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Why is married status so important?

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  • #46
    Originally posted by Potnoodle View Post
    Has anyone else noticed that in nearly every thread Kansai Ben makes a comment and always Effected After makes a demeaning comment about Kansai Bens private life straight away after.
    Sometimes I'm harsh on him because he's judgmental, narrow-minded, and harsh on newbies who have done nothing wrong other than being new. But when it comes to his kids, I honestly would like to see him be able to repair his relationship with them. We actually had a PM session earlier while I was giving him advice on how to work towards that effect. That's what I've tried to do in this thread as well.

    I find a lot of the things he says annoying, but I don't hate the guy. I honestly do wish him the best with his kids. And when he is right on something, I have no problems with saying that.

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    • #47
      Originally posted by Effected After View Post
      Sometimes I'm harsh on him because he's judgmental, narrow-minded, and harsh on newbies who have done nothing wrong other than being new.
      Newbies are going to have a harder time when they come here than anything I can ever throw at them in the way of criticism. If they are so thin-skinned I wonder how they will cope in Japan long term IMHO.
      Last edited by KansaiBen; 2012-03-18, 07:40 PM.

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      • #48
        Originally posted by KansaiBen View Post

        The burden is also that in the last year I have seen my monthly salary drop by a third, but maintenance payments stay the same, and wife threatening court action if I don't cough up.
        No more BS KB. You can appeal to family court if that indeed is true.

        Originally posted by Effected After View Post
        Every time you speak of kids, it's always about the burden, about how much money they cost.
        That is a sad but accurate observation.

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        • #49
          Originally posted by ozzijp View Post
          No more BS KB. You can appeal to family court if that indeed is true.
          Court date is next week so we'll see what happens.

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          • #50
            Originally posted by Potnoodle View Post
            Has anyone else noticed that in nearly every thread Kansai Ben makes a comment and always Effected After makes a demeaning comment about Kansai Bens private life straight away after.
            Yes, Effected After seems to be quite a case. Obsessive is probably the right word. I am not sure where and why he gets the sense of superiority from as going on the present evidence, one KB is worth a hundred EAs.

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            • #51
              KB, I've sent you a PM.

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              • #52
                Originally posted by KansaiBen View Post
                Newbies are going to have a harder time when they come here than anything I can ever throw at them in the way of criticism. If they are so thin-skinned I wonder how they will cope in Japan long term IMHO.
                You are going to have to explain to me how this justifies your being a jerk to someone you have never met who has done you no wrong.

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                • #53
                  Originally posted by KansaiBen View Post
                  Marrying for love is one thing. Marrying for a visa is something else. I wasn't talking about me anyway. Genkii is hardly in a position to support himself in Japan, let alone anybody else in his life.
                  What is the problem if the girl has a job herself? I already told her several times I don't want a homestaying mom. Both her parents are retiring soon. I don't really know about the financial situation of her family, but I do know the family is accepting to foreigners.

                  I also never said I wanted kids as I don't want to get pussy trapped. Don't know where you get that information lol.

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                  • #54
                    I don't get the drama fix out of KB's situation that some here obviously do, but I've never believed that he sees children as a burden. He sees the situation that has been thrust on him, which unfortunately revolves around his kids, as a burden. No matter what he offers, his ex-wife will grab all she can while maligning what he offered. She'll never let it be satisfactory, and she has the kids' ear to make sure they see it her way. If you haven't been in that kind of situation, you can't appreciate the mental toll. He now regards marriage and having children defensively, which is understandable.

                    Originally posted by "rainbowtokyo'
                    I'm curious about Edin. He is ex-military and encouraged his daughter to sign-up, thereby saving a ton in tuition fees.
                    There are many reasons why a military retiree would encourage his child to join the military. Even if it was about tuition, so what? Why is paying for a kid's tuition out-of-pocket superior to her working for it herself? Wouldn't you rather take care of your own tuition and relieve your parents of that huge financial hit?
                    Last edited by gaijin ga iru; 2012-03-19, 12:45 AM.

