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Why is married status so important?

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  • #76
    Originally posted by YokohamaTommy View Post
    As long as I'm set up with beer and diapers in my old age,
    I think the two will take care of me pretty well.
    The dotage thing can be a bit of a worry. As a recent entry in the dotage stakes, I find that my wife supplies the booze, but I'm not confident about the daiper thing, should I ever need them.
    I have nightmares about me, sitting in a wheelchair, covered in my own sh!t, but too pissed to notice. So, Who cares?

    Comment


    • #77
      Originally posted by YokohamaTommy View Post
      Lest I be labeled a hypocrite, I relatively recently learned this by the way.
      Have sent you a PM

      Comment


      • #78
        I guarantee that PM is filled with more justifications and excuses. KB, every post you write speaks of how your ex, society, and your kids have caused all of the issues that have arisen with your children. I don't ever recall seeing a single post admitting any culpability for the relationship, it's always someone or something else's fault. Until you admit your errors and take responsibility for your actions, you will never be able to heal the relationship between you and your children. Don't die with your kids hating you.

        Tommy has actually given some very good commentary in this thread. You should read it again. You may think it's too late to heal the relationship between you and your kids, but it's most definitely not.

        Comment


        • #79
          Originally posted by rainbowtokyo View Post
          Some of you have coped with divorce bravely. And kept going.

          I'm curious about Edin. He is ex-military and encouraged his daughter to sign-up, thereby saving a ton in tuition fees.
          It's actually tradition on my father's side. All of my uncles served in WW2 and at least one of my cousins from each family have served or are serving in the Canadian Armed Forces. In my daughter's case she is smart, smart enough to get into a good uni here in Japan but, unfortunately there wasn't enough to pay her tuition. My ex was adamant that the kid was going to be a doctor, I said that I didn't have the money but the Japanese government was more than willing to pay her way. As I see it I come out a winner, oldest kid is an officer in the JGSDF, a trained psychologist and is on her last required tour of duty. Once she musters out she can either set up a private practice, work for a good hospital as a member of their staff or go back to school and get an advanced degree in her specialty from a Canadian university/ teaching hospital.

          IMO this has to be the most sensible route for anyone who has a kid in Japan who is smart and can't afford the tuition for a good university. The Japanese government will pay them good money to go to school and get a degree in medicine, engineering, computer programming or such like. And, as long as your kid is smart enough to opt for the JASDF or are studying to be a doctor they won't have to go into harm's way.

          But most importantly, should your wife or, in my case ex, object you can tell her it's either that or the kid can be gainfully employed at Yoshinoya for minimum wage for the rest of their life.

          Comment


          • #80
            ...

            Originally posted by nynapaj View Post
            The vast majority of people on this planet want to have kids. Anyone that doesn't want kids is in for a hard time simply because the odds of meeting another person that doesn't want kids is so low.
            I say this as someone that does not want kids, so I know the odds are bad.

            I even have homosexual friends that want kids!!
            Go to Europe, go to where civilised countries where educated people live, and ask them what they want... more than 50% no longer want kids...
            Maybe you have never realized this, but there is a life possible on this planet without the basic habits of every mammal.... Some people have a life, where the void does not need to be filled with kids who end up being f...ed up by parents who just repeat the stupidity of their own parents.

            Comment


            • #81
              Originally posted by John Grey View Post
              Go to Europe, go to where civilised countries where educated people live, and ask them what they want... more than 50% no longer want kids...
              Maybe you have never realized this, but there is a life possible on this planet without the basic habits of every mammal.... Some people have a life, where the void does not need to be filled with kids who end up being f...ed up by parents who just repeat the stupidity of their own parents.
              This guys explains it better than I ever could:

              http://www.codinghorror.com/blog/201...arenthood.html

              Comment


              • #82
                marriage=children

                As I said before that women, Japanese especially, use the phrase "i want to get married" to mean, "I want to have children." I remembered a good example to illustrate this.

                About 4 years ago I was talking with a female friend (Japanese) about a mutual friend (Japanese) who is in her 50s.
                Me- Is Junko married?
                Her- No.
                Me- Does she have any kids?
                Her- [laughing] I just said she wasn't married!
                Me- ...? [thinking- "wtf!?"]

                There is a direct connection in the minds of many Japanese women that being married and having kids are mutually interchangeable terms.

                Comment


                • #83
                  Originally posted by Deathblob View Post
                  This guys explains it better than I ever could:

                  http://www.codinghorror.com/blog/201...arenthood.html
                  Some days I'd just as soon throw my wife under bus for the hell of it.

                  Comment


                  • #84
                    Originally posted by edin日本 View Post
                    It's actually tradition on my father's side. All of my uncles served in WW2 and at least one of my cousins from each family have served or are serving in the Canadian Armed Forces. In my daughter's case she is smart, smart enough to get into a good uni here in Japan but, unfortunately there wasn't enough to pay her tuition. My ex was adamant that the kid was going to be a doctor, I said that I didn't have the money but the Japanese government was more than willing to pay her way. As I see it I come out a winner, oldest kid is an officer in the JGSDF, a trained psychologist and is on her last required tour of duty. Once she musters out she can either set up a private practice, work for a good hospital as a member of their staff or go back to school and get an advanced degree in her specialty from a Canadian university/ teaching hospital.

