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Apparently I Have To Pay For Everything...

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  • Apparently I Have To Pay For Everything...

    So an awkward subject between me and my Japanese girlfriend has always been money. We live in London (met here 3 years ago) and I earn a lot more than her. She is on minimum wage working in a Japanese food shop and I'm an office worker.

    Basically, she's getting stressed out about when we have to talk cash. Our rent is 1600 GBP per month. I pay pretty much all of that. That's fine; I wanted to live in an expensive place and don't expect her to blow all her cash on rent just because I can afford it.

    However, she often starts getting grumpy when I do ask her to pay for half of anything we do. I think it's fair but the point is she says that the cultural difference is just crazy; in Japan I'd pay everything. Now, she's well grounded and doesn't WANT everything paid as she wants to be independent however the difference in pay is a bit much and when she finds herself broke, she starts thinking I should've paid more.

    The recent sore point is that we went to my friend's wedding. She paid her half of the transport etc. Now, her Japanese friend is getting married next month. She is talking about giving the girl and her husband (who I've met TWICE!) 250! Insane! I know Japanese wedding presents are just cash but Jesus, 125 each!

    I also found out that during our most recent trip to Japan, her Mum (who I get on well with) actually said if she had problems with cash and boyfriends, she should just move back to Japan! WTF!?

    Anyways I'm rambling. I basically wanna know if this is a common occurrence in relationships with Japanese girls and if so, what has anybody done about it and has it ever lead to anything big (breakup etc).

    Thanks for listening to my sh!t. I hope you have the time to help out...

  • #2
    The wedding thing is standard, and actually you are getting it cheap compared to Japan. A couple is supposed to pay 50000 yen for a wedding (about 400 pounds give or take).

    As for expecting you to pay for everything, that depends on the girl. I'd almost say she's a money-grubber, but it does sound like she wants to pay and just can't afford it. But then again, maybe she's just a money-grubber.

    But, most Japanese women expect to be taken care of by their husband (and boyfriends to a lesser degree). Many expect to not have to work after marriage, and definitely not after kids are born. That said, she's living overseas, so maybe she's westernized a little and won't have these expectations, or at least not as strongly.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by trundrumbalind View Post
      I think it's fair but the point is she says that the cultural difference is just crazy; in Japan I'd pay everything.
      Most women in Japan go dutch most of the time, but the man will pay for everything sometimes too. In the end, the man pays a little more than the woman, but not everything.

      I also found out that during our most recent trip to Japan, her Mum (who I get on well with) actually said if she had problems with cash and boyfriends, she should just move back to Japan! WTF!?
      This is probably just that she could make more money in Japan than minimum wage in the UK, and the cost of living is lower in Japan.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by trundrumbalind View Post
        I also found out that during our most recent trip to Japan, her Mum (who I get on well with) actually said if she had problems with cash and boyfriends, she should just move back to Japan! WTF!?
        Originally posted by nynapaj View Post
        This is probably just that she could make more money in Japan than minimum wage in the UK, and the cost of living is lower in Japan.
        Or it could just be that mum wants her daughter back home and this sounds more rational than just reeling in the apron strings...

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        • #5
          Dude,
          If you insist on her paying half, maybe keeping her minimum wage in mind when planning your social calendar might not be a bad idea?
          Fred
          PS Why on Earth would she pay for getting to your friend's wedding??????

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          • #6
            When I was dating I'd always pay because I wanted to and could, and still do now after being married for years. Never bothered me in the slightest, but that's me.

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            • #7
              My wife happily pays for everything, and that's how it should be.
              Does it count that I give her the money?

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              • #8
                Originally posted by trundrumbalind View Post
                So an awkward subject between me and my Japanese girlfriend has always been money. We live in London (met here 3 years ago) and I earn a lot more than her. She is on minimum wage working in a Japanese food shop and I'm an office worker.

                Basically, she's getting stressed out about when we have to talk cash. Our rent is 1600 GBP per month. I pay pretty much all of that. That's fine; I wanted to live in an expensive place and don't expect her to blow all her cash on rent just because I can afford it.

                However, she often starts getting grumpy when I do ask her to pay for half of anything we do. I think it's fair but the point is she says that the cultural difference is just crazy; in Japan I'd pay everything. Now, she's well grounded and doesn't WANT everything paid as she wants to be independent however the difference in pay is a bit much and when she finds herself broke, she starts thinking I should've paid more.
                The problem is here is that she is living way beyond her means and her ability to pay for her life because her job does not allow her to afford the things you might want to do. You might want to do things but based on her salary that could be a whole days wages. She is thinking how long it took her to earn that money.

                She wants to be independent but doesnt make enough so that she can support herself i.e she wants it both ways, so shes forced to rely on you as she doesnt make enough money and you want her to pay her own way as well.

                Its not a cultural difference, its dollars and cents.

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                • #9
                  Kicked her out on her a@$$!

                  Had a beautiful stunning 173cm Japanese babe living with me in Sydney.
                  After 6 months of the money drama I kicked her out eventhough I had strong feelings for her.
                  She was working full time in the city. Her share of the rent was alot less than mine, I would pay for groceries sometimes
                  She paid but reluctantly.
                  Go to the pub, who pays? Yes me. Drive her around everywhere, go on weekend breaks. Who pays? Yeah you guessed it.
                  The funny thing is given she was 33 not a Child, she probably had more cash in the bank than me anyway.
                  Couldn't see a future with a woman who wasn't prepared to be a least fair, which I am in most areas.
                  I think JGirls play on the beauty/glamour thing and sometimes there's a fine line between an equal relationship and a compensated one.
                  Not for me! Next!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by oxymoron View Post
                    My wife happily pays for everything, and that's how it should be.
                    Does it count that I give her the money?
                    Yes, and no.

