope you all find happiness. Feel free to analyse my every word if you have time and nothing better to do.