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Any successful interracial marriage?

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  • #91
    Married & Happy

    Originally posted by Gaijin 06 View Post
    I love the fact that the OP asked for succcessful Japanese/non Japanese marriage stories and the three replies have been from

    a gay man who isn't married
    an Aussie who isn't married or going out with a Japanese girl
    a divorcee who had a famously unsuccessful marriage to a Japanese lady

    To the OP, plenty of my colleagues and friends have successful marriages between (mostly) Western guys and Japanese ladies. Most of them have kids and are well settled down together. You do read lots of drama on this website but my personal experiences seem to differ markedly to what I have seen on this site.

    None of my friends are English teachers on 200k a month though, I am not sure how relevant that is....

    I am a "Gaijin" female (Westerner) married to a Japanese man for 10yrs. Its challenging but possible. It also depends on the people.
    I have never taught English in Japan and promised myself I never will.
    I see myself as very Positive & Optimistic. There are many Happy people I know of and sorrounding yourself around them is key.
    Patience is necessary for anything to be a success.

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    • #92
      Disagree

      Originally posted by kittylover View Post
      I kinda suspect the high divorce rate for non-Japanese women with Japanese men is mostly down to Chinese and Filipina girls whose marriages go belly up. When you are economically disadvantaged you do what you gotta do, and I respect the hell out of the Filipinas who are making it in this country. But I've heard enough stories about husbands treating them like ____ for it to be a really disturbing trend or evidence of systematic prejudice against SE Asians. Their J-men often want them to just ditch their own culture and "be" Japanese, and then get miffy when that cannot and does not happen. These marriages are doomed.

      Western women and J-men on the other hand seem to have unusually stable marriages. I know mine is

      And for non-Japanese men and Japanese women, I think the high divorce rate is probably the fault of the US military (sorta kidding). The non-military married couples I know have healthy, happy relationships.

      So OP, cheer up! There are no cultural factors dooming your relationship, as long as you remember to always respect and honor your girl as the unique individual she is! Good luck.
      I strongly disagree with you. Most of the marriages between Western women and Japanese men usually end belly up/in divorce compared to Japanese women married to Western men. Get your facts straight.

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      • #93
        Originally posted by KansaiBen View Post
        of which the current failure rate between inter-racial and intercultural marriages is 50%, no small matter. My marriage is no more famously unsuccessful than anyone elses except its you having a personal dig at my expense which is par for the course. Its like saying the Titanic famously sunk.
        I know this is a years-old post from the apparently-departed KansaiBen, but I just had to chuckle. Only KB could try to make his point like this.

        I really miss the old bugger.

        Nostalgically,
        A.

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        • #94
          Originally posted by Kippur12 View Post
          I strongly disagree with you. Most of the marriages between Western women and Japanese men usually end belly up/in divorce compared to Japanese women married to Western men. Get your facts straight.
          You've only recently just joined this forum. You've only made one post. You're quoting a post that is more than three years old on a thread that has been dead for more than three years as well.

          Is there some method to your madness?

          You're not planning on adding some links to this post later on hoping that nobody notices and deletes 'em as spam, are you?

          That would be sneaky, sneaky, sneaky if you are. Shhhh! Don't worry your secret is safe with me.

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          • #95
            Chatterbox returns, cautiously suggests hope.

            Well, I don't know what the statistics are in terms of European wives and Japanese husbands and how often their unions go pear-shaped. But mine is still going strong (as in my insufferably long and bouncy post above) after more than 6.5 years. All the irritating (for other people watching us) gooey romance is still there, all the silly jokes and toilet humour are still surviving vigorously, and there haven't been any Cultural Issues so far. It may be one of those situations where individual differences trump group tendencies, or something. After all, if aberrant weirdos like me and my husband are the ones mostly responsible for J-boy + E-girl unions, the resulting data might be all over the place. (This makes me think of a language which only has irregular verbs).

            In our case, dry, dark and/or highly inappropriate humour plays an important part in our complicity and harmony. That, and affection, plus both not wanting to wear shoes in the house. But I do think inappropriate humour is generally important in marriage. That is my extremely mature and responsible student opinion on this complicated psychosociological matter.