                    Does she ever let you wear the pants, or her panties?????

                    Even as a winter cap?


                    OP,

                    If she is well off enough back in Japan, it is probably just a niggling thorn in her pride. Going from being well paid in a relatively cheap place like Japan to being badly paid in a hellishly expensive place like the UK would be hard on most anyone, non?

                    BUT, if she does claim that in Japan you as the BF would pay for everything, guard your wallet, and if you are thinking marriage, start cache-ing cash behind her back.

                    That bit about Cultural Differences is self-serving crap (as it usually is), but she might be might be a Purse String Pompey, and your wallet and bankbook would be her first conquest.

                    My ex used to whine when I didn't pay for everything (same sort of income gap), and went straight for my bankbook when we firmed things up. It didn't bother me because I just withdrew money as wanted, and ignored her when she told me not to.


                    Your GF doesn't sound like much of a money grubber to me, and you sound a bit stingy (it was your friend's marriage, after all), but as a quick test:

                    is she a bit beetchy or headstrong in areas not related to money????


                    If the answer is even a qualified Yes, she's probably just a bit of a B@#ch.

                    The demographic distribution of same is higher in Japan, after all.

                    Also, if she wants to play the Cultural Differences card, play it on her.

                    A normal Japanese BF just smiles, ignores her, and does what he wants anyways.

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                    • #11
                      To all you guys, complaining about paying for your woman....get used to it!
                      You have no idea what paying really means, until you get married. Then you pay! And there are many ways of paying eg cash, sanity, etc.

                      You pay for ALL living expenses. You also pay by pandering to their whims, especially during menstruation and menopause (I'm paying for menopause at the moment, and unlike a period, it doesn't go away after a week! All I can say about that is; thank God it only happens once. It answers the question of why men die younger than their wives.. 'cause they want to, to escape menopause!)

                      Do I hate marriage? No!
                      Would I change anything? No!
                      Am I a masochist? Very Likely!

                      Just get used to paying.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by trundrumbalind View Post
                        she says that the cultural difference is just crazy; in Japan I'd pay everything.
                        I'd ask her why it's crazy that modern women with good earning potential pay their fair share.

                        Now, she's well grounded and doesn't WANT everything paid as she wants to be independent however the difference in pay is a bit much and when she finds herself broke, she starts thinking I should've paid more.
                        Do you think her goal is a better paying job so she can contribute more, or a ring and the accompanying financial support?

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by KansaiBen View Post
                          ... thinking how long it took her to earn that money...
                          Bingo! Chime Ring Buzz (that is the bell for truth ringing there...).

                          OP, try this... compare your two wages and use that ratio for her contributions. So you pay for all dinners, and she pays for the coffee afterwards .... Make sure that at the end of each month - she has been able to save just as much as you have - using that ratio as the beam of understanding.
                          Last edited by TJrandom; 2012-04-18, 03:34 PM.

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by kurogane View Post
                            Yes, and no.

                            Does she ever let you wear the pants, or her panties?????
                            Even as a winter cap?.
                            Of course I wear the pants! Just because she sews up the pockets.......
                            Nope, don't get the panties. On our wedding night, she handed them to me and told me to put them on. I said,"I can't get into these." and she replied "And you never will, unless you support me in the way I'd like to become accustomed." Needless to say, I have no trouble getting into them, now.

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by kurogane View Post
                              Yes, and no.

                              Does she ever let you wear the pants, or her panties?????

                              Even as a winter cap?


                              OP,

                              If she is well off enough back in Japan, it is probably just a niggling thorn in her pride. Going from being well paid in a relatively cheap place like Japan to being badly paid in a hellishly expensive place like the UK would be hard on most anyone, non?

                              BUT, if she does claim that in Japan you as the BF would pay for everything, guard your wallet, and if you are thinking marriage, start cache-ing cash behind her back.

                              That bit about Cultural Differences is self-serving crap (as it usually is), but she might be might be a Purse String Pompey, and your wallet and bankbook would be her first conquest.

                              My ex used to whine when I didn't pay for everything (same sort of income gap), and went straight for my bankbook when we firmed things up. It didn't bother me because I just withdrew money as wanted, and ignored her when she told me not to.


                              Your GF doesn't sound like much of a money grubber to me, and you sound a bit stingy (it was your friend's marriage, after all), but as a quick test:

                              is she a bit beetchy or headstrong in areas not related to money????


                              If the answer is even a qualified Yes, she's probably just a bit of a B@#ch.

                              The demographic distribution of same is higher in Japan, after all.

                              Also, if she wants to play the Cultural Differences card, play it on her.

                              A normal Japanese BF just smiles, ignores her, and does what he wants anyways.


                              I agree. You sound cheap, and she sounds like she's going for money. Perhaps there's a correlation....

                              Either way, making up bullsheet and claiming that on the planet Voltron thats how it works is bs. On hte planet citibank all your savings account belongs to me as of Jan 1, 2012. It's on the internetz so it must be true. Lol

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