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(Shopping, dinner, movie) with a Japanese wife "Is it usual or I'm over think?"

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  • (Shopping, dinner, movie) with a Japanese wife "Is it usual or I'm over think?"

    This is my first post, I try not to write a long winded story. I know most of the Forumers here are based in Japan, but my situation is different "I'm not live in Japan but I'm so confuse by Japanese culture especially regard to relationship or friendship". I really hope someone shares some genuine information and guide for me regard the dating culture in Japan, I'm so confuse. Please no dirty jokes.

    Here my story,

    She and her husband came from Japan to my country. Her husband was required to stayed in my country for 3 to 5 years for working purpose (for your information, he works as a banker and I wonder it's a long hour job and the kind of job that require entertaining clients frequently, what I often heard was he always came home very late and even weekend required report to duty).

    Anyway I met this japanese ladies in an English course. Both of us have a lot of common interest, I love Japan culture so much and I always like to learn and listen from her. A Japanese friend is indeed very good for me. I absolutely can't speak japanese and usually we communicate in English. For me, I show her my country's foods, culture, etc. We text msg so frequent and she likes my jokes. She doesn't talk a lot about her husband but she had complained before about being lonely (felt like stay alone, husband works very late).

    And she doesn't mind go out with me to shopping, dinner, movie together (and we sharing same plate of dessert).

    Here my question: Am I over think? Is it very common for Japanese ladies to hang out together with guy friend (even she is married)? It is not consider dating in Japan?

    Im younger than her, (she around 28 above, I guess) and I'm a Chinese. Please any sincere answer from Japanese people to clear the cultural differences that I'm doubt.

  • #2
    It means nothing.
    Likely it is totally innocent.

    You will not know if she has any other intentions until/if she takes her clothes off.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Benny_chz View Post
      This is my first post, I try not to write a long winded story. I know most of the Forumers here are based in Japan, but my situation is different "I'm not live in Japan but I'm so confuse by Japanese culture especially regard to relationship or friendship". I really hope someone shares some genuine information and guide for me regard the dating culture in Japan, I'm so confuse. Please no dirty jokes.

      Here my story,

      She and her husband came from Japan to my country. Her husband was required to stayed in my country for 3 to 5 years for working purpose (for your information, he works as a banker and I wonder it's a long hour job and the kind of job that require entertaining clients frequently, what I often heard was he always came home very late and even weekend required report to duty).

      Anyway I met this japanese ladies in an English course. Both of us have a lot of common interest, I love Japan culture so much and I always like to learn and listen from her. A Japanese friend is indeed very good for me. I absolutely can't speak japanese and usually we communicate in English. For me, I show her my country's foods, culture, etc. We text msg so frequent and she likes my jokes. She doesn't talk a lot about her husband but she had complained before about being lonely (felt like stay alone, husband works very late).

      And she doesn't mind go out with me to shopping, dinner, movie together (and we sharing same plate of dessert).

      Here my question: Am I over think? Is it very common for Japanese ladies to hang out together with guy friend (even she is married)? It is not consider dating in Japan?

      Im younger than her, (she around 28 above, I guess) and I'm a Chinese. Please any sincere answer from Japanese people to clear the cultural differences that I'm doubt.
      Yes it is common for married people to go out as friends with people of the opposite sex in Japan. Its not considered dating. In Japan there seems to be a clear separation between family, friends and work where everything is kept separate.

      That being said however, just like in any other country Japanese men and women do sleep around outside of their marriage.

      There is no real way to know what this woman is thinking but just remember that having relations with a married woman can bring quite a few problems and think about how you would feel if your wife slept around on you.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by hennagaijin View Post
        It means nothing.
        Likely it is totally innocent.

        You will not know if she has any other intentions until/if she takes her clothes off.
        Nice response.

        I completely agree.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Adol007fm View Post
          Yes it is common for married people to go out as friends with people of the opposite sex in Japan. Its not considered dating. In Japan there seems to be a clear separation between family, friends and work where everything is kept separate.

          That being said however, just like in any other country Japanese men and women do sleep around outside of their marriage.

          There is no real way to know what this woman is thinking but just remember that having relations with a married woman can bring quite a few problems and think about how you would feel if your wife slept around on you.
          Yes, you're right that relation with married women is a big wrong. I'm not a jerk that will take advantage of people wife. But hang out like a couple went to Shopping, dinner ,and movie to me indeed looked alike dating (then what perhaps consider dating in Japan?)

          She has been invite me to her house once for cooking (yet, just a guy and a girl alone in a house is also very common thing in Japan). And often I'm the one who drove her back to house (I always worry meet her husband, and I don't know what her husband will think about "a guy send my wife home or a guy in my house alone with my wife" and I don't want to create any misunderstanding at all)

          So is that Japanese husbands are allow their wifes have close guys friend or hang out with guys alone?