                    IMO this has to be the most sensible route for anyone who has a kid in Japan who is smart and can't afford the tuition for a good university. The Japanese government will pay them good money to go to school and get a degree in medicine, engineering, computer programming or such like. And, as long as your kid is smart enough to opt for the JASDF or are studying to be a doctor they won't have to go into harm's way.

                    But most importantly, should your wife or, in my case ex, object you can tell her it's either that or the kid can be gainfully employed at Yoshinoya for minimum wage for the rest of their life.
                    Take note KB. Maybe you can gently make your kids aware of their choices before they leave high school. If they are badgering you for guitar lessons, overseas trips and iphones at this age, their expectations will only get greater each time you cave in to their demands.

                    Thanks for sharing Edin.

                    Comment


                    • #85
                      Originally posted by rainbowtokyo View Post
                      Take note KB. Maybe you can gently make your kids aware of their choices before they leave high school. If they are badgering you for guitar lessons, overseas trips and iphones at this age, their expectations will only get greater each time you cave in to their demands.

                      Thanks for sharing Edin.
                      It worked for me and my eldest daughter but, I won't say it will work for other people. It all depends on your background and family situation. I should also point out that the military is only interested in people with apptitude in the hard sciences, medicine and such like. Humanities, literature and other majors are encouraged to apply for positions as cannonfodder, moving target or redshirt as the case may be.

                      Comment


                      • #86
                        Originally posted by edin日本 View Post
                        It worked for me and my eldest daughter but, I won't say it will work for other people. It all depends on your background and family situation. I should also point out that the military is only interested in people with apptitude in the hard sciences, medicine and such like. Humanities, literature and other majors are encouraged to apply for positions as cannonfodder, moving target or redshirt as the case may be.
                        She's in military college in the US? Or Japan?

                        I'd imagine Japan is not going to ship her off to the middle east when she graduates.

                        Comment


                        • #87
                          Originally posted by KansaiBen View Post
                          3 years ago I got told by my daughter she hated me because I wouldn't spend $500 on tennis lessons. This is after i financed her entire trip to Australia costing several million yen.

                          Son got pissed off last Christmas because I wouldnt buy him an Ipod for Christmas as I didnt have the money. I eventually bought one but in the meantime his Japanese relatives bought him one for Christmas. A few years ago my 10 year old son asked his granmother how much her house was worth because he thought she was rich. this came pretty much from my wife.

                          I love my kids but got taken to the cleaners by the ex and the kids are now programmed to see me as an ATM machine and a source of money. This is something their mother has instilled in them. I had problems with my own father that i didnt want to repeat with my kids but never got the chance to intil it into them.

                          As I dont have custody i have zero say in how they are brought up raised or educated but still have to spit out a maintenance check every month, regardless. Daughter I have not seen or spoken to in over two years. Courts will not enforce visitation either. Such a thing doesn't exist in Japan.

                          The burden is also that in the last year I have seen my monthly salary drop by a third, but maintenance payments stay the same, and wife threatening court action if I don't cough up.

                          This country is jacked to he11 and back. It's already gone, it'll just take a few decades for that to become apparent.

                          Comment


                          • #88
                            Originally posted by nynapaj View Post
                            As I said before that women, Japanese especially, use the phrase "i want to get married" to mean, "I want to have children." I remembered a good example to illustrate this.

                            About 4 years ago I was talking with a female friend (Japanese) about a mutual friend (Japanese) who is in her 50s.
                            Me- Is Junko married?
                            Her- No.
                            Me- Does she have any kids?
                            Her- [laughing] I just said she wasn't married!
                            Me- ...? [thinking- "wtf!?"]

                            There is a direct connection in the minds of many Japanese women that being married and having kids are mutually interchangeable terms.
                            Yes I found out today. Sadly It's true.

                            Comment


                            • #89
                              Originally posted by YokohamaTommy View Post
                              News Flash! You're supposedto do that. And without expectations of anything in return ...
                              You felt unappreciated? That's sort of also the territory.
                              That's true of the children. The wife, however, is an adult and should put forth equal effort and not take her husband for granted.

                              even the worst brats will appreciate their parents' hard work.
                              Not if the mother's behavior demonstrates that their father exists to be exploited.

                              My wife does this. You know when she does it the most? When I'm screwing off, is when.
                              Has she ever nagged me about something which was bad for me or our family? No.
                              When does she stop nagging me?
                              When I do what I say I am going to do. And when I'm doing what I need to do.
                              Why assume that KB's ex was the same way?

                              I can say by experience that if you were as dear to them as you wished, it would not matter what your ex said about you.
                              They simply would not believe it.
                              Kids are perceptive, but also impressionable. A mother could easily poison that well. That's what parental alienation syndrome is.

                              Comment


                              • #90
                                Originally posted by KansaiBen View Post
                                except if you dont pay she tells kids you are a deadbeat and a failure. Son lives 20 minutes away and I saw him 3 times last year. Last week by accident on the train where he ignored me because he was with his friends and wouldnt acknowledge me. This is what Im dealing with and still have to send them money every month. Had son tell me not to buy him Christmas presents if i couldn't afford child support, this from a 13-year old.

                                Last month she threatened court action to seize my university salary and I currently owe her back payments.
                                What an evil, wretched thing your ex is. I hope your kids grow out of their self-centered stupidity.

                                Comment

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