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Any successful interracial marriage?

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  • #61
    Originally posted by let`s talk View Post

    It is all individual. I wouldn`t use the idea of generalization in relationships:

    "I went to a general store. They wouldn`t let me buy anything specifically."
    And this is a good example of why its so difficult to discuss this type of topic on the GP forums.

    cs

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    • #62
      Originally posted by Cultureshock View Post
      And this is a good example of why its so difficult to discuss this type of topic on the GP forums.

      cs
      On any forum.

      Comment


      • #63
        Originally posted by Marius_II View Post
        Wonderfully mushy. Perhaps someone in need should write that down. ... Btw., what were you doing in Shirahama, you frollicking piece of foreign meat, you?
        So what was I doing in Shirahama – well, looking for cultural exchange, enjoying the sun, sand, and eye candy – what else would I have been doing there? Why I even obtained a name and address for a new pen pal - and then several years later...

        I believe that almost any marriage can be successful - if only both partners realize that they are supposed to be partners, and not master/slave, provider/nurturer, etc./etc. As for the cultural differences that can become obstacles, they are there to be dealt with and overcome. And if it were not for these, there would be others to overcome. I do not think that my bicultural marriage was any more difficult to make a success of, than would have been a marriage to my home town high school sweetheart. Probably less difficult, since it didnft come with a preconceived notion that there would not be any misunderstandings due to sharing a culture. Maybe too it could be harder to throw in the towel and give up on a bicultural marraige - knowing that there were those around that would say - I told you so....

        The statistics of increasing divorce rate for bicultural marriages is still less than that in the monocultural US – but a bit shocking anyway. My theory is that it is increasing because people put off marriage too long. Better to get married quite young, start off on debt, have kids, work together to overcome the issues (the shared dream). But do not get married unless madly in love – and then nurture that love. Treat each other respectfully, talk but listen too, and any issue that you face can be overcome.

        And just what defines a successful marraige? Years? Number of fights? I think that it is a positive response to the question of - Would you do it all over again?

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        • #64
          Originally posted by TJrandom View Post
          So what was I doing in Shirahama – well, looking for cultural exchange, enjoying the sun, sand, and eye candy – what else would I have been doing there? Why I even obtained a name and address for a new pen pal - and then several years later...

          I believe that almost any marriage can be successful - if only both partners realize that they are supposed to be partners, and not master/slave, provider/nurturer, etc./etc. As for the cultural differences that can become obstacles, they are there to be dealt with and overcome. And if it were not for these, there would be others to overcome. I do not think that my bicultural marriage was any more difficult to make a success of, than would have been a marriage to my home town high school sweetheart. Probably less difficult, since it didnft come with a preconceived notion that there would not be any misunderstandings due to sharing a culture. Maybe too it could be harder to throw in the towel and give up on a bicultural marraige - knowing that there were those around that would say - I told you so....

          The statistics of increasing divorce rate for bicultural marriages is still less than that in the monocultural US – but a bit shocking anyway. My theory is that it is increasing because people put off marriage too long. Better to get married quite young, start off on debt, have kids, work together to overcome the issues (the shared dream). But do not get married unless madly in love – and then nurture that love. Treat each other respectfully, talk but listen too, and any issue that you face can be overcome.

          And just what defines a successful marraige? Years? Number of fights? I think that it is a positive response to the question of - Would you do it all over again?
          What a brilliant answer!

          Comment


          • #65
            Originally posted by PurpleDaisies View Post
            What a brilliant answer!
            I agree. The simple answers / solutions usually are brilliant in their simplicity. It's too bad you don't see this regarding the problems women face today. Real progress COULD be made. But not at the expense of wild half of women's fun, eh...?

            Comment


            • #66
              Originally posted by yabadaba View Post
              Its 40% for non-Japanese men and Japanese women, higher for non-Japanese women with Japanese men. the national rate for both being Japanese is 38%, soooooo its safer for many western men to marry a Japanese women then one from their own country and not that different for the Japanese women either way.
              I kinda suspect the high divorce rate for non-Japanese women with Japanese men is mostly down to Chinese and Filipina girls whose marriages go belly up. When you are economically disadvantaged you do what you gotta do, and I respect the hell out of the Filipinas who are making it in this country. But I've heard enough stories about husbands treating them like ____ for it to be a really disturbing trend or evidence of systematic prejudice against SE Asians. Their J-men often want them to just ditch their own culture and "be" Japanese, and then get miffy when that cannot and does not happen. These marriages are doomed.

              Western women and J-men on the other hand seem to have unusually stable marriages. I know mine is

              And for non-Japanese men and Japanese women, I think the high divorce rate is probably the fault of the US military (sorta kidding). The non-military married couples I know have healthy, happy relationships.

              So OP, cheer up! There are no cultural factors dooming your relationship, as long as you remember to always respect and honor your girl as the unique individual she is! Good luck.

              Comment


              • #67
                TJrandom,

                More mushyness. I never disagreed to the mushyness, and never the ability to make things work.

                I think you're getting further away from what you initially questioned, which was my experience with couples (Japanese wife, foreign bloke) meeting abroad being more prone to be successful than couples met here.

                You still haven't convinced me otherwise, and I still believe meeting abroad (families ok'ing the whole foreign deal) demises a lot of the obstacles that Japanese girls/boys without the experience of having seen/been abroad does.

                At any rate, there's always the stats.
                Originally posted by TJrandom View Post
                The statistics of increasing divorce rate for bicultural marriages is still less than that in the monocultural US
                Little too centered around your own country, eh. There's other countries, with far less divorces, you know...
                Originally posted by TJrandom View Post
                I do not think that my bicultural marriage was any more difficult to make a success of, than would have been a marriage to my home town high school sweetheart.
                Little too centered around your own experience, eh.
                Put it in perspective - how many of the people in that high school class went abroad and got married. Point is: you're gutsy. You're different. But the rest of your class, would they be able to do the same?


                Originally posted by TJrandom View Post
                do not get married unless madly in love – and then nurture that love. Treat each other respectfully, talk but listen too, and any issue that you face can be overcome.

                And just what defines a successful marraige? Years? Number of fights? I think that it is a positive response to the question of - Would you do it all over again?
                So mushy I just want to hug you. But then again I can't taint my image anymore. It's hanging on a thin thread.

                No one disagrees to that part you talked about there. But does it relate? I think not...

                Anyways, I'm all for marriage. Just drop it as I see it. Divorce rate for interracial marriages here is higher than 40%. In a positive light that means most interracial marriages are sustainable. And pretty hot. I bet.

                Comment


                • #68
                  Originally posted by kittylover View Post
                  Their J-men often want them to just ditch their own culture and "be" Japanese, and then get miffy when that cannot and does not happen. These marriages are doomed.
                  What makes you think, that there are no Japanese Women, who also expect their foreign partner to ditch their own culture??



                  cs

                  Comment


                  • #69
                    Originally posted by Marius_II View Post
                    I think you're getting further away from what you initially questioned, which was my experience with couples (Japanese wife, foreign bloke) meeting abroad being more prone to be successful than couples met here.

                    You still haven't convinced me otherwise .... Little too centered around your own country, eh. ....
                    You may be right in your assertion that meeting overseas is better - I have no statistics either way.

                    The OP wanted to know if there was anyone who is happy or satisfied with their Japanese wife/husband. OP asked for shared success stories. My posts were largely to this end. There are many, many success stories out there. Each will be a bit different. I can only convey mine. I do not know where OP is right now, but would not be suggesting that he depart Japan in order to meet someone overseas, or that he is doomed if he meets someone here. (I know that you did not suggest this....).

                    Comment


                    • #70
                      Originally posted by Cultureshock View Post
                      What makes you think, that there are no Japanese Women, who also expect their foreign partner to ditch their own culture??



                      cs
                      I think you are getting away from the point here. Kittylover wasn`t asserting that it doesn`t happen the other way round, what she was talking about is the horrible stories you here about Chinese and Filippina wives being treated like dirt by their Japanese husbands (and being expected to ditch their own culture is just part of that.)
                      .....and is theorizing that the break down of these marriages is what is pushing the NJ wife/Japanese husband divorce rate so high.

                      Comment


                      • #71
                        OP -- decades of success for us. cultural issues have never been serious obstacles. individual values, sometimes yes, but those certain ones were not really culturally specific. i think it really can help to take a LONG TIME to find out who your partner really is and then check to see if s/he is a person:
                        a) of similar intelligence
                        b) of similar socioeconomic background
                        c) of very similar moral and philosophical beliefs (e.g., a conservative gal from the sticks of fukushima who wants to have kids and immediately quit her job is not likely going to be the best pick for a nyc jewish liberal -- not that you'll find very many of those guys here to begin with)
                        d) of somewhat similar key personality traits (e.g., if one person is kind-hearted but the other is a hothead it may not go down well. Or if one person always believes he is right and it is up to the woman to know her place and accept that, then even stellar sex won't save them), but who may complement your own weaknesses.
                        e) to a degree, separate bank accounts. we always contributed to our kitty, but as for the rest, what was mine was mine and what was hers was hers.

                        what's the big deal about getting married, i say. don't rush in.

                        Comment


                        • #72
                          Things are going well for me and my wife, we've been married 5 years, have been together for 10. We are both pretty laidback and easy-going, have our own hobbies and careers and I think that is important. No kids, this helps a lot too (at least at this point in time). We've been living in Japan for about a year and a half now and we really never fight or argue.

                          Most of the guys I know in rocky interracial marriages have several things in common:
                          -had kids way too quickly
                          -cannot speak Japanese and really have no interest in learning it (all the guys in good relationships I know can speak at least well enough to be independent)

                          But having kids way too early can be a problem in any marriage really.

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                          • #73
                            Re :

                            Hi ,
                            Donft be so hard on yourself. Everybody has different success quotients and it may be a while before you can actually have a good relationship. Modern Man will aid and equip you about good dating and how to heighten your personality so that you can attract girls to you.

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                            • #74
                              Originally posted by kyouki View Post
                              -cannot speak Japanese and really have no interest in learning it (all the guys in good relationships I know can speak at least well enough to be independent)
                              So how do you explain that I personally know some one who does not speak an ounce of Japanese and he has been married for 14 years and lives in Japan??

                              And he would say he has a good marriage.

                              cs

                              Comment


                              • #75
                                Originally posted by kittylover View Post
                                So OP, cheer up! There are no cultural factors dooming your relationship, as long as you remember to always respect and honor your girl as the unique individual she is! Good luck.
                                Agreed. To the OP: don't be distracted by the negativity and pettiness that many GP participants display (mainly because they don't have a life). Find the right girl for you and all will be good. I suggest living together for a few months before marriage to make sure you are both compatible. Good luck dude. Married life should be sweet and I'm hoping you hit the marital jackpot.

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