          Any native Japanese (especially female) have thought about this?

          (i really interest to listen from a girl perspective) If you're a married women, you won't mind at all to hang out alone with guy dinner and movie? It's really no intention or means nothing for you ( just purely friendship)?

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Benny_chz View Post
            Her husband ... works as a banker and I wonder it's a long hour job and the kind of job that require entertaining clients frequently, what I often heard was he always came home very late and even weekend required report to duty.
            She doesn't talk a lot about her husband but she had complained before about being lonely (felt like stay alone, husband works very late.
            Many Japanese couples have marriages of convenience, so they don't care too much about their spouse's infidelity.
            You should be aware what 'entertaining clients until late' in China usually means, so the husband should not be in any position to complain to his wife of having a platonic or non-platonic relationship.

            Comment


            • #7
              You should also consider, given your range of shared interests (shopping, cooking, desserts, chick flicks... Showtunes, by any chance?) the possibility that you are her Rupert Everett or Simon Callow.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by ttokyo View Post
                Many Japanese couples have marriages of convenience, so they don't care too much about their spouse's infidelity.
                You should be aware what 'entertaining clients until late' in China usually means, so the husband should not be in any position to complain to his wife of having a platonic or non-platonic relationship.
                Originally posted by iago View Post
                You should also consider, given your range of shared interests (shopping, cooking, desserts, chick flicks... Showtunes, by any chance?) the possibility that you are her Rupert Everett or Simon Callow.
                Thank for some of your genuine reply,..infidelity does happen everywhere and not only in Japan (where husband ignore wife kind of things). I believe it really depends on individual, is really difficult for me to believe all Japanese will do the same thing where I read most thread stated infidelity happened rampant all over Japan.

                I really like to spend time with her, she just like my sensei, she teach me japanese and share Japan culture. Both of us always have great time together. I'm a traditional Chinese, even I'm English educated but a married woman willing to hang out with a guy alone movie and dine (a married guy, single, younger or whatever) is really mean some signal to me (or maybe it's just purely out of Japanese courtesy, I confuse myself) I'm shocked at first of this culture differences.

                And I want to know to what degree it's consider flirt? I'm a sweet talker myself (pardon me, Im do that to everyone) so sometimes in our conversation I'm like to praise her a lot (she indeed a very beauty lady and I will praise her beauty, polite, good, etc)

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Benny_chz View Post
                  Please any sincere answer from Japanese people to clear the cultural differences that I'm doubt.
                  Well Benny, it looks like the Japanese have left the building. Nobody here but us "guyjin" - well mostly guys anyway - but maybe we can help...with our vast experience and profound cultural insights...*cough*

                  Bottom line here is that we don't have have enough information to assess this lady for you. Remember that pretty boys with painted nails and perfect skin and hair are quite popular in Japan these days, and if you're a smooth talker and share interests with this lady, then maybe she finds you nice to have around; sort of harmless if you know what I mean?

                  The real question here is what are your intentions? Because your decision is just as important as hers isn't it? Takes two to tango as we say.

                  You can help yourself figure her out by steering the conversation around to subjects like infidelity, marriages of convenience that kind of thing. If she has any such intentions toward you, she'll probably drop little hints here and there, which you may pick up if you're paying attention.

                  But she may want you to make the moves, for the sake of her conscience or a variety of other reasons. In that case you will have to have your radar turned up all the way to catch the signals because they'll be faint.

                  It's all in the game Benny. Play on.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Benny_chz View Post

                    And I want to know to what degree it's consider flirt? I'm a sweet talker myself (pardon me, Im do that to everyone) so sometimes in our conversation I'm like to praise her a lot (she indeed a very beauty lady and I will praise her beauty, polite, good, etc)
                    Bottom line is bro, do you want to sleep with the woman or don't you? Are you just worried about what she may think if you broach the subject incase you think she may be offended? Is it your moral compass telling you that hitting on a married woman is a no-no?

                    If you want to get to first base then you are basically going to have to bite the bullet, throw caution to the wind and ask her or drop hints or whatever. The worst she can do is say no.

                    If you are praising her, why are you doing that? Is it a means to an end? What is your end game here?

                    If the subject of sex does not come up she may think you are simply a flirt, yanking her chain (leading her own) or she may even think you prefer other men than to women.@What signals are you sending her? Does she just see you as a family friend to talk to so she doesn't get bored? A nice safe unthreatening substitute to her husband?
                    Last edited by KansaiBen; 2012-08-26, 07:00 PM.

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