            I'm studying in my husband's lab now and he just put some sweeties on my desk.... and is printing out millions of really boring articles that I need for my evil evil studies of evil badness. (I hate being a student). Oh, and his parents recently sent me a talisman to protect studies (you know... those little cloth baggies from shrines). They, by the way, initially opposed the marriage because I wasn't Japanese (which I'm still not: some things remain outside the reach of modern technology). Then at some point after the marriage, according to my husband, they started to love me because they saw him happy "for the first time". This is seriously what he tells me. And he's their first and only son, who married me against their will, so you can imagine the sociological complications involved there. And yet they now seem content with having their only son commandeered by an osoroshii yabanjin. (If we spawn, I'll give the sprogs Japanese names so they can blend into Japanese society if they so choose, and the family can pretend in later generations that the gaijin incident never happened. I'll still make them bilingual, and give them gaijin middle names in case they want to be gaijins).

            Anyway, so far so good. International marriage seems to be working. I'll notify you if he unexpectedly tries to suffocate me in my sleep or similar. Well, if I don't notify you, then it either means that he didn't (so the notification was redundant) or that he did and I couldn't fight him off. But I hope he lets me graduate first! At least I want to die a doctor. (Not a useful doctor - a humanities doctor. The ones who later end up as dishwashers if the restaurant owners are sufficiently desperate or magnanimous).

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            • #96
              Good international marriages are great! Mine (with J wife) lasted 20 years. Now embarking on new international marriage with a Chinese woman ( Uni. professor, 26 years younger). Probably not going to have time to experiment further! But, to you young whipper snappers, throw caution to the wind and enjoy!

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              • #97
                Originally posted by Kippur12 View Post
                I strongly disagree with you. Most of the marriages between Western women and Japanese men usually end belly up/in divorce compared to Japanese women married to Western men. Get your facts straight.
                That would surprise me if that were true.

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                • #98
                  Not long ago i had sort of a crisis i think, but i married a older woman that i barely knew and i came to like her. Even though she is a massive ____ sometimes and for some reason believe that i can't handle money and need a ''allowance''. I still like her .. sometimes.

                  Go for a girl you like that is sweet and as previously said, not cause she i japanese or she is cute.

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                  • #99
                    jeez thats an old thread... lol....
                    well since then im married and happy..... most of the time..

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                    • Originally posted by oxymoron View Post
                      Good international marriages are great! Mine (with J wife) lasted 20 years. Now embarking on new international marriage with a Chinese woman ( Uni. professor, 26 years younger). Probably not going to have time to experiment further! But, to you young whipper snappers, throw caution to the wind and enjoy!
                      Wow. Seems like you've moved quickly onto the next marriage...

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                      • I am very happy. That is all.

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                        • I think it all comes down to money. If you can't look after her then it's not going to last long.
                          Last edited by chiba; 2013-01-17, 09:06 PM.

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                          • I did the Japanese thing and married my job, personally.

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                            • I'm glad this thread got resurrected. Cause the OP was right, these forums are full of the failures and very few people talk about their successes.

                              I've been married to a Japanese woman for 4 years now (dating for 6 years prior to marriage in Tokyo). Moved to the U.S. 2 years ago. Everything is going great.

                              My Guide to any Gaijin considering to marry a Japanese woman:

                              1. Make sure the siblings like you: The brother isn't as important as he is probably too busy working himself to death to care. But, if she has a sister, then make her sister your best friend. If the sister hates you, she will ruin your image with the in-laws. On the flip side, if the sister loves you (like in my case) she will tell the in-laws wonderful things thus improving your relationship with them.

                              2. If the parents don't like you or don't approve of you. DO NOT GET MARRIED. The parent's opinion is everything to a Japanese woman. So don't even waste your time. Just refer to this forum if you need examples. If you get married against the in-law's approval, she will eventually listen to their sh$t talking and steal your children and run back to her hometown.

                              3. Learn Japanese. You don't have to be fluent but understanding basic conversation and cultural rules is a must because it shows your wife that you respect her and her culture.

                              4. Have a serious discussion before you get married. Tell her that in your culture women are expected to continue to work after they get married. Ask her if she is 100% ok with this fact. Do NOT marry a Japanese woman who is expecting to retire from work right after you get married.
                              Also might want to discuss:
                              -Where you will live together, long term. Ask her if she is open to the idea of moving back to your home country.
                              -Where and how you plan to raise your kids. Ask he if she is ok with having the baby sleep in a crib and not in the bed with the parents. Tell her that in your culture Parents still have sex and are romantic even after they have kids. This seems like common sense but ask her how her parents act towards each other and you will see the huge difference.

                              If you have any other questions send me a message or post here. I'll give you any advice that I have from my personal experiences.


                              Cheers!

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                              • And if the sister is hot, that's a plus.

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