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                    • #55
                      "Do you take this woman to be your awfully wedded wife?" -- "Nein!"

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                      • #56
                        Originally posted by Genkii View Post
                        What is the problem if the girl has a job herself?
                        Nothing if you have no kids. But once you have kids, if both parents are working, it means the child generally doesn't get the proper amount of attention. Of course this isn't always the case, some parents manage to juggle it so that the kid is with one parent or the other all day, but in this case the parents don't get to see each other so much.

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                        • #57
                          Originally posted by Genkii View Post
                          What is the problem if the girl has a job herself? I already told her several times I don't want a homestaying mom. Both her parents are retiring soon. I don't really know about the financial situation of her family, but I do know the family is accepting to foreigners.

                          I also never said I wanted kids as I don't want to get pussy trapped. Don't know where you get that information lol.
                          You have no idea what will happen once you get married. You decide now you dont want kids but she changes her mind once her hormones and body clock kick in. You get her pregnant "by mistake" and kids become a fait accompli. You have to prepare for the unexpected and be prepared to deal with it.

                          People nowadays get married mostly so they can procreate, for without kids there is no real reason to tie the knot, but instead live together IMO.

                          There will also be some pressure on your wife to quit her job as she gets older and of child bearing age too.

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                          • #58
                            Originally posted by gaijin ga iru View Post
                            There are many reasons why a military retiree would encourage his child to join the military. Even if it was about tuition, so what? Why is paying for a kid's tuition out-of-pocket superior to her working for it herself? Wouldn't you rather take care of your own tuition and relieve your parents of that huge financial hit?
                            nowadays the rise in tuition fees exceeds many parents' ability to pay for it. When I was at college it was cheap and I graduated debt free. Nowadays kids end up with student loans of 50, or 60,000 doiiars. In my country there are 150 students with student debt of over $100,000. You have to consider how long it will take to repay the debt, and often times many parents dont have the financial resources to do it. If he can get the military to pay for it she will get a degree with no debt and a burden taken off her aging parents.
                            Last edited by KansaiBen; 2012-03-19, 09:33 AM.

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                            • #59
                              Originally posted by gaijin ga iru View Post
                              I don't get the drama fix out of KB's situation that some here obviously do, but I've never believed that he sees children as a burden. He sees the situation that has been thrust on him, which unfortunately revolves around his kids, as a burden. No matter what he offers, his ex-wife will grab all she can while maligning what he offered. She'll never let it be satisfactory, and she has the kids' ear to make sure they see it her way. If you haven't been in that kind of situation, you can't appreciate the mental toll. He now regards marriage and having children defensively, which is understandable.
                              MY drama has also been that in Japan the law can actually work against you. I have seen this first hand when dealing with the courts and it aint pretty, and not just my ex but many exes milk it for all its worth.

                              In Japan kids are not seen as just your offspring but members of your wife's family. when we divorced she changed their names to her maiden name, gets to decide when and if they see me even if she says its OK. If the mother dies her mother can adopt the kids and gain custody instead of me. Courts will generally work in the wife's favor as she has the kids and they see me as the mealticket.

                              She tried to get me to pay until 22 when they finish university but I said until 20, or at least the finish of high school.

                              I have no objection to paying child support but the court made this judgement in spite of the fact me telling them my salary was unstable and based on 2010 figures.They ignored fact I would be earning less now. I am going to court to ask to pay less as I cant afford it.
                              Last edited by KansaiBen; 2012-03-19, 09:36 AM.

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                              • #60
                                Originally posted by KansaiBen View Post
                                You have no idea what will happen once you get married. You decide now you dont want kids but she changes her mind once her hormones and body clock kick in.
                                This happened with a girl I know. She married an older guy who had three teenage kids, and they had an agreement that they wouldn't have kids. All was fine and dandy for about five years, until she all of a sudden REALLY wanted kids. They almost got divorced over the issue. She told me she knew that she was going against their original agreement, but she said she just couldn't help herself, she had grown to want kids so bad. They did end up working it out (and not having kids), but other couples wouldn't have made it through this